important shit

Tuesday, 29 January 2013

Day 239 What the Fuck Have I Been Doing?

Throughout my years here, I have focused on know, just having fun indulging in self playing as forms of entertainment as lots of sports and a little bit of work... as I always figured I gotta enjoy my time while I'm young as much as possible...and the older I've gotten, I've pereptuated the attitude that I gotta just keep pushing the playtime as perhaps I won't always be able to play and I might have to get serious about working full time.

In being brutally self honest with investigating my actions and attitude about being here and having existed within protecting self interests as self enjoyment activitites and hobbies...I've neglected really challenging myself to make great contributions to the betterment of humanity as the future of our shared reality.

For along time, I subscribed to the notion that our world is fucked up and nobody is really doing anything about I might aswell just try to make the best of my time here and indulge myself in whatever I desire to like living the dream of mind conscious desires as much as possible.  I justified my attitude and behaviour by believing that I gotta give myself the time to indulge in my desires because nobody else is pushing me to live the dream of fulfilling like the notion of my environment has always been, go to school....go to college or university and then get full time employment, get a house, get married have kids and support them to jump through the same hoops as like this is what life is.....

This mentality always seemed kind of fucked up to me and far from being what I considered to be how I would like to spend my it seemed like this was a form of selling out so to like giving into the system...losing the playtime of acting like a kid...getting serious about being serious about being an adult in the system who spends most of their time working there 9-5 job 5 days a week for a 2 day weekend of playtime...this always seemed like a really shitty trade off like a raw fucking deal. 

When I was a child I talked with lots of adults...and there was a common sharing trend in my discussions with adults...that, the best days of their lives were behing them...that things were better when they were still in school before they got serious and began careers and had families. This kind of scared me and I kind of related it to like the Peter Pan scenario and the lost like living in never never land....where you stay like a kid forever and never grow old.

I wondered that maybe people were growing old and nasty and kind of scary looking really...was because they didn't really enjoy like they just kind of accepted that this is what life is...this is how life works....and there is no real say in the matter...

I decided that I should go to university after highschool because to my understanding I needed to go to university in order to be able to make lots of money to exist in this world and I realised that if I am going to be able to enjoy my time here, I am going to need lots of money.

I figured I would go to university and become a gym teacher so that even though I would have a job working as a gym teacher,...I would be teaching physical education and therfore I would continue to be able to do the things that I enjoy and get paid to do so. I figured it would be pretty sweet to go to work in a track suit or sweat pants and a hoody and play sports and games all day.

So, I checked out what program I would have to take to become a gym teacher and I found out about human kinetics. I talked with the guidance counsellor and he showed me the marks of students who had gotten in to the human kinetics program in passed years.

School was never really that difficult for me...and I mean a bunch of different times in highschool I thought it would be really cool to get super high grades...and I started out with the intentions that I wanted super high grades,,,But,,,the tradeoff seemed kind of fucked to like I would have to put in a lot of hours in order to do so, So, I took the approach that I will have a lot more free time to play and do things that amuse me if I don't spend tons of time on school work and just kind of make sure that I do all my work but not really study at like I always reviewed the course breakdown as the marking system as how I would be the point where I figured out that if I completed all my assignments and did ok on wouldnt even matter if I failed the exams because I would already have passing grades before I wrote the exams....

The year I graduated was a merger year...meaning I was the last of the grade 13's to graduate in the province of the education system was changing the curriculium around so that grade 13 would no longer exist and the material was condensed into having one less year of highschool. This meant that double the people were graduating. I didn't really consider that I would need higher grade averaged to get into the program I wanted to get into because there was double the competition. I just kind of figured that there was some sort of standard for getting into university programs...meaning that as long as you had atleast these marks you would get into the program of you choosing.

I graduated with like a 74 or 75 overall average.

My grades were pretty consistent throughout my entire education time in elementary and highschool...I had an 80 average for one semester in grade 8,,,,and other than that one semester my over all average was always mid to high 70's.....though I always scored in the 90's in physical education.

My attitude about physical education was always pure pleasure and satisfaction as something that I always enjoyed.  I would get angry in elementary school when teachers would take away my gym time as consequence of me and the class misbehaving.....this pissed me off so like gym time was always the most fun time for me at school.

I didn't get accepted into the human kinetics program I wanted to take. I felt kind of misinformed because my grades were better than grades that were accepted into the program in previous years.

I did get accepted into university for an arts degree...I had picked canadian studies as my major. After going to the first day of the first year canadian studies introduction course...I looked at the course overview....and listened to the professor talk about the course...and I was like this is bullshit I am not interested at all in taking canadian studies. So I dropped the course...and picked up an introduction to psychology course and declared my major to be undeclared as I was taking a whole bunch of different first year bachelor of arts courses. I took french, geography, history, law and psychology.

Within the first week of university...I came across an advertisment for the men's hockey team tryouts...they were accepting like being able to try out for the team without a direct invitation. The hockey program was in a transition phase from being a competitive club who would play exhibition games againsts mostly colleges and some becoming a varsity team...who would participate as a University Varsity hockey team...meaning they would have a sanctioned full season and possible playoffs. Though the transition to varsity would be dependent on the next couple upcoming seasons....

I made the hockey team...and so I was going to university but my main focus was the same as it was when I was at elementary school and sports/games...and just making sure I pass my schooling.

I didn't realise that I had to do more than just pass my classes at like I had to have above a certain overall average or I would lose full time status and be put on academic warning and have a reduced course load. So this happened to me...I wasnt much bothered by this because I was like sweet I don't have to even as much work as I was doing now I have way less assignments and even more free time to play...

I started picking my courses as like just taking whatever sounded interesting and was available...often I was getting some of the last picks as opportunities to choose classes for upcoming semesters because I had shitty grades and I was undeclared...meaning without a major study of focus.

After a little while I kind of thought I will just get a double major and a double taking a bunch of law and history classes...and some psychology and sociology courses...I figured I would just sign up for the classes and I fugured I will eventually I will have a fancy sounding degree. I never really looked into checking program specific requirements because...even though I was particpating in University it was mainly a social experiment experience for me...and also I learned that older adults were really impressed with me for being in university and taking all these different courses...and ya...I kind of used the whole university thing as like a hiding or postponement to having to get serious about work...and so basically university was a cover story for me to party, socialize and smoke copius amounts of weed.

The second year I was at university, I learned from some older dudes on the hockey team about treeplanting as a way for me to make a whole bunch of money in the spring or a dude was telling me how he was making $300 a day and he made like $15,000 in 2 months. He told me and a buddy about this after we had got caught smoking weed by the coached after a road game. We had just signed some papers on the way down saying we wouldnt do drugs and all this other stuff because we were athletes..and school policy type shit. Anyways it was the captain on the team who was telling me about tree planting....and he was joking around about the fact that I would be able to smoke as much dope there as I wanted.  This sounded amazing to the previous summer I worked at the golf course making about $8 an hour and like $56 a day. I had been working at the golf course for the free golf.

I didn't smoke much weed before I started university. I played defense on the University Hockey Team and most of the guys smoked alot of weed...some of the forwards too...but it was a bunch of the defensemen who were big pot heads. I became a big pothead while playing hockey at university...the second year...I was playing stoned all the started out as just a joke as we had an open skate before the tryouts and a bunch of us smoked up before playing...I enjoyed playing stoned quite a bit and it seemed to help my performance as I was just super previously I would get nervous some times....anyways ya, smoking dope escalated for a long while...and became like a full time an all the time thing...

After my 3rd summer tree planting I was enrolled in university in the fall to finish up a 3yr law degree...I just wanted to finish up some sort of schooling and be done with university as it had been basically just a cover for me to not have to take things to seriously. I had made a ton of money tree planting that summer. I was the best tree planter in the camp where I worked a spring and summer contract. I pushed myself physically to perform as best I could and also make as much money as I could as the job was piece rate meaning I got paid by the tree.

I enjoyed tree planting from the get go, as I enjoyed competing with myself as like challenging myself to work to the best of my abilities.

I learned that I could work a few months of the year planting trees and have the rest of the year to be on vacation.

I dropped out of university in the fall after my 3rd season planting trees. This was october 2007. I had been looking at the desteni material as well as a gazillion other things as like trying to make sense of the world in all ways possible. What really got me going into synthesizing all sorts of  various types of information was Michael I saw Michael Tsarion as a really cool synthesizer and my good buddy had been investigating Michael Tsarion quite thoroughly while I was planting trees...and filled me so to speak as like showing me all the material he had gone through...and I was quite interested in what Michael Tsarion was talking about.

Learning all about the work of Michael Tsarion and indulging myself within the desteni material that was accumulating by the day...I saw that I had had a golden platter of assistance and support at my disposal that wasn't being offered to me at university...and at the time I figured spending any more time at university was a waste of my the desteni material was like wow...I gotta commit myself to going through all the material.

So going through desteni material was my main focus for the next couple of years...while going tree planting in the spring summer and then taking the rest of the year to myself to vacation and check out desteni material.

After my 5th season tree planting which I didnt work as many days as I initially planned and spent the last part of the summer and fall working at a fancy golf course and playing lots of golf...I realised I wasnt going to have enough money to coast through the winter just taking it easy vacation styles just going through desteni material and any other information that interested me. So, one day while I was shitting and reading the newspaper I sad a job posting for ski instructors. I thought this would be a fun way to spend the winter and I would be in an environment where I could learn to snowboard. I didnt realise at the time that I would become more interested in improving my skiing abilities. Anyways ya, not having enough money to cruise through the winter was like a blessing in disguise as I became a ski instructor and I learned to snowboard...and it was lots of fun. This year I improved my ski credentials by getting a 2nd level ski certification and also I became certified snowboard instructor. Through getting involved with teaching skiing, I learned all about the specific body mechanics as prior to teaching skiing I was pretty much self taught...and didnt have the skills that I have now. Skiing and snowboarding has been cool physical self I had kind of become a bit of a coach potatoe for the winters prior to teaching skiing. I mean I would play some ice hockey...but that was only like an hour or so here or there through the week.

Towards the end of the 2nd winter working as a ski instructor my parents were getting kind of concerned about like they wanted me to go back to school and finish my degree and not rely on tree planting and skiing as my source of income. My parents offered me to come live with them free of charge and that if I paid for my schooling courses the would re-pay me upon graduating. I figured I better take them up on there offer as I had been thinking to myself that I should probably just finish up a university degree...I mean I had a lot of coursed already completed. Also, I thought of this as kind of easy living as I wouldnt have to pay rent or by groceries and I could still play on the ski hill by doing my courses part time.

My enthusiasm about skiing has increased exponentially since I started teaching skiing.

The first year I worked as a ski instructor I received the award of 'Instructor of the Year'. I consisdered myself to be the Ambassador of Awesome for the ski hill as like I was just sharing the awesomeness. I told everyone about the scienece of Awesome as Awe-So-Me.

Within writing here today as a point of self reflection...I've considered that maybe I should do a univeristy degree in human kinetics or kinesiology. I mean Human Kinetics was my first pick many years ago...and I just kind of gave up on it because I didn't get accepted...and I didn't even consider doing the work necessary to get myself into the program. Also, I'm going to research law school...I don't know what is required for me to get into a law school...i've heard a few different things about it...but I havent investigated the point I am going to check out these school opportunities. In looking at myself here in writing as me words...I feel like human kinetics would be a better alignment point for me as like I think I am more suited to study body mechanics...I mean I already have a quite exstensive background with physical activities and I think it would be really cool to understand all my body mechanics.

It's kind of funny and cool how the point of human kinetics came up in my writing today because it was a point that had been burried in my past as something I never thought I would do because I had just kind of dismissed doing a degree in human kinetics because I didn't get accepted to the program the first time I tried. I mean I didn't really put much effort into getting into the go figure I didn't get into the program.

Earlier I was thinking about how I'm old enough to have finished medical school and be a doctor...and I am not quite finished a 3 year undergraduate degree in law. I mean this kind of shows me the point of how long something can take to complete without a disciplined self commitment to getting the task like just kind of doing the bare minimum. Also, therfore, the point is seen... how, with self willed directive force as self willed determination, anything is possible.

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