Day 551 Teacher Student Relations

I experienced a little bit of agitation, frustration, annoyance and irritation within teaching ski lessons today.

The scenarios's that triggered these incidences were when a student or students were causing the rest of the class to wait upon them. What bothered me was that the student or students seemed to have no regard for how their particpations effective the rest of the class.

I see how in these particular incidences I briefly allowed myself to take the events personally and go into a form of reaction/judgement where I victimized myself as a result of the particular events unfolding.

Also I see how I directed blame towards the students in thinking that they ought to know better.

I see how in the particular incidences I lacked empathy and consideration. I see how I momentarily disempowered myself by taking the unfolding of the events personally.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for justifying the self-victimization of myself within taking the unfolding of events personally.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for justifying agitation, frustration, irritation and annoyance as a result of participating within the blame and judgement of accepting and allowing myself to be triggered/stimulated by people.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for existing within and as the superiority character within participating as a ski instructor/teacher.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding how I have created a cognitive dissonance towards my students within taking on a superiority personality as being the teacher/instructor. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding the equality within student/teacher relations and that I am in fact always both the teacher and the student as like I am also learning from the students as the students also stand within and as the role of teacher.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for getting annoyed, frustrated, angered and irritated within the incidences where I assumed/believed/perceived that the students ought to know better. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding myself as the student within these particular incidences and how I know better that to judge/assume and create a form of logical self-manipulation within myself as a way to justify and validate separation and the abuse of energetic accumulation within myself. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for being inconsiderate towards my students within thinking they ought to know better. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for projecting blame, anger, agitation , frustration, annoyance and irritation.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for being spiteful and self-righteous within thinking that my students ought to already know these particular things and within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having resistance to educating and informing others about things I believe and perceive that they ought to already know and understand. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for justifying resentmenttowards my students as a result of having accepted and allowed myself to participate within emotional energetic reactions towards my students.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for being selfish within my relationship with others within not fully wanting to give up superiority/inferiority relationship and place myself within their shoes as one and equal.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding how I have created moments of temporary hardship/burden in relationships with others as a result of not placing myself within and as the shoes/position of the being. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding the shame within being resistant/reluctant to place myself within and as the shoes/position of all beings within and as this world.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for being spiteful and self-righteous within neglecting to place myself in the position of each and every single being here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for only sometimes placing myself in the position of other being here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding the shame of only sometimes regarding the equality of Life here. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for being shameful and spiteful towards the equality and oneness of all Life here.

When and as I see myself looking at another being as separate from myself, I stop and breathe, I realize and understand there is a point of cognitive dissonance here as accepted and allowed manifested separation, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for creating a rift/separation between myself and another being here. I realize and understand the absurd ridiculousness in perpetuating experiences of cognitive dissonance. I commitmyself to removing all experiences of cognitive dissonance within myself.

When and as I see myself considering being angry, irritated, annoyed, agitated or frustrated, I stop and breathe, I realize and understand the disservice I do to Life within accepting and allowing myself to abuse life within the energetic reactions of anger, irritation, annoyance, agitation and frustration. I look to reflect upon the point within myself and see how a moment of opportunity opened up where a particular event/scenario unfolded as a lesson for me to learn from within seeing and realizing where/how/why self-correction is required within myself with specific regards to a particular point. I commit myself to walk the specificity of self-correction with specific regards to a particular point. I commit myself to utilizing the lessons/opportunity that are presented to me here in every moment to self-perfect my standing here within and as the equality and oneness of Life.

When and as I see myself formulating logical assumptions within my mind about others as like what I think/believe/perceive, I stop and breathe, I return the points within myself as I realize and understand this thinking/believing/perceiving is specific to what I have accepted and allowed to exist within my mind...and that it is my self-responsibility to remove the limitations of my thinking/believing/perceiving about others within myreality. I realize and understand the absurd ridiculousness of rationalizing and perpetuating the justification of judgement as a necessary thinking/believing/perceiving mechanism necessary to self-define others within a limited view. I realize and understand that holding onto limited views about others reflects that acceptance and allowance of self-suppression within myself. I commit myself to stop all forms of self-suppression within myself. I commit myself to investigate all forms of self-suppression. I commit myself to stop and prevent self-suppression within myself.

I commit myself to valuing and regarding All Life Equally.

I commit myself to Equality and Oneness within and as Teacher/Student....Student/Teacher relations.

Day 488 Undermining My Own Authority

So, the point has surface this evening with regards to this law paper I am writing about justice and dominance with regards to distributive means.

The point being, that I am doubting myself as source authority within writing.  Like, I doubt the validity of my own words, well not really doubting the validity of my own words directly,....but more so doubting and questioning how my essay will be received by professor/teaching assistance who is grading my paper. I doubt the teacher/teaching assistant.....like I see here that I have accepted and allowed myself to be in conflict with school professor/teaching assistant from the perspective that I regard myself as superior intellect, yet I am trying to qualify my intellect to them, and I worry sometimes that the grading of my paper will reflect their reaction to my reading, as like I will get a really good grade if they agree with what I said and how I said it, and I will will get a less than stellar grade if my point if not agreed with.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for separating myself from my professor and teaching assistant.  I realize and understand that writing university papers is like writing papers to myself in another life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for judging myself in polarity based comparison to my professor/teaching assistant.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for playing the self righteous superiority/inferiority game.  I realise and understand what a mind fuck it is to accept and allow the polarity energy game of self righteous superiority/inferiority.

I forgive myself for not realizing and understanding how I was indirectly doubting my own words as the resulting consequence of accepting and allowing myself to judge myself in relationship to my professor and Teaching Assistant. I realize and understand how I mind fucked myself within entertaining polarized judgement within myself.  I realize the ridiculousness of accepting and allowing myself to exist within doubt as a result of accepted and allowed self-judgement.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for believing I need to regulate my doubts as like a form of control methodology within my mind based upon ascertaining a polarized degree of self-righteousness within myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for doubting my professor/teaching assistant's ability to comprehend my words.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for assuming that my words will be received in conflict.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for assuming and obsessing about worst possible scenario's with regards to the submission of my writing assignment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for thinking that I must dumb my writing down in order to not cause problems within my school assignments.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for thinking that it is safer for me to dumb my writing down, as like to not cause any reactions within my university evaluators...and like just kind of produce a mediocre paper that doesn't really challenge the system structures and operating platforms.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for thinking that I should really minimize my thoughts and perspectives within writing university papers and just focus on utilizing the course material readings, and basically regurgitate the curriculum back to the evaluator as the way of illustrating my basic comprehension of course material.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fearing failure within utilizing my own observations and critical analysis/examination of scholars words who I happen to disagree with.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for disregarding my authority within having the ability to effectively illustrate that I disagree with scholarly work....and being able to do so in a manner that is eloquently phrased and well regarded by the professor and or teaching assistant.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fearing to be too creative within my essay writing.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fearing to be penalized and poorly graded for being creative in garnering fresh and unique insights/perspective/consideration that are not commonly expressed within course assignments.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be a copy cat within writing university essays within the perspective of fearing to be totally unique and creative within my responses....like fearing to be too different from my peers...and therefore, as a result of the fear, thinking and believing that I must tailor my responses to be in uniform alignment with what I believe to be the "correct generic response" that has already been considered and regarded as "the answer".

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fearing to be penalized and poorly graded/marked within creating new answers to questions I see as challenging and expanding upon the scholarly sources within the course curriculum.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for doubting my ability to articulate obvious common sense in such a way that it is so apparent and clear to whoever is reading or listening to my words.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for doubting my ability to be coherent within writing and verbal communication.

When and as I see myself writing my school papers and I react/judge/fear a thought about how my paper will be graded/received, I stop and breathe, I realize and understand my ability to communicate coherently and my strong ability to articulate obvious common sense. I realize and understand the absurd ridiculousness of mind fucking myself with self induced judgement within hypothetical what if scenarios from the perspective of reacting to the particular outcomes of hypothetical what if scenarios.

When and as I see myself doubting my words, I stop and breathe, I realize and understand the fear within doubt as a form of ridiculousness. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fearing myself.  I direct myself to stand one and equal with the words I speak.  I realize and understand the ridiculousness of separating myself within my words.

When and as I see myself placing myself in conflict with professor/teaching assistant, I stop and breathe, I realise and understand the absurd ridiculousness of deliberately believing myself to be in conflict with professor/teacher.

When and as I see myself creating conflict within my mind about completing school assignment, I stop and breathe, I realize and understand the absurd ridiculousness of polarizing the relationship towards completing school assignments. I realize the ridiculousness of perpetuating conflict within myself.

I commit myself to completing my school assignment within and as a starting point of authority.

I commit myself to standing as authority.

I commit myself realizing and understanding the authority of Equality and Oneness.

I commit myself to self-direction as an authority of what's best for all Life.

I commit myself to removing all conflict from within myself.