Day 636 Relation Dynamics

Day by Day I am really beginning to appreciate all the moments of sharing that happen throughout the day. What I am realizing and understanding is how many moments are present to fully appreciate as a result of being here in myphysical body.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having disregarded the simplicity of physical participation.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding how small adjustments makes huge improvements.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding the amount of assistance and support I receive in my environment is always in fact equal to that which I in fact give to myself....actually...it's like the more I support myself, the more and more and more support and assistance that is available to me from those I share my environment with.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding how I am receiving assistance and support when I am giving assistance and support.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding myself within Everything Here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for participating within excuses and justifications that distract me from connecting/sharing/seeing a moment of support and assistance that is presented to me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for obsessing about the differences within people,...and within this not realizing and understanding the moments of self-reflection that are being presented to me here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to neglect the similarities that exist here within people.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to get lost within fear.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding the nature of my existence here as like a holographic self-reflection.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for perpetuating inequality within and as our shared reality here as a result of accepting and allowing myself to exist within and as a fearful/survival mind set....of winners and losers.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding how I suppressed my abilities to effectively express myself as Who I really am within and as I harbored tidbits of self-righteous/Inferior Judgments/comparisons about others.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for neglecting the practical living support within and as the words "solidarity" and "camaraderie".

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having feared to stand together with and as all of humanity here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fearing to stand in front of the group as like a part of the circle as All as One and Equal Here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for arguing/fighting with myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding how dependent I became upon fighting within myself as a source of my attention.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding how I have existed in separation from all of existence as a result of my fears of expressing myself here from moment to moment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding the absurdity of my relationship dynamics existing from within and as the depths of fear/survival...where and as suppressing self-expression makes sense and is justified within and as the self-deception of believing that I am right in my action/behavior.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding how the ability to self-express myself here exists beyond the morality judgement of right and wrong.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having logically reasoned to make sense of my actions from and as a poverty/slave-master mind-set where my actions believable and justified.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fearing the on going and continuous commitment of moment to moment management and application where I am existing in real time physical reality and I stand as the epitome of responsibility...as I exhibit extraordinary ability to respond in the moment within and as the awesomeness of myself-expression here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having feared to risk self-expressing myself within particular moments...out of fear that I will be judged/not well regarded....I forgive myself for not realizing and understanding how within these particular moments I was in fact revealing to myself that I was in fact judging myself with low-regard and lack of self-worth.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having disregarded myself within the realms of self-judgement...as like a justified self-induced separation from and as myself here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for pulling and pushing myself apart.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding how I pushed and pulled a part the relationships in my immediate environment as a direct reflection of and as how I was pushing and pulling myself a part, within and as attempts to escape my acceptances and allowances....without self-forgiving my opinions about myself here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding how much I learn from and as communication.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding the extent of my communication as a basic reflection and example of and as my ability to self-express myself here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for censoring communication out of fear.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding how my communication has primarily existed within and as the starting point of fear.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for believing it is necessary to fear communicating.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for doubting my decisions when the decisions I make conflict with the general attitudes and directions of my environment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding my tremendous ability to relate points to one another as like having a great ability to forge bonds/connections here by illustrating the similarities within a point that is often missed when the focal point is to look at the separation existent. I see/realize and understand how to in fact remove the separation and strengthen the building of connections here that are best for life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding the answers and solutions existing here as Our Physical Self-Reflection of and as Our Image and Likeness here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for over complicating the simplicity of things.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for justifying and reasoning the need and a fascination to obsess and possess myself about and within relationships that I desire.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding the mindfuck within obsessing over a particular point...as like how within and as this obsession...there is in fact a justification that is not seen/realized...as the obsession veils the justification.

When and as I see myself experiencing myself to be stuck within a point...as like a reluctance to move myself out of the point, I stop and breathe, I see/realize/understand that by beginning with a small adjustment,...that this is in fact the pivotal movement within and as self-direction/self-movement here as unconditional assistance and support.

I commit myself to the pivotal movement within and as self-direction/self-movement.

I commit myself to stop fearing to express myself in moments when and as I see I am faced with a point of suppression/fear/judgement/doubt/worry/justification.

When and as I see myself complicating things within my mind as a result of obsessing within thought, I stop and breathe..as I see/realize and understand this small adjustment is a pivotal point in changing my course of direction from self-suppression to self-expression.

I commit myself the the self-forgiveness and self-corrective application process in moment to moment application/self-expression of myself here.

I commit myself to removing all the manifested separation that exists within my mind.

Day 614 Creation

I'm looking at how it is that I create. I am seeing that how I in fact create is within the who I am as I create. Because I see the self-reflecting question within the 'how' as the 'who' I am as the starting point of creation here. 

What is interesting here is that I am noticing that I expect things to be created for me...like I have become reliant upon my mind of automatic creations...where I have a particular energetic experience and I just kind of roll with it. I see/realize and understand that I am in fact living out a pre-existing creation of my acceptances and allowances within my mind. I see/realize and understand my ability to create new moment of self-direction is in fact dependent upon me stopping the acceptance and allowances of my past mind creations as automatic energetic triggers within my mind....because what has become so apparent to me is how I have hardwired my mind to be in a seemingly somewhat constant perpetual state of reaction with momentary pauses here and there when I in fact give myself a chance to breathe for real as a point of self-direction in kind of like hey...let me take a breath and pauses for a moment...slow down...stop just impulsing within information bits that I have formed particular energetic connections/relationships to.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having resistance at times to taking self-responsibility for my already existing creation here within myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for neglecting to question the how and who within and as what I have created for myself here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to stand within and as the starting point of practical living self-responsibility as the point of creation that is always best for all Life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for neglecting to question what is best for all life within every moment of participation/creation here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for half hazardously accepting and allowing creations to exist that are in fact a disservice to my well being.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for justifying the support for creations that are in fact a disservice to my well being.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for resisting to stand one and equal within and as Creation here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fearing to orchestrate and correlate my Creation.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for resisting to self-examine on a daily basis what it is I in fact created within myself here today.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for abdicating self-responsibility as a creator.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for hoping and waiting for someone else to authorize my abilities as a creator here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for seeking validation outside of myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fearing to exist as a Creator.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding the irony within fearing to stand as practical living physical Creator here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for resisting to self-correct apparent design flaws within Creation here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for separating myself from and as the starting point of Creation here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for resisting to live the words Creator and Creation as practical living words of support and assistance as who and how I am existing here. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for negating self-direction and self-responsibility within and as the self-realization of myself here as a Creator and Creation Here.


To Be Continued

Day 571 Self-Corrective Self-Interest

When and as I see that I exist within conflict towards my accepted and allowed self-interest...as my personal interests and preferences as like being in opposition of the best interests of all life here, I stop and breathe, I realize and understand that I am out of alignment as what is best for all Life...and I am in fact self-reflecting the point of postponement...as like being in conflict with being in and as the alignment of what is best for all Life. Icommit myself to letting go of a personal preference that takes precedence over what is and are the best interest of all Life here. I commit myself to equalizing myself as what is best for all Life here. I commit myself to stop placing myself in opposition with all life here. I commit myself to self-realizing myself as all life here and within this perfecting my standing equal and one relationship with all Life here as what is best for all Life here.

When and as I see myself fearing to be specific in questioning my self-interests from the perspective of a personal preference that is in opposition of what is best for all Life as the one group here, I stop and breathe, I see I am facing a point of revenge of the ego...as like where I am resisting to go into self-investigation/self-reflection and this is in fact the quest I am required to go on as the necessary steps in my process to be walked through as my self-change into and as the practical living example of what is best for Life here. I commit myself to walking the process of self-change as what is best for all Life here within and as the practical living of going on self-investigative quests within myself as the self-directive journey of asking myself specific questions and within this realizing and understanding that I stand equal and one with the answer and solution that is best for all life here.

When and as I see myself having reactions towards the word self, I stop and breathe, I face any movement within myself, I question the energetic movement, I hold the specific energy within myself, I take self-responsibility for effectively releasing the point of specific energy/separation within myself. I realize and understand self as Life here. I commit myself to self here. I commit myself to Life here. I realize and understand the practicality in investigating all aspects of myself/life here. I commit myself to self-investigation as what is best for Life/Self. I commit myself to sharing my insight and understanding about Life/Self Here. I commit myself to assisting and supporting all of myself/Life Here.

When and as I see myself creating friction towards another being here as a result of having different personal preferences, I stop and breathe, I realize and understand the absurd ridiculousness of judging/competing with another being from the perspective of separating myself from them by going into an inferiority/superiority battle royal by believing one preference is better than the other preference and within this enforcing the win/lossrelationship scenario. I realize and understand the absurd ridiculousness of such particpations. I immediately realize and understand the shameful nature of the situation. I utilize this point of shame to assist and support me in and as my self-commitment and my self-preventive means to no longer go into this particular point of manifested physical separation as what is best for all Life here. I commit myself to taking self-responsibility for everyphysical manifested point of separation from and as All Life here. I commit myself to preventing the play out of superiority/inferiority relationships. I commit myself to relationship equality and oneness.

When and as I see myself being resistant to stand within the starting point of what is best for the group as Life here, I stop and breathe, I realize and understand my self-responsibility to the group/Life here as participating in my fullest capacity as my contribution/gift I would like to receive. I commit myself to walk as a member of the group/life here. I commit myself to supporting and assisting the group/life here. 

To Be Continued

Day 570 Self-Corrective Investigation Continues Onward

When and as I see myself coping with a point of conflict within myself, I stop and breathe, I take self-responsibility for the point of conflict within myself as I realize and understand that the point of conflict is a result of my acceptances and allowances that are in fact out of alignment within the starting point principle of equality and oneness as what is best for Life. I realize and understand myself-responsibility to re-aligning myself within and as accordance of the principle of Equality and Oneness as what is best for all Life here. I realize and understand that coping with a point of conflict is like trying to escape my own self-perpetuated mind fuck that I am actively indulging. I realize and understand the insanity of perpetuating inner-turmoil within myself as like a point of just trying to cope with conflict. I realize and understand that I do not wish for anyone to try and cope with inner-conflict. I realize and understand the shameful disgrace of accepting and allowing myself to cope with inner turmoil. I realize and understand this to be a point of self-abdication of personal self-responsibility. I commit myself to personal self-responsibility. I commit myself to remediating every incidence of inner-turmoil/conflict that exists within myself. I commit to aligning myself with the principle starting point of Equality and Oneness as what is best for all Life.

When and as I see fear/doubt interfering with my ability to make practical living decisions from and as the starting point of Equality and Oneness...Common Sense...what is best for all Life, I stop and breathe, I see the absurd ridiculousness of the mind-fuck I have induced upon myself, I take a moment to laugh/smile/acknowledge the ridiculousness of my internal particpations, I take accountability for my acceptances and allowance andmove myself within and and as the self-forgiveness/self-corrective/self-commitment application processes of structural-re-alignment as to insure the the law of my being here is rooted in and as the principle of Equality and Oneness. I realize and understand it is myself-responsibility to program myself from and as the starting point of Equality and Oneness. I realize and understand the absurd ridiculousness of self-sabotaging my self-integrity/self-dignity/self-worth with fear/doubt. I commit myself to preventing the existence of fear and doubt within myself. I commit myself to illustrating the absurd ridiculousness of perpetuating the justification of fear and doubt as the reasoned excuses to validate ineffectiveness within making and practically living decisions that are in harmonious agreement/accordance with Equality and Oneness as what is best for all Life here.

When and as I see myself being apathetic to the personal situation of specific individuals, I stop and breathe, I see, realize and understand how pathetic it is to be apathetic of anyone's personal situation. I realize and understand the shameful disgrace that exists within apathy. I realize and understand how appalling it is to be apathetic of an individual's personal circumstances, I commit myself to facilitating self-forgiveness/self-corrective processes as the means to preventing the play out of apathy within myself. I commit myself to preventing myself from perpetuating the acceptance and allowance of apathy within myself. I commit myself to understanding and realizing the shameful disgrace and disregard for Life within the acceptance and allowance of apathy. I commit myself self-education within and as the process of self-investigation/self-reflection/self-introspection. I commit myself to purifying the nature of my relationship with all words. I commit myself to standing equal and one with the words I speak/write. I commit myself to self-perfection.

When and as I see myself neglecting to see the pursuit of my self-interested desires at the expense of another losing their self-interested desires because of the polarized relationship of one winning at the expense of another losing...I stop and breathe, I make the decision to stop trying to win at the expense of perpetuating the loss/defeat/abuse of another. I make the commitment to practical living solutions that are best for all Life from the starting point of being win/win solutions. I commit myself to developing awesome win/win solutions/scenarios/circumstances. I commit myself to realizing and understanding the practical living awesomeness within and as the assistance and support of facilitating win/win scenarios/circumstances. I commit myself to the win/win solution as the solution which is best for all Life. I realize and understand the bizarre insanity of bi-polar win/loss scenarios that perpetuate inequality and the manifested cognitive dissonance within internal/external reality. I commit myself to Life Equality and Oneness Here. I commit myself to standing as win/win solutions for the problems that exist within the win/loss scenarios that perpetuate inequality. I commit myself to perpetuating the starting point of Equality and Oneness as what is best for all Life.

To be Continued

Day 488 Undermining My Own Authority

So, the point has surface this evening with regards to this law paper I am writing about justice and dominance with regards to distributive means.

The point being, that I am doubting myself as source authority within writing.  Like, I doubt the validity of my own words, well not really doubting the validity of my own words directly,....but more so doubting and questioning how my essay will be received by professor/teaching assistance who is grading my paper. I doubt the teacher/teaching assistant.....like I see here that I have accepted and allowed myself to be in conflict with school professor/teaching assistant from the perspective that I regard myself as superior intellect, yet I am trying to qualify my intellect to them, and I worry sometimes that the grading of my paper will reflect their reaction to my reading, as like I will get a really good grade if they agree with what I said and how I said it, and I will will get a less than stellar grade if my point if not agreed with.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for separating myself from my professor and teaching assistant.  I realize and understand that writing university papers is like writing papers to myself in another life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for judging myself in polarity based comparison to my professor/teaching assistant.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for playing the self righteous superiority/inferiority game.  I realise and understand what a mind fuck it is to accept and allow the polarity energy game of self righteous superiority/inferiority.

I forgive myself for not realizing and understanding how I was indirectly doubting my own words as the resulting consequence of accepting and allowing myself to judge myself in relationship to my professor and Teaching Assistant. I realize and understand how I mind fucked myself within entertaining polarized judgement within myself.  I realize the ridiculousness of accepting and allowing myself to exist within doubt as a result of accepted and allowed self-judgement.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for believing I need to regulate my doubts as like a form of control methodology within my mind based upon ascertaining a polarized degree of self-righteousness within myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for doubting my professor/teaching assistant's ability to comprehend my words.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for assuming that my words will be received in conflict.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for assuming and obsessing about worst possible scenario's with regards to the submission of my writing assignment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for thinking that I must dumb my writing down in order to not cause problems within my school assignments.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for thinking that it is safer for me to dumb my writing down, as like to not cause any reactions within my university evaluators...and like just kind of produce a mediocre paper that doesn't really challenge the system structures and operating platforms.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for thinking that I should really minimize my thoughts and perspectives within writing university papers and just focus on utilizing the course material readings, and basically regurgitate the curriculum back to the evaluator as the way of illustrating my basic comprehension of course material.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fearing failure within utilizing my own observations and critical analysis/examination of scholars words who I happen to disagree with.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for disregarding my authority within having the ability to effectively illustrate that I disagree with scholarly work....and being able to do so in a manner that is eloquently phrased and well regarded by the professor and or teaching assistant.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fearing to be too creative within my essay writing.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fearing to be penalized and poorly graded for being creative in garnering fresh and unique insights/perspective/consideration that are not commonly expressed within course assignments.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be a copy cat within writing university essays within the perspective of fearing to be totally unique and creative within my responses....like fearing to be too different from my peers...and therefore, as a result of the fear, thinking and believing that I must tailor my responses to be in uniform alignment with what I believe to be the "correct generic response" that has already been considered and regarded as "the answer".

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fearing to be penalized and poorly graded/marked within creating new answers to questions I see as challenging and expanding upon the scholarly sources within the course curriculum.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for doubting my ability to articulate obvious common sense in such a way that it is so apparent and clear to whoever is reading or listening to my words.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for doubting my ability to be coherent within writing and verbal communication.

When and as I see myself writing my school papers and I react/judge/fear a thought about how my paper will be graded/received, I stop and breathe, I realize and understand my ability to communicate coherently and my strong ability to articulate obvious common sense. I realize and understand the absurd ridiculousness of mind fucking myself with self induced judgement within hypothetical what if scenarios from the perspective of reacting to the particular outcomes of hypothetical what if scenarios.

When and as I see myself doubting my words, I stop and breathe, I realize and understand the fear within doubt as a form of ridiculousness. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fearing myself.  I direct myself to stand one and equal with the words I speak.  I realize and understand the ridiculousness of separating myself within my words.

When and as I see myself placing myself in conflict with professor/teaching assistant, I stop and breathe, I realise and understand the absurd ridiculousness of deliberately believing myself to be in conflict with professor/teacher.

When and as I see myself creating conflict within my mind about completing school assignment, I stop and breathe, I realize and understand the absurd ridiculousness of polarizing the relationship towards completing school assignments. I realize the ridiculousness of perpetuating conflict within myself.

I commit myself to completing my school assignment within and as a starting point of authority.

I commit myself to standing as authority.

I commit myself realizing and understanding the authority of Equality and Oneness.

I commit myself to self-direction as an authority of what's best for all Life.

I commit myself to removing all conflict from within myself.