Monday, 19 November 2012
Day 169 Greed Character Part 15-How Greedy Am I?
How greedy am I?
Within looking at myself as a greed character and making a point of writing myself clear as a greed character it's like the point has come to my attention that my writing myself clear as a greedy character has been greedy.
How has my writing of myself as a greed character been greedy? I've stuck to the surface within my writing's meaning I have not dug into the depths of myself with specificity. I realise my writing has very much been from and as the starting point of observation and I've omitted my day to day specific particpations as a greed character as like a cover up hiding of myself the real details of myself as a greedy character.
So, I've been greedy in sharing myself here in writing by having so much so just written out generalizations of the greed character as points of greed without providing and sharing specific examples of my participations as a greed character.
I decided to focus my writing's recently on the greed character as this point seemed like a point I wouldn't really want to write about...as I don't think anyone or many people would be interested in writing about themself as a greedy character because that is exposing self within characterization of accepted and allowed fuckedness.
I figure writing about accepted and allowed fuckedness is the best way to move through accepted and allowed fuckedness.
Ok, so here I go in pushing myself to get more specific in detail and example of my accepted and allowed fuckedness as a greed character.
Today I woke up after about 4hrs of sleep. I didn't make detailed specific plans for the alotment of my time today. The only things I scheduled for myself was to write my blog, do some reading and check out my new DIP assignment if i've passed my previously submitted assignment.
Also, at the moment I am unemployed from my seasonal job as a forestry worker. I have a job lined for the winter season as a ski instructor. I am scheduled to begin 2 university law classes at the beginning of december and upon completion of the 2 classes, I will have an undergreaduate degree in law.
Ok, so point that is exposing itself to me here is how I have been negligent/greedy/self righteous with time. I've had lots of free time lately and I have not been to the utmost efficient with my time by utilizing my time to the fullest in the sense of counting out my minutes in the day and planning and filling all availble time with points of specific assistance and support that I am capable of giving myself.
Oh yeah, also after I woke up today..I wrote my blog because I passed out the night before..before completing my blog...so that was a responsibility I wanted to cmplet before I went to sleep...so I did that...and then I went back to sleep for like another 4-6 hrs or so.
I've been greedy with my sleep recently in that I'm taking more of my free time to sleep than I really need.
Ok, for my writing today lets focus on the point of greed in relationship to sleeping.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for accepting and allowing a greedy relationship with time and sleep.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realising and understanding how I have been greedy with my time and as consequence of my greed, neglected the best interests of all life here because I essentially just slept away time as potential work as moments of self perfection as applying myself here within process to my fullest potential and capabilities.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for justifying over indulgences in sleep because I have not over indulged in sleep in along time prior to my recent accessive sleep indulgences.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for justifying spending more time than I really need to sleep because I feel I've earned it because I worked alot of hours in the spring and summer.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for justifying myself in particpating as a greed character in relationship to sleep becasue I wasnt being greedy with sleep for awhile.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for participating as the attitude that I'm not really that greedy if I am only greedy sometimes...and that it's ok to be selfish sometimes as long as Im not selfish all the time.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for thinking that it's just so much harder to move myself when I don't feel I have to move myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself my movement and application of process here to be based on how I feel.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having resisted disciplining myself within time and as time managment on a day to day basis.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for using time management only sometimes.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having been indulgin within my mind as greed as like just pick and choosing self interested activities to occupy most of my time.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realising and understanding how wasteful I've been and my negligence as consequence of accepting and allowing myself to be possessed by greed has been contributing to the greedy attitudes that our reflected within our global society as the capitalistic system.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having limmited my immediate relationships within my environment as consequence of over indulging within sleep.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having neglected my dog as consequence of having been unreliable as to when I am going to walk her because I haven't given myself any sort of specific sleep schedule.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for creating stress within myself as like trying to get a bunch of things done before I go to bed because I have spent so much time sleeping throught the morning/day.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for being ashamed of myself for being so wasteful with the time I have here as opportunity to self-correct myself from the starting point of transcending accepted and allowed fuckedness as self imposed limitations as programmed thoughts/feelings/emotions within and as my relationship to words and deeds.
I realise the opportunity I have now to learn from my mistakes with time management as over indulging in sleep and failing to schedule specific plans of my time to assist and support the utilisation of my time here to my fullest potential as like commiting myself 100percent to walking process here.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having been walking a half assed commitment to process as consequence of not counting up all my opportunities as minutes/hours of time I have to assist and support myself.
I realise that establishing absolute self commitment comes in time as the will I am as breath by breath...moment by moment///and that my consistency withn my self commitment is established bit by bit as I push myself to walk here as soldier for life.
I realise that there is no time to waste and that wasting time is abusive and is consequential.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having disregarded the consequential abuse I have caused as consequence of being a greedy character here and neglecting the detailed specificity within and as time management.
I realise I am in the process of stopping accepted and allowed abuse and that I can't afford to waste time within accepted and allowed self judgements as thoughts/feelings/emotions as reactions to seeing myself existing here as a greedy character...and therfore when I see a point of fuckedness about myself as a bullshit acceptance and allowance,,,I simply face the point and walk the correction. I don't have time to cry and hide from my bullshit...nor do I want to simply cope with bullshit...I want to maximize my time and potential here as a contribution to life as what is best.
I commit myself to cherishing my time here.
I commit myself to utilizing my time effectively.
I commit myself to stop over indulging in sleep.
I commit myself to expanding my specificity within my writing's.
I commit myself to valuing time as life as equality and oneness.