Day 488 Undermining My Own Authority

So, the point has surface this evening with regards to this law paper I am writing about justice and dominance with regards to distributive means.

The point being, that I am doubting myself as source authority within writing.  Like, I doubt the validity of my own words, well not really doubting the validity of my own words directly,....but more so doubting and questioning how my essay will be received by professor/teaching assistance who is grading my paper. I doubt the teacher/teaching assistant.....like I see here that I have accepted and allowed myself to be in conflict with school professor/teaching assistant from the perspective that I regard myself as superior intellect, yet I am trying to qualify my intellect to them, and I worry sometimes that the grading of my paper will reflect their reaction to my reading, as like I will get a really good grade if they agree with what I said and how I said it, and I will will get a less than stellar grade if my point if not agreed with.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for separating myself from my professor and teaching assistant.  I realize and understand that writing university papers is like writing papers to myself in another life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for judging myself in polarity based comparison to my professor/teaching assistant.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for playing the self righteous superiority/inferiority game.  I realise and understand what a mind fuck it is to accept and allow the polarity energy game of self righteous superiority/inferiority.

I forgive myself for not realizing and understanding how I was indirectly doubting my own words as the resulting consequence of accepting and allowing myself to judge myself in relationship to my professor and Teaching Assistant. I realize and understand how I mind fucked myself within entertaining polarized judgement within myself.  I realize the ridiculousness of accepting and allowing myself to exist within doubt as a result of accepted and allowed self-judgement.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for believing I need to regulate my doubts as like a form of control methodology within my mind based upon ascertaining a polarized degree of self-righteousness within myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for doubting my professor/teaching assistant's ability to comprehend my words.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for assuming that my words will be received in conflict.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for assuming and obsessing about worst possible scenario's with regards to the submission of my writing assignment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for thinking that I must dumb my writing down in order to not cause problems within my school assignments.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for thinking that it is safer for me to dumb my writing down, as like to not cause any reactions within my university evaluators...and like just kind of produce a mediocre paper that doesn't really challenge the system structures and operating platforms.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for thinking that I should really minimize my thoughts and perspectives within writing university papers and just focus on utilizing the course material readings, and basically regurgitate the curriculum back to the evaluator as the way of illustrating my basic comprehension of course material.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fearing failure within utilizing my own observations and critical analysis/examination of scholars words who I happen to disagree with.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for disregarding my authority within having the ability to effectively illustrate that I disagree with scholarly work....and being able to do so in a manner that is eloquently phrased and well regarded by the professor and or teaching assistant.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fearing to be too creative within my essay writing.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fearing to be penalized and poorly graded for being creative in garnering fresh and unique insights/perspective/consideration that are not commonly expressed within course assignments.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be a copy cat within writing university essays within the perspective of fearing to be totally unique and creative within my responses....like fearing to be too different from my peers...and therefore, as a result of the fear, thinking and believing that I must tailor my responses to be in uniform alignment with what I believe to be the "correct generic response" that has already been considered and regarded as "the answer".

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fearing to be penalized and poorly graded/marked within creating new answers to questions I see as challenging and expanding upon the scholarly sources within the course curriculum.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for doubting my ability to articulate obvious common sense in such a way that it is so apparent and clear to whoever is reading or listening to my words.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for doubting my ability to be coherent within writing and verbal communication.

When and as I see myself writing my school papers and I react/judge/fear a thought about how my paper will be graded/received, I stop and breathe, I realize and understand my ability to communicate coherently and my strong ability to articulate obvious common sense. I realize and understand the absurd ridiculousness of mind fucking myself with self induced judgement within hypothetical what if scenarios from the perspective of reacting to the particular outcomes of hypothetical what if scenarios.

When and as I see myself doubting my words, I stop and breathe, I realize and understand the fear within doubt as a form of ridiculousness. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fearing myself.  I direct myself to stand one and equal with the words I speak.  I realize and understand the ridiculousness of separating myself within my words.

When and as I see myself placing myself in conflict with professor/teaching assistant, I stop and breathe, I realise and understand the absurd ridiculousness of deliberately believing myself to be in conflict with professor/teacher.

When and as I see myself creating conflict within my mind about completing school assignment, I stop and breathe, I realize and understand the absurd ridiculousness of polarizing the relationship towards completing school assignments. I realize the ridiculousness of perpetuating conflict within myself.

I commit myself to completing my school assignment within and as a starting point of authority.

I commit myself to standing as authority.

I commit myself realizing and understanding the authority of Equality and Oneness.

I commit myself to self-direction as an authority of what's best for all Life.

I commit myself to removing all conflict from within myself.