I noticed a pattern within myself today with regards to communicating with my siblings where I would be competing to communicate from the perspective of having a desire to speak and say things as a means of generating attention and within this, twisting and turning the words around...as like a form of arguing just for the sake of arguing.
I realise and understand the absurd ridiculousness of arguing just for the sake of arguing.
I didn't realise and understand how I had a tendency within and as a pattern of desire for attention as like a point of competition with my siblings to speak words from a point of winning...as like just kind of shit talking with each other...as the words carry values like a scoring system...and that I was speaking to my siblings in a way where I was focusing on scoring points so to speak...as like creating a form of energetic high within myself...as like a superiority competition game.
My participation within this behaviour patterned tendency was so automatic...it was quite bizarre to catch myself within the midst of talking shit...like rushing to spew words without awareness...as like being so concerned with speaking from the starting point of generating a buzz within myself.
As I look at my participation...I had a what the fuck moment...as I was astounded to see and realise my acceptances and allowances within communication with my siblings.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for creating a competition word play with my siblings as like not communicating from a point of oneness and equality...but as like being in a constant battle against each other where we choose to argue each other no matter what...as like the game is within finding points to disagree upon and trying to make the other sound stupid by being stupid.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for desiring to communicate from the starting point of creating an energetic high experience within myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realising and understanding my self righteousness within allowing myself to speak within and as a position of superiority and to within this create a friction energy charge within myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for being offensive within my communication with my siblings and others from the point of speaking words in polarity relations as like using words as weapons so to deliberately instigate reactionary responses where I am receiving energy as like points of winning by making my siblings react...as like getting high off the reactions I am generating within my siblings.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for desiring to generate reactions within my siblings.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having created a patterned tendency to go back and forth with my siblings in and as a form of competitive communication where we are feeding each other words as energetic charges...and it's a battle to see who can be the king of the castle as like the ultimate winner/word zinger...as like the king of smack talk and shutdowns.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realising and understanding the differences within playing with words within communication as a point of funny ridiculous sharing as an expression of who I am as what's best for Life and communicating from the point of reaction as like desiring to achieve an end result experience of getting high off the words I speak.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to get excited within communicating from and as the starting point of polarity friction energy within myself as like allowing myself to be speaking from the starting point of getting the buzz I want...as like a drug addict scoring drugs.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for neglecting my best communication within and as desiring to get high within and while communicating.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for making communication with my siblings to be a war of words disguised as cleverness intelligence that is veiled in separation and win/lose relations.
I realise and understand that the real fun and funny sharing of communication with my siblings comes when I am taking responsibility for my words and I am speaking the words as I am here...as like accountability for me as living words...and within this...there is no end game desire of scoring a high energy reaction...it's just about sharing the words I am as a point of funny/silly ridiculousness as the expression I am...as a giving I like to receive...as a treating others how I like to be treated...and within this....I see and realise the real funny as myself sharing moments of silly ridiculousness where I am standing one and equal with and as the silly/funny ridiculousness....as I realise and understand that real funny cannot exist if there is separation within the words...as that then becomes a form of abusive communication as like a form of attack...as like a putdown/shutdown stemming from friction within myself as like a not realising and understanding myself here in the moment.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for arguing within and as a starting point of reaction.
I forgive myself for not realising and understanding that I lose sight of the funny within arguing from a starting point of reaction as I realise and understand reactions to be a point of personal acceptance and allowance as a reflection of the nature of relationship with myself...and therefore to be arguing from the starting point of reaction is to be existing within and as self inflicted conflict....which is really quite ridiculous if you consider the fact that You are choosing to fight with yourself...I mean how absurd is it to deliberately battle yourself...as like thinking that it is even possible to really beat yourself...and conquer yourself...into a position of ultimate winning status that only comes as a result of giving yourself as serious ass kicking...I mean, like what the fuck.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realising and understanding the extent to which conflict has existed within myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realising and understanding that arguing from and as a starting point of reaction is a choosing to fight myself...as like a justifying of separation within myself.
I realise and understand the absurd ridiculousness of choosing to argue a a point of reaction based responsiveness.
I realise and understand that kicking my own ass can be avoiding by choosing to spot arguing as self defensive ingrained reaction.
I realise and understand that I do not require to defend myself from myself...because I realise and understand that I am not attacking myself....and within this I realise and understand the point of taking things personally as a point/clash of victimization within the realms of superiority/inferiority.
I realise and understand the back and forth of the energy dance of separation...as like a trying to balance out inequality...where separate points are competing for hierarchical status.
I realise and understand arguing is like a really bad joke that's really disappointing and unfortunate when neither party involved in an argument see's that they are a Joke.
I realise and understand arguing as a point of ridiculous absurdity that is really funny.
I realise and understand that wanting to argue with someone is like not getting that You are a Joke.
I realise and understand that it is fun and funny to Joke when You and the other person involved realise and understand Yourselves as Jokers sharing and making jokes as a point of fun and funny within self-expression.
When and as I see myself wanting to argue from the starting point of having a reaction to words I hear, I stop and breathe and I realise and understand there is a point of self reflection as gift that is being provided to me as insight within the words I reacted to...as this is the point of self realisation where I am faced with the nature of my acceptances and allowances...I seize the opportunity and take the gift that is being provided to me as insightful self-realisation as I realise and understand the words that triggered me are a point of support for me seeing and realising how I require to re-align the programming of the words to equality and oneness as I realise and understand the limitation as reaction/argument within accepting and allowing words to exist in polarity friction relations as opposite charges.
I commit myself to seeing the funny within arguments as absurd ridiculousness.
I commit myself to exposing ridiculously absurd acceptances and allowances.
I commit myself to seeing the funny in moments of reaction as like the point of self correction as the funny aha moment as I get and got the point here...as realisation and understanding.
Oh yeah, I almost forgot: Arguing is like a couple of dictators going at it...which means, "penis potato fuckers" WTF?
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