important shit

Wednesday, 22 March 2017

Day 798 - Steemit

Steemit, a new blogging, social networking platform that is connected to a crypto currency.  Get paid to play in sharing your best posts.  Fascinating structure with steemit...it is still very early stages of development.  My best suggestion is check it out and start playing with it.

https://steemit.com/desteni/@worldclassplayer/steemit-allow-me-to-introduce-myself-mikedestonianmcdonald

Friday, 17 March 2017

Day 797 - Work, Physical

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize nor really question or in any way investigate the nature and expression of "Work".

Do I like work, Yes.

Work has been a point of sloppiness within myself in so many ways because Discipline has been a point of weakness within myself in relation to living "Work, Physical".

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize this 'go with the flow automation of my mind' has not been supporting me to be physical and work here in ways that are great.  I realize i've been too flexible within my mind in the sense that Discipline has been lacking as my best discernment. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to resist the work required in exercising a plan effectively - where for example i make a plan the night before as a physical support in how i can best participate and support myself through my day....and then when the day is here, go into an experience of emotional discomfort and preoccupation that comes up in me where I am willing to give priority to this 'breaking news story' that has just aired inside myself as the networked consciousness channeling of myself as fear/energy.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize and understand how I polarized discipline within myself to be preferenced based according to my consciousness energy definition...where the mind is dictator in that the discipline...or lack there of real living Discipline is biased towards getting the positive energy high.   I realize this is a distraction, and for myself has been a preoccupation i did not fully understand.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize and understand how for the most part, I've feared myself here as Resistance.  Meaning, it's always been that part of me that i havent wanted to give credence to - 'the bad, the darker parts of self'.  I realize the experience of myself as Resistance has been mostly Inferiority, with little bits of superiority glossed on top from time to time to keep me fueled in and as mind automation - running, without regard for the implications, stress, strain, pressure, tension onto and into me as my physical body.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to Resist myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize and understand myself as 'Resistance'.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to suppress the best expression of Resistance within and as myself here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to Fight Resistance within and as a point of good versus bad.  I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have limited my definition and understanding of the experience of Resistance inside my physical body.  I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to neglect reflection into and as my relationship with Resistance.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realizing and understand the harmony in body and mind with Resistance.  Where it's the point of force within and as our movement...it's a point of will...like that of breath.  The resistance does not require to be intense pressure...however it can be.  I realize i created much intense pressure within my body as a result of not understanding the dynamics of myself within and as Resistance.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to mindfuck myself in relation to Resistance where I accept and allow myself to be Inferior to Resistance, while hiding in delusions of grandeur in my mind as the sort of distraction/preoccupation logic of making sense of non sense to superimpose excuses and justifications on to myself and others. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize and understand how ive fueled the dissonance resistance movement within myself.  I realize in attempting to understand and live my best potential - An important emphasis in accounting specifically for my daily living words - specifically the Regard within and as Word.  I realize my strategy of understanding and learning has been through the consequence of suppression.  I realize this is an inferior approach to Life. Less than.  I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to justify suppression of myself in thinking that i always need to challenge myself in decision making....meaning i must always choose that which is difficult.

 I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to justify suppression of myself in thinking that i always need to challenge myself in decision making....meaning i must always choose that which is difficult.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize nor understand the stress and strain i have built up within me about decision making...where i've created a relied upon dependency on getting whipped by myself into movement/action.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to negate the best expression of myself as Work, Physical.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize and understand how my best Play has suffered from inconsistency as a result of having constricting conditions on my ability to best manage and direct Work, Physical here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to suppress the best of myself in daily living myself in my physical body, Working.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not really understand nor realize the effort within and as myself as Work and Will.  I realize growth and maturity are the harvesting results of effectively cultivating the best expressions of resistance...meaning the words we give and gift to our selves as how we create solutions as our very own Instruction Manuals to share with others in how we moved,/breathed through a point of challenge and change

to be continued


Friday, 24 February 2017

Day 796 - Rigidity Nature and Flexibility

I noticed upon waking up this morning i was a bit stiff and rigid. I experienced a tightness and even a bit of a soreness and stiffness within the middle of the small of my lower back....and also a lot more intensively so in my thighs.  Yes, my recent physical activities play a role in my physical body self-reflection and investigations.

Ironically, i've noticed that my ability to move within physical activities is so much so rooted in the deep psychology of myself here.  Meaning, my words....the vocabulary i speak....and how I say what i say...and the outlook I hold as my insight about the particularities of the relationships within and as the activities i engage within.

What is also very fascinating, is the fact that, I have a whole history of physical impressions layered in me over time on a cellular level as my words imprinted in me since childhood...and in so many ways...what i am realizing and investigating....and working on, is Identifying and correcting my cognitive dissonances.  The Interesting thing i have realized is that my cognitive dissonances have manifested in me over time as my reactionary play outs in my movements throughout my days.  Meaning, where I would react in a way of Offense or Defense.  I noticed I created these offenses and defenses in my behavior conditioning as forms of protection as a result of not really understanding points of conflict/trauma early in my life.

Ive recently started playing with a structured process of Accountability in my, 'thoughts, words, and deeds.'  How this Playing works, is:

I wake up in the morning...for my new Today.

I look within my body to see what i am experiencing.

I challenge myself to be Specific with Identifying a Word to explain and summarize the experience of myself.

I go into the specifics of the experience within my body...as how i am physically experiencing myself within particular parts of my body.

From here, I ask myself what word can I gift myself today as a complimentary support for my physical body investigations into the Initial Word I have given Focus to.

From Here, I see how this complimentary word/action exists within me as a physical body experience.  I play around for a moment and realizing myself within and as the physical movement of the particular word I have given focus to.

I am now set, in and as my structure for my daily living of word and world investigations. What happens from here, is so much so an adventure and undertaking of unpredictable explanations.  Meaning, 'it's like setting the table for a meal...you've prepared the lab for a scientific investigation and exploratory journey into yourself that you are going to walk/run in real time as Today.  To further clarify: as a result of giving attention to the first word I bring forth, (example: rigidity)...I get to know and understand myself within and as Rigidity throughout my day...I become aware of my acceptances and allowances as this point of Rigidity on a deep level. Memories come to the surface throughout the day as support in showcasing to me how I substantiated the specifics of my behavior patterns.

I find it supportive to play with both words and get to know myself and even fine tune my definitions as i go with the words I work with in and as my word/world play and participation's from day to day..

Saturday, 11 February 2017

Day 795 - I Manipulate with Justification

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to manipulate myself in my world through Justification where I am existing in and as a sort of Ignorance of my living of and as the word JUSTIFICATION.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to self-sabotage myself and my participation within my world within and as the execution of JUSTIFICATION to make sense of my accepted and allowed abdications of my best potential living here as Life made manifest as the realization of myself as All as One as Equal.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize and understand how I create JUSTIFICATION as a form of Defense and Offense I administer regularly to aggressively hold myself within a state of Suppression. I realize this shows to me how deceptive I am, because within this I play dumb as a point of Inferiority, pretending I do not know what I am really doing to myself and others as I use and abuse my words specifically for a sort of reactionary play out of the truth of myself acceptances and allowances.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to resist slowing down within and as Vulnerability and Patience to investigate the usage of my words to be sure that I am standing clear in and as the meaning and the specificity of my share.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be so careless within and as JUSTIFICATION.


I realize the shame within and as the way I have lived Justification.


I realize the travesty of my living and understanding of how to best express Justification.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to Weaponize Justification within myself where it's always been used from the starting point of me existing here on the field of battle, playing out my inner conflict and superimposing my suppression/depression onto the world as how I manipulate myself and others into the point of Inferiority.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize and understand the fear within and as my usage of Justification, where it has been my accepted and allowed, Inferiority and Inadequacy in me that has kept me Justifying....where I created this Need within myself to Explain my Reactions as my actions, to Justify my self-righteousness as someone who is ok, or even better than ok, someone who is good and is even in fact admirable.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to superimpose deceit within my structuring of words.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize and understand the origins of the trauma from my childhood as the source memories of myself physically integrating/learning how to Defend and Attack myself with Justification.



I commit myself to exposing the ridiculousness of Justification used from the starting point of making sense and rationalizing the explanations of failure without being asked and or questioned about such things.



I commit myself to question myself and others in and as the usage of Justification.


I commit myself to show how Justification is an effective tool in and as Manipulation.


I commit myself to use Justification as a tool of self-support in questioning my acceptances and allowances....and to from here be Vulnerable and Intimate with myself in going deep into the discomfort within and as my body...and from here, access the memories of my past where i accepted and allowed suppression as a result of not realizing nor investigating the specificity of my reactions.

Day 794 - FaceOff "JUSTIFICATION"

I've been facing the characters of myself as how I have conditioned myself to respond in a plethora of scenarios.  What's interesting to see is myself as the array of characters and also to within various forms of interactions/engagements where sometimes i have a particular resistance towards a certain type of character and it's like i want to move on and away from that character as quickly as possible because I see something in them that I don't like.

Lets look at this point of seeing something in another person that i don't like.

The things i see in other people at times are ugly, undesirable, awkward, overcompensation, fake, fucked, bullshit, superiority, inferiority, volatile, scripted, Routine, justification and excuses.

These are all points of myself that i am working through.

for practical purposes here: I am going to take one word:

JUSTIFICATION


I've been getting so angry when reading and speaking with others and Justification comes up.  Like this up sets me very much. The irony of this is it is showing a deeply embedded point within me.

What I have noticed about myself within and as my day to day living as JUSTIFICATION, is that it has been a point of self-suppression, a form of accepted and allowed defense system that I use as a form of Offense and Attack on myself that is projected outward onto others to compensate with a form of suppression/depression existent within myself.

Let me further clarify:

Justification has been used by me as a sort of Self-narration to Explain myself to others my Point of View as in why I am Right within my Living as the decisions I am making and have made.  Justification is the Excuses I create as the ways to validate Inferiority within myself as Accepting less than my Best Potential.

I've been using Justification as a form of aggressive Offense where I would instantly go into an automated reactionary response where I experience the urgency to Explain myself and my actions to others.  Fucked up in a lot of ways, because what this reveals upon further investigation is how I am manipulating myself in participation through others.  Meaning, I use my participations with others to validate my behavior and pattern where i superimpose a sort of Validating and Accepting response/reaction in others the way i position my sharing of information as JUSTIFICATION.

SEE:

Justification has been my way to say, " Just If I see a Tie On".  Meaning also: Just if  I/Me/You can see the connection I am making here and accept it as the terms of the Contract I am presenting here as my word scheme as my Pyramid layered self-deception.

Vulnerability has been a support word for me in going deeper into investigating JUSTIFICATION within myself.

Vulnerability is cool because I within and as Vulnerability I am strong in standing in and as Weakness.  I move past my dissonance and stand as the point of accounting for my acceptances and allowances that are not cool.

The experiences I encounter within and as my vulnerability are very challenging at times as there is often a certain amount of intensity that comes up and that has manifested in a myriad of ways in my body in various moments...and so I've made a sort of game and challenge for myself in being my own DETECTIVE in making a play and work of Identifying the Specifics of the experience that surfaces and comes up within myself.  What is very fascinating about this detective process of self-investigation for me is that my behavior and patterns are Learned over time, Layered within and as Specific Memories of past acceptances and allowances. So much fun and excitement in a way of creating the path of self-discovery with going into the seemingly Unknown of myself.  Unknown from the point of not realizing and understanding how exactly i self-sabotaged, self-suppressed myself in the first place!

This process of self-exploration as taking on the staring point responsibility here as an Existential Detective has been a journey and an adventure for each and everyone.  My ability to relate and share and teach and learn has improved immensely.  The quality of my life is a continued improvement because I Keep letting go of baggage that is unnecessary to hold onto as impressions of suppression as the points and moments in memory as Not Understanding and Realizing myself here as Life, One and Equal.

I enjoy learning so much.

I encourage each and everyone to dare to go deep within and as your participation's with others and the activities you participate within alone...and really see what you think about others and the activities you participate within ,,,and really get to know your weaknesses, you know, The Justifications.....the Just if I see a Tie On.

Remember:

Justification in and of itself can be a cool tool to see where we work to create explanation in our actions...and actually understanding the nature of justification as why we are wanting to manipulate our information in a particular way.

Do we see how Manipulation is Complimentary in action to Justification?

Tuesday, 20 December 2016

Day 793 - Mind Superior Royalty



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to lock myself up within my word relationships in such a sneaky and deceptive manner of self-trickery that I resist to even speak or write about it....because the pain of self-condemnation as an Inferior and an Imbecile is heart breakingly embarrassing to myself as Mind Superior Royalty who is Superior to such characterizations and behaviours.”

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize nor understand the significance of my words and world.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to resist taking authority for my world and words.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to abdicate direction to misalignment within and as my word and world relationships.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to dismiss the extent of my errors and suppression within and as my relationships.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize nor really extensively investigate myself within and as my words as the science and structured signs of myself here as how I have specifically created myself to be exactly as I am in this moment here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize nor understand how I created my world through and as the specific impressions i created within and as the words within myself and how it is my words that are in fact very questionable always as my words are the explanation to why my world is exactly the way it is. I realize my words are not valid as an excuse of justification for why and how I am here within and as the world. I realize who and how I have existed within and as the world as been an excuse and justification, in a way, my ignorance and incompetence, a lack of Life regard.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for seeking stimulation externally to charge myself internally as how I have conditioned my preferences within my mind for feeding off of my physical body from day to day.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to trust within my thinking as how to best feed off my body for energetic highs and lows as to give me the perfect chemical concoction i desire in the moment to satisfy a seemingly internal and external craving for more and more consumption.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize and understand the addiction i have created within and as my mind to feed off myself, my life, all life as an energetic kick back. Conflict.
Tension for the attention.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to crave the continuous pulsation of tension within my body to feel something, because without a constant stressing and straining in way of engagement i have an experience of being unfulfilled.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for desiring to get my fill of consumption, a point of tension in creating rifts, conflict, as various forms of self-abuse.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize how extensively integrated my conditioned behavior and personality is for destructive self-abuse...and therefore world abuse.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for resisting to get real, make the daily commitment to deconstruct my constructions of word/world relationships that i exist in and as separation to.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fuck around with actually living words for real and creating myself and world as I would like.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to make believe that really investigating myself within and as Words is something that is not totally necessary....is entertaining and enjoyable but at the same time a lot of effort and work and therefor avoidable and personally i rather go about this process of word/world entanglement in a less than organized and structured manner because the task and process is overwhelming to me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become overwhelmed with the process of word and world entanglement.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think that i must think of everything before i can really do anything.\

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for holding myself back from playing and working on Potential developments.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize and understand how One in fact goes about Creating.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to resist being totally self-honest with myself here and that I haven't understood Creation.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear looking inferior to others in my understanding, knowledge and application of myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to penalize myself within and as a result of conditioning myself to be controlled through fear of not Knowing.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize the process of Know thy Self, is to in fact stand in the face of Not Knowing, and to from here, Walk, take the steps to: Investigating, Learning, Asking Questions, play and work with things so that I know.

Thursday, 15 December 2016

Day 792 - Royally Fucked

Royally Fucked


I realize all forms of Inferiority and Superiority are essentially the same thing as points of self-suppression and that it's like Inferiority is less suppression than superiority....where superiority is superior suppression. Funny to see the irony of suppression within Inferiority and Superiority where it's Inferior suppression and Superior Suppression.....like fucked and double fucked.”

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having become so used to being royally fucked that I experience myself as uncomfortable in being less than royally fucked. Where being less than royally fucked, feels strange and almost embarrassing and shameful...where i should want to fuck around more so i can get back to being royally fucked. The irony is profoundly fucked lol.”


The Fact that within our world we have the word “Royalty” and “Royal” is an indication of the ingrained Debt Servitude relationship as Inferior and Superior. This is showcased well as the basis of energetic conflict within and as Mind. Polarization. Friction. Battle. War. Slave Mentality.

What do I mean when I say, “Debt Servitude”?

Servicing and Creating Debt. In Service of Debt. Like Debt is the Superior and the Service is Inferior. Where the Debt and the Service need each other to exist...because it's like a point of both being incomplete without the other one...and so each is bound, bonded to the other.

Relation Fucked. Meaning, the basic framework in which relationships are designed is within and as this debt based construction of More than and Less than. Money has become the medium to support the servicing of charges. Energy is another expression and outflow of money. Meaning, Our positive feelings and negative emotions as our relationships to everything here.

Why Relation Fucked?
Relation Fucked, because the basic mode of conditioning, our behaviour within and as mind set up has been, Royally Fucked. Ironically, it is because of our own Accepted and Allowed Royal Acclaim. And our own accepted and allowed Royal Servants. Where each is a manifested representation of ourselves here in all ways and our reaction/impression about it, is like valid confirmation for mind justification in continuing to mine and mind the feeling and emotion about what we see....because what we see is what we are...and it's been going on for so long as the Specificity in Definition Impressions. Where it's like we just layer and layer and layer the Self-Deception. Only, we don't regard our behaviour necessairly as draconian...but more of a sort of human evolution of our greatness...and that our greatness is just very complex and sophisticated like our intelligence...I mean deception. Cough Cough.

Where am I going with this bit, “Royally Fucked”

It's a point of self-reflection for me in and as the world here. Where I am in the process of taking responsibility for all characterizations of myself here. Removing the Separation existent within myself as how I separated myself from all characters here by believing myself to be an individual character that is totally a Separate Setup from all other characters here. See, it's interesting because we have the whole spectrum of characterizations within ourselves...and it's a range of vocabulary and a range of feelings and emotions...just as we have a range of colour here that makes up the spectrum of colour. Point of Investigation is ourselves here as Life.....What is Life...Life is Sound. So in really investigating through words the structure of myself and the world, word by word in a way where I can specifically investigate how I have articulated...made my artistry into the point of ecstasy excretion through perpetually suffering and torture,  making slave labour by keeping my Body and Beingness in a state ingrained debt servitude to my mind.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize and understand how I created the design and definition of Royalty within my mind.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize and understand how the definition of royalty existent within my body and mind as supported the world as a whole being exactly the way it is.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for resisting to really go into myself to see who and how I am existing within and as my mind as Royalty.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fearing to face myself as Royally Fucked.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to deny and suppress myself here as Royalty.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for justifying the suppression of myself as Inferior to Royalty because of various phrases such as: “its just the way things are”, “there's just royalty and non royalty”, “our family just isn't the royal one”, “not everyone can be royal”, “Royalty wouldn't exist if everyone was royalty”, “royalty is a necessary position and part of our world and society”.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into conflict with “Royalty” where I would be angry and frustrated with the status of the world, my words, myself here....while most of the time, only projecting my disgust outwards onto others I define as Superior to Me here in this world as for instance the Queen of England and her Royal Family.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame people in this world who are regarded as Royalty for the problems within and as the class system of inequality existent within humanity.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to fight against the world out of frustration for my understanding of the relationships that exist within myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for resisting to really take the time to place myself as each individual thing here....to really stand in and as each One here in this world.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having created a preference towards conflict and destruction over collaborative structured creations. I realize the ridiculousness of fighting for my limitation. I realize that working together is to get things done...is to actually move as the point of democracy here...in making things happen as a result of weathering the weather as a result of creating the ripple that is the momentum that moves the current which is currency which is our weather system which is our water which is our weather, which is our environment.

I realize I like to use synonyms for words, as this is like this and this is like this and this is like this....I realize this is a support in seeing how words are capable and able of supporting and assisting each other in working and playing together as a form of compliment and complimentary action.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge my usage of words and how I create the flow of my words in sentence structure.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear the judgment and condemnation of others for the flow and presentation of myself here in and as Word.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become apathetic within and as my Words...specifically the structuring and the sounding placement of how I lay things out. I realize I created an apathy towards practically structuring my reality. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create Apathy within myself....and within this, justify the suppression of my ability to structure and create new Potential.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to lock myself up within my word relationships in such a sneaky and deceptive manner of self-trickery that I resist to even speak or write about it....because the pain of self-condemnation as an Inferior and an Imbecile is heart breakingly embarrassing to myself as Mind Superior Royalty who is Superior to such characterizations and behaviours.

To be continued