So, I forgot I was breathing a bunch of times today. Fortunately though, even though I forgot I was breathing...I was still breathing and am here to share as I didn't die even though I forgot I was breathing. It's like pretty fucking sweet that I don't have to be thinking about my every breath...because well I'd already be dead. I've tried to think about my every breath and that is a mind fuck I have not been able to keep up with. It's like I've been approaching presents of breath all wrong as like Ive been trying to creat a conscious presence of breath as like creating a thought focus on and about breathing as like a constant observation as like looking at my breathing as like looking at my mind movement as thinking.
At the same time it's kind of bizarre that I think...I mean my thinking is like a form of entertainment as like a form of indulgence that I continue to particpate in the more I particpate in it...it's like a perpetual motion...momentum.
My body is doing all sorts of work without my conscious direction. This fact kind of exposes to me the ridiculousness of my mind consciousness system...as like uselessness...as really what the fuck is the point of how I have created relationships in my mind. I am grateful my body has a mind of its own so sto speak as like a a common sense physical practicality as like a natural nature symbiotic agreement as like billions/trillions of parts working together as harmonious relationships...like self preservation...self perpetuation...as like working to keep working as a love of labour.
It's kind of ironic my body and my mind are working the same way...working the same way But from different starting points....it's like my mind has always been working from the satrting point of self interest as like without regard for harmonious agreements here and the starting point has been on survival from the perspective of fulfilling desires at the expense of losing/disregarding relationships with others. So basically what I am saying is my mind consciousness is like realms of fear....as like egoic behaviour and fears non existence as like the death of ego....and my physical body just work as a labor of love as practical assistance and support....honouring and cherishing relationships as like agreements...as a harmonious togetherness.
What I've come to notice/realise is that my mind participations as consciousness have been acts of self sabotage so to speak as like disregarding the best interests of the sum of all parts of physicality here....and what's ridiculous about this is that consciousness is like a mental projection and isnt even a real physical part...it's like a fake part I make believed and have perpetuated by acting out...as like following scripts as programming within myself as like believing me to be nothing more than ego acceptances and allowances.
I forgive mysel for accepting and allowing myself for fucking with my physicality by participating within consciousness as like forming and participating in relationships based from and as a starting point of separation.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for manipulating physicality with obsession/addiction within and as perpetuation of consciousness participations.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for thinking that I need to think about breathing constantly for me to be aware of breathing constantly.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having created conscious perceptions/ideas/memories based on experiences of what I think it means to remain and stay within and as breath as like physical presence/direction/movement.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself fo rdesiring to be conscious of my breathing each breath.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for reacting to missing self directions/presence of breath.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for feeling like I am going to have to keep re-starting 21 day breath challenge as four count breathing without missing a single breath.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for thinking I should just try to breath without four count breath exercise because I get discouraged for losing track of breathing as a consistent steady rythym of 4 count breaths.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for getting discouraged with discipline and dilligence required to move effectively as 4 count breathing consistency and constant.
I commit myself to mastering four count breathing exercise.
I commit myself to stop mind fucking with myself as I realise mind fucking to be like act of terrorism on my physicality here...as like choosing to create conflict with physical life.
I commit myself to letting go and practicing stopping mind participations as like conscious addictions and obsessions as like chasing energy buzz within myself as like always trying to fulfill myself from a satrting point of unfulfillment.
When and as I see myself accepting and allowing myself getting overwhelmed with the extent of my participations as ego mind fucking, I stop and breathe and allow myself to let go of accepted and allowed ridiculousness as I realise the ridiculousness of continuing any further particpations within and as self induced mind fucking.
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