important shit

Sunday, 21 August 2016

Day 781 - Go for It - The Movement and Moment of Doing

Taking the Time Here to Recognize the Act of Making something Happen....You know, that moment of Doing, That moment where you make the decision to move yourself for yourself....you know, because you see a possible play here and you want to make it work.....So, You go for it.

Now, timing is a funny thing in the act and moment of doing...because we play/work in time and it's the fine tuning of our actions in time that assists us in seeing the results of our creations here.  See, there is so many ways for us to move ourselves and some ways are more efficient and others are less efficient...and some just are not in relation to being efficient or inefficient....they just are simply what they are and there is no competition or friction about the play and working of oneself in motion here.

I'm recognizing a correlation within myself with regards to my attitude in mind and my ability to move myself physically. Like, specifically....what I mean is the me here within and as my Beingness here as the Player who exists within and as both Body and Mind...but is also the decision maker...and word regulator.....sound technician..the story writer author of my movement/physical life here.

Writing with this regard towards physical movment, sounds kind of strange and sort of obscure....because it's like a mind fuck of sorts that comes up within me...like this conscious thinking that i've always been moving myself this whole time...this whole life of mine.....But the reality  and truth of myself is in fact a lie of sorts, because I have come to understand that me as the Being Player here hasn't always been calling the shots and making the plays for myself here....it's like I've been taking orders from myself as my mind as consciousness/ego, a lesser version of the best of myself here as my Beingness Signature and Expression in every movement and moment.

I had a my weakness come through in my mind this evening as the thoughts about how I could let slide my writing of my blog this evening.  The fact of the matter here as me from the core of my Being here, is that I really do enjoy expressing myself through writing....I enjoy the flow of connecting my sounds through the addition of words in and as the formation of sentences coming together to share the flow that exists within and as the inside of me outside as like a sort of weather and temperature thing....the waterfall that is me. Hmmm, maybe i need to play and work within this temperature thing as the water that is me....that sounding of how that came out doesnt seem quite right....but hey maybe that's because there is an inkling of an inclination to stop myself and censor myself from actually moving myself within and as my words.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to stop myself from moving/living my potential as a result of not realizing and understanding the mechanics of  my mind consciousness programming where I talk myself out of doing/moving and continue within and as thinking within and as mind consciousness. I realize I am in the process of getting to know myself for real....because it's like to a certain extent as I aged throughout my life here...i learned to cover myself up and hide the truth of myself as like my Beingness sound signature here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being made fun of and being embarassed as a result of sounding unfamiliar and or out of tune with what is typically already known and obvious within and as basic programmed predicatable behavior.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to resist stepping outside of my comfort zone from the perspective of expanding my potential and my life as my home here...as like the movement of myself here within and as how i challenge myself-development here.  I commit myself to learning.  I commit myself to making improvements within and as my work and play time here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for resisting to understand and know the truth of myself here as words.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to sabotage myself within and as my words from and as the perspective of Ego Mind Consciousness as the real disregard for my well Being Here in and as my physical Body.  I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to neglect awareness for myself within and as word and world here as my vocabulary and my physicality here...as like all is part of my self/flesh here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge the amount of times I make a mistake before I got the point within myself as a complete knowing and understanding that I can share and explain the various relationship dynamics/mechanics of and as the various states of motion that one can experience within and as the mistake where one reacts within  one of the many realms of intenseness as a result and consequence of our emotional outflow....where we are in fact allowing ourselves to be self-victimized by our very own reactions of Ego.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to Fear letting my ego go.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not now what it is like to live always without  the thoughts of self-sabotage as the thinking my way out of doing something.  I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing nor understanding how the trap of my mind as ego within and as consciousnesses energy was to over think things for myself...as the specifics of talking my way out of actually doing anything....because you see...I am quite capable and able to talk my walk as i write myself here...and the fact of the matter is....that as I write...I see myself here for real...is like as I write...I can hear myself loud and clear...as like the me that has always been here...yearning to be heard as the voice that has been suppressed in favor of self-suppression as the fear ego mantra of submission in energy patterned behavior of various dimensions of polarized constructions, also know as the war between good and evil picked from the tree of knowledge.  I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize and understand myself as the Tree here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to pick on myself and others from and as the starting point of bullying where I cut myself down as like not allowing myself to grow and develop where I have the potential to branch out and blossom in a whole assortment of ways that are seemingly unimaginable.  I realize myself here as a tree. I realize to see myself as what I previous could not perceive myself as, is a great assistance in expanding my perspective and perception of and as my capacity for developing my very own personal self-responsibility.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing nor understanding the terror of self-inferiorization....as the parasitic vampire like self-inflicted condition of twisting and turning words around within the mind to reflect the feeling and or emotion of the moment...and to be so convinced that is the totality of myself ability in the moment that I don't want to even question my status update, because the fear of not being real is so real that desire and urge to be accepted by anyone other than myself is so great....because ironically, the definition of authority has been transmuted outside of self...myself here.  I commit myself to re-establishing myself here as Authority and Author of myself here as the Director of myself here,,,and I commit myself to share with others how self-direction is a matter of self-regard and the willingness to speak for real on behalf of yourself here making a stand for all life here as one and equal.

I commit myself  to stop slacking off in regard for my words here...and within this i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to isolate myself into inaction as a result and consequence of fearing  the moment of moving myself within and as the practical application of myself living words.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize and understand my creative capacity for self-developing solutions that are great.

 I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear my potential here as a creative solution developer.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to disregard...and really disassociate myself with the word "Developer"

I commit myself to playing and working with the word  "Developer".

I commit myself to delving...and diving into and as the practical living of my potential within and as the word "developer"


To Be Continued


Friday, 19 August 2016

Day 780 - Awareness in Inter-Action

How Aware am I of my Every Interaction?


Are my interactions like various forms of debts I take on? Is this the very case and point, if I in fact accept and allow less than what is Best for myself as All Life here? Could it be that I am the source of myself/existence here? And, Each exists as the very same source point of Existence Here?

Is considering all as One and Equal a tough pill to swallow?

Have I conditioned myself within my behaviour and various specific types of Interactions to Suppress the Regard and Practical daily Living of the Realization and Understanding of Myself/Life as Oneness and Equality?

Do I fear Oneness and Equality?

How can I Stop the conditions of my Behaviour and various specific types of Interactions that suppress the regard and practicality of the realization and understanding of Oneness and Equality?


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to resist examinations of all moments/interactions/participations/behaviours where there is an energetic movement and resonance existent within me as a point of dissonance from the realization and understanding of Oneness and Equality, as the meaning and understanding that we are all one here alone as beings here and every being here is a part of team life...and all parts of team life are valid....and, energetic polarity is the fictitious facade of our mind consciousness we made a real big deal of, and is in fact a reflection of our very own self-deception that keeps ourselves...our Team Life here, divided and conquered to a certain extent,....while, ironically, “trying” to win...not realizing how we are beating ourselves up and down in the process. I realize the ridiculousness of fearing to physically hurt our mind consciousness. I realize the ridiculousness of fearing to lose our mind consciousness. I realize the ridiculousness of trying to hurt or lose our mind consciousness. I realize and understand the dichotomy of existing within a love and hate relationship of energetic extremes as the spectrum of emotion and feeling from the lowest low tonality to the highest high tonality and pitch. I realize and understand that our sound here without the taint of consciousness separation, as a polarized conflict within word relationships is in fact our true nature and the truth of ourselves here...and the irony of our suppression's and potent expressions. I realize potency in expression is in essence the simplicity ourselves here existing in and as sound....here...on point...our starting point....the end point....the point of everything.....the creation point.....Oneness and Equality.....Oneness and Equality together as One....the unity of and as our agreed upon harmony of words as our complimentary physical living actions, which are creative by the simple fact of our very existence here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to neglect and disregard the accounting / housekeeping for all of my words I share.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to neglect and disregard the accounting and housekeeping for all of my words that I have charged.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for to neglect and disregard the accounting and housekeeping for all the words that are directed to me. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to resist taking self-responsibility for misdirection in and as the best usage of our words....where for example it is clear to me that a word is being leveraged in a very charged way. I see realize and understand that leveraging words in a very charged way require attention and specific direction and clear definition and terminology need to be established through the engagement of clarification on meaning. I see and realize myself responsibility within and as practical living Word and World regard through the daily practical living of Questions as Who, How, What, and Why of myself/Existence/Creation/Life Here. I know the “Where” Question is always a matter of Here...though for a practical point of regard in specificity in daily living Questions to my utmost potential and to make for detailed structure in story telling my Quests, I see the value in and as the inclusion of “where” within my basic Questions I practically live every day here.

I commit myself to daily practical living of the Questions, Who/what/where/why/When/How? I commit myself to being open minded to the arrangement and ordering of my basic simple Questions of: What, Where, When, How, Why, and Who? I commit myself to expanding myself within and as the Asking of Questions. I commit myself to using the basic simple questions outlined here as a basic framework and structured support system and network for networking the specificity of any particular point of investigation. I therefore realize and understand that I am capable and able to to figure out the particulars/specifics of anything and everything. I realize and understand there is a plethora of ways within and as the very nature of all ways...and that asking questions is a way to create one's life here in a way one would like to live.

I commit myself to investigate my fascination and interest within points/relationships/interactions/words.


To Be Continued

Thursday, 18 August 2016

Day 779 - Names and the Fit of Descriptions as Our Words in Motion

I enjoy playing golf.   At times, golf can trigger a whole bunch of emotions within myself. It's interesting to even listen to myself say that.  "golf can trigger a whole bunch of emotions within myself."  I mean, it's me as golf and the specifics of the relationships dynamic particulars from moment to moment....as like how I specifically name/defined the particulars of any given moment and situation on the the golf course.  Like for instance and example here:  Approaching my golf ball and looking at the potential shot I can hit here and then thinking about my ability to do it....like a sort of judgment and value created belief in my capacity to do the shot...where it's like the whole nature of the thinking is sometimes glossed in a fear of fucking up the moment, missing the shot, not performing the result I see that is needed/best....and then from here, taking myself into a sort of self-talk pep talk as like a sort of self-religion of pep-talk, as like a self-believed comfort talk in focus on performing the motions that are needed.  But in questioning this automotive conditioning that comes up from time to time with regards to various moments, is the very fact and nature of this 'fear' hidden beneath this 'self-talk' at like the very core of myself as who I am in relationship to the moment.  And this 'Fear', essentially rooted into my core being belief structured thinking is justified logically within and as my conscious mind of thought, which comes out seemingly natural as who I am...and thus, seemingly very believable.  Believable, yes, because  it is the very self-reflection of my self-created belief systems.  And the kicker and the irony is that it is entirely fucked up....like in a way that I would not like for myself or for anyone...because the starting point as has been mentioned earlier is Fear.  Fear being a sort of paralyzing function in and as complete self-trust....the ability to move oneself in and as a state of confidence.

In taking regard here for myself within and as the layering conditioning of the psychology of myself within and as Fear as the resulting process which triggers the conscious self-talk / pep-talk as like how to move myself through a motion of action,....Is a very interesting point of Question and Investigation...Because I see this being a sort of self-created disharmony in the music that is me here as harmony.   What do I mean by this?   I mean, it's like I am creating a rift in my ability to naturally perform a specific motion and movement with effortless ease, power, precision, clarity and exact specificity.  See, I see myself and everyone having a natural learning ability....and our naturally learning ability is innate, a given that all life has been gifted with.  Now, this is where the story gets interesting, See, we all have this extraordinary....extra-ordinary ability...yet our knowing and understanding of ourselves as it gets complicated and confusing throughout time, due to the extensive nature of how we have allowed ourselves to play/work/develop our abilities here.  See, I see that our playing here as a grand generalization has been to a certain extent, very lackluster...where we sort of write ourselves off in one way or another,...Ironically and totally not realizing ourselves as the very narrator and authority who ultimately decides and designs the results of our actions/reactions/non-actions.

To be continued Here:

note:  I wanted to open this up to get the ball rolling and really get into the best swing of things as starting the momentum within and as a topic of profound awesomeness in so many ways that really is the epitome of and as our ability to create ourselves  as our lives in ways that are fun, enjoyable, and all ways Best here.

Cheeeeers :)


Tuesday, 16 August 2016

Day 778 - Cheating myself out of Life





For a long while I've been pretty loose with the rules while playing golf, where I would improve my lie (how the ball is laying on the ground...making it more forgiving),  take generous drops,  give myself putts, take mulligans, and be forgiving with out of bounds and penalty stroke rules.

I bring attention to this here....because I reflect back to playing when I was fairly young, and me and my friend were fairly competitive about posting the lowest scores we could. And what happened slowly but surely is I became forgiving on points/rules of enforcement...I mean it would be a gimme on a putt here...or a mulligan on the first hole....or like saying one mulligan per round....or saying we can fluff our ball's lies.

I've started playing golf again with a competitive spirit about scoring as best as i am possibly able to.  I am also very serious in developing my performance to an elite level.  My ability at the moment is above average.  I've come to recognize that I've tainted my best golf development over the years by being so slack with the rules.  I see this as consequential because it's like I resisted making mistakes...and when i would make mistakes i would cover them up, forgive them without really completely taking responsibility for it and learning from it, understanding the specific mechanics of my error.

In fact, i see how I have accepted and allowed myself to create emotions and feelings about my swings and scores in golf....where it's like a point of perfection or imperfection on each shot and result....so like, multiple judgement system relationships here.

I am also noticing how I don't want to continue within this type of relationship patterned behavior with regards to my relationship with golf.  I am seeing a lot of layers here that need to be fine tuned.

I am also questioning how my relationship within golf relates and reflects to other areas within my life.  To take this question to the core of myself within the perspective and consideration of personality character design and construction; What stand out to me is:  Superiority and Inferiority and the relationship with perfection and and Imperfection where these words are forms of polarized judgements.  I notice  how I write the construct down here as, "superiority and inferiority"...that i want to put superiority first as like a desire to associate myself more with superiority and how i wish to come across and be more closely associated as superior.  In writing here i can see how superiority and inferiority are words that exist within me that are closely related in a polarized way to perfection and imperfection.

I see this as a topic for me to explore more into specifics.

At this point i would like to open up self-forgiveness on points that stick out for me here:

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to cheat myself at golf and at life.  I realize it is my relationship within and as how I play in regards to my thoughts, feelings and emotions that can be improved upon, as I realize and understand the way in which i have accepted and allowed myself to participate within golf has sort of perpetuated and compounded myself existing within and as a sort of ego conflict within myself where i am polarized into reacting consistently at the results/actions of myself where there is a an ongoing scoring evaluation of myself within judgement in the form of emotion and feeling, so much so related to my definitions of perfection and imperfection

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for suppressing my feelings and emotions within seeing the shame about how i have defined my feelings and emotions in relationship to perfection and imperfection.  I realize that taking a neutral approach is totally tied to keeping the inferiority and superiority character construction in tact within myself as like playing it neutral is almost like playing it cool when all is not cool within oneself....or like playing it extra chill when one is totally not experiencing them-self as super chill but wants to put on the front of being super chill.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to stress myself out within taking the time to actually look at how I have accepted and allowed myself to cheat the best development of my potential within golf/life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for being embarrassed and shameful to talk and share about the fact that i have existed within inferiority and superiority within myself.  I realize the inequality within accepting this type of attitude and perception about myself in regards to others here.  I realize taking on this attitude and thinking is a mistake, is consequential of existing within and as a state of mind consciousness with a polarized energetically charged vocabulary.  I commit myself to stopping this patterned behavior and walking the fine tuning of myself here as my words, where i remove the charges against myself...I re-establish the terms/definitions of my words.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for thinking it normal to fuck with oneself in reacting and creating forms of stress on the body within and as one's relationship to words.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to cheat myself within my mind of thinking thoughts where i buy into the highs and lows of my feelings and emotions and allow myself to become distracted by them and influence my movement and ability to create and live my utmost potential.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to slack off on myself discipline with regards to my competitive spirit in regards to athletics and sports.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to inferiorize myself within competitions and at the same time desire superiority.  I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize and understand how I have created inferiority within and as my best ability as a result of being dishonest with myself and tainting my vocabulary within and as results of perfection and imperfection.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize and understand how so much so my life and abilities within my life are correlated with how I live words within my physical body here....that my words are my living actions and there is many ways in which i can express myself through my words.  I realize my actions are a reflection of my words.  I realize my participation within all things is a reflection of my self-development and word/world agreements.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to frustrate myself within looking at what I have accepted and allowed throughout my life that is less that my best potential.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become overwhelmed within looking at the definitions terms/words of agreements I agreed to participate within.  I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to resist taking self-responsibility for my consent within all my relationships.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear vulnerability in exposing/sharing my mistakes.

I forgive myself for not realizing and understanding the irony within fearing the vulnerability to share/expose my mistakes.  I see, realize and know the irony here as being  tragically comical because within sharing one's mistakes, one is able to assist and support others to learn lessons without having to necessarily remain within the same suppression that I was existing within.  I realize that sharing one's mistakes and the lessons learned, is in fact an act of compassion in care/regard to support another as oneself here. I see this as the practical living embodiment of self-respect, self-regard, self-nourishment, and self-development.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear sharing myself as a result of being competitive within myself from a polarized relationship of inferiority and superiority. I realize the ridiculousness of defining myself into opposition within myself through and as the confusion of my word relationships and agreements.  I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize the tragic comedy of energetically inferior and superior word and world relationships....where more value is given to that which is regarded as more, and less value to that which is disregarded as less....from the perspective of everything Being Life equality and oneness here...and a dissonance existing as the very design of polarized energetic resonance through and as the accepted and allowed  inferiority and superiority within and as one's word and world relationships within oneself as all Life here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define  myself in ways that are less than great.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for resisting to take self-responsibility for my less than great self-definitions here.

I realize and understand my self-responsibility for myself-definitions here...and that my relationships within and as words is key to myself living for real in physical reality here.

I commit myself to self-improvement through and as self-responsibility in and as my practical every day living and usage of words.

I commit myself to share my process of self-realization and understanding.

I commit myself to humbleness within vulnerability as i see myself within and as the mistakes I make.  I commit myself to being efficient and effective at learning from my mistakes.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to pad my stats within and as my results within activities.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fuck with my legitimacy, integrity and resolve.

I commit myself to practically living the words Legitimacy, Integrity, and Resolve as points of self-commitment in walking through my mistakes as learning lessons...and to learn as effectively and efficiently as possible within walking through learning lessons.  I commit myself to being open and vulnerable within and as I walk my process journey to Life.

I commit myself to accountability and integrity within and as my thoughts/words/deeds. 

I commit myself to practically living the word Ownership in regard to self-accountability and self-responsibility as points of practically living the best care taking.



Monday, 15 August 2016

Day 777 - The Ink in my Thinking as Personified Television - Channel Surfing (2)

Image result for flipping channels



I've come to notice that my everyday movement within actually doing things is tainted to an extent with the amount of time i spend within my mind thinking about things.  It's not that I don't do anything, it's that I've come to recognize that I would like to stop needlessly flipping the channels.

What I mean by 'flipping the channels', is just kind of going down the rabbit hole in thought....where it's like you can go on endlessly man.

Also, I really enjoy physical activity, and channel surfing....moving in the mind is like as far away as it gets from Legit physical activty..  I mean moving in the mind is connected to physical activity, because the body and mind are connected, but it's more of a reactionary response.

What is the experience of flipping channels...moving through thoughts?

Looking for more.

Why does this happen?

The more attention/energy you give to it, the more you create your own momentum....a sort of mind momentum.

How do I stop myself from the momentum of my mind movement and addiction to channel surfing?

-One breath at a time.
-The breath is the best way to slow oneself down and stop mind/energetic movement within the body.
-Self-forgiveness is a tried tested and true tool that works in the deconstruction of the specifics of layered physical body mind energy constructions.
-It's all about our words
-Purifying our vocabulary, (cleaning the pollution out of the water that exists within ourselves as our memories....as water is the holder of sound....and when our words are glossed in various shades of energetic coating, as like degrees of separation and disconnection from the source of ourselves as all life here...we are marginalizing our effectiveness within our everyday lives.)
-Fine tuning and specifying our Living Words.
-The Who/How/What am I Doing Here Questions to support Directions as our practical living Words as our Instructions and Expressions.


It's comical to actually look and not do what it is you would like to do.  You know, to keep looking at what it is you would like and not do it.   Like to obsessively look without really checking out the points of interest for real, as like to actually move within the points to actually make a further deduction, experiment, discovery. Our creation potential is within and as our ability to look and do....to play and work with what is here....it's like our looking is the way in which we read information....and our action is a reflection of how we put our information into application.

Whether we like it or not...which is a form of irony in and of itself.....we are all great composers....Life is a musical of sorts and we are always composing shit.  Shit gets complicated when when we misinform ourselves about our shit....like for instance, being deceptive about the quality of our Information....the integrity of our Relationships here. And to look at the matters simply here, Is simply a matter of Word Regard...and Everyone coming to terms...So all Our Information here is a balanced Sound Equation rooted in common Sense...you know,.....kind of like a piano, in that each sound/key is specifically what it is.  A sound structured alignment.  In-Tune.





Thursday, 11 August 2016

Day 776 - The Ink in my Thinking as Personified Television

 



Thinking is something i have given much credence to.  I have placed so much value in thinking that it has been to my own detriment.  I'd like to make a distinction here between 'thinking' and 'looking', where thinking is a sort of random behavior without direction that we give attention to as like thoughts, things just pop up within our mind and as we give attention to it our mind continues to move and build momentum and increase it's activity production output as going deeper and deeper.  Where as 'Looking' is a self directed point of seeing into something that will often stem from a form of questioning. the question may be direct or indirectly asked within oneself as a sort of examination like process within getting to know/investigate a particular point.

For myself, i can see i have very much allowed myself to blur the lines between self-directed 'looking' and 'thinking'....where the looking and the thinking can be very much regarded as the same thing....but also within the mix is the random reactionary thought that i have gotten into the patterned habit of examining, where it's like I stop what i am solely focused on and begin a sort of juggling act by giving a certain amount of attention to this 'new thought application'.  This 'thought application' is like a random virus in the sense that my connection to it is emotional/feeling based where it typical starts off with a very small charge/pulse about it....and i form a specific impression as a 'new thought/feeling-emotion/action-reaction' and from there do a sort of spiral inward into layering the point, where it's like a sort of zap/zing suppression that is kind of like lightening in a bottle in that it is is so intense yet small yet quick, yet powerful.

Fortunately I have the tools to sort out....self-correct such conditioned behavior.

Why would I want to correct such behavior / application within myself?
What's the point?

The point is Specificity and Accountability.  Meaning, to live and create the best version of myself here.

To elaborate,  My expression and ability to perform tasks to the best of my abilities is tainted within allowing myself to be very much 'distracted/possessed' within my own Thinking.

I have seen first hand how much my mobility is limited/halted within allowing myself to drift/wander/watch my thoughts brew about a particular topic.  For example, In tree planting...a job i have done for many years, my ability to move/flow with effortless efficiency is in direct correlation with presence/thoughtlessness of the moment, where i am so committed to my physical movement and am just so here within the expression of me moving, that there is no room for any other activity, nor need.   However...sometimes i would allow myself to be preoccupied with points of thought/ideas while moving/tree-planting...and the longer i allowed myself to focus on the thinking while moving/working, the more my performance suffered as tree-planting effortless efficiency, meaning my ability to plant a tree quickly slowed down...sometimes this slowing down in movement was only a fraction of a second, and sometimes it was more.  Ironically, I was typically more exhausted at the end of a tree-planting day when i had planted fewer trees and thought more.


To be Continued

Friday, 8 April 2016

Day 775 - In Fear You're It


 Image result for Inferiority




Inferiority - In fear you are it. You are it in fear. Inferior I tied to the why of the fear I fear. Inferior it is why. A less than experience and acceptance and allowance.  Often masked and projected externally as superiority.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize how I have existed as the Inferiority character construction within myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not even believe it possible that I could exist within and as the point of Inferiority.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear my very own inferiority.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hide and deny acknowledging points/moments/reactions within and as Inferiority.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to regard inferiority as such a bad thing, like one of the worst things a person could be.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for thinking that inferiority is a choice and a decision so much so and that if you are ever faced within and as the point of inferiority, you should hide it by presenting a false front, lie and deny it, as a way to not accept it within yourself.  I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realizes how I created coping defense mechanisms within my mind as ways to 'survive' within and as the moments of inferiority. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing how recognition of moments of inferiority is a great point of strength in seeing how and where you are not measuring up to par within and as a point/application/ability.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having made inferiority a perpetuated weakness within myself, by being afraid to admit points of inadequacy within myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to regard inferiority as wrong.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for resisting to understand and really know inferiority.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for creating a preference towards hiding from my inferiority within and as the outward projection of superiority.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compound the existence of inferiority within myself as a result of believing myself to be high, mighty and powerful within the character reaction of superiority.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create abuse within myself internally and externally as a result of fearing to face myself within the full spectrum of polarized characterizations.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing how I constructed a primary character throughout my life as Inferiority who reacts in fear and projects superiority as a coverup job and operation.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live a lie as my very own self-deception and self-manipulation as the reactionary inferiority character that created and energetic addiction towards channeling a high and might experience within myself as my energetic release for the built of layers of shit that I would compound within myself as my mind activity here in defense and conflict with myself and world as everyone here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing the extent and scope to which I created clever coping mechanisms to induce a positive energy high experience and escape for myself as a result of fearing to get real with myself and acknowledge/face/know/understand my weakness as Inferiority and Inadequacy.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to associate vulnerability and sensitivity to being undesirable forms of weakness connected to inferiority and that it is my choice to disregard and deny the reality of these words.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to construct myself in and as inferiority.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for suppressing my potential as a result of fearing to get real.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be on the run from myself...as like constantly being on the move within fear as my accepted and allowed mind.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for creating all sort of beautiful words and ideas and concepts as various ways of my word patterned communications to perpetuate a false front....a false flag operation..a lie, a veil, a misrepresentation of the actuality of what I am accepting and allowing within myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have thought that is what you are suppose to do with points of inferiority and any other sort of weakness that comes up within one's mind and body experience here...as to make something up that you like better.  I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realizing and understanding how to substantiate my vocabulary effectively as a structurally sound foundation within myself, as the words existing within me here in and as equality and oneness, from the perspective that words are innocent and do not require me to make up charges held against the words as them being polarized within the scope of positive, neutral and negative energies.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to support a world of impotence, as a sort of powerlessness that is governed and controlled, ruled through and as my accepted and allowed fear...a sort of self-inflicted spitefulness as the lack of understanding of what Inferiority in fact means.

I forgive myself for not realizing and understanding the sense of irony existed within and as word and world relationships here, within and as our oneness and equality, as that is the one point always here...our oneness and equality...and the irony of course is within and as our self-definition as how we imprison our very cells here at a resonant level as the scope of the entirety of ourselves as all of existence within and as our sound.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that my potential to exist here as sound, has been suppressed, that I have been existing here within and as a sort of noise, a derivative of sound, a less than experience...the epitome of inferiority...rooted in and as self-abuse, being in conflict with myself and not even realizing how I am in fact perpetuating and prolonging a war within myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize the propaganda I would create in and as various forms of reaction/fear of myself being here within and as a point of reaction....where I would then create a disinformation agenda to quickly move into another character to hide the scope of the truth of myself, which has been the very initial reaction/fear within myself, as fear it self.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear fear itself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create a battle/conflict of epic proportions with Fear...believing Fear to be the ultimate enemy and point of separation that I must fight against as the very quick moving reactionary defense systems within my mind.  I forgive myself for not realizing and understanding how extensively I have been on the attack and the defense at the same time...the complete reflection of and as the military war machine here in all ways, penetrating the totality of my existence here.


When and as I see myself reacting in Inferiority/inadequacy, I stop and breathe, I take a moment to correctly identify the specifics of my reactionary defense/weakness.  I realize this is a weakness that requires specific self-correction because it is being revealed to me in my mind as a form of military defense and offense upon myself and all of existence here.  I realize it is my self-responsibility to come to terms within myself as a removing myself from the field of battle, where I release myself from participation within and as the enemy construct here. I see, realize and understand the solution of myself here at peace with all of existence as a point of agreement within and as my word relationships here, where I in fact am at ease with my word and world relationships here, where I mean no offense or defense.  I commit myself to the process of settling the terms of negotiation within myself as the vocabulary that exists within myself as a form of energetic dissonance.  I realize and understand the process of self-transformation as the self-direction of my existence within and as energetic information, to that of physical sound substance here as the physical universe here.  I realize, understand, and know the process of status correction here to be a labored physical process of nurturing myself back together again, from disharmony and disease to harmony here as the sound of music at ease.  I realize the substance of self-expression here is in fact our sound.  I commit myself to birthing myself as sound/life here.