Day 426 Allowing Myself to Improve

Let me begin with a little story:

As a teenager I played lots of golf.  I would go to the golf course most days in the summer time.  I would practice all sorts of different golf shots.  I would be creative in playing a round of golf with different types of golf shots.  I would play as I practiced my golf shots and I would practice my gold shots as I played a round of golf.

A funny thing happened as I got older.  I stopped playing as I practiced my golf shots...and began allowing the attitude that I'm just going to play without being concerned about practicing...and within taking on this attitude my game suffered...and I was trying to fix my golf game while I played...without really giving myself the practice time...as a way to practice the right plays/swings...I became angry and frustrated within myself about the way I was performing...and it's like I really started fighting within myself...as my golf swing got worse and worse and worse...as I allowed myself to start coping and compensating with all sorts of swing flaws...I was really delusional in the sense I just kept making adjustments to my swing without first really understanding what I was doing wrong...well I started seeing some things that I was doing wrong...and than I just kind of accepted that when I play golf I have certain swing flaws and that's just the way it is...and it became rather unpleasant to play golf from the perspective that I was not accepting and allowing myself to improve.  I knew I was doing some things within the way I was playing golf that was not in any way ideal...but I totally justified playing this way because I was doing it my own way...as I was stubborn to really opening myself up to receiving assistance and support that is best.  It is rather ridiculous that I chose to play bad golf as a result of resisting to really want to make the changes that were best...I mean it's like I wanted to have different results in my golf swing...but I kept doing the same things over and over again...and I mean it's kind of funny that I would get frustrated with the results I was having...because it's like I was hoping for some sort of magical transformation without actually committing myself to stopping the swing patterned behaviours that I knew was not really beneficial.

Now let me share another story:

This is about me and my Mother and how my mother has always been on my case to pick up after myself...like since I was a child...you know...like putting my clothes away in my room...and not leaving stuff out...like putting things back where they belong. Really simple things is what my Mother has been on my case about...and it's funny to look at this now...because I always had such resistance towards my mother and doing the things she would be asking me to do...and I mean...the things she would be asking me to do...were my responsibilities...and I didnt even really understand these simple responsibilities...like I would always question why....like why do you care about these things....what's the big deal. This escalated to such an extent that I would just do the opposite of what my mom says...like if she would advise me against something...I would make a point of doing that particular thing...and man, I created such a conflict towards my mother...not realising and understanding how conflicted I was within myself because I wasn't accepting and allowing myself to do the little things..as like taking self responsibility for myself in the littlest of ways.

Now, notice the connection between the golf story and the story of my relations with my mother...in both relationship scenarios...I resisted taking self responsibility/accountability...I chose to accept things the way they were...and just kind of cope within reactions to repeating scenarios that I did not like. I allowed the same things to happen over and over again...without enabling any self correction to remedy the problems I was facing...I did not benefit from my accepted and allowed patterned behaviour...in fact...my enjoyment suffered...and ironically, my enjoyment suffered because of my acceptances and allowances...not realising and understanding myself as a point of self-responsibility as the problem, solution and reward as that which is always best for Life...or the question, the answer and the solution as that which is always best for all Life...as like considering myself as Life and my Mother as Life...and both of use here within this one Life...and that oneness and equality is the epitome of and as Life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having resisted to correct my golf swing.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to play with a golf swing that is less than what is best.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for resisting to allow myself to improve my golf game.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not understanding the anger and frustration I experienced towards myself within playing golf as like a physical indication of not taking responsibility for my playing performance.

When and as I see myself resisting to face a problem within my golf swing, I stop and breathe and I direct myself in asking the right questions as how I can fix the problem with my golf swing...and how I can improve my golf swing...as I realise and understand that by fixing problems I enable self improvement that is to my benefit and the benefit of all life because my relationship with myself reflect my relationship with everyone else...because everyone else is a part of me here as Life...because there can be no real separation within Life as we are all in this One Life together.

I commit myself to living this One Life together as a group member of Life.

I realise the absurd ridiculousness of accepting and allowing any part of Life/myself/responsibility/words/actions to be disregarded and neglected...as I realise that is unacceptable abuse that is not to be tolerated.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for accepting and allowing myself for fighting with my mother by creating a wall of resistance towards her.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for resisting to help my mother by helping myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having been abusive towards my Mother/Life/Myself within choosing to disregard self-responsibilities.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realising and understanding my Mother/Life/Myself within and as Self-Responsibilities.

When and as I see myself disregarding my Mother/Life/Myself/Self-Responsibilities, I stop and breathe and take care of my Mother/Life/Myself/Responsibilities.

I commit myself to taking care of my Mother/Life/Myself/Responsibilities.

I commit myself to realising and understanding myself within and as personal/interpersonal/universal Life.

I commit myself to personal/interpersonal/universal responsibilities as Life manifested Equality and Oneness together forever.