Day 92 Rolling the Dice

Day 92 Rolling the Dice

 

So lately i’ve been saying, ‘roll the dice’ or, “I’m going to roll the dice”

This evening I was judging myself for having made several comments in the past week or so about rolling the dice. It’s like I judge rolling the dice as wrong as like being abusive because of the uncertainty in the outcome of rolling the dice.

This evening one of the dudes I’m living with suggested we try to turn the couch to fit next to the bed.  I didn’t think the couch could fit beside the bed the way it was suggested we try to position the couch. Scenario was funny because the dude I’m living with said I’m not 100 percent sure this will work so let’s roll the dice and see. I was still skeptical because I was pretty sure based on my thoughts that it wouldn’t fit...however the dude repeating the words I’ve said many times within the past week or so and I laughed and I was like ok ya lets try it out...and the dude also said...if you just want to be a spectator here that’s fine because I can try and do it myself...and ya the whole word exchange was funny.

I forgive myself for not realising the assistance and support of trying things out as like a way of testing if things will work or not.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fearing the uncertainty of things working out or not.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having judged myself for testing things out as like taking risks as tests to see how things work.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for judging rolling the dice as wrong and bad because it’s like gambling and I’ve defined gambling as reckless and careless.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for defining gambling with and as a negative energetic charge and as reckless and careless.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fearing taking risks.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe taking risks to be wrong and negligent and therefore self abusive.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for worrying about and fearing being self abusive and therefore trying to circumvent self abuse from within and as a starting point of fearing self abuse.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having doubted myself as living the words, “I’m just going to roll the dice and test things out and see how things go.”

I forgive myself for not realising the self willed movement within and as rolling the dice from the perspective of walking into uncertainty to bring about certainty as a definite outcome that was previously indefinite.

I realise the self willed movement within and as rolling the dice from the perspective of walking into uncertainty to bring about certainty as a definite outcome that was previously indefinite.

I realise fun as rolling the dice...I realise rolling the dice as fun.

When and as I see myself accepting and allowing myself resisting rolling the dice so to speak...I stop...I breathe and I realise that pushing the point of resistance and rolling the dice as a point of self support as resistance is my life road map as a means of releasing self imposed suppression.

When and as I see myself accepting and allowing myself to define gambling as a negative energetic charge...I stop... I breathe and I realise gambling as like rolling the dice of uncertainty as a means to bring about an absolute certainty within and as situations.