Day 479 Some Resistance to Writing My Blog Tonight

I've gotten into the habit the last little while, where I write my blog towards the very end of my evening, like just before I go to bed. And the point came up tonight of me thinking about not writing my blog, thinking that I'm too tired. And it's really a bullshit reason justification, because it's earlier today than it's been written the last few days, and also, I was lounging around for some time after dinner, and ya, there's no real valid excuse for me not to write my blog.  It's actually quite ridiculous for me to be thinking about not writing my blog within and as the consistency of daily participation because I realize and understand the assistance and support I give to myself within honoring the commitment to write for myself.

I noticed this evening that I had some mild reactions towards my Dad, and that I held onto a couple of judgments about my dad as the following :

I judged my Dad as being impatient and always in a rush

I judged my Dad as self-righteous within communication as like always playing energy games to perpetuate the experience of giving himself a positive energy experience within word exchanges, as like deliberately creating conflict where the belief within his own self-righteousness is so strong that he cannot ever lose and that he is always instigating abuse.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for accepting and allowing myself for having had some resistance to looking at these specific judgments as particular character personality traits that I have in fact perpetuated within myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be impatient within myself and rushing within myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding my Dad as a teacher of assistance and support for me, because even the littlest of a reaction I have towards him, is showing me my character flaws.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for holding onto the self-righteous conviction as the belief that I cannot lose an argument and that I can only win arguments.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for believing that anyone can in fact be a winner within having reactions.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for playing energy games within communication with others as a result of having conflict within myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for judging myself for being self-righteous within communication.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for reacting to the realization that in some ways I am just like my Dad.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not wanting to look and investigate the accepted and allowed  friction I have accepted and allowed within myself towards my Dad.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realising and understanding that resisting to write is a point of hiding as like not wanting to face myself within a point that has the possibility of being exposed within and as the starting point of self-honesty, self-trust, and self responsibility.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for being surprised when points are realized within myself sometimes, as like, wow, I can't believe I didn't realize I was doing that...it should be so obvious to see what I have been doing this whole time. I realise and understand the process of self-realization and self-correction is extensive and that humbleness is a great tool for me within moving through a point without getting stuck in any sort of reaction in relation to the point I am seeing which is new in a particular moment.  I realise I require to practically sort out points as any reactions within the moment, because allowing myself to hold onto reactions as points I will try to sort out later has a compounding effect that is unnecessary stress and weight on the body.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having difficulty in acknowledging my image and likeness to my parents.

I commit myself to seeing the point that I resist opening up within moments of resistance towards writing/vlogging.

I commit myself to investigating all points where there is resistance and or reaction.

I forgive myself for accepting and for believing that I don't need to further investigate relationship with father because I already walked an extensive investigation into my relationship with my father in the past.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding the accumulation effect of writing as a point of support within and as the point of expansion, as like new dimensions of a point opening up that were not able to be previously seen because there were so many other points that required to be given attention within writing in order to get to the present writing's.


When and as I see myself holding onto judgement, I stop and breathe, I let the judgement go, I realise and understand my self responsibility to forgive myself myself in the moment for accepting and allowing these point of judgement within myself.  I realise and understand the point of self-responsibility within releasing judgments.

When and as I have resistance to blogging or vlogging, I push myself to just do it, and realize these are the moments where I strengthen my momentum within process of self-realization and self-correction as like the moments where I chose to stand instead of falling as like the real-time physical movement within and as the process journey to Life.