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Wednesday, 4 December 2013

Day 526 Making a Decision Story Part 2

Continuing with the Making a Decision Story experience blog from the previous day. Will resume the Food Religion blog soon.

Before I began to write here I decided I should re-read the previous blog to make sure I am continuing without missing anything...the point that jumped out at me was the following: justification. I noticed justification specifically towards the end of the blog after I had mentioned that I made the decision to stop skiing for the day. I made a bit of a justification by stating a particular reasoned justification to support my decision for having decided to stop skiing and not continue with the group who planned to ski all day. The point I use as justification is that I will be teaching skiing this winter.
Upon re-reading the previous blog and seeing the point of justifying my decision to stop skiing for the day....I was like "what the fuck?" "so if I didn't have future plans it would have been ok for me to ski all day despite the fact that i was physically fatigued with extremely sore feet?"

I see how ridiculous it is for me to throw justifications on top of decisions to like make myself feel better for not continuing to participate within a particular action. It's really in vain because the starting point is kind of whack....because it represent me making a decision and looking/wanting re-assurance in the decision I am making, so then I project what I want to hear as like a way to strengthen the case for the specific decision I made.

This morning I planned to go skiing again today.  Many of my muscles felt physically strained. I wanted to go. I didn't want to have physically strained muscles. I didn't want to say No to my buddies that I wouldn't be going skiing today. I didn't want to let them do. I thought I am here to ski and If I dont ski than I am wasting my money.

I saw the point of being controlled by money in making a decision to ski today because I already had a lift ticket purchased.

I saw how that physically I really did not want to ski today. I saw how mentally I was kind of wanting to ski. I see how I was allowing myself to consider going out of fear of losing the money that a single lift ticket costs. I see how I considered compromising physical comfort and rest in order to prevent the fear of missing out on an opportunity/savings/money. I see how I accepted and allowed myself to be influenced by the fear of missing out on an opportunity/savings/money.

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