Day 395 Ejaculation Collapse
Ejaculation has been feeling like a last breath
collapse…like I got the air in me and then it’s like I can’t breathe the air
out to get more air….and then I’m done…like a system shutdown/reboot…I noticed
today within sex…and I can recall noticing this before…but kind of forgetting
that it’s like I give into the energy accumulation buildup as like this is all
I can take/want to handle…and then it’s like
explosion/ejaculation/collapse/reboot/system shutdown time…and within this…I
see that it’s like me losing myself within the moment for a split second…as
like giving into the energy accumulation…and wanting a release from the energy
accumulation…as like saying no more can I direct this energetic force I’ve been
creating and moving within…it’s like I got to let go…got to unload the load…release
the load…squirt the dirt…spray the jizz.
Within and as considerations with regards to accumulating a
load to release as the point of orgasmic ejaculation…I’d like to do some self-forgiveness
with regards to the process of unloading jizz/cum/sperm/semen/energy
accumulation
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for
getting overwhelmed with energetic buildup within sex.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for
losing my breath awareness with and as the point of ejaculation.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for
wanting and desiring to control the point of ejaculation.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to
control my orgasms and ejaculations as like just choosing to unload as soon as
the opportunity arises as like choosing to control orgasmic outcome…and within
this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not considering the
point that I have been limiting my physical sexual expression within and as the
point of control as like fearing to let go of control of ejaculation…as like
moving into the total unknown as orgasmic ejaculation.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for like
just stopping and shutting down within myself as like at the point of
ejaculation as like for a moment being in a temporary collapse/like frozen like
experience.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for
resisting to push through and keeping going…like thrusting/pumping/breathing at
and towards the point of ejaculation…as like when I think I am going to
cum…just keeping on giving her all I got…as like using my dick as the pleasure
stick I create a rhythmic song and dance with as like a sharing with my
partner…as we make rhythmic music together in the process as a reflection of
our alignment in self-expression together as one and equal as like playing with
our sexual organs in perfection unison/harmony.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to forget
about rhythm and flow of making music together with my partner…as like
complimenting each other’s instrument…as like doing the best duet possible as
like doing what is the best performance play within every moment as like always
picking the best plays and notes as like a sharing/giving/compliment…as like a
giving how I would like to receive.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think that I cannot continue having sex after ejaculating as like there's no point, i need a break...I cant keep moving myself, I gotta stop.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having resisted to really push myself to continue having sex after ejaculation...as like just accepting and allowing that Im done, it's over, I blew it, lol.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for being selfish within sex as like thinking well I've already gotten a relase, sex is done...there's no point to continue because I don't forsee having another release....and within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for basing sex and defining sex about and around working towards having an ejaculation release,,,and then it's all done over as like mission accomplished...nothing more to do.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having accepted and allowed myself to believe that sex must end with ejaculation...and I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for thinking that ejaculation within sex is like a finishing act...like that only maybe a a few minutes or so are possible as like only being able to go for a few more miles after cumming.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having created perceptional beliefs about ejaculation and sex as like how I believe sex to be as like what the limmits and restraints are within having sex.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having placed restraints upon ejaculation within sex...as like believing the end of sex is near after ejaculation.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having been naieve about sex within placing the emphasis around ejaculation as like making ejaculation to be the main point of sex...and just thinking that it's about having an ejaculation together and than that is it...that is all.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not considering the possibility that it is possible to have more than one ejaculation within sex...and that ejaculation doenst have to mark the near completion point of sex as like believing it to be physically impossible to continue having sex for a long time after having an ejaculation.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having resisted self movement within sex after ejaculation...as like giving up and desiring to just quit sex because I have had an ejaculation.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for making a big deal about ejaculation within sex as like making ejaculation out to be the epitome of sex...as like all other moments/movements to be of lesser value than the movements/moments of ejaculation.
When and as I see myself going into my mind within sex… as
like being focused on a thought and losing physical body awareness of every
touch, I stop and breath…and regain physicality here as the touch and movement
of myself within and as physicality and I realise and understand this starts
with the direction and attention given to breath…as like I breathe in and feel
my toes…and flex my toes feet…and proceed upward through my body flexing every
muscle along the way as part of my in breath awareness…an then I feel the
release in tension as I release each point of muscle flexing tension.
When and as I see myself thinking and focusing my movements within sex as like wanting my partner and I to have orgasm...I stop and breathe...and I realise the absurd ridiculousness of treating sex with my partner as like just scoring a temporary drug high...as like making sex out to be about achieving a specific particular experience...and that it's all about that moment of ejaculation for me...and that it's about partner having an orgasm too...and that once that is accomplished it's like mission accomplished, system shutdown...no more need to continue.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for thinking that sex shouldn't be about sometimes just having an ejaculation/orgasm...as like saying to my partner I would like to have a quickie...like I know we don't have a lot of time right now...like we both got stuff to do...But I would like to just fuck like crazy and blow a load
I commit myself to playing with muscle flexing and releasing
of tensions…as like how long I flex and release my muscles contractions…as like
playing in all sorts of ways as the movements within and my body….as like how I
can flex and reflex in various ways as points of and as sexual orgasmic
expression from and as the starting point of breath awareness.
I commit myself to letting go of consciousness mind control
within sex by allowing myself to move within the moment as like what seems/is
best….as like to test and figure out what the best moves/expressions are within
the moments as like just responding from moment to moment as the starting point
direction within and as responsibility as like realising myself as the ability
to respond as what is always best…enabling myself to become the epitome of
handling caring for great responsibilities with effortless ease as the passion
within compassion as like the compass I carry in and as self-direction as like
seeing the obvious common sense within and as the clear way of assistance and
support which is always best as the self-realisation as real eyes seeing Life.
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