Day 180 Wanting to put people in uncomfotable situation is Greedy

So, awhile ago I had attempted to arrange a date with a girl who I had fooled around with....an old girl friend who got into a war of words with the girl I had fooled around with and I wanted to include my present girlfriend.

 I thought this would be funny and interesting...I didn't really consider the funny was at the expense of other's as like reactions/uncomfortability.

Tonight I remembered about how I had tried to set up the awkward date with the 3 girls....as the memory was triggered by a girl this evening who said I made here feel uncomfortable because she felt I excluded her and my girlfriend from the conversation that I was having with my buddy who was in the front passenger seat.

I recognise that each person generates their own feelings/emotions based on their acceptances and allowances.

I told the girl, "sorry, I wasn't really considering your feelings and that you would be uncomfortable."

The fact that the girl was uncomfortable seems very ridiculous to me.  I mean for me to consider every possible way a person can possible mind fuck themselves with fear seems kind of absurd.  Although at the same time it seems kind of compassionate and considerate and would make me a cool point of support for all beings as I would therefore be able to facilitate with the comfortability by assisting and supporting the release of fear/uncomfortability.

I see now how I was a little bit defensive in my response to the girl...as like really, 'you want me to consider all your fears...like what the fuck...your fears aren't my problem...they are your mind fuck and not mine'.    I mean this is kind of a prickish attitude within greedy self righteousness as like sorry you're fucked up...i'm all good and can't be bothered with being sympathetic to your condition...it's unfortunate that you have a condition...but it's your resposnsibility and I can't be bothered with your resposnsibilities because I have my own resposnsibilities.

What are my responsibilities again? oh ya, TREAT OTHERS LIKE I WOULD LIKE TO BE TREATED....LOVE OTHERS AS MYSELF.

So, already I pulled an unexpected self realisation out of my writing that I didn't think I would find as a result of investigating this topic.

"To consider every possible way a person can mind fuck themselves with fear is compassionate and considerate because you place yourself as a facilitator in assisting and supporting the release of fear/uncomfortability in such away that it is easy/simple and the fact that fear was accepted and allowed seems ridiculous and absurd."


Wanting to put people in uncomfortable situations for my own amusement is pretty fucking evil. 



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for provoking and instigating people's fears/uncomfortabilities for my own amusement.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realising how greedy and self righteous it is to instigate and provoke people's fears for my own amusement.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realising how abusive it is to fuck with people just for the sake of fucking with people...as like getting a buzz from the fact that the people I fucked with got all worked up and emotionally distraught.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having no regard for people's feeling and emotions.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not being sympathetic to people's fear conditioning.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fucking with people's fears for my own greedy self interests.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for attempting to arrange an event from the starting point of my own amusement at the expense of others.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing my amusement to come at the expense/consequence of others.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for going into positions of superiority where I prey on another beings inferiority.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for being a verbal bully.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for justifying and assererting superiority with verbally abusive behaviour and instigating and provoking people's fear for my own amusement.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for enjoying to scare people...like really fucking with people and causing uncomfortability for my entertainment/humor.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for manipulating people for my own personal enjoyment.

I realise assisting and supporting people in being comfortable is cool.

I realise that by understanding all types of fear as feelings/emotions I am capable and able of exposing ridiculousness of accepting and allowing fear/particpation within feeling/emotion as instability as a conscious mind fuck.

I realise the girl this evening who expressed her discomfort while in the back of my vehicle this evening assisted and supported me in being considerate and compassionate towards other human beings conditioning here.

I realise it is greedy and self righteous to not care about people's feelings and emotions.

I forgive myself for not realising and understanding care as a living physical understanding/consideration/realisation/support/assistance for life here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for defining care within and as feeling/emotion as either positively charged energy or negatively charged energy as like just an energy buzz.

I forgive myself for not realising and understanding what it means to "care"

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for being pure evil in not knowing what it means to care.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for disregarding myself as others by seeking enjoyment at the expense of consequence/abuse/suffering.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having derived pleasure from suffering.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist as inferiority within and as a greedy self righteous character.

I forgive myself for not realising the assistance and support in standing within point of uncomfortability as facing fear as a means of releasing/letting go of fear.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for resisting discomfort/fear as like I don't want to go there.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for judging the use of fear as a tool of self support.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for defining fear as bad/wrong/the wors negative emotion ever.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for creating a resistance and a judgement about fear and that I am not allowed to fuck with people's fears.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for wanting and desiring to fuck with people's fears.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for wanting and desiring people to fuck with my fears.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for channelling buzzes/highs through and as the particpations within and as fear.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for being addicted to the adrenaline that exists within and as fear.

I forgive myself for not really understanding or investigating how adrenaline works within the body within and as it's relationship connection to fear...and I forgive myself for not really taking into consideration the consequences of creating lots of adrenaline within myself.

I realise I still have much work to do within my fear investigations.

I realise desiring a high is consequence of accepting a low.

I realise I would like to investigate the nature and functionality of adrenaline.

I realise the inferiority that exists within and as a greedy self righteous character.

I realise self inferiority is hidden within greedy self righteous character.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for hiding accepted and allowed inferiority within and as greedy self righteous character.

I realise to care is a physical act of compassion as assistance and support for the well being of life.



When and as I see myself accepting and allowing myself regarding a person's emotions/feelings for my own personal benefit...I stop and I breathe...And I let go of greedy self righteous energy addiction...and I return to a starting point of equality and oneness and I realise the fuckedness of going into energy games and particpating within scenarios of superiority and inferiority and I remember my starting point of self responsibility in treating others how I would like to be treated.

When and as I see myself accepting and allowing myself not to care about people's conditioning here, I stop and breathe and I realise the ridiculousness of not caring as perpetuating a world of greed and self righteousness.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not caring about people's conditioning here.

I forgive myself for not realising that by not caring about people's conditioning here,  I have perpetuated a world of greed and self righteousness.

I realise myself responsibility in understanding and realising all the energy participations associated with and as greedy self righteous energy addicted character.



I commit myself to exposing greedy self righteous energy addicted character.

I commit myself to caring for life in the best possible ways.

I commit myself to living care as who and how I am here.

I commit myself to always facing uncomfortability within the understanding that I am the solution for moving through resistance/uncomfortability into comfortability as self realisation and understanding of transcendence of self imposed limitations as fearful mindfucks.

I commit myself to continue investigating myself through writing/self forgiveness and self corrective statements.