Day 407 Paranoid Performance

Day 408 Paranoid Performance

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having been fearful about my performance within anything I place tremendous value and importance within.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having allowed myself to be paranoid about my performance within competitions and presentations and assignments as a result of fearing to make a mistake that will have undesirable consequence…as like desiring so strongly to not make a mistake…and within this I forgive myself for not realising and understanding the irony of fearing so strongly about not making a mistake as like that being a sure recipe for making a mistake as like that point of ingrained fear being a recipe for failure as like disappointment and total dissatisfaction as like a weight that is self-imposed that suppresses and buries one’s ability to operate at a capacity to perform within and as one’s abilities and capabilities as like harnessing and utilizing potential.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realising and understanding that my every relationship with people reflected my relationship with myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realising and understanding the absurd ridiculousness of being paranoid about performance within participation's.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having emotional reactions to my every performance as like my every move/action and within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realising and understanding the extent to which I have lived within self-judgement as like a form of paranoia as like a fear that has always been within me that I tried to hide within the belief of being focused within and as righteous self-interest as like creating reasonable justifications as like the logic I see as to so validate me existing within and a frame of mind as like a self-imposed imprisonment/perception/belief/personality/limitation as like the means to performing as less than my capabilities and potential.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for creating relationships based upon superficial likes and dislikes as like a reflection of myself as what I have accepted within my ego personality.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for ingraining competition within myself as like a reasonable justification to exist within paranoia about performance.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for enabling fear within competition performances as like everything I do that I place value within as like making fear/paranoia seemingly necessary and valid as like connecting this to caring, wanting and desiring a particular outcome and within this doubting/fearing things not going the way I want them to go.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be controlled by fear as like a form of paranoia as like not realising and understanding how I have perpetuated fearful paranoid experiences as a result of what I have been accepting and allowing within myself within and a positive desires.

When and as I see myself becoming paranoid about a performance, I stop and breathe, I realise the irony and ridiculousness within being paranoid about a performance, I see the funny here as like yes this is totally ridiculous, a complete mind fuck, I realise and understand I do not desire of wish or want to mindfuck myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realising and understanding how I desired to deliberately mindfuck myself within doing drugs and alcohol as like wanting and desiring to change the experience of myself within my mind as like to that of having a good time…and within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for thinking that drugs and or alcohol are necessary for me to have fun and a good time…as like making the experience of myself better.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having limited my ability have fun and a good time as a result of allowing myself to be existing within a a fearful paranoid state of suppression as like being within a total mindfuck.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for getting to a point of mind fucking mind fucks as like a way of dealing/coping/distracting myself from the truth of the fuckedness I have accepted and allowed within my mind.

When and as I see myself defining a likeness towards a person or a dis-likeness towards a person based upon an emotional/feeling/thought reaction, I stop and breathe and I realise the law of equality and oneness and the point of process as self-reflection as everything comes back to me…and I realise I don’t wish to mind fuck myself anymore and that I choose to stop all mind fucks within myself as they come up as I realise and understand that I know how to stop and prevent mind fucks from happening within myself…and I realise myself responsibility and commitment to self-perfection as like walking the process of self-correction within learning from my every mind fuck as like thoughts/feelings/emotions as like various energetic programs within myself that I created over time as like the input impressions of my acceptances and allowances.