Day 774 - I am a Blogger and Vlogger

 


I am a Blogger.

I am a Vlogger.

I blog and vlog as a point of support.

Support for myself and others in the world.

The starting point in blogging and vlogging is also a track record and statement of my process/progress in taking self-responsibility.

I see realize and understand the process of taking self-responsibility to be quite the process indeed.

Self-forgiveness is an integral part of my process of self-realization and self-responsibility here.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having to an extent not really substantiated the point within myself here as, "I am a blogger and I am a Vlogger."

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to resist totally owning the point of Yes, I am a Blogger, and Yes, I am a Vlogger.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to neglect the value I see within process Blogging and Vlogging.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself  to have hidden a suppression within myself about being a blogger and a vlogger, as like not something I would want to admit to anyone, as like a point that I accepted and allowed to be a sort of weakness...weakness from the perspective of my accepted and allowed relationship within the point and the self-judgement and fear in relationship to others as the thinking that maybe i won't have the words to explain myself or that my words might be misconstrued.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to resist owning the expression and living of myself as a Blogger and Vlogger, as these points being integral to the lifestyle in which is me here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding how I feared to express myself to anyone and everyone as a blogger and vlogger, to have a willingness and openness to discuss and share. And within this, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear criticism, conflict, and ridicule.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having been very fearful about opening myself up to others in my world to tell them about myself as a blogger and vlogger, where i would rather a person for the most part discover my blog or vlog as a result of them searching for something specific that i happened to write about.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for rationalizing fears within my mind as reasoned justifications as to why I cannot have complete transparency about myself being a Blogger and Vlogger.  I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize and understand how I have self-righteously fogged my clarity at times within a sort of realm of superiority like thought that has been perpetuated within my very own accepted and allowed inferiority and accepted and allowed self-judgement and inadequacy.  I realize and understand the ridiculousness within and as the sort of web of lies I have told myself to perpetuate peculiar points of dissonance/fear within myself.

When and as I see myself fearing to share who I am, I stop and breathe, I look at the point I am in fear about, I stand within in it, I allow myself to face it and transcend it in the moment, by in fact stopping myself to run away in reaction on a point of energy that comes up within me in a moment as the fear construction and suppression point.  I commit myself to trusting in my best judgement and discernment in my moment to moment communications.  I commit myself to slowing down within myself, to stop the tendency to run and hide within fear based behavior patterns where my speech/words become rushed and less than my best potential and expression and sharing of who I really am.

I commit myself to Blogging for life as a lifestyle point of who and how I am within the world here.

I commit myself to Vlogging as point just like Blogging.

I commit myself to sharing my process journey to life here within and as Blogging and Vlogging

I commit myself to reinvigorating my passion for Blogging and Vlogging.

Day 763 - What Moves You?

 


Have you ever noticed a pull or a push inside yourself towards or away from something....like a motivation or a lack of motivation to move/participate within something? Like for instance; to get up off the couch and clean the dishes....or getting out of bed and getting going.....or joining in for an activity you've been invited to participate within.

Have you ever noticed that you can actually take a moment and look at the pull/push that exists within you towards or away from participation within a particular point.....This Looking is a Real time Living in the Moment Look....And, within this seeing Here, there exists an opportunity to step out of the polarity flip flop of push/pull energetic definition.  How does this opportunity exist? The first step is in identifying, being honest about the push/pulll bias that exists....and then from here, deliberately challenging oneself to in the moment go beyond the barrier/control of the push/pull resistance that has been created in one's own mind as the programming definition.  It's interesting, because is like a point of swimming, because you are moving into new waters so to speak....it's funny because the water has always been here....and you've always had access to this area of swimming....yet due to the self imposed restraints....self has had restricted access and an accepted and allowed inability to actually express that response and ability and navigate through that space in time.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding how I self-censor my response abilities to express myself and to create a world that is best for all life.

I forgive myself for not realizing and understanding that every time i submit myself into an accepted and allowed self-submission, as a real self-suppression....by resisting to stand out and direct myself out of being pulled or pushed into or out of something as like a sort of accepted and allowed fight and conflict within myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for being very very defensive about getting involved within things and participating within things that i am being asked to join in, and take part within.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing how defensive i can be within my mind of thoughts/feelings/emotions, and how so much so this has hindered my ability to really listen, look, and hear what is here....because of the accepted and allowed Fear/Defensiveness nature of my accepting and allowed mind conditioning.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for tricking myself into my own self-victimization through a sort of buying into the belief of and as my very own justified self-righteous indignation that i have professed to myself as gospel as the making sense of the push/pull experience i find myself in.....and within this...I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not really even making sense of myself within my experiences...but rather contain myself in a sort of self-censorship bubble of my very own comfort zone.

I realize and understand the absurd ridiculousness of fearing to face my own discomfort.

I realize and understand how I have conditioned myself through my mind to self-censor my potential by defining my comfort zone within the spectrum of fear energy knowing control.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fearing to lose control...I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding how out of control this world/my life is within and as a result of being influenced to move only be a polarity friction.  I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing that this very movement is a grand statement of accepted and allowed suppression...lack of understanding.....fear.....self-victimization......mind control.

I commit myself to examining/investigating my self-defined boundaries as like the basis of my self-created bubble shield from all of existence here.

I commit myself to equalizing myself with all Life here.  I commit myself to removing the the conflict from myself as the walls/boundaries i have created as my defense system.

I commit myself to challenge and engage others to break through their self-created bubbles.

I commit myself to the process of self-movement.
I realize myself movement to by like an ongoing stretching of sorts as like it is challenging at times to push myself through my own stiffness/stubbornness/rigidness....and it;s actually like a labored stretch to move beyond the boundary i created myself to be stuck within....so the stretching i see is like a sort of climbing for myself....climbing up and out of self-created suppression/depression in various ways.

I realize this climbing within myself here as like the stretching movement, is so much so a self-direction in the moment....because i notice my body is always telling me where i am sort of out of alignment/strained within myself...and so the stretching movement...and directing myself into participating in different actions in my world, is like a sort of ironing out the kinks/dissonance within myself, as like the making and unfolding of actual potential here.  I commit myself to work/play with the process here of self-movement/self-direction.

Day 640 Tree Planting Chapter 4 In Your Face Self-Reflection

Tree Planting Chapter 4 In Your Face Self-Reflection

So, I find it interesting to see and realize that deep down within our self we all desire the very same thing(s). That is what is Awesome.

Now,  the meticulous detailed specifics of what is awesome may vary slightly as there is so much that encompassed the awe of awesome.

I was working with 2 fellow planters today...doing a bit of extra work..."overtime" if you will...as this was our "day off" from planting before our next shift of planting begins...this was a little special mission that we volunteered to take on. Points that stand out from this special mission is the fact that we all expressed the desire to have our own land...and the desire to work the land...and utilize what the land is able to produce...now this is interesting that we were talking about this as we were planting life into the land. Now, we also talked about the point of building our own homes on the land...and one of the guys has gotten himself some specific training in how to build log homes.  I had researched about straw bale houses...and he was familiar.

Now, point of my sharing here is on the topic of self reflection here...as that deep down we are all the same and we all want the same things at a very basic nature...like for instance our own home and our own land to produce food for example...now where things get a little individualized with wants is in the area of actual hobbies....activities...as like a form of education and entertainment play and pursuits of development and expression as like how we choose to utilize our free time.

This leads me here to sharing about the brutal truth of my self reflection this afternoon and this evening with regards to acceptance of self here...and the desire to be validated by another self here....as an equal.

This point comes up in specific relation to the nature of the relationship that exists with alcohol here within our human culture. Alcohol is like the social lube...as like the coming together acceptance and allowance...that as we share this drink together we can in turn socialize and validate one another within sharing this depressive drink...now I say depressive drink because scientifically it is fact that alcohol exists as a depressant....and the point of alcohol being regarded as something the majority of humans like to have and share with one another as a point of bonding is rather sad...and most unfortunate.

Now, I realized at quite a young age...that my use of alcohol was for these specific purposes...that it was a way for me to feel more comfortable interacting with others...as like feeling like I belong more with others here...and that alcohol was a drink I referred to as liquid courage...as like I could use the alcohol to say whatever I felt like...as like a way to feel like I am temporarily opening myself up....and also the fact that now I had a point in common with all these other people at a basic level of socializing from and as the perspective that they too are full of fear suppression and drink the alcohol as a point of wanting to have a good time and enjoy oneself.

Now, here in the tree planting culture in which I am immersed within ...alcohol is hugely popular. Drugs are also not uncommon. Pot is about as common as cigarette smoking...arguably less popular than it was some years ago...though...smoking in general is also quite popular among tree planters.

Now,  it is interesting to me...because I have had much resistance to wanting to put in much face time around others while engaging in socializing with alcohol. It's interesting because the socializing that occurs for the most part is in relationship to the drugs and the alcohol...as like the necessary fuel to unwind and have a good time....like it is the good time medicine.

What is interesting to reflect upon is how I, in the past regarded marijuana as my medicine. Like, I needed my weed to be OK...I can recall saying that I would be OK with being any where in the world...specifically...i believe I stated that I could be anywhere as long as I had my weed...and look at the point...here....that my stability...and comfort...and ability to be at one within myself...i believed to be totally dependent upon my ability to have my medicine...It's interesting because I regarded weed medicine as like quite powerful and strong stuff that was really helping me expand myself.

What's interesting about all this reflection here...is that there was a hesitance within me about actually looking at my starting point for my indulgence within substances.

Also...the point of intimately seeing others as me too. Like seeing and realizing and understanding my Self responsibility in communicating and socializing with others as a point of support and assistance for myself/others here.

What's interesting to see, is how easy it has been for me to go into a self-righteous character and cast out blame projections towards others as like a self-hypothesized theorized justification as how the others are just too fucked and that there ability to really give a shit and change their outlook is just so limited and that it is really a waste of my time to socialize with these depressed/suppressed/hippy drug and alcohol users who believe it's all good man and that things are cool and there all about having a good time and experiencing the good feelings within the right now of consciousness energy...as like just focus on the positive man...and ya lets just hang out together and party...have our drink and just have a good time.

"See", what is interesting about all this, ...., is, this is me facing me here.

What do I mean when and as I say..."this is me facing me here?"

I mean, this is me, facing myself here.

See, everyone here is me and you.

You is me and me is you.

The tough pill to swallow if you will, is that once you actually "dare to investigate" the extent of our self here...and question what is best for all life here....there is no turning back...like...there is a point of a certain strength of character required in honoring life here...and facing the challenges here, such as fellow humans within immense self-suppression...that there is a duty of care required here...to speak to, and as the strength of each persons character...regardless of how suppressed and buried it may very well be....SEE, Here...is and as our ability to "Live" the words we Speak as a Visible example within our community as the Question, the Answer and the Solution.

Like,

See here how my particular situation within my tree planting community brings about many questions: like; why i do not drink or do drugs.

Questions are a cool vehicle to getting somewhere.

Solutions are the best way to answer questions...as like a showing the way how to do something...so that another can have the point be explained and exemplified for them...so that there mind is totally clear within and as how the point can in fact actually be walked...like the will and the way have already been shown...what now opens up within an individual...another as self here...is that very point of having a tough pill to swallow with regards to and as the truth of and as our self reflection here....our Self "in" "to" "me" "I" "see".

Day 634 Creative Word "Adjustment"

Ok, I feel tight and cramped…like my muscles are strained maybe a bit from the walking I did but I think more so it has to do with the consecutive days in which I have been hunched in front of the computer…like no real accountability for the pose as the post that I was expressing…it’s like I just kind of was in a slumped and slouched position because I believed that I had to…that I didn’t want to work at expressing myself in those particular moments at the computer…it’s like I justified that I shouldn’t have to express myself while sitting down…it’s like my whole relationship with sitting down is out of wack…like somehow…I’ve disregarded my back and shoulders…and the core area of my body…my stomach and ab muscles….like really neglecting my ass muscles too…like really not caring to utilize my self-strength and stamina…beating myself up within the belief…as like avoiding the effort of work that it would take to hold myself up within my seat…and I’ve looked at the point of posture before and realized the significance of posture being the pose and post you are…as a poster of and as yourself expression position in how you are aligned within the physical body…what I neglected to see was the justification as to why I really resist supporting myself within my sitting…well I see here how I’ve justified it within believing like ok well I am sitting at the table using my computer and the couch is positioned this way and my laptop is here so I really have no other choice but to bend over…and sulk…and it’s; ridiculous…that I have subscribed to such a belief and idea…justification…because I am capable of Adjustment…Adjusting my positioning and the things in my environment to make sure that when and as I am working with things in my environment I do not necessarily strain myself as a result of being resistant to Adjusting my stance and balance positioning…like it is actually a point of learning to freestyle my self-expression in and as the point of Adaptation…meaning, seeing how I can live myself here in and as the self-expression of Premier Performance….as yes, if I neglect giving myself Premier Positioning within and as the way that I seat myself from moment to moment…like what the fuck…obviously I see the point here where I actually have to give a fucking concern about myself here and my physicality and direct myself to stop half assing my seating…I mean, I am responsible for where and how I sit in every moment here...because how I sit…relates to and as my ability to eat…as I often eat in my seat…and to further the point I am getting at…is my home is where I am at…and I am at home when I sit...and rest…I am, at home always wherever I am …I am here…so the question and answer is why would I allow myself to fuck with my personal living in home comfort deliberately…I mean, really...Is it too much effort for me to really make sure…and take the time and effort to give myself the comfort of myself movement…as the moves and positioning that really support me living here…I mean yes this is it…this is the point here… is that for me to live here in a practical physical way…I got to be self-responsibility as like a point of and as self-managing my physical body here…like me as the driver of my body here…gots to make the effort to not over work particular parts of my body...and take the time to utilize and exercise my strength in physical body positioning…by playing within and as my creative self-expression here,…I mean within and as the self-realization here…it’s always play time ..regardless of what work and self-responsibilities are required…because it’s who I am within and as how I move myself and how I station myself in sitting to do a particular task…so Yes, I see that it’s all me in being here and yes there is point of and as meticulous detail that describes me as an artistic expression. As like yes how I sit here up right at my computer for the first time in some time…and I allow myself to flow as a point of strength building in my character as I reflect on and as the words I write…to make my application in self-discipline more tight….removing the looseness in and as my character flaws/weakness…by exposing myself to myself as all is always exposed…and slowing down to notice myself here and see…hey this is what’s been going on in me…I see realize and understand how to self-correct my misalignments…I’ve through and as my writing myself here…reasoned and rationalized in a self-supportive way as to how I have been behaving and what I have to say about my behaviour…and see here how I can add refinement to my behaviour as like the living definition of my words as the creativity in and as my self-expression…as me music here…in my play working together as I use this method of mediumship…meaning writing as a structured tool of support to look at me as what exists within me as my structured word relationship as the self-reflection of what the fuck is going on…and so yo, this has been a cool point of adjustment…ADD Just Meant…Adjustment.,….A just meant…meaning a nobleness to the meaning in which I speak/live…move…as the self-governing body maintenance…as I see realize and understand myself here as a word body mechanic…the basic mechanics is like basic mathematics…and the intricacies are here...as yes there are many variables and relationships at play…but the funny thing is, is that I am in the process of simplification…so that anything that seems overtly difficult and strenuous as like a real strain on my physical beingness…is because I am not effectively and correctively aligned within and as the point of simplicity as my epitome Equality and Oneness starting point of creation here…as the core of my beingness stems from and as the roots of and as Physical Equality and Oneness...that is and as my bark as my voice embodiment of me here as the living words….ok yo…so I just added in this little bit after the first initial looking investigation at the word Adjustment...see this is what is so cool in playing with words…is the we have aha I see…I going to flow and go and just see what I do as I do what I do as I trust myself to play and explore for real as yes I say oh galore…I really do enjoy the galore of knowing there is so much more…meaning this continuous on going opportunity of me to self-direct the creative playing of and as myself-expression physical movement from moment to moment…as like yo the style and grace to a self-dynamic directive flow…in and as I decide how to decision my precious precision as the surgeon doctoring the practical living words…like the recipes and the remedy’s as the spelling so it is sewed together so we remember our roots so we can pull out the weeds so we're not burning away the buds and the stems as thinking there is some divine higher spiritual power up in the clouds up in smoke as like just needing a toke as the way to get to nirvana as like some sort of dive intervention...thinking I got gods herbs…not realizing I’ve been lying as like even facing the spelling of the lie is tricky because it’s difficult to comprehend in the beginning because in a way it facing your death and your end…and so you can begin to re-plant the tree that you are…as like re-nourish the essence of and as our true beginning and our core structure foundation as our natural learning ability comes through as ya it’s an effortless flow when and as we develop the basic core vocabulary to have the bricks in place to be a master builder demonstrating the harmonical rhythmics of and as our words being the building blocks that shape the fabric of and as our fabrications here…and its interesting because I’ve only really just begun to explore the depth of my character in and as my physical body Adjustment...as like stepping out of mind indebt servitude to an equal and one play field role play...where I am the synthesizer as mc mc master music maker as I am alive with organs...and no I don’t need no transplants…because I planted the seeds within me as the words oh so proper this time because I put the o’s in and as my orgasmic expression as I blast from moment to moment as I spray with and as what I say because this word play comes out the mouth Like a faucet I am a fountain facet of expression living the who I am in and as the moment to moment application that yo yo Osho exemplified in and as his portal turn sharing moment self-expression. The word Adjustment here is what I got myself started with here,…because I could see my body posture positioning needed Adjustment…as yes the consequence of all my slouching behaviour…and go figure I was getting tired of slouching all the time…it’s like trying to hold yourself up without really holding yourself up…I mean its quite ridiculous when you think about it…because I need to be up and in position to move myself in action as the living actionable words I write…and so by barely holding myself upright in position by neglecting the stability of my core as the focal point of my stability…how am I able to really flow in and as my ability to play…I mean Premier Performance is really lacking when the core support structure is virtually non-existent as a main consideration in the games I play in being here as the expression I make in participation within and as my self-response-abilities.

Day 580 Gifting Myself within Self-Reflection

Continuing from my previous blog:

"I teach a particular child once a week for many consecutive weeks and this particular child reflects the points that I have attempted to hide from myself and what is interesting about this...is that I've resisted to investigate the extensiveness to which this child reflects points that exist within myself. So much so, that in many moments I would simply try to ignore the sounds coming from this particular child, because I was trying to protect myself from facing the points of self-correction within myself that are most unfortunate...and in this way...I see and realize my minds tendency within my self-created auto defense systems as a way to prevent me from really facing the roots of a point within total self-reflection...

So this particular child so clearly embodies the point of stimulation for self-satisfaction and is quite effective in directing/orchestrating his own personal self-stimulation and amusement as his constant continuous motion without particular regard for how his desire for self-stimulation and self-satisfaction impacts and influences those around him."


I see how throughout my life time I've been quite effective in directing/orchestrating my own personal self-stimulation and amusement as my constant and continuous motion without particular regard for how my desire for self-stimulation and self-satisfaction impacts and influences those around me.



The questions come up within myself: 



"Is it not each individual's self-responsibility to direct our individual self-stimulation....self-satisfaction...and amusement?"



"Is it wrong for me to exist the way I have existed?"



"Am I trying to justify self-interested pre-occupation when in fact I exist in a time/space reality that requires extensive assistance and support in re-aligning the framework rules to support what is best for all Life."



"Do I fear letting go of my personal self-interest?"



"What else do I know besides my personal self-interest?"



"How would I exist here if I moved out of a desire based starting point of self-interest pre-occupation?"



"Should not the point of living here be for everyone to have the opportunity to investigate and explore their personal self-interests?"



"Why am I resistant to fully letting go of my personal self-interests when I know and realize our shared reality requires serious changes in order to assist and support all Life here as what is best? Would this not be a point of serious change?"



"Do I see how I argue for my own self-imposed limitation within justifying/desiring to spend my time within recreational/leisurely pursuits when our shared reality requires intensive labor investigative pursuits in order to stop the heinous abuse that is perpetuated as a result of disregarding what is best for all Life here?"



"Why have I allowed myself to regard my-self as separate from everything else here?"



"Is believing Self to be separate from everything else here easier to justify the use of blame and abdication of personal self-responsibility and self-accountability"



"Do I see how I have not really understood the extent of self-interest in the greatest most profound sense because I resisted living from the starting point of Equality and Oneness in every moment?"



"Do I see how self-interest from a starting point of self being separate from everything here creates a disharmony as a cognitive dissonance to the understanding and self-realization of what is best for all Life here...and how regard for self-interest in the most profound sense is the regard for what's best for all Life...as that's the best self-interest....the only real self-interest....because anything else is less than considering all Life One and Equal Here?"

Day 551 Teacher Student Relations

I experienced a little bit of agitation, frustration, annoyance and irritation within teaching ski lessons today.

The scenarios's that triggered these incidences were when a student or students were causing the rest of the class to wait upon them. What bothered me was that the student or students seemed to have no regard for how their particpations effective the rest of the class.

I see how in these particular incidences I briefly allowed myself to take the events personally and go into a form of reaction/judgement where I victimized myself as a result of the particular events unfolding.

Also I see how I directed blame towards the students in thinking that they ought to know better.

I see how in the particular incidences I lacked empathy and consideration. I see how I momentarily disempowered myself by taking the unfolding of the events personally.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for justifying the self-victimization of myself within taking the unfolding of events personally.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for justifying agitation, frustration, irritation and annoyance as a result of participating within the blame and judgement of accepting and allowing myself to be triggered/stimulated by people.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for existing within and as the superiority character within participating as a ski instructor/teacher.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding how I have created a cognitive dissonance towards my students within taking on a superiority personality as being the teacher/instructor. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding the equality within student/teacher relations and that I am in fact always both the teacher and the student as like I am also learning from the students as the students also stand within and as the role of teacher.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for getting annoyed, frustrated, angered and irritated within the incidences where I assumed/believed/perceived that the students ought to know better. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding myself as the student within these particular incidences and how I know better that to judge/assume and create a form of logical self-manipulation within myself as a way to justify and validate separation and the abuse of energetic accumulation within myself. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for being inconsiderate towards my students within thinking they ought to know better. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for projecting blame, anger, agitation , frustration, annoyance and irritation.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for being spiteful and self-righteous within thinking that my students ought to already know these particular things and within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having resistance to educating and informing others about things I believe and perceive that they ought to already know and understand. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for justifying resentmenttowards my students as a result of having accepted and allowed myself to participate within emotional energetic reactions towards my students.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for being selfish within my relationship with others within not fully wanting to give up superiority/inferiority relationship and place myself within their shoes as one and equal.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding how I have created moments of temporary hardship/burden in relationships with others as a result of not placing myself within and as the shoes/position of the being. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding the shame within being resistant/reluctant to place myself within and as the shoes/position of all beings within and as this world.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for being spiteful and self-righteous within neglecting to place myself in the position of each and every single being here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for only sometimes placing myself in the position of other being here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding the shame of only sometimes regarding the equality of Life here. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for being shameful and spiteful towards the equality and oneness of all Life here.

When and as I see myself looking at another being as separate from myself, I stop and breathe, I realize and understand there is a point of cognitive dissonance here as accepted and allowed manifested separation, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for creating a rift/separation between myself and another being here. I realize and understand the absurd ridiculousness in perpetuating experiences of cognitive dissonance. I commitmyself to removing all experiences of cognitive dissonance within myself.

When and as I see myself considering being angry, irritated, annoyed, agitated or frustrated, I stop and breathe, I realize and understand the disservice I do to Life within accepting and allowing myself to abuse life within the energetic reactions of anger, irritation, annoyance, agitation and frustration. I look to reflect upon the point within myself and see how a moment of opportunity opened up where a particular event/scenario unfolded as a lesson for me to learn from within seeing and realizing where/how/why self-correction is required within myself with specific regards to a particular point. I commit myself to walk the specificity of self-correction with specific regards to a particular point. I commit myself to utilizing the lessons/opportunity that are presented to me here in every moment to self-perfect my standing here within and as the equality and oneness of Life.

When and as I see myself formulating logical assumptions within my mind about others as like what I think/believe/perceive, I stop and breathe, I return the points within myself as I realize and understand this thinking/believing/perceiving is specific to what I have accepted and allowed to exist within my mind...and that it is my self-responsibility to remove the limitations of my thinking/believing/perceiving about others within myreality. I realize and understand the absurd ridiculousness of rationalizing and perpetuating the justification of judgement as a necessary thinking/believing/perceiving mechanism necessary to self-define others within a limited view. I realize and understand that holding onto limited views about others reflects that acceptance and allowance of self-suppression within myself. I commit myself to stop all forms of self-suppression within myself. I commit myself to investigate all forms of self-suppression. I commit myself to stop and prevent self-suppression within myself.

I commit myself to valuing and regarding All Life Equally.

I commit myself to Equality and Oneness within and as Teacher/Student....Student/Teacher relations.

Day 549 Facing the Drama Here

In my previous blog I said, "I don't really have much drama in my life if any." I reflected upon these words here and I see this as a result of me having been isolated within my own mind where I have been disconnected from the total physical reality here. Because the total reality of Life here is full of drama as like so much injustices/trauma/abuse existing here. Within this I see how it is my self-responsibility to face the music/drama here as all the injustices/abuse/trauma existing here. Like what is this Life I have here for if I do not stand up to do everything within my capabilities to stop abuse from existing here within our shared physical reality. I mean look at the way our economic system operates...like how human functioning is based in and around a peculiar relationship rules we've formed around money. Like life is totally disregarded in the name of money. I see how money can be a great tool to facilitate the movement/expression of Life. I realize and understand there needs to be a serious attitude adjustment...where we as humanity get our priorities aligned as what is best for all Life here. Because at the moment we've been actively or passively choosing to take the piss out of Life...as like just real total travesty...as like we've created a real muck of a gong-show scenario that has become quite the global epidemic of rapid destruction of Life/Earth here...as a result of being totally out of line in giving a shit for what is best here within and as our self-responsibility to care for one another and have a sustainable shared reality where we all reap the benefits of the common good.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for distancing myself from and as universal responsibility as seeing and realizing and understanding my relationship/agreement with all Life here as what is best for all Life here within and as the starting point principle of oneness and equality.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for becoming sheltered within my personal bubble of things are all good where I can have an easy like vacation style lifestyle because I was a fortunate winner in the birth lottery where I was born into a family of money/elitism...where basically I am benefiting from the atrocious abusive economic system where few benefit and many suffer.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having been hesitant and resistant to really push myself full force and dedicate my life living here to working on projects that would be for the benefit of future generations of Life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to get stuck within the all good attitude of focusing on my personal reality while disregarding and distracting myself from the greater outer reality as like the big picture within and as the consideration of Life interconnectedness within and as oneness and equality here where all Life is of and as the highest value.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for distracting and confusing myself from the big picture of what is going on within our global reality by choosing to allow myself to get caught up within moments of petty bullshit as like having reactions to others within my personal reality.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding the shame within deeming myself not worthy of taking on a large role within and as the standing here as a being who speaks up for what is best for all Life and directs and facilitates practical living solutions for the betterment of all Life here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding the shame within getting caught up within petty bullshit within my mind in relationship to events/beings within my immediate environment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for accepting and allowing myself for daydreaming about possible courses of action for myself without actually physically moving myself within and as practical living self-movement that is best for all Life here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for thinking that it is enough for me to be at peace/ease within the personal/interpersonal relationships within my reality.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for being selfish within not giving enough attention to directing/creating solutions for big picture world problems that exist within our reality. I realize and u understand that obviously in order for myself to be in a position of creating/directing big picture solutions for our shared reality that I have to stand effectively within all the small points/relationships as the personal and interpersonal relationship.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having justified not pushing myself to investigate all the atrocities that exist within our shared reality because I do not experience a desired positive energetic stimulationfrom doing so.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having been conditioned to only give my attention to that which I believe will give me a positive energetic experience. I realize and understand the design flaw within only focusing on the positive energetic experience...as this is the current predicament of humanity as like we are fueling the chaos/drama/abuse/disease within not realizing how we disregarding our equality and oneness within and as everything here.

To be Continued

Day 516 That ain't Cool

"The point came up today where I was saying that the world isn't very cool. Like there needs to be more coolness. I was saying how politicians and celebrities aren't cool at all, the education system isn't cool, war isn't cool, poverty/abuse/suffering isn't cool, pop culture isn't cool, societal norms aren't cool, commercials aren't cool....I went on to say I got to take self-responsibility for cool....because seriously things are not cool...like there's so much stuff that isn't cool. I was talking to family members about this point...and I kind of jokingly said I'm going to appoint myself the ambassador of cool...and then I started getting reactions from people saying that I got to be appointed by other people in order to be the ambassador...that I can't just declare myself it....that there is not validity to my claim if others are not validating my claim. I said, I  take self-responsibility as the presentation and embodiment of cool. I see it as a point of individual self-responsibility and self-trust. A self-agreement as commitment to the expression of what is best for all Life."

"The point of discussion veered towards seriousness as like seriousness being separated from cool...like the opposite of seriously cool...like seriousness became a point of uncool....where if you want to be taken seriously, you can't be cool...." (Day 507 Branding and Marketing)

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding that myself as a reflection of the world isn't very cool.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for thinking that I must submit myself to my shared environment as uncool.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for blaming myself and others for not being cool.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for getting frustrated with the lack of cool within myself/humanity.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for desiring a cool world.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think that if I don't desire a cool shared reality that a cool shared reality cannot become an actuality.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for wanting to believe that I'm all cool and that it's just all this separated shit here that is not cool, like that there's just a major majority of people that are uncool and thus I am suppressed as a result of being a part of a small minority of cool.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for believing that uncool can trump cool.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for resisting to see all the bullshit that exists within myself that is not cool.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for liking to take on the cool character as like ya I'm all cool, I ain't responsible for everything that is uncool, that ain't my fault that's all the other uncool people's fault.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for making myself within my mind to be Mr. Almighty Cool.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for for desiring to tell people how uncool they are and how much cool I am.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for believing that cool doesn't influence the uncool but uncool influences the cool.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for self-victimizing myself within this world as like accepting and allowing myself to be suppressed and hindered and just like totally indoctrinated with uncool propaganda and education that supports all that is not cool here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for desiring the uncool to tell me I am cool.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for desiring cool status within an uncool harsh reality.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for concerning myself with matters that are not cool.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for existing in reverse of what is cool in an attempt to be cool.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for desiring somebody else to come along that is just so cool and rally up awareness around what is cool here...like sprinkling the cool pixie dust onto everyone with their words as like creating some sorta abra kadabra presto open sesame they we have it cool manifested as factual physical reality.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for being addicted to taking offense to that which is not cool.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for resisting to taking the first step to directing that which is not cool by accepting myself here as that which is not cool.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for holding onto me as an individual ego persona of superiority that would totally die and cease to exist if I stepped down of my self appointed thrown of righteous coolness and actual took self-responsibility for everything that is not cool within myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for desiring to hold onto this heir of self-entitlement elitist status that connects and relates to the idea of myself as cooler than others.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for making reality out to be like the cool competition where there is only one almighty champion and then it's just derivative, just classes of loser and losing as like the closest finisher to me the champion is just the first one to be proclaimed the loser as I am the winner.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for thinking that it is wrong to appoint oneself as cool here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for thinking like how dare I think that I can just say I am the example of cool and that if you don't agree with me well that's just because you don't get it yet and your really not that cool, because if you get what I was saying you would be like ya your right it's fucking obvious were all the embodiment of cool here...and it's up to each of us to reclaim our status as cool which can only be done through the process of self-forgiveness and self-corrective applications...because that is the epitome of self-responsibility here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for expecting there to be some sort of programming manual for me to copy so that I can not worry and fear that I am fucking shit up right and then I don't really have to make any in the moment real time decisions, I just can believe myself to be great within and as the religion of self worship based upon subscribing to a particular culture of idea's that suits the personality suits I would like wear as my image as the way I imagine myself to be within my mind of self-righteous authoritarian rule.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having difficulty to live for real as like having no idea of what it really means to live here for real for eternity as like never wavering within doubt with flashes of energetic fluctuation as particular mental frameworks shape a freeze frame of myself going hard crystallized within myself as I submit within a mind-pattern of accepted and allowed auto-destruct.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for following the mind consciousness program of automation.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fearing to close the option and consideration of going into mind conscious auto pilot as like being in the back seat just watching the show that I'm reacting to, never realizing myself as the real time physical director of the whole game play.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing myself within the driver's seat of awareness as like it's all me here, that I am always working with me here as what I accept and allow as me here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for choosing to ignore the manual of acceptances and allowances I used as the particular memory impressions I formed to particular moments as like the energy juice I mined my physicality with as like my mind being the robotic miner that goes 24/7 always digging for more of myself to abuse as like constantly scratching an itch...and all the while me sitting in the backseat watching the show, believing things are taken care of for me that I'm on holidays and ya life's quite the trip while not realizing and understanding that why I've been calling Life a trip because I fell for the lie I sold myself as the reasoned justification that I spawned within having automated energetic experiences within every particular moment since as long as I can remember.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realising and understanding how uncool it is to refer to life as a trip as like this temporary ride where I am just a temporary problem so to speak in that eventually I will just auto-destruct because I wasn't built to last the testaments of time...more like due to lacking the integrity and focus in labored craftsmanship...subscribing to the fuck it philosophy and therefore buying stock within planned obsolescence, figuring and solidifying my time here as temporary so thinking that's just the design of how things are and I aint no designer, im just a product of some greater design that I gladly say and welcome with self-submission by praying and saying "at your service oh benevolent one, my inherent nature is a desire to serve...so just tell me what to do and then it is done...but give me the free will to choose how I serve because then I am blissfully ignorant within my own free will believing that I have free range to do anything, while not realising and understanding how I've just contributed to the perpetuation of  a giant super duper fuck up.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for resisting to work with my fellow fuckers here who have equally contributed to the fuckedness equation, because within coming to a starting point of oneness and equality within and as each of our opportunity here I can't point the blame fuck you middle finger any more and my life that I sold for a temporary trip here as the guaranteed experience of a Life time becomes null and void and I missed out on the deal of a life time.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for searching for and longing for cool as like the programmed code and guide how to be cool...while not realizing and understanding myself as the key maker here as realizing and understanding myself as the key to me...like I am the key to the kingdom of heaven...I am the door...I am the way...it's all within me here...and I am the only one who can grant me access...and whats funny and cool about this is that I cannot bullshit myself a granted access pass, meaning my sound as my word as my signature as the music that cannot be faked, I gotta be pure as the proven cure so that I can be sure I won't contaminate all that is pure ever again...and so I see as the intimacy is in to me...hehe, laugh as I face my accepted and allowed absurd ridiculousness as I have the aha moment of self-realizing and understanding this is source of my contamination that needs immediate remediation/reclamation as I unfuck the improper fucking I fucked myself with, as the very nature and core of my being had been penetrated without taking the necessary steps and precautions for the best fucking...and so there as the consequence of fucking as less than the best fucking, I see and realize how I raped myself.

To Be Continued