important shit

Wednesday 31 July 2013

Day 405 Drugs/Alcohol Regretted Fear

Day 405 Drugs/Alcohol Regretted Fear





My tree planting contract I was working just finished and I was saying goodbye to some of my peers and while this was occurring I was also introducing myself to some people I failed to take the time within the work season to get to know. I see that I missed some opportunities here to share with others.  I see that I had put up a blockade of resistance towards social interactions that would occur around or during the consumption of drugs and alcohol. The point dawned upon me this morning that I actually feared interacting…standing alone facing many people using drugs and alcohol.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having feared spending my time off from work socializing with people whose priority was to party as a means of getting drunk with alcohol and high with various drugs.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having feared placing myself as a visible example for those focused on getting drunk and high.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having feared confrontation with people consuming lots of drugs and alcohol.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having been paranoid about confrontation about the use of drugs and alcohol.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have resisted facing my past in all ways by seeing myself and taking the time to socialise with my co-workers who were using drugs and alcohol.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having creating righteous justified reasoning as why to not give any attention to the people who were regularly consuming drugs and alcohol after work and on our days off from work.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realising and understanding myself as a capable teacher for people using drugs and alcohol as I can relate to and identify with people using drugs and alcohol recreationally as a means to having a good time.  I realise and understand that drugs and alcohol are not the foundation of having a good time.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having resisted taking the time to really make an effort to plant seeds of support within all the people who were regular consumers of drugs and alcohol within my work environment

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having been extremely righteous within a superiority hierarchy construct in regards to my peers who use drugs and alcohol…and I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for separating myself from all the beings who were using drugs and alcohol and thinking of myself as like better and more evolved then these people…and like not worthy of my time.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having judged myself as being righteous towards coworkers who were interested in partying as like drinking alcohol and doing drugs from the perspective of feeling guilty and ashamed for having not made more of an effort to spend time with these co-workers.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having held onto judgement of my actions this summer. I realise and understand the absurd ridiculousness of holding onto judgement about my actions…as like I realise wow that’s not cool and is in fact pointless. When and as I see myself holding onto points of judgement, I stop and breathe and I realise I don’t need to create this extra baggage within myself…and that letting go of all judgement is the way to go…as it is a key to self-enjoyment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for lacking compassion, sympathy and patience for the people who are taking drugs and alcohol as a way to have a good time.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself from being angry and disappointed and sad with myself for having spent many years focused on socializing within the starting point of consuming drugs and alcohol.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself of having difficulty seeing myself within points I am not proud of.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for being ashamed and embarrassed of how I use to be so proud about drug and alcohol consumption.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having been paranoid about hanging out within a group of people where I am the only person not drinking or doing drugs.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel uncomfortable hanging out within a group/surrounded by people consuming drugs and alcohol…where I am the only person who Is not consuming drugs and alcohol.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having used drugs and alcohol as a means of enjoying myself and feeling more comfortable within social interaction situations.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not wanting to participate in social interaction situations where I am sober and everyone else is intoxicated.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having made such a big deal about the use of drugs and alcohol…as like having really feared facing myself within these environments.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having extensively judged myself for choosing not to spend my free time socialising with people who are indulging in drugs and alcohol for the purpose of getting fucked up, wasted, high as like the means for having a good time.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having very much regretted not spending more time with people who were indulding themselves in drugs and alcohol.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having judged myself as wrong as like having made the wrong decisions within having chosen to not spend my time interacting with co-workers who are focused on getting drunk and high.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for feeling guilty that I didn’t do enough to help my peers who were regularly consuming drugs and alcohol.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having guilt tripped myself within responsibility for assisting and supporting people who are abusing drugs and alcohol as like thinking it’s my duty to save them as like helping them help themselves.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for doubting the impact I made upon others by taking a stance to deliberately not spend my time with people who want to party with drugs and alcohol.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realising and understanding the impact as like the support I gave myself within not being influenced by peer pressure to participate and or feeling compelled to hang out and passively support the use of drugs and alcohol by choosing to spend my time in an environment where drugs and alcohol are being consumed and encouraged.

I realise I cannot hide from drug and alcohol consumption.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hide from seeing others indulge within the consumption of drugs and alcohol.

When and as I see myself deliberately hiding and or avoiding interaction with people because of the presents of drugs and alcohol, I stop and breathe…and I realise the absurd ridiculousness of fearing drugs and alcohol.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realising and understanding myself as having feared relapsing into alcohol and drug participation's if I was constantly surrounded by people indulging in such activities….and within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for thinking that it is easier for me to not be interested in doing drugs and alcohol if I am not surrounded by it. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having made such a big deal within myself about drugs and alcohol…that like drugs and alcohol define who I am as like the definition of who I am is in relation to drugs and alcohol….and within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having made drugs and alcohol a focal point within my life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realising and understanding how I flip flopped from being pro drugs and alcohol to anti-drugs and alcohol…as like just tweaking my personality character within the positive and negative energy associations with regards to drugs and alcohol.

When and as I see myself reacting to seeing people having alcohol and or drugs, I stop and breathe and I realise and understand how everything is a tool here to assist and support in the process of Equality and Oneness.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realising and understanding the fears rooted within myself with regards to drug and alcohol as a result  of having accepted either positive and or negative energetic charges about the word…as like accepting and allowing the words to be in friction as contradiction to equality and oneness. I realise and understand the absurd ridiculousness of accepting and allowing opposition to exist within word relations as like polarized energies of either positive or negative.  I realise how impossible it is to life a satisfying and fulfilling Life within accepting and allowing words to be polarized within opposing energies. I realise and understand the importance of purifying my vocabulary as equality and oneness as like to give myself the building blocks of Life…so as to enable myself as the author and builder of creation from and as a point of eternal life as like without opposition…as like having realized and understood the absurd ridiculousness of creating conflict as a split between myself as like fragmenting myself into pieces….instead of existing as all one together, interconnected, self-realized as oneness and equality as the Law of my being here as Life.

When and as I see myself taking offense to people drinking and or doing drugs, I stop and breathe…I realise the absurd ridiculousness of taking things personally, I realise and understand that each being is within their individual process of self-realisation, I realise and understand that everything here is a tool of assistance and support to facilitate the process of self-realisation as equality and oneness, I realise being offended by people drinking reflects a point within me about drinking where there is judgement. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to project judgment about drinking alcohol.


Alcohol...like all is cool when you drink alcohol....like drinking spirits to be in high spirits...the more spirits you drink the higher your spirit and attitude of good feeling. A social lubricant to enhance feeling/sensation of interconnectedness. A chemical depressant. Complex sugars. A raw energy drink.


Drugs...like doctor suggestions...temporary placement of particular conditions/symptoms under the rug...a masking agent...like codes for the mind....a brain scrambler...a mind enhancement....like steroids for the mind...doors of perceptions...medicine...a rabbit hole....temporary relief....mind reflectors....body numbers....uppers/downers and everything in betweeners....extra channels to tune into...experience pills....happiness pills...money making profits....mind fuck....

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