Day 554 What's In a Name?

Today I woke up this morning speaking the name of a person I had not considered nor regarded in almost 20 years. I looked at the name and the memory attachments as the particular energy associations I had charged towards the name. What I saw was quite shameful. The name relates to a hockey goalie...a dude who was the goalie on a hockey team I played on more than 15 years ago. What was so shameful that comes up within looking at what existed within this name....was my particular regard for this being. How I had no real regard for this being. I valued this being based on his ability of inability to stop a hockey puck from going into a hockey net. It's extremely shameful to see how I projected much blame upon him for failing to stop a puck from going into the net. Also, a point of shame that came up was how I regarded the team as mine...like because I was the captain/the leader of the team...like I was the big celebrity...most popular player...because I was the captain...and within this...seeing how I was so disillusioned within believing myself to be great and more than my peers/teammates...like to such an extent where I would deflect responsibility away from myself and cast it upon another as burden to carry as a result of my abdication in standing strong together in shouldering the responsibility of consequences together. The point also came up within looking at how I accepted such disregard for a fellow teammate/being was in seeing how my Father encouraged me in deflecting responsibility and talking shit. I can recall many instances where he would just say how terrible another player was...going on and on about the fuckup/mistake/error they made in the game...and how it was that particular player's fault for the game being lost. It's interesting to see just how absurdly ridiculous blame is in fact. I mean, like take for instance a hockey game...and to blame a loss on one particular player...and one particular play...like it's so lame...it's so beyond common sense and logical reasoning of doing basic mathematics when you regard all contributing players to any given play. Like to make one play all about only one person is just so crazy ridiculous.

In my previous blog, I ended with the question, "what are my precious most sacredly valued relationships that exist within myself?"

I see how the point of 'What's in a name?' gives insight and perspective to the initial question.

The question comes up within myself: "If everything exists within myself, how is it that I can have my precious most sacredly valued relationships that exist within myself?"

The reality of the situation is self-dishonesty/self-deception...not realizing and understanding the actuality of Oneness and Equality. A cognitive dissonance. A polarized/distorted view of myself. Fragmentalization.

I see here how my precious most sacredly valued relationships that exist within myself are within me as my mind as ego...as like the positive/negative energetic word attachment associations I carry within myself as the programmed nature that shapes and perpetuates a cognitive dissonance...polarized/distorted view of myself...as like a justified abuser of Life looking to be the winner at the expense of creating/becoming the loser.War/conflict...discrepancy. Division.

To Be Continued