It's interesting that as I focus my blog writing on breathing...having made a commitment to blog about my breathing for 21 days and to work on establishing consistency with the 4 count breath....other points have opened up. It's cool because my awareness of myself breathing here has expanded. Previously I just considered myself to be breathing with my lungs....now I perceive myself to be breathing with my Whole Body...which is a Big change...I'm still getting aquainted with this understanding as it's a new insight so to speak.
In my previous blog I exposed the point of desire a little bit. What sparked my writing about desire yesterday was seeing and realising how I have allowed myself to be possessed/obsessed by desires. Yesterday this point opened up of desire obsession/possession opened up with regards to sex.
It is clear to me that I have used blame, manipulation, anger/frustration/irritation as tactics to facilitate sexual desires. Some real brutality here.
I was looking for a little more perspective about desire...and so I google searched "desire desteni" as I had gathered insight and understanding about desire through the desteni material in the past.
My search generated lots of results. I found immiediatley a youtube video entitled, "The Design of Desire Field" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OOIYdYj7IUA
Desire is charged through the orgasm...sex.
Also, prior to wathcing the video, I came across discussion on the Desteni Forums about Desire....it's kind of funny in an ironic sort of serendipity sort of way because after reading through the first few posts on this particular desteni forum with regards to desire....I came across my comment as having posted, "cool"...as like showing/revealing to me I've been here before investigating/questioning this point within myself....and it's like I didn't get all the roots of desire out of myself because I'm going back and connecting with a point I was looking at over 2 years ago.
The link to the desteni forum discussion on desire I am referring to is http://forum.desteni.org/viewtopic.php?t=917
What's interesting and relevant within this link for me as a means of support is the added exposure in exposing the emphasis of desire being related to the points/tactics of manipulation, blame and frustration as a means to getting what is desired.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realising and inderstanding the starting point of desire being connected to the orgasm in sex as the energetic buildup and release as like a compounding within the unifide field of humanity through the unconscious mind.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realising and understanding how lost within addiction as sexual desire I have been.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for time looping within sexual desire possession/obsession.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for being so fucking brutal in feeding sexual desire particpation through the use of tactics such as anger/irritation/frustration/manipulation/blame.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for thinking/perceiving Life to be all about desire as sexual energy.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for begining a relationship from the starting point of desiring sex.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for thinking that me and my girlfriend have a cool point for starting out relationship because we both desire sex and we have acknowledged this point.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having not followed through with further investigation into the point that I've been a sex junkie and that the starting point of my relationship with my girlfriend has been that of like two addicts securing a high as like a lifetime supply of the buzz wanted as orgasm release through sex as sexual desire fulfillment.
I forgive myself for not realising and understanding the harm within existing within a relationship from the starting point of fulfilling sexual desires as like existing as each other's heroin so to speak as like willing to shoot each other up so to speak as like doing whatever the other desires so as to make sure getting high as sexual orgasm always.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for being addicted to sexual orgasm.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for relating everything to sexual orgasm.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for being obsessed and possessed by building up and relasing sexual energy as orgasm.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realising and understanding the extent of myself within and as the termonology/phrase, "energy slut"....and I forgive myself for not realising and understanding the irony as like the self refelction being constantly in my face as like me here being a massive energy slut as like having made a point of existing here as feeding addictions as moving as an energy slut from the perspective that I've willed myself to chase and fulfill desires no matter what.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realising the extent of the fucking I have been doing to myself as consequences of being possessed/obsessed by sexual desire as sexual orgasm.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be a self righteous energy slut willing to compromise well being at the expense of scoring high experience.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having particpated within an abusive relationship as consequence of accepting and allowing sex addiction.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realising my sexual frustrations as like anger and irritation as consequence of accepting and allowing myself to be obsessed and possessed by sexual orgasm.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having mistreated myself/all my girlfriends as consequence of sexual addiction as like being obsessed/possessed with desire to orgasm.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having resisted investing in the what is sex interview series on eqafe...and also shocking secrets of masturbation as a means of practical physical self support.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having allowed myself to wallow in dispair for a few moments upon looking at my acceptances and allowances with regards to desire as like accepting and allowing myself to judge myself and place a blame on my already accepted and allowed blame.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself fro punishing myself with negative charges against myself believed as necessairy reactions/judgements/consequences/punishment for unjust brutal self righteous behaviour.
I realise I have just begun to expose a huge point that is life changing.
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