Day 181 Greed and Uncomfortable Situation Avoidance

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for judging myself in a condemning way for communicating about topics that are uncomfortable to talk about.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing sex to exist within me as an uncomfortable topic to talk about and to hold onto the belief that others will feel awkward and uncomfortable talking about sex and therefore I should just avoid the topic all together.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing money to be an uncomfortable topic to talk about and I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for thinking that I should avoid talking about money and in particular how the money system exists as debt if I receive feedback as the form of conflict/resistance/denial.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for dictating my communication based upon reactions as a guideline as whether or not I should continue speaking.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for resisting speaking up about another being who is not present in the room when another being talks shit directly or indirectly about them.

I forgive myself for not realising and understanding how greedy and self righteous it is to remain within self appointed comfort zone of luxurious energy buzz.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to get uncomfortable with emotions and feelings.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for taking emotions and feelings personally whether they are directly mine or indirectly mine as consequence of self reflection here in seeing another react here as me in another life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for thinking that I cannot use uncomfortability as a point of support in assisting and supporting the facilitation of stability by standing as the point of instability and moving through accepted and allowed instability as self realisation and self correction.

I forgive myself for not realising and understanding that learning to stand within point of instability removes/releases point of instability with stability as recognizing and understanding instability creates stability as seeing how to be in and as stability through facing accepted and allowed instability.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realising how self righteous and greedy it is to hide within persona of stability when in fact that is a mask of deception  as consequence of fearing to face self and fear of judgement as insecurity/inferiority complex.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realising how greedy and self righteous and self sabotaging it is to not admit fault as mistakes and wrong doing's out of fear of being labeled and exposed as showing a weakness.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realising that exposing self accepted and allowed weakness and walking practical solution  as self corrective action to self imposed weakness becomes living strength in action as moving through resistance as accepted and allowed consequences.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for wallowing within uncomfortability and fearing instability.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for doubting my abilities and capabilities here as stability and effectiveness in walking process of self realisation and self correction in here in quantume time.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realising how greedy and self righteous it is to create judgements within myself as like cover stories to hide truth of self accepted and allowed instability as consequencee of fear which has mainly been resulting from accepted and allowed particpations as greedy self righteous character here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realising and understanding the skill I have learned and developped as my abilities and capabilities to remain calm and free from energetic influcences within moments where a point of stability is necessary to stand as self directed solution as problem solver within an immediate time frame as there is not a second to spare.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realising how abusive and greedy it is to dwell within uncomfortability within the mind as like accepted and allowed depression.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realising and understanding how uncomfortability is not a valid excuse/reason for justifiying a world of abuse.

I forgive myself for not realising and understanding how brutal it is to perpetuate physical discomfort as consequence of accepting and allowing fear within myself and choosing not to be here in awareness of my every breath.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for for communicating from a starting point of uncomfortability within and as an energetic reaction.

I forgive myself for not realising and understanding that my ability to communicate effectively as what is best for all life is compromised when I accept and allow compromise within myself as accepted and allowed fear particpations as thoughts/feelings/emotions from the starting point of separation, self interest, greed, envy, jealousy, anger, irritation, frustration, defense, offense, attack, positive energy charge, negative energy charge and neutral energy charge as like the middle road.


I realise every being here is uncomfortable and that denying uncomfortability here is a self suppression as like a deceitful denial of self responsibility as accountability for abuse that exists here within and as the understanding and realisation that pure evil is a self reflection and that no being can get to equality and oneness without facing themselves as pure evil as the uncomfotability that has manifested as consequence of pure evil existing here within and as the starting point of greedy self righteousness as the religion of self disregard for all life here.

I realise the common sense one plus one equation of self responsibility as accountability here as counting up/adding up all the points...walking one point at a time untill all points are acounted for as equality and oneness here.

I realise the greedy self righteousness within accepting and allowing uncomfortability to exist within and as a state of self depression as like pity/guilt/shame/dwelling/wallowing/dispair.

I realise I do not wish anyone to exist within a state of depression as like pitty/guilt/shame/dwelling/wallowing/dispair

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having had torturous thoughts of justifiaction and reasoning for the validation and acceptance and allowance of retribution as consequence here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realising how greedy and abusive and self sabotaging and self righteous it is to seek vengenance on other human beings as consequence of accepting and allowed righteousness and disregrad for totality of circumsatnces that created a scenario where vengence is considered as a viable solution as what is best for life here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realising and understanding how defective the human being has become in creating discomfort for all life here.

I forgive myself for not realsing and understanding myself responsibility for pulling the rug out from under my ass as like stopping hiding from uncomfortability within lavish elitist lifestyle where it is possible to disregard physically comfort/support and accept and allow dieing/starving brothers and sisters who don't have luxury of hiding from mental suppression/discomforts.

I realise self responsibility in speaking out for those who don't have the opportunity to speak out from within situations of extreme abuse as physical discomfort.

I realise support and assistance in breathing through metal/physical discomfort as fear...by imbracing point of fear as acceptance and allowance...and breathe though out within silence and stabilitiy by taking on point completely within and as self trust and certainity as the will I am to walk self realisation into and as self correction as a practical living solution here.

I realise the importance and necessity with alligning myself here as equality and oneness and not accepting and allowing uncomfortability as an excuse to stop the facilitation of the physical alllignment of my being here as equality and oneness.


When and as I see myself accepting and allowing myself for condemning myself for pushing a point of uncomfortability from the perspective of standing within umcomfortability..so as to transcend point of uncomfortability....It is important for me to stop within myself and breathe....and allow myself to slow down as the realisation and understanding of living patience in practical application as a tool of support here for walking process effectively as what is best for all life.

When and as I see myself accepting and allowing myself for reacting ot uncomfortability with uncomfortability as fear...I stop and breathe and I accept and allow myself to face myself as fear so that I am one and equal with fear here and therfore understand and realise that I do not have to accept and allow myself to particpate within fear...as thought/reaction/feeling wihtin the moment point of instability comes up...because I have proven myself capable and able to direct myself based self willed directive movement.

When and as I accep and allow myself for putting a polarized energetic judgement upon my process as like a strees relleif/confidence booster...I stop and breathe and face manifested consequences of acceted and allowed self suppression as fear of facing nature of myself as pure evil.

I commit myself use physical uncomfortability as emotional/feeling reactions as points I am required to face...as like pushing through accepted and allowed resistance/self imposed don't go there...don't remove the energy veil of illusion.

I commit myself to expose uncomfortability here.

I commit myself to sharing solutions that will bring comfort to discomforting/uncomfortable situations here.

I commit myself to sharing self realisations and understandings as practical effective insights assisting and supporting seeing the way to walk process of self realisation and self correction here as what is best for all life.

I commit myself to go there as to got here as to allow myself to be here in pushing points of uncomfortability within writing process as the self realisation and solution that I am writing myself free from accepted and allowed charges held against me as conflict/friction/separation.

Day 180 Wanting to put people in uncomfotable situation is Greedy

So, awhile ago I had attempted to arrange a date with a girl who I had fooled around with....an old girl friend who got into a war of words with the girl I had fooled around with and I wanted to include my present girlfriend.

 I thought this would be funny and interesting...I didn't really consider the funny was at the expense of other's as like reactions/uncomfortability.

Tonight I remembered about how I had tried to set up the awkward date with the 3 girls....as the memory was triggered by a girl this evening who said I made here feel uncomfortable because she felt I excluded her and my girlfriend from the conversation that I was having with my buddy who was in the front passenger seat.

I recognise that each person generates their own feelings/emotions based on their acceptances and allowances.

I told the girl, "sorry, I wasn't really considering your feelings and that you would be uncomfortable."

The fact that the girl was uncomfortable seems very ridiculous to me.  I mean for me to consider every possible way a person can possible mind fuck themselves with fear seems kind of absurd.  Although at the same time it seems kind of compassionate and considerate and would make me a cool point of support for all beings as I would therefore be able to facilitate with the comfortability by assisting and supporting the release of fear/uncomfortability.

I see now how I was a little bit defensive in my response to the girl...as like really, 'you want me to consider all your fears...like what the fuck...your fears aren't my problem...they are your mind fuck and not mine'.    I mean this is kind of a prickish attitude within greedy self righteousness as like sorry you're fucked up...i'm all good and can't be bothered with being sympathetic to your condition...it's unfortunate that you have a condition...but it's your resposnsibility and I can't be bothered with your resposnsibilities because I have my own resposnsibilities.

What are my responsibilities again? oh ya, TREAT OTHERS LIKE I WOULD LIKE TO BE TREATED....LOVE OTHERS AS MYSELF.

So, already I pulled an unexpected self realisation out of my writing that I didn't think I would find as a result of investigating this topic.

"To consider every possible way a person can mind fuck themselves with fear is compassionate and considerate because you place yourself as a facilitator in assisting and supporting the release of fear/uncomfortability in such away that it is easy/simple and the fact that fear was accepted and allowed seems ridiculous and absurd."


Wanting to put people in uncomfortable situations for my own amusement is pretty fucking evil. 



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for provoking and instigating people's fears/uncomfortabilities for my own amusement.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realising how greedy and self righteous it is to instigate and provoke people's fears for my own amusement.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realising how abusive it is to fuck with people just for the sake of fucking with people...as like getting a buzz from the fact that the people I fucked with got all worked up and emotionally distraught.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having no regard for people's feeling and emotions.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not being sympathetic to people's fear conditioning.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fucking with people's fears for my own greedy self interests.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for attempting to arrange an event from the starting point of my own amusement at the expense of others.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing my amusement to come at the expense/consequence of others.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for going into positions of superiority where I prey on another beings inferiority.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for being a verbal bully.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for justifying and assererting superiority with verbally abusive behaviour and instigating and provoking people's fear for my own amusement.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for enjoying to scare people...like really fucking with people and causing uncomfortability for my entertainment/humor.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for manipulating people for my own personal enjoyment.

I realise assisting and supporting people in being comfortable is cool.

I realise that by understanding all types of fear as feelings/emotions I am capable and able of exposing ridiculousness of accepting and allowing fear/particpation within feeling/emotion as instability as a conscious mind fuck.

I realise the girl this evening who expressed her discomfort while in the back of my vehicle this evening assisted and supported me in being considerate and compassionate towards other human beings conditioning here.

I realise it is greedy and self righteous to not care about people's feelings and emotions.

I forgive myself for not realising and understanding care as a living physical understanding/consideration/realisation/support/assistance for life here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for defining care within and as feeling/emotion as either positively charged energy or negatively charged energy as like just an energy buzz.

I forgive myself for not realising and understanding what it means to "care"

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for being pure evil in not knowing what it means to care.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for disregarding myself as others by seeking enjoyment at the expense of consequence/abuse/suffering.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having derived pleasure from suffering.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist as inferiority within and as a greedy self righteous character.

I forgive myself for not realising the assistance and support in standing within point of uncomfortability as facing fear as a means of releasing/letting go of fear.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for resisting discomfort/fear as like I don't want to go there.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for judging the use of fear as a tool of self support.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for defining fear as bad/wrong/the wors negative emotion ever.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for creating a resistance and a judgement about fear and that I am not allowed to fuck with people's fears.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for wanting and desiring to fuck with people's fears.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for wanting and desiring people to fuck with my fears.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for channelling buzzes/highs through and as the particpations within and as fear.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for being addicted to the adrenaline that exists within and as fear.

I forgive myself for not really understanding or investigating how adrenaline works within the body within and as it's relationship connection to fear...and I forgive myself for not really taking into consideration the consequences of creating lots of adrenaline within myself.

I realise I still have much work to do within my fear investigations.

I realise desiring a high is consequence of accepting a low.

I realise I would like to investigate the nature and functionality of adrenaline.

I realise the inferiority that exists within and as a greedy self righteous character.

I realise self inferiority is hidden within greedy self righteous character.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for hiding accepted and allowed inferiority within and as greedy self righteous character.

I realise to care is a physical act of compassion as assistance and support for the well being of life.



When and as I see myself accepting and allowing myself regarding a person's emotions/feelings for my own personal benefit...I stop and I breathe...And I let go of greedy self righteous energy addiction...and I return to a starting point of equality and oneness and I realise the fuckedness of going into energy games and particpating within scenarios of superiority and inferiority and I remember my starting point of self responsibility in treating others how I would like to be treated.

When and as I see myself accepting and allowing myself not to care about people's conditioning here, I stop and breathe and I realise the ridiculousness of not caring as perpetuating a world of greed and self righteousness.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not caring about people's conditioning here.

I forgive myself for not realising that by not caring about people's conditioning here,  I have perpetuated a world of greed and self righteousness.

I realise myself responsibility in understanding and realising all the energy participations associated with and as greedy self righteous energy addicted character.



I commit myself to exposing greedy self righteous energy addicted character.

I commit myself to caring for life in the best possible ways.

I commit myself to living care as who and how I am here.

I commit myself to always facing uncomfortability within the understanding that I am the solution for moving through resistance/uncomfortability into comfortability as self realisation and understanding of transcendence of self imposed limitations as fearful mindfucks.

I commit myself to continue investigating myself through writing/self forgiveness and self corrective statements.

Day 179 Sexual Innuendo's and Greedy Self Righteousness

I started examining sexual innuendo's a little more closely...from the perspective that I was looking at the reasoning behind why I have participated within sexual innuendo's so much.  The reasoning is because it's an energy buzz...it's like taking advantage of sex being regarded as taboo and dirty and nasty and like a far off topic that is a joke to discuss and talk about openly...and it's like encouraged the uncomfortable secretiveness of sex.


I realize I was taught to believe that sex is something taboo and secretive and a private matter.

I never really considered the magnificence and marvelousness of sex...well maybe I did a little bit...but I still held onto the belief and conditioning/programming that sex is something taboo and private and an uncomfortable topic to discuss.

Today I realized, holy shit...I've been perpetuating the disregard and suppression of sex and the marvelous magnificence which encompasses sex.  I realized I've perpetuated brainwashed programming about sex by playing and fucking around with the accepted and allowed brainwashing about sex...as like a cheap trick...like prostituting my words for a quick energy high, as sexual innuendo's play on peoples brainwashing about sex and create an energetic response as which is often a polarized positive energetic reaction.  I didn't consider that it has been very demonic, evil, nasty, and abusive of me to deliberately choose my words in such a way as to  manipulate the simplicity of words.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for manipulating words to channel a high energy reaction from other human beings as their reactions.

I forgive myself for not realising and understanding that others reactions to sexual innuendo's reflects my reactions to sexual innuendo's.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself fro manipulating myself and others to experience a cheap trick as temporary buzz as an energy high.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for manipulating myself and others to such an extent that I had no regard for the well being of all of existence here and that my manipulation tactics were based from the starting point of self interest as a greedy self righteous energy addiction.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for perpetuating the brainwashing within myself that sex is something taboo and uncomofrtable to be vulnerable and open about and that it is a topic that is out of bounds unless one is looking for a quick high.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for trying to manipulate women with sexual innuendo's by turning and twisting their words to mean sex with me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for believing that I can have sex with any woman so long as I properly manipluate them with my words in such a way that they believe they want and desire to have sex with me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for disregarding my body and therefore the earth and every other human being's body as consequence of accepting and allowing myself for disregarding my body.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing sexual innuendo's is like choosing to be a cannibal as like feeding off the physical by thirstying for and desiring experiences of positive energy and I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the attitude that I will do and say anything so that other human beings disregard their well being so that we can all experience the cheap trick as self consumption for energetic high experience.

I forgive myself for not realizing and understanding how greedy and righteous I have been within and as words.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for abusing words for self interest purposes of trying to fulfill myself within positive energetic experiences of power/greed/self righteousness.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realising how greedy and selfish I have been within communication here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for particpating within actions without considering the consequences of my actions.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for disregarding whether each and every single action is a living action of self love as equality and oneness or if my action is based in asserting and proclaiming self righteousness and greed.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for perpetuating much harm and disregard within existence as consequence of persistent participation within sexual innuendo's from and as a greedy self righteous starting point as desiring to be in a position of power.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for desiring to be in a position of power where supoeriority is justified and asserted and I forgive myself for not realising that my actions have directly supported/perpetuated and justified the acceptance and allowance of greedy self righteous energy possessions here.

I realise the fuckedness of sexual innuendo's as like a cheap trick that is based in a con of consciousness as like a self deceptive manipulation tactic that is rooted in evil/nastyness.

I realise the nastyness if perpetuating energy highs because I realise that the energetic high comes as consequence of the accepted and allowed inner separation as the energetic low.

I realise my thinking has been from a starting point of greedy self righteousness as how I can channel energetic high experiences through manipulating what is here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having no regard and compassion for all life here.

I realise all relationships here are pretty much the result of brainwashing.

I realise fucking around with people's brainwashing is deceptive and is not how I would like to be treated.

I realise educating and assisting and supporting others in a gentle manner as a gentleman is how I would like to be treated and approached about self hypnosis and brainwashing.

I realise the importance of always reflecting every point back upon myself to make sure I do not cause separation as consequence of not realising and understanding myself here.

I realise sex is marvelous and magnificent.

I commit myself to sharing my mistakes so that others may realise their mistakes....and I realise by placing myself as a practical physical example here...I avoid pointing the finger and creating blame because I allow myself to stand within and as self responsibility and therefore outline practical living solution.

I commit myself to being humble within sharing awesomeness of self realisations and practical solutions as self corrections which facilitate self perfection as practical living equality and oneness here.

I commit myself to embracing position of self responsibility as a being here who cares about all life here.

I commit myself to developping communication which is always best.

I commit myself to slow down within communication to make sure that I am not allowing myself to get hooked on an energetic reaction within my words as like self induced hypnosis/buzz/possession.

I commit myself to speaking equality and oneness as the realisation I am the living words and how I say what I say is how I play with what I say and that the only acceptable way to play is in a way which is best for all life here.

I commit myself to becoming a representaitve of all life here as a being merged together within my body and mind as equality and oneness as the practical living solution that is always best for life here.

I commit myself to letting go of positive energetic charges in relationship to sex and sexual acts.

I commit myself to becoming realy physical sex here as equality and oneness.

I commit myself to living patience within learning as key to self enjoyment here as self realisation and self corrective actions.


check out this specifc blog for further perspective on sexual innuendo's
http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/05/day-34-dear-godly-sex.html

Day 178 Jealousy within Greedy Self Righteous Energy Addiction

I realised jealousy is a bitch of an experience as like a helplessness that is entirely self induced.  I experienced jealosuy within past relationships with intimate girl friends.

I remember realising how I had been fucking with  myself by accepting and allowing jealousy...and how nasty it is...as blah it's just fucking brutal self consuming unpleasantness.

I made a youtube video the other day titled celebrity talk...where I realised how fucked it was for me to be judging celeberties and getting angry/frustrated at them...and that I was really just projected blame...as my own bullshit exposed...I didn't see or realise the point of greed still existing within myself.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0i5VAAcXj_Y

I forgive myself for not realising and understanding how anger, nastiness, irritation, frustration, and greed as a self righteous energy addiction can be related to holding onto points of jeaslousy.

I forgive myself for not realising and understanding that If I accept and allow myself to be jealous of something...and I don't take practical application to release the energetic charge from within myself...then I'm still carrying jealousy around withi me and it could be triggered from within my mind at any moment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for being jealous of families classified as royal.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for being jealous of professional athletes.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for being jealous of people with more money and free time than me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for being jealous of kids who started playing hockey when they were younger than I was because I believed that if I had of started playing hockey when I was younger, I would be a professional hockey player now.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for believing that if I had of started playing hockey when I was younger...like 3 or 4years old as opposed to 9 years old...I would be a professional hockey player making lots of money now.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for getting jealous of my girlfriends interactions with other guys.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for being insecure by getting jealous of my girlfriends interactions with other guys.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realising how spiteful jealousy can be.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for being spiteful towards celeberties and wealthy people in general as an outflowed consequence of accepting and allowing jealousy within myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself fo rhaving justified jealousy within greedy as being connected to the maintenance and upholding of self righteous energy addiction.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for being ashamed and emabrassed that I didn't realise I've been carrying around jealousy within myself all this time...when a few years ago I realised how nasty it is to particpate within jealousy.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for being jealous of snoop dogg for getting to smoke copius amounts of weed, have sex with lots of women...and basically just touring the globe smoking weed, rapping, and hooking up with women that desire to hook up with snoopdogg.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for being jealous of rap/rock superstars...for getting to live rock star lifestyle touring around and being worshiped and idolized by fanatics...I mean people. lol.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for being jealous of women having thought before it's so much easy for women to hook up with a guy than it is for a guy to hook up with a women. lol. ridiculousness here!

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for being jealous of my parents and my parents parents generation for getting to grow up in simpler times as like things seemingly less fucked up...and better vehicles....well I mean there was muscle cars...the cars seemed cooler...and smoking was accepted everywhere and just seemed like friendlier times.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having been jealous when somebody had a toy that I didnt have.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for being jealous of kids at school who got store bought snack/junk food compared to my home made snacks.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing msyelf for being jealous of kids who's parents got divorced because they had 2 houses to live in and sometimes got 2 birthdays and 2 christmas celebrations.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realising how greed is linked to jealousy as both are equally nasty and brutal.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for being jealous of people who own their own nice house.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for being jealous about basically everything I don't have that I would like to have or be able to do. WOW!

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for reacting to my realisations about jealousy with like a slight irritation, anger and annoyance within myself as like what the fuck...really wow....fucking brutalness here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having disregarded all life here as consequence of accepting and allowing jealousy within myself as like a form of greed as a self righteous energy addiction.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for connecting jealousy to being competitive.

I realise  the ridiculousness of jealousy...as like a nasty whining form of self pitty and inferiority.

I realise jealousy lacks any common sense considerations.

I realise the mind fuck experience of consequence of accepting and allowing jealousy.

I realise the manifested accepted and allowed separation jealousy creates.

I realise the link between jealousy and greedy as perpetuating self righteous energy addiction.

I realise holding onto jealousy in any capacity serves no purpose.

I realise the connection between greed, jealousy and envy.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be envious of people I believe to be in a better situation than myself because they have more money.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for defining who I am here based on money.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for losing sight of who I am within greed/envy/jealosuy as like obsession/possession towards money as like money being the ultimate value here as like more than myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing an envious relationship with money.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for kind of liking it when people are envious and jealous of my life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having particpated within envy as like being jealous, angry , irritated, upset, displeased, disappointed that someone has more stuff than me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having justified envy and jealousy by saying it's not fair.

I realise the ridiculousness of accepting and allowing any form of separation within myself.

I realise I gotta face the music as consequence of my acceptances and allowance and that it is much easier to simply release charges that I've carried against myself for so long...than to dwell and cry and be in shock and awe about the brutality as like the evil that has existed within myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for taking the evil nasty shit I realise about myself personally...as like creating a double mind fuck by accepting and allowing myself to go on a guilt trip and accept and allow reactions to the realisations I am faced with.

I realise that it is cool to see people enjoying themselves and have opportunities and privileges and being jealous and envious of people's good fortune is stupid and pointless.

I realise being jealous, envious, greedy, self righteous and addicted to energy is time consuming and a total self abusive mind fuck.

I commit myself to releasing and stopping all jealousy and envy within myself.

I commit myself to releasing and letting go of greedy self righteous energy addiction.

I commit myself to exposing ridiculousness of accepting and allowing jealousy, envy, greed.

Day 177 Sex and Greedy Self Righteous Energy Addiction Part 2

In having a look at my previous blog, and seeing where I decided to stop writing it seems appropriate that I begin where I left off.

Sex:

I like sex. After the fist time I had sex I wanted to do it again and improve my skills/performance. lol



In having a look at the above statements about sex, I could see that I didn't really want to dig within my sexual history...and therfore just made a few quick points about sex and ended the blog.

I'm making a point of pushing myself to write out my relationship addiction as a greedy self righteous SEX energy addict.

This seems to be the most prominent point of influence within myself at the moment. I've dedcuted this reasoning from the fact that I pulled out some wants within my previous blog as weed/cigarettes/tobacco/skiing/snowboarding...and sex....and I've written about all these topics before and it wasn't too difficult for me to write a brief history about these topics...however...it became obvious that there was noticably more resistance in wriing about sex.

so, I will come back to other topics mentioned above and dig deep within myself about and as sex...with regards to the specific relationships/beliefs/perceptions/ideas I've formed within myself.




Last night my girlfriend said to me, "Mike, you can relate everything to sex....you relate everything to sex....is that all you think about?"

I said, "everything is sex so it's not hard to relate, I mean were all organisms.....You know, I could probably relate everything to skiing/snowboarding too"



I see that I make sexual inuendo's alot within group settings...like, I'll take what somebody says and I'll put a sexual connotation on it.  I like to push the sex point in group dynamics...like for example at family dinners. I've engaged within this type of behaviour for many years. 

Sex seemed to be the most taboo thing I could talk about that everyone was afilliated with in some way or another. There has always seemed to be an energy surounding/within sex talk....and it's like every-time I make publicly a sexual relationship connection to the words somebody said publicly...ridiculousness is certain as an erruption of laughter or like funny repsonses within individuals forming and making judgements about what I said...as like being shocked and awed...as like being surprised that I went there with my words.

Every girlfriend I've had has started from the starting point of having a partner to have sex with. It's like I'm always ready to have sex...well maybe not quite....like I don't have a boner 24/7.  Recently I've been looking at the point...'am I able to say no to sex?'  In my current relationship...i've considered saying no to having sex...but then I'm like...well ya I am capable and I do like sex...and if you wanna have sex...ok....I mean I wasnt really feeling like having sex at the moment...but ya ok...I dont really want to say no and miss out on an opportunity to have sex.

I coined the term awhile ago, "energy slut"

An Energy Slut applies to everyone here basically because of the friction/rubbing created within the mind/body in brewing up energy/energetic responses/reactions. Energy Slut is someone who mind fucks themselves. It's become aparent to me how I'm existing here as an energy slut...and how I've taken a liking to fucking myself with certain energies...you know the positive blissfull energies.

It's like I've accepted  my mind to be like my dick and every time I move it I get lost/possessed within the experience as the energy...and I'm righteous about following/playing this experience out...that it's like I'm being totally pulled out of myself so to speak as like I'm moving based upon an energy I created and the energy is like separate from me and the energy is driving me...like giving me the push...and Im not really moving myself...It's like I'm choosing to go on the energy ride and my body is the vehicle giving me the experience of the ride...though the experience of the ride is interpreted/directed in my head...and it's like a believing in the buzz.



Ok, I'm opening alot of stuff up from my writing...so I'm going to start with using my writing here to assist and support me with and as self forgiveness as a means of further understanding and self realising myself here and therfore creating a platform to assist and support myself with walking out of energy possession and standing up within energy possessions and stoping the inequalities within my mind and equalizing myself within my mind and body...so that I can establish an equal and one body and mind agreement here as equality and oneness.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for believing after the first time I had sex that I was inadequate and that I need to improve my performance.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for judging sex.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for judging sexual performance.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for obsessing about sex.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for making sex a point of power.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for making sexual innuendo's and connecting everything everyone says to sex as like a way of mind fucking myself as to give myself an energetic high/push/pull from the body and the beings I am with as their reactions to my comments.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for speaking from the starting point of generating energetic reactions...as like the more intense the better.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for liking to talk about sex because many people are uncomfortable talking about sex and this places me within a position of superiority and I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for liking being in a position of superiority. I forgive myself for not realising that accepting and allowing myself to like being in a position of superioroty, perpetuates inferiority within myself and perpetuates the need/desire/want to experience moments of superiority.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for judging myself for liking sex and not wanting to say no to opportunities to have sex with partner.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realising and understanding how desire for sex as like an energetic experience exposes the accepted and allowed greedy self righteous energy addiction within myself.

I forgive myself for not realising and undrstanding that I was born into this world as a greedy self righteous energy addict...and that the source of fulfilling cravings/hunger is within and as sexual particpation...because within sexual experiences...energy is able to be built up to maximum potential...and than released/discharged....as like the release..the pull/push....the letting go...like the cause and effect of scratching an itch.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for using my body as like an energetic playground that produces experiences. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realising and understanding the consequence of using my body as like mining for resources/physical substances to extartc from myself as like to burn off as energy to give me the enrgy high.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for polarizing judgements about energy as being good or bad within the context of having a polarized emotional energetic charge to the word bad and a polarized energetic feeling charge to the word good.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having declared that I love sex.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for professing love for sex as an experience...like an energy obssession as greedy self righteous energy addiction.

I forgive myself for not realising and understanding that thinking within myself has been like a form of having sex as like mind movement that generates a rubbing/friction within my body as like my mind being the dick and my body the vagina that is getting penetrated.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing a superiority relationshi between the dick and the vagina and my mind and the body.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realising and understanding how exstensively I have limmited myself as consequence of being an automated greedy self righteous energy addicted organic robot.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for wanting and desiring characterization as greedy self righteous energy addict to stop.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for always desiring a buzz of some sorts as like some form of stimulation as like some sort of energy to move/feed on/to consume myself with.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for for desiring and fearing to consume myself as consequence of greedy self righteous energy addiction.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realising and understanding the extent of my condition as a greedy self righteous energy addict here and I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for wanting and desiring a quick/instant fix solution as like abra kadabra I'mn done...I've finished process of self realisation and self correction.

I forgive myself for not realising and understanding that that the time it takes to walk process of self realisation and self correction is exstensive because accepted and allowed conditioning as been exstensive and therefore deprogramming greedy self righteous enerrgy addiction is specific based on accepted and allowed programmed conditions.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing a negative charge on the words energy slut....I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for using the word energy slut within the light of negative self judgement.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for nto realising and understanding how physical sex in all ways here can assist and support the release of energetic charges and that through realising myself here as physical sex, I can equalize myself here as a physical sexual being as the physical sex you all being...as like you is me and me is you and we are all here together...and therefore the best way to sex together is as one and equal as means of mutual benefit/assistance and support as knowing and understanding and commiting to living as the best sex here always as phyical sexual movement starts with breath as breath is the basis and starting point foundation to ourselves as the organism...and the orgasm here as harmonious music makers as one and equal sound equilibrium...like perfect harmony in all ways that are best for all life here.

I realise walking process as sexual correction from experience into physical living is a process.

I realise I am capable and able to realise myself as physical sex in all ways as equality and oneness here.

I realise I am commited to myself here in and as process of self realisation and self correction and I also realise that I am commited to learning...and I realise that within learning and figuring things out I am capable and able to be creative and structured at the same time and that it is ok for me to make mistakes because mistakes expediate and facilitate process of self perfection because of the abscense of fear in wrong doing and therfore when a point is seen as a mistake as like a wrong doing...it is no big deal...because the point is re-alligned to what is best and therefore I walk/swim/breathe/ski/snowboard/talk/play/share/laugh/ process of structural resonance allignment.

I realise I don't require to want, need and desire process of structural resonance allignement as equality and oneness to be great, awesome, fun, playfull and cool because I know great, awesome, fun, playfull and cool to be here as words of support anbd assistance here as equality and oneness as what is best for all life.

I realise process is like an unfolding/exposure of ridiculousness.

I realise embracing ridiculousness is a cool key of self support in enhancing and facilitating self realisations as like aha moments as equality and oneness connections as the point here clear from fear as any polarity manifested friction.

I commit myself to writing myself clear of fear.

I commit myself to continue wrting about sex within and as greedy self righteous energy addiction.

I commit myself to sharing sexual connections as a point of assistance and support in facilitating the movement of process as self realisation and self correction.

I commit myself to beccoming and standing within the understanding and realisation of and as physical sex being here.

Day 176 Greed as Self Righteous Energy Addiction

I just listened to "Fearing Your Own Fears" within the reptillian series on Eqafe. <iframe frameborder="0" height="210" src="http://eqafe.com/embed/mmcdonald-fearing-your-own-fears-reptilians-part-128" width="150"></iframe>

and,

 "The Stairways to Heaven" from the reptillian series. Marduk was the speaker in both recordings.  <iframe frameborder="0" height="210" src="http://eqafe.com/embed/mmcdonald-the-stairways-to-heaven-reptilians-part-129" width="150"></iframe>

Within these 2 recordings, Marduk touched on and expanded my understanding of my relationships within energy...and gave further context to how I have been half assing my process here as a consequence of picking and choosing to remain within some energies and therfore not practically releasing all charges held against myself as conflict/friction as polarized energy feeding off my beingness/awareness here.

This all corelates with greed...the topic of my blogs for the past 21 days.

I had thoughts yesterday and on some previous days with regards to how long can I keep writing about greed and my existence here as a greedy self righteous character. The more I've written...the more I've been like...I can write soo much more...seems so endless...like:

HAVE I EVER NOT EXISTED AS A GREEDY SELF RIGHTEOUS CHARACTER?

WAS I NOT BORN AS A GREEDY SELF RIGHTEOUS CHARACTER?

WAS I A GREEDY SELF RIGHTEOUS CHARACTER BEFORE I WAS BORN HERE?

These are some questions I will keep open for atleast the next little while.

So, a specific point Marduk mentioned within the interviews which I listed above, is with regards to 'want'. Basically being possessed by wants.

My self interested wants has been somewhere I've greatly resisted going within my process. I mean I've indentified my wants...and I've supported my consciousness thoughts to protect and desire and playout my wants...yet the relationships which I have developped specific positive energies towards...i've so much so resisted equalizing these relationships out of fear of loss, letting go of the high I've created within myself as like this is all I really care about...this is my heaven.

I have huge resistance to even writing anything more upon this page. It's like  my mind consciousness system is looking for a way to resist my self directed awareness in writing here.

Discipline is important as a self commitment.

ok, so lets look at these words/things/beings/existences:



weed

cigarettes/tobacco

skiing/snowboarding

sex



Let me now share a little bit about my history with each of these words:


weed:

I was smoking weed heavily when I first became aware of the desteni message and the desteni material. I resisted full out participation with desteni as consequence of not really wanting to face my relationship with weed. I justified this outlook. This created a battle/conflict within myself as I knew the weed point was something that I had to push and challenge myself to let go of. I've stopped smoking weed many times for many months. I've never fully closed the door on weed...i've gotten real close...I even kinda thought I did...yet I know I didn't want to go all the way there in solidifying with absolute certainty that I closed the door on weed.

I had defined weed as my medicine. I had defined my ideal personality as a weed smoker. I had defined weed as the solution for all of humanity. I worshipped weed. I praised weed. I acredited my intelligence and awareness to weed. I remember thinking one time how I was looking for a change in my life...and I chose to get rid of my girlfried...because in my mind I made a decision that it was either quit weed or quit my girfriend.

The first time I smoked weed seemed so very therapeutic for me.  It was in the springtime at a grade 12 night party. My friend Luc had brought 3 joints to the party and the plan had been that me and my friend brian were going to try smoking weed for the first time. We ended up each smoking our on joint...I don't think it was so much planned for us each to smoke our own joint as it just ended up happening....in fact I recall smoking 2 joints at the same time at one point. We had been drinking various types of alcohol prior to toking up.

After getting really high, I remeber going to find a comfy spot to sit down. I had moved inside the house from outside the house. I found a cozy chair to sit in/on in the basement that just so happened to be facing towards my ex-girlfriend...well if I can even call her my ex-girfriend(I had spent some time with her the previous summer and I liked her a lot...I had a definite crush on her....she liked me to...I wanted to kiss her and have sex with her...yet...I liked her soo much...I didnt see the rush in jumping into those things with her...as I was really enjoying getting to know her...we talked alot...spent time together many times over the course of a month.....than she told me that she was done spending time with me...she didnt use those words exactly...she did say that she was getting back together with her ex boyfriend whom she had already had sex with before and she justified her reasoning by saying to me that if I really liked her I would have tried to kiss her. I was crushed...felt so hurt...I remember saying to her...'i guess what they say is true, nice guys finish last'.)

Ok, back to me being really high, sitting in a comfy chair facing my exgirlfriend and her boyfriend whom she went back to because I didn't put out quick enough.

I was quite relaxed.....so fucking relaxed. Previously I would of felt some sort of nervousness being around ex-girlfriend with her boyfriend who was a year older than me.  However not now.

I chit chatted with them a little bit....you know just kind of like sharing my well regards...and ya I was chatting with my friend Brian whom was also really high for the first time. We were a littel giggly goo in general...and ya there was a shit ton of people at party...so I was just kinda of joking around with whoever was near me.

What's interesting is that the people around me...changed quite a bit over time...with the exception of ex girlfriend and her boyfriend who remained in chair together...except for the occaisional bathroom trip. I became aware of the fuckedness of their relationship...how they were like joined at the hip and neither of them seemed to be having a good time....and because they came to the party together...they stuck together...watching them was quite hilarious to me,,, I could see their awkwardness and uncomfortability as like some sort of social anxiety....and ya i was feeling as good as fuck...and maybe I found this misfortune/uncomfortability within them to be so funny because I had spite towards them...as like having held onto emotional pain that had burdened me.

 I never considered untill now...that all the shit I was seeing in them was becuase of shit that existed within myself.

So, weed had my approval after that night. I didnt think I was possessed or obsessed by it....although I would indulge at party's when the opportunity presented itself.

I remember smoking a joint in my garage about 2 or 3yrs after my first weed experience...and I rememember examining all the relationships I had with people at highschool....and in particular I was examining the relationships that I had that werent very strong...meaning...there was never a very close or intimate sharing...like really getting to know the person very well....and as I looked at my relationships with people from highschool....it was like for the first time ever...I placed myself into the shoes of others...and this was like woah...like a whole world of consideration and understanding opened up...like I could see how closed minded I had been within my relationships...and selfish I guess...ya definiately...as I was so concerned about me...and I didn't look or regard the others as me at all....like I was always trying to carry a superiority attitude and place myself as better than others becuase really I felt inferior to alot of people.

These considerations and regards for other people as to place myself in their shoes...and that every person is just a person...rubbed off on me...though I was still existing within a frame of mind of self interest...as like now I can further justify my righteousness by not fearing so much to say whatever I want to whomever I want.

It was like I kind of understood that my relationship with others reflects my relationship with myself...I mean at this point I didnt understand or was in any way aware of my greedy self righteous energy addiction.



cigarettes/tobacco:

first tobacco I smoked was cigars because I thought it was cool...and I believed cigars to be cooler and better for me than cigarettes.  Fisrt several cigarettes I had were while I was drinking alcohol and I was looking to pick up a girl/get a girl's phone number. The smoking section outside was alot quieter than inside the club and also I would have an excuse to talk to girls because I was smoking or wanted to smoke...like only asking a girl Im attracted to for a cigarette or lighter.  I mixed tobacco with weed to make joints bigger.  I liked to smoke weed but I didnt want to waste weed by using too much of it because I wanted to savour my weed as much as possible. I recall taking people's old cigarette butts and taking the pinch left of tobacco from them to put in my joints...because I didnt want to buy smokes because at this point i didnt really care about smoking cigarettes and this was cheaper. Over time I got tired of bummin smokes off people and scrounging butts for my joints.  eventually I would buy pouches of tobacco or packs of smokes to use specifically as mix for my weed to make spliffs. Smoking spliffs...a combo of weed and tobacco...which moved towards way more tobacco than weed...because I liked to smoke and I didnt want to smoke more weed than I felt I needed to get high.

I became dependent upon putting tobacco with my weed. I didnt want to smoke weed without tobacco in it. I mean I did a few times...but I wanted tobacco with it.

I use to smoke spliffs like people smoke cigarettes who like really like to smoke cigarettes....all the time. I wasn't concerned that weed was illegal where I was living because I believed I was masking the smell enough with all the tobacco I was putting in with it...and I created a defense is I was confronted that I smoking lebaneese tobacco.

Eventually I started smoking cigarettes without being drunk because I wanted to smoke a spliff and I didnt have any weed with me or I didnt want to get high or I felt like I had to ration my weed for later,

Cigarettes and cigars became a very social thing for me to do. weed/spiffs too.

When I came across the desteni material and read and heard that cigarettes were a cool point of support...I upped my smoking intake...and took on a point of self righteousness within smoking cigs by telling everyone that smoking is good for you and and that smoking assists and supports the breath of life...and that smoking assists and supports with being here....and people who don't smoke...arent generally taking the time to foucs/be aware/direct breathing.

I would smoke more cigaretes/cigars when I would quit smoking weed for awhile.

smoking very much so became a point of comfort for me.

at times I was competive about smoking...in the sense that I would profess my righteousness as like how great I am at smoking spliffs and that I love smoking soo much and that I have an iron lung...and that If I was in a weed smoking competition...we'd run out of weed.

I attached being a smoker to myself as part of my personality...as being a smoker is who I am.



Skiing/snowboarding:

I learned to ski when I was 9. Learning to ski was pretty easy for me.  I didn't ski very much throughout the year untill about 4 years ago when I took a job as a ski instructor. After becoming a ski instructor I realised I didn't know nearly as much as I am capable of  knowing about skiing. Becoming a ski instructor was a pretty humbling experience.

I was keen to take the job as ski instructor because I saw this as giving me an opportunity to learn to snowboard...and I would have ample time to learn. I asked the snowboard instructors lots of questions about snowboarding before I tried it.  I didn't try snowboarding till near the end of first winter working as a ski instructor because I had become preoccupied with improving my skiing skills.

I learned how to snowboard pretty easily...so much so that I got to teach a beginner snowboard lesson at the end of the winter season...and I had just learned a few weeks earlier.

Skiing and snowboarding have interested me a lot in recent years as physical activities I am capable and able of perfectng my movements within as they are both very mechanical physically and it;s just a matter of learning and applying specific body mechanics.

Teaching both skiing and snowboarding has assisted me with my skill development. Also I think it's cool to share skills with others...and I've had lots of fun teaching skiing and snowboarding to people of all ages.


Sex:

I like sex. After the fist time I had sex I wanted to do it again and improve my skills/performance. lol



TO BE CONTINUED TOMOROW.



 

Day 175 Greed Prevents Practical Living Solution

An interesting point worth regarding: Each One is the practical living solution.

This means, that the solution as equality and oneness as what is best for all life here, exists within me. I am the answer, the question, and the solution...as process here.

So, in moments of stuckedness...it's really a ridiculous acceptance and allowance...because I am the key to me...as each of us hold the key to the kingdom of heaven so to speak...as each of us here is required to unlock the doors of perception/awareness with self honesty and self trust in the moment in allowing ourselves access to the totality of ourselves here.

So, I recognised that for me to feel stuck, overwhelmed, perplexed within process is in fact greedy as an act of self sabotage as like a choosing to go into my mind and particpate within accepted and allowed thoughts as judgement possessions that take on various dimensions of fears within the realm of either emotion or feeling.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realising and understanding that I have been limitting myself access to myself as the practical living solution here as what is best for all life as equality and oneness.

I forgive myself for not realising and understanding the simplistics of walking process and playing with points of self realisation within the application of self forgiveness as ahaha moments and sharing the coolness of points that I have just released from within myself that were acting as self imposed imprisonment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realising the consequence of accepting and allowing myself to be influenced by fear as creating an instability within myself in the form of a greedy character that is unable to consider what is best for all life here as assistance and support.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realising how holding onto any thoughts is a form of self imprisonment as each thought carries an energetic charge within the polarity friction of feeling/emotion as some form of derivative of fear and that to effectively release fear from within myself...I am required to in the moment as I see the point within my mind that I realise is fucked as an acceptance and allowance it is to specificall forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realising and understanding the point that was existent within my mind.

I forgive myself for not realising the greedy dynaminc of looking at points within my mind as self realisations and not speaking out loud the self corrective applications as self forgiveness as like a sourcing of my shit as to make an audible refernece as speaking aloud self forgiveness...as basically saying yup, my bad...i acknowledge my fuck up and I stand as the solution/correction to the fuck up and thus I walk/live/breathe the correction...so as to say...till here no further do I accept and allow this bullshit within myself.

I forgive myself for thinking and believing that I really gotta search for points of self correction...and I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not wanting to open up point when point is mirror refelcted within my mind and I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realising how greedy it is to not want to push a point into a living solution when the point presents itself within my mind as like an opportunity/present/gift that I am capable and able to give myself with self directive movement with breath and speaking aloud self forgiveness.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for complicating points of self realisation by believeing that that shit can't just be so simple in application.

I forgive myself for not realising and understanding how accepting and allowing conflict within myself as resistance to equality and oneness as life simplicity makes everything seem complicated and that by allowing myself to slow down and be here in breath...I am capable and able to embrace life simplicity of the moment.

I realise it is greedy to keep my thoughts to myself as the starting point of thoughts is fear and accepting and allowing fear is stupid bullshit retardation.

I realise the simplicity of walking solution in the moment as I see point within my mind as realisation and understanding as to why I have been accepting and allowing point of separation...and I realise the point of allowing myself to talk aloud or write out the solution as to source myself accounted for in practically living myself here as solution as walking self correction into self perfection as being here commited to Life as physical living.

I realise the point of self compromise within seeing a point as like seeing an opportunity/gift/present and choosing to not go there as like to say nah I'll come back to that point later.

I realise the ridiculousness of saying I'll look at these points later as opposed to in the moment taking self responsibility for the point and walking the solution as to make the change immediate as removing the charges placed against myself.

I realise the ridiculousness of not wanting to go there in terms of practically walking solution as equality and oneness here...as self induced terrorism as like a total mind.

I realise I increase and strengthen my abilities and capabilities of living as practical solution by allowing myself to express myself here as practical living solution as equality and oneness as what's best for all life.

I realise the assistance and support I share in facilitating the expediation of process by walking and standing as a practical living solution of being in process here.

I commit myself to living assistance and support as the solution to practical living process here.

I commit myself to facilitating the expediation of process by walking and standing as a practical solution of being in process here.

Day 174 Greed within the Family

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for projecting greed towards my parents.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for desiring to get all that I can from my parents.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for feeling justified in exploiting my parents from the starting point of greed.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for desiring to fuck with my parents as like a form of retribution for all the times they disapointed me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing an internal war towards my parents.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for holding onto memories as emotional experiences in relationship to  my parents.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for feeling obligated to tell my parents repeatedly how fucked they are.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing a hatred towards  my parents.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for wanting to hurt my parents.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for feeling a sense of obligation towards my parents.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for believing that I  must respect my parents authority.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for creating a personality towards my parents as like a rebel in opposition/conflict with parental authority.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fighting over food within the family home from the starting point of greed.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for being greedy within my relationship to my parents and brothers.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for manipulating my family members from the starting point of greed.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for blaming my parents for who and how I am here today.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for blaming my parents for the consequences that exist within humanity.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for blaming my parents from the starting point of greed as like to manipulate their feelings/emotions so as to reverse the roles and put me in an authoritative position in relation to my parents.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for being greedy in desiring to be in an authoritative position over my parents where they are required to respect my authority and beg for my forgiveness.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for asking for my parents forgiveness many times because it was easiest way to manipulate their mood and would make my living experience at their hous much better.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for thinking that as a result of telling my parents that Ive had so many nasty thoughts about them and asking them for their forgiveness that they would reciprocate my example and ask me for their forgiveness.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for being greedy in desiring my parents to ask me for forgiveness.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for indulging in thoughts of greed towards my parents as like projecting into the future the day when they realise all their bullshit and come apologizing to me for the abuse they caused me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having held a grudge against my parents.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for believing that my parents are fucked into oblivion for all eternity.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for desiring my parents to wake up and unfuck themselves and actually want to have real conversations with me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for placing so much value in my parents as like more than any other human beings here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing an abusive relationship with my parents.

I realise that I am required to go into all the memories that I have accumulated with my parents and release the polarity frictions as the emotion and feeling energies.

I realise the ridiculousness of taking things personally within the family as like to go under the spell of another family member's emotions/feelings.

I realise how love as a feeling creates the ability to easily be fucked with and manipulated and educated through fear within the family...as the family home is like a battle field of emotional and feeling mayhem.

I realise I stop instability within my family relationships by stopping participation within feelings and emotions.

I realise each member of my family has been a teacher for me,,,and that it is ridiculous to judge the lessons that each member of the family has taught me.

I realise the fuckedness that exists within the family dynamic as placing more importance on family members than other human beings without an immediate blood relationship.

I realise my family is brainwashed within a self hypnosis.

I realise each family member is required to clean themselves of their self induced brain washing and that taking it upon myself to feel obligated to try and force the cleaning of each family member's brain is futile.

I realise the ridiculousness of retribution and retaliation as like choosing to be sucked into a vortex of instability as energetic feeling/emotion/thought possession.

When and as I see myself accepting and allowing myself to be sucked into a vortex of instability as energetic feeling/emotion/thought possession, I stop and I breathe....and I release energetic charges.

When and as I see  myself reacting to a family member and taking their shit personally,..I stop and breathe and realise the fuckedness and ridiculousness of fucking myself intentionally because I dont like the way my family member is fucking themselves.

When and as I see myself feeling obligated to do something within the family because I am part of the family...I stop and I breathe and I question the starting point of obligation and check to make sure I am not allowing myself to be influenced by thought/feeling/emotion as form of energetic possession.

I commit myself to sharing my process of self change as self realisation and self perfection with my family.

I commit myself to being patient within family interactions and to understand and realise that judging the specific placement of where each family member is at in process is ridiculously useless and is to no benefit whatsoever.

I commit myself to being an example of stability assistance and support within family.

I commit myself to handeling conflict within the family with ease as like accepting and allowing facing conflict to be easy and fun.

I commit myself to not taking family shit personally.

Day 173 Greed as Fear of Speaking Self Forgiveness Aloud

Fearing to speak self forgiveness aloud is greedy!




I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for being greedy within my application of self forgiveness.

I forgive myself for not realising and understanding how greedy it is to fear sharing self forgiveness aloud as a living example here walking self correction process through self realisation as self perfection.

I forgive myself for not realising and understanding that fearing to sharing self forgiveness aloud indicates a resistance to changing to what's best which is an abdication of self responsibility as being a living practical example of life excellence.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fearing conflict and confrontation as that I may be required to explain myself and inform others of the effectiveness of self forgiveness and how it practically works and supports physical well being here as what is best.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for being greedy in not wanting to share tool of self forgiveness as awesome tool of self support in facilitating change that can stand as what is best.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for being the first one to judge myself always within the realms of fear to create a form of self sabotaged justified righteous reasoning as to why I should be greedy in keeping self forgiveness to myself and avoid being exposed as a real physical being here that is practically applying what is best for all life here is a real life living example/teacher/life coach.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for thinking about the confrontation and confllict that I will be faced with as a result of applying self forgiveness in the moment wherever I am as I will be heard and seen applying myself always here.

I realise, WOW, "to be seen and heard always applying myself here" is a cool point of documentation/recording/physical presentation/symbolism/self expression/equality and oneness

I commit myself to talking self forgiveness aloud in the moment when I see a point of application.

I commit myself to letting go of fears that will come up within myself as like consciousness systems trying to possess me in not going there and sharing myself as giving myself a release from the charges I've held against myself here.

I commit myself to letting go of the ridiculousness of fearing to be heard expressing awesomness as self forgiveness and self corrective statements.

I commit myself to being a trend setter in setting the stage as expressing self forgiveness in the moment as being really fucking coool.

I commit myself to making the point known that self forgiveness is the epitome of cool and awesomeness as the foundation necessary in being able to walk the talk of equality and oneness merged  and fused together as excellence as what is best in all ways here as Life assistance and support.

Day 172 A Story of Greed

When I was in elementary school I wanted Nike apparell. I can recall my Dad telling me that Nike's clothes and shoes are made in sweatshops.  At the time, I didn't know what a sweat shop was. He explained to me what a sweatshop was.  I thought, this is terrible and why is this aloud? Interestingly enough I still wanted and desired Nike apparell. I remember being like kind of stumped/confused for a moment when Dad shared the sweatshop information. I was thinking, "ok he's telling me this bad stuff BUT I still want the Nike apparell and I don't see how me not getting what I want is going to change anything but me simply not getting what I want." I remember how obsessed I became with brand name clothing...as like I attached this all mighty value to symbolism.
I see how I've perpetauted greed since childhood as consequence of accepting and allowing myself to be possessed by greed because of strong feelings created as an obsession in my mind I must possess.

I recognise how participation as greed totally blinds common sense clarity as what is the best solution for all Life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for disregarding the suffering and abuse that is consequence of Nike's inhumane labour conditions.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not understanding and realising my abilities and capabilities to influence big business.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I cannot influence and change big business.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for thinking I'm just a boy, what can I do.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for dismissing my accountability in perpetuating sweat shop labour by participating as a consumer of sweat shop labour.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for wanting and desiring Nike apparell after I was informed of Nike's sweat shops.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not understanding and realising the consequences of placing value within feelings/emotions as the frame of mind that creates my obsession in thoughts as like a self hypnosis as like a self induced trance of being like a donkey chasing after a carrot on a stick and being possessed by the carrot as like the possession I must obtain at all costs.

When and as I see myself accepting and allowing myself to be in a self induced trance like a donkey chasing after a carrot as thoughts/feelings/emotions,...I stop and breathe and allow myself to difuse the energy build up within myself.


I commit myself to exposing the nature of greed and promoting the Equal Money System and Desteni I Process Pro as the best solutions for stopping abuse perpetuated by greed.

check out Equal Money System http://equalmoney.org
check out Desteni I Process Pro http://desteniiprocess.com

Day 171 Greed Perpetuates Stagnation

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realise and understand that greed perpetuates stagnation as consequence of resisting what is best,

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realise and understand how greed perpetuates stagnation as consequence of resisting what is best.  I realise stagnation results as consequence of ineffective self movement in physical structural alignment as what is best. I realise being present in breath is the foundational pivot point for self perfected movement in breath as physical structual alignment as stability here as a sound structured foundation.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realise and consider the harm I have caused to my body as consequence of resisting moving myself from the starting point of breath and that not being present in breath creates wear and tear on the body as consequence of misaligning from equality and oneness as starting point of being structurally sound.

I forgive myself not not accepting and allowing myself to realise and understand the importance of hereness in breath within all my small physical movements throughout the day.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for holding onto the belief and attitude that participating here in breath as the basis of self direction in every moment is like impossible.  I forgive myself for not realising and understanding that I have shown myself effectively how to not be here in breath in every moment and that because I realise why I havent been present here within awareness of and as breath I am capable and able to walk self correction process in returning to self awareness as breath.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for reacting in judgement and disapointment when I have realised that I have lost my rythym as presence of breath as consequence of accepting and allowing myself to get distracted and preoccupied within my mind.  I realise that recognising when I am not here in breath is a cool self reference point in stabilizing myself here in breath...and therefore I am able and capable of self regulating myself here as breath awareness,

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience self defeatism when I look at my mistakes and the self correction process I am required to breathe breath by breath,

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for making process out to be this big thing within time that is not measurable within breath that exists somewhere outside of me in relationship with percieved limmited connectivity.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realise and understand how breath connects me here equal and one as internal and external process as what is best.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realise and understand how life/existence/universe is born again with every breath as the presence for giving Life as what is best for Life.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realise and understand that what is best for me is what is best for everyone as I am everyone/everything and therefore exisitng as less than what's best is to exist as less than life...as like not allowing myself to play here as the innocence of a child as fun.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having lost sight of myself as fun as consequence of accepting and allowing judgement.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realising and understanding the simplicity in finding myself here as fun as I realease the shackles from my ankles and the weight from my shoulders as I release the tension that has accumlated within myself as fear.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realising and understanding how I had supressed the very nature of my being as fun as consequence of accepting and allowing myself for learning to fear myself as fun as the innoncence of a child in self expression from moment to moment from the starting point of being the present moment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realising and understanding what it means to be here as the present moment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realising and understanding myself as The Present Moment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for hiding from myself as the present moment.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to understand and realise why I chose to hide from myself as the present moment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that any justification is valid as reason/excuse as why I chose to hide from present moment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hide from the present moment and I forgive myself for not realising the present moment as Life Gifts as a statement in standing here equal and one as Life's Gift as appreciation and grattitude as a knowing what a treat/pleasure/Gift...Most Awesome Present Life is.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realising and understanding the Gift of Life as Magnificence in Creation Here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realising and understanding the Magnificence of myself as a capable and able creator as what's best for Life as maker of the best present/presence.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realising and understanding that I have been waiting to validate myself here as Life...as I am the question, the answer and solution of/as Life.

I realise I am grateful and appreciative to be sorting myself out as like piecing my abilities and capabilites to play as equality and oneness as the song that never ends back together again.

I realise there is only one way to play fair...and that's equality and oneness as the best and only way to play,,,and that there is no choice if you are going to have fun playing or not because because the best playing is fun for everyone as each one is included in playing the best player/actor/care-actor here as unified together to get here as got here as self realised, self perfected understanding of the law of being as Equality and Oneness Together as the internal/external Orgasm.

Day 170 Greed Character Part 16

Greed is a conflict situation because greed is an aspect of self interest preservation that brings forth outcomes as consequence that do not take into consideration the actual consequence that originates from greed.

I learned this lesson about greed and the conflict that results as consequence just today as like oh shit I didn't even consider the conflict I was creating towards my girlfriend as a result of accepting and allowing myself for obsessing within my mind about living in Revelstoke British Columbia this winter because it is one of the biggest ski mountains in Canada with the most snow.  I made a decision to live in Ottawa Canada this winter and it's like I haven't honored the decision very well as I've constantly flirted with escaping Ottawa to live where the best skiing conditions are.

Within allowing myself to daydream about self interested ski fantasies I've been neglecting consideration of the commitment I made to my girlfriend to walk process with her.

Within this my behaviour has been less than exceptional because any time I've had an emotional reaction in relationship to my girlfriend I've thought about escaping my relationship and justified it within my mind for atleast a few moments as being the righteous thing to do because my girlfriend is simply fucked.

I realise my comments within my head have been fucked and it exposes how I have been negligent within my relationship with my girlfriend because of the accepted and allowed greedy mind set of obsessing over desires as fantasies and allowing myself to occupy many moments daily thinking about myself being somewhere else than I am.

The fact is I am where I am and I made a decision to be where I am.

Having allowed myself to compromise my relationship with my girfriend because of greedy self interested thoughts is total unacceptable bullshit.

I've had a greedy mind set about skiing because I will have the opportunity to ski in near by Quebec Canada this winter and I will be teaching skiing there.  The fact that the mountains in Quebec are not as big as they are in British Columbia and the fact that there is more snow in British Columbia has perpetuated my greedy attitude as me not being appreciative of what is here.  It's like I have been possessed by the attitude of I need more....and if there is a choice between having more or not having more I choose more.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the attitude of I need more...and if there is a choice between having more or not having more I choose more as consequence of fearing not having enough.

I realise I have been pretty ungratefull for what I have here in terms of assistance and support in all aspects of my day to day living here in Ottawa.

I realise the unfulfillment I have created within myself as consequence of accepting and allowing the, "I need more" attitude and the fear of not having enough.

I commit myself to living appreciation of the opportunities I do have here in Ottawa as assistance and support in walking process of self realisation/self perfection.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having been abusive towards my girlfriend within thought, feeling and emotion as consequence of accepting and allowing myself for obsessing within imagination as ski fanatasy that places me away from being physically here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having not considered the well being of my girlfriend here and the commitment I have made to her within my pre-occupation as a greedy character obsessing about self interested indulgences such as skiing the best terrain.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for pointing the finger at my girlfriend within my mind as her being too fucked and basically disregarding her as my partner and equal here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for compromising equality with my girlfriend and as consequence of my greedy nature created a juxta position for myself as superiority as assertive in righteousness and my girlfriend as inferiority and less than me,

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having been so abusive and brutal towards my girlfriend within my mind.

I forgive myself not realising and understanding this abusive and brutal nature within myself is the consequence of accepting and allowing myself to participate as a greedy character.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realising that I have perpetuated emotional instability within myself as consequence of perpetuating greedy self interests within my mind.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for deflecting the brutal abusive nature I have accepted within myself and I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself from negating self responsibility to investigate the depths of myself with brutal self honesty always.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not acknowledging the fact that the nastiness that exists within my mind as thought is a direct mirrored self reflection of my accepted and allowed particpations within myself that I have not effectively taken self responsibility for in walking correction as to transcend/remove/delete fuckedness.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having resisted considering the depths of my accepted and allowed greed and overall fuckedness as consequences of years and years of mind particpations as thoughts/feelings/emotions with no actual awareness of what I was in fact perpetuating within myself as self compromise as less than what is best for all life here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for obsessing in my mind about skiing in revelstoke this winter.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for considering a back door escape from my girlfriend.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think that back door escapes are an option for me to consider.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to wallow within my mind about how I could just quit on my girlfriend.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for considering giving up on myself as my thoughts reflected towards my girlfirend. I realise all thoughts I have towards my girlfriend reflect and mirror my relationship with myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not really considering the relationship that I accept and allow within myself as consequence of accepting and allowing myself for exisiting as a greedy character.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not understanding and realising how I have compromised my relationship with myself throughout the years as consequence of accepting and allowing myself to participate here as a greedy self righteous character.


I realise relationship with self as what is best for life is disregarded and is compromised in the name of self interested greed as thought/feeling/emotion

I realise how I see and talk is a reflection of the relationship I accept and allow as myself being here.

I realise thinking about back door escapes as like breaking commitments is a point of giving up on myself here as the will I am.

I realise greed perpetuates wasted potential/opportunity.

I realise I am no longer interested in existing as a greedy self righteous character here that wastes inherent potential and opportunities

I realise that obsessing in my mind about skiing was an act of hiding and negligence as abuse as deflecting and denying self responsibilities as commitment to self realisation in every moment here as life equality and oneness.

I realise focusing on fuckedness in another is in fact revealing specific fuckedness within myself that I have avoided looking at and can be a cool point of support as brutal self honest investigation to bring forth self realisation and self correction as self perfection.

I realise greed and self righteousness perpetuates emotional instability.


I commit myself to letting go of thought participation as back door escape to commitments here in Ottawa

I commit myself to stop obsessing and fantasising within my mind about skiing in revelstoke this winter.

I commit myself to honoring self commitment statements.

I commit myself to walking process of assistance and support with my girlfriend

I commit myself to reflecting my mind as thoughts/feelings/emotions inward as my acceptances and allowances to be faced into the depths of my being so that I get to the root cause of each thought/feeling/emotion within myself so that I am able to stop patterned cycles of abusive behaviour as energy manipulation as polarity friction rubbing away my physical well being.

I commit myself to exposing the fuckedness of the greedy self righteous character and I commit myself to providing solutions as self corrections for the erradication of the greedy self righteous character.

I commit myself to letting go of fear of loss. I commit myself to exposing the ridiculousness of holding onto fear of loss.

I commit myself to letting the character persona of myself as a greedy self righteous character here go/evaporate/vanish