Recently I've come across some cool opportunities and I was initially a little bit antsy within investigating the opportunities where I had a form of backchat as the thinking, 'what am I doing here'...then I reacted with disarray which brewed with anxiety which created an uneasiness within myself that I had made a mistake based upon the emotion I was experiencing within myself.
Within this above experience as I worked through the energies with self-forgiveness I continued to investigate the point and see how I was creating a "problem" for myself as a result of how I was experiencing myself within a moment.
It's interesting how experiencing anxiety in a moment can cause such confusion and opens up the possibility for misdirection and mistakes to happen.
What I realize and understand is that it is so ridiculous for the starting point of my physical movements to be based in some sort of energies as emotion and feelings. Like, this can be quite detrimental to making the best informed decisions. My initial reactions within the experience of anxiety was to get myself to a better state as a result of physically changing my plans and moving myself into another area/environment. What's funny and interesting about this...is that for a few moments I missed the point of slowing myself down here and facing the energetic experience within myself and releasing the energetic buildup within myself...it's like I believed I had to just get somewhere else away from here...lol...
The point of patience is key because the tendency and belief I had was to rush myself into a different direction of physical engagement as like a form of coping mechanism within the initial emotional energies that came up within myself as disarray and anxiety.
I'd like to take a few moments here and purify the words disarray and anxiety.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for defining disarray and and anxiety as negative energies.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for trying to escape the experiences of emotional disarray and anxiety without practically facing the origins as to why the experiences of disarray and anxiety came up within myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding how silly it is for me to look to make drastic changes within my physical reality from within and as a starting point of anxiety and disarray.
When and as I see myself experiencing disarray within myself, I stop and breathe, I look at what I am fearing, I realize and understand the practical support and assistance I can garner from myself within being patient to investigate the energy that comes up within myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding how I connected disarray and anxiety to the uncertainty of the future...as like fear of the unknown...as like not knowing for certain how things will turn out. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to worry within accessing the energies of disarray and anxiety. I realize and understand the patience required to access my self-trust within myself as the patience to move myself in ways that are best for Life. I realize the mindfuck of accepting and allowing myself to cycle within a reaction...as I realize and understand how reactions build upon themselves and take me out of physical reality as like existing within reactions is a mind job. I realize I am in the process of stopping all reactions as they come up and investigating the reaction and enabling myself to receive the gift of each and every reaction.
When and as I see myself experiencing anxiety, I stop and breathe, I look and realize their is a gift/opportunity available for me as I am patient to investigate the question of how/when/why did this point of anxiety come up. What was happening immediately before I went into this particular experience? I realize and understand the patience required to investigate opportunities.
I commit myself to the patience required in investigating opportunities.
I commit myself to gifting myself opportunities within being patient and investigation reactions/emotions/feelings/thoughts that come up within myself.
I commit myself to stop accepting and allowing myself to exist within anxiety and disarray.
My initial definition towards the word 'disarray' was 'the experience of like what the fuck is going on...because I don't know what the fuck is going on'
My initial definition of anxiety: Worry within self-judgement...the experience of nervousness and uneasiness within oneself."
Dictionary definitions:
Disarray:
noun) a state of disorganization or untidiness
synonyms: disorder, confusion, chaos, untidiness, disorganization, dishevelment, mess muddle, clutter, jumble, tangle, shambles....
verb) throw (someone or something) into a state of disorganization or untidiness
verb) strip (someone) of clothing
Anxiety:
noun) A feeling or worry, nervousness or unease, typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome.
synonyms: worry, fear, concern, apprehensiveness, uneasiness, unease, fearfulness, disquiet, disquietude, inquietude, perturbation, angst, agitation, misgiving, nervousness, nerves, tension, tenseness...
Playing with the words Disarray and Anxiety:
Disarray: This array...dissing the ray, diss-a-ray...the rays are being dissed....dicer-eh..., d-i-s-a-r-r-a-y,
The opposite of an array. Disarray is the disharmony to being in and as an array...the opposite of an ordered arrangement, in particular...is not an impressive display or range of a particular type of thing.
Anxiety: sound like an angst society...anxiety reflects society in angst....angst + society = anxiety...angry society...an-x- I - e- t-y...an 'x' like a mark/point i create with an example as the ie: in how I am tied to and as the example/explanation of and as the mark of an I as ego (e) energy which I am tied and bound to. An-X-I-It-Why....like not realizing and understanding Why there is a point of uncertainty.....knowing there is a point of uncertainty and being concerned/worried/fearful/uneasy about the point of uncertainty....
Looking at the word anxiety, the point/questions come up:
Is everyone constantly fluctuating within a state of anxiety when the future is uncertain?
Is self-direction with self-trust the remedy to alleviating all anxiety?
Is anxiety a lack of self-trust?
Is anxiety a lack of self-responsibility/self-accountability?
Is anxiety a point of self-victimization?
Is anxiety a point of being angry with yourself for accepting and allowing self-suppression within and as self-victimization?
No comments:
Post a Comment