Day 158 Greed Character Part 4

Points came up today revealing a greedy relationship with food and a greedy relationship within sex.

I noticed myself having backchat before eating today....as like, 'oh man im going to eat soo much food...I can eat so much I got such a big appetite...im going to eat this...this ans this...and i should probably make this too.  My thoughts/feelings/emotions are feeding my appetite to a certain extent and I see that I have been encouraging my backchat about food as I experience myself as powerful by being able to eat alot of food.

I noticed my movements within sex as like being dictated by energy/feeling...and it's like I was observing myself for a moment...like I became aware that I wasnt really existing within sex as a totally aware participant as I was moving myself in a way to achieve ejaculation...and I experienced myself as greedy as like I wasnt really concerned about my sharing and giving to my partner as I was with moving myself in such a way that I would soon achieve ejaculation.  I forgave myself in the moment and allowed myself to move as self direction as expression as assistance and support....and I let go of desire to ejaculate and just kind of slowed myself down with breath...and it's like I was no more in a rush to achieve ejaculation and the way I particpated within sex with my partner became more playful, fun and comfortable.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for creating a greedy relationship with food.

I forigve myself for accepting and allowing myself to be directed by my backchat with regards to food.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing backchat about food as like talking myself up as big ego going to eat a big meal.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fearing that I will not get enough to eat and therfore often take more food than I need...just to insure that I will be fulfilled as totally stuffed.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for creating a realtionship with food as like that of taking and consuming drugs as like giving me a euphoric experience of like an energetic high where I am totally possessed and consumed by the experience of myself eating.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to get upset and annoyed when my parents telll me that maybe I shouldnt take so much food and that maybe I should eat a bit less and than wait a little bit to see if I am still hungry.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for being competitive with myself about eating food as like wanting to consume as much as I can and percieving eating a lot of food as like a form of greatness as like being wealthy and a superior being because only the wealthy get to eat as much of whatever they want whenever they want.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for desiring to eat a lot of food when I have assigned  high value as like strong energetic feeling towards the food I am going to eat.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing a positive enrgetic experience as a realtionship with eating food and I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for deflecting and denying the inherent greedy nature of accepting and allowing positive energetic experiences.

I realise letting go of positive energetic relationship with food as greed will be a process of stopping myself within the moment as I recognise myself particpating within positive energetic relationship with food as greed.

I realise I am capable and able to release separation within myself as greedy relationship with food.

I realise every positive energetic experience is connected to greed.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for resisting to share my food/snacks when I have prepared a meal or snack and another comes along who is hungry.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fearing to share my food/treats.

When and as I see myself accepting and allowing myself to be competitve about eating as like particpating in backchat as like talking up how much food I am going to eat,...I stop and breathe...and realise how ive been neglecting my appetite of in the moment awareness of breath and as consequence I have created backchat as like desiring to be fulfilled by eating excessively because I have accepted and allowed myself to be less than fulfilled as consequence of not allowing myself to remain present as breath as a fulfilled being here.

When and as I see myself accepting and allowing myself creating an energetic possession as a like a positive enregy experience in relation to food...I stop and breathe and equalize myself with the food I am eating and allow myself to slow down and appreciate the food I am eating as assistance and support.

When and as I see myself experiencing resistance to sharing food...I stop and breathe and push point of resistance by sharing food and therefore face the point of fear of loss in the moment.

I commit myself to removing all greed from within myself and equalizing my relationship with eating food in all ways which is best for life.

I commit myself to pushing point of resistance as sharing food/snacks when  a resistance as fear of loss and greed comes up within me as like a self automated egoic defense system.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having suppressed  my sexual expression  and self direction within and as sex as consequence of accepting and allowing myself for creating myself as a greedy character as a greedy relationship with sex.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having neglected the best interests of myself and my partner as consequence of accepting and allowing myself for being possessed by greed as like the desire to ejaculate.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for existing as an observer within sex as consequence of accepting and allowing myself to exist within my mind of thoughts/feelings/emotions as like being out of my body to a certain extent and chasing after energy experience as like being in an energetic trance and sacrificing self willed movment for movement based in greed as self interest as like moving in a way that will increase my energetic buzz.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for being selfish while having sex.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for neglecting my partner as consequence of accepting and allowing myself to be selfish as a greedy character.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for pushing my partner to have sex with me when I am desiring to have sex.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing sex to be about the manipulation of feelings and emotions in orger to achieve euphoric experience as energetic high as ejaculation/orgasm.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for rushing within sex as like jonesing to get my fix as like being a junkie thirsting for ideal buzz experience.

I realise how my sexual expression has been compromised as conseqeunce of accepting and allowing myself to exist as a greedy character.

I realise allowing myself to slow down within my particpations within sex assists and supports myself to breathe effectively and assists and supports myself to be playful and have fun within and as self expression as moment to moment orgasm.

I realise the awesomeness of moment to moment orgasm management.

I realise the process of equalizing myself as life as orgasmic expression from moment to moment as like constant consistent flow as equality and oneness here.

When and as I see myself accepting and allowing myself to be greedy within sex as like desiring to ejaculate or wanting to resist ejaculating because of greed/fear...I stop and I breathe and I accept and allow myself to embrace myself as orgasmic expression within the moment and let go of polarized energettic state of possession.

I commit myself to examining all dimensions of greed within myself and therfore equalizing all relationships so that I am no longer possessed and controled by greed/fear/self righteousness