Day 409 Making Sure to Let Reactions Go

Day 409 Making Sure to Let Reactions Go





There was this couple on the bus that assisted and supported me by helping me to see some reactions that were existing within me as polarity friction charges.


I had thought about projecting onto the couple from a starting point of reaction.  I saw the point of just letting go...but I didn't totally let go of the point within me...it's like almost but not quite...which is absurd ridiculousness.  I realised I didn't let the point totally go...because when my girlfriend mentioned the couple after we got off the bus...I couldn't resist saying to her that I wanted them to shut up and fuck off.


Looking here at why I wanted them to shut up and fuck off is because they were yelling at each other and the women was sometimes kicking the seat...like having a serious temper tantrum.


I see that I justified not saying anything because I judged/defined doing so as rude...and within creating this judgment definition of how I could communicate to the couple based on my experienced reaction.  I see how I suppressed my abilities to articulate/communicate a point without being rude...as like not being self righteous within a point of emotional instability...as like thinking my accepted and allowed thinking was that  I couldn't communicate to them without having my own temper tantrum....which is totally ridiculous...because I like communicating with people and I find it rather easy to make jokes...and play with what I say.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having feared expressing myself to the couple I had reactions to...and within this, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having justified to myself that I shouldn't express myself to the couple.  I realise and understand the couple taught me a valuable lesson in effective communication...as there are ways to speak to people without invoking feelings/emotions of prejudice...as like to say and realize that I am capable and able of expressing myself with words in such a way as to expose an issue of concern without being overtly offensive as like speaking in a tone of self-righteousness.  I realise how speaking in the tone of how I would like to be spoken to is the key...and that it is really easy because speaking to another is a form/in a way, just speaking to me. I realise the compassion/patience/care/integrity/respect/love in speaking as the starting point of self reflection of who/how/why I am the way I am...as like nothing is hidden...it's all in our sound.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise and understand how I created self imposed restraints upon my abilities and capabilities to explain points/issues/things/events/situations with words within holding onto judgment definitions as particular biases as carious forms of emotions/feelings that are like self imposed mental barriers, like polarity conflicting energies within myself that are all rooted in Fear...and I realise and understand the absurd ridiculousness of justifying fear energies within myself as like choosing to be uncomfortable as a result of fearing to face fear as accepted and allowed discomfort...and I realise the temporary discomfort within facing accepted and allowed fear/discomfort and transitioning into comfort able...by taking care to be careful in being comfortable by preventing prolonged discomfort by take care/time to release fear/discomfort by not fearing fear/discomfort...as like carrying on with a reactionary spiral of a perpetuating cycle/time loop of abuse...by continuously re-acting in fear within and as its various forms of emotion/feeling.


When and as I see myself resisting to say something to someone...as like justifying within my mind, reasoning as to why I shouldn't speak, I stop and breathe, face the fear as the specific feeling/emotion energetic reactionary charge within myself...remove/release self imposed restraint as specific feeling/emotion energetic reaction charge...direct myself to communicate/articulate a point/issue without any self imposed mental barriers/restraints as I realise and understand the who/how/why I am, is exposed within my expression of words...as like how I speak exposes the care/integrity/compassion/respect I have for myself and others...as this  self expression.