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Wednesday, 4 December 2013

Day 522 Food Religion

My relationship with food has been somewhat judgmental, within particular moments self-righteously justified. Where I bought in and subscribed to particular beliefs about some foods being bad for me and some foods being good for me. Within creating judgements about what foods I put into my body, I noticed an interesting thing beneath this all….how I adopted particular attitudes about foods and judgments about eating different foods…within taking on the desire to be in better shape…like more physically fit. What’s interesting about this is that I turned a supportive relationship with food into a destructive relationship with food as a result of desiring to be in better shape. Like what happened here is that I placed myself in conflict with much of the food I eat, or would like to eat…and in doing so accepted and allowed myself to create blame towards particular types of food. So much of this starting point of just wanting to be in better shape, stemmed from believing that I could get more out of my relationship with food, like I could better support myself to be stronger in physical body. I see here that I had created judgements about my physical body as not being strong enough or in good enough shape. So here I see the ridiculousness of holding onto the belief that my physical body is just not good enough and that I need to make it better.  Never really considering that it’s been my mental attitude as like my relationship towards myself.

I see how I created paranoia with regards to food. Where often I would look at what I want to eat, and judge what I think will happen if I eat that….also creating like a form of guilt towards eating things I don’t believe I should be eating…as a result of creating a scale of values towards food, entirely deduced through and a form of logical assumptions without really knowing and understanding how I can garner support and assistance within eating foods.  I’ve come to see and realize that placing my body in a state of stress/fear/paranoia prior to giving my body food is harmful….because it’s difficult to do any physical task to the best abilities when holding onto mental fears.

It’s interesting that I believed I can better myself by taking on more beliefs.

Like by creating more separation through accepted and allowed judgments I believed that I was taking initiative to really care about my physical wellbeing. I justified this as valid because I didn’t previously do this…and within not previously doing this…and seeing so many people do this…I believed that I must be neglecting my wellbeing…and therefore should start to care for myself more by being like others who I see and hear have particular beliefs about foods. It’s like I wanted to be part of the food cult. Like a sense of growing self-righteousness…believing myself to be smarter and better by making certain choices.

I see everything here that I eat is a reflection of me here as physicality.  Why then would it be valid for me to separate myself into various pieces/bits/parts of judgement?
How helpful is it for me to be in conflict towards eating? It is not helpful. It’s detrimental.
Is there any benefit for me to be judging myself as food so extensively? No

To be continued

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