Wednesday, 29 May 2013

Day 354 Hiding Sucks

Yesterday within writing my blog, I didn't even want my girlfriend to see what I was writing about…I was hiding…like I tilted my computer away from her when she came onto the bed…I also asked her a question intentionally to distract her from looking at what I was writing about.

The blog I was writing yesterday, I didn't even like it…it’s like I knew it was fucked up that I made a big deal about my girlfriend planting more trees than me…so much so that I was bothered…and it’s like I was in a hurry to get that consideration out of my head.

I was being a sore loser so to speak…as like not wanting to even acknowledge the fact that I didn't win the tree planting competition.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for hiding the truth from my girlfriend.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for being a sore loser within not planting as many trees as another person.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to always be the winner within tree planting as like planting more trees than everybody.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for feeling emasculated if a girl plants more trees than me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for believing women to be less capable at tree planting than men…while having witnessed many exceptional women tree planters…to the point where I have seen people of all shapes and sizes are very good at planting lots of trees.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for feeling like a loser if I am not regarded as one of the best tree planters.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realising and understanding that when I am hiding within a point as like fearing to reveal particular information from within the starting point of trying to protect myself from embarrassment and being humiliated…that this is like an ego check and a point of humility as like eating a piece of humble pie and realising the ridiculous absurdity of accepting my and allowing myself to be controlled and directed by emotions/feelings of inadequacy and inferiority while believing that I am superior……..and within this I stop myself when and as I see myself going into a point of suppression as like hiding to share the truth of myself as like the answer to a question when I am be being asked a question and answering the question will bring me no physical harm so to speak.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for physically harming myself within zinging myself within reactions to particular information being shared/revealed about me as like taking the information personally and placing myself as victimized by the information.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to self-induce experiences of self-suppression as consequence of controlling my speech with emotions/feelings….fear….

When and as I see myself hiding from my girlfriend, I stop and breathe and share with her within vulnerability as like a point of intimacy and self trust as I realise the assistance and support within doing so for both of us as like what is always best.

Day 353 Girlfriend Planted More Trees

My girlfriend planted more trees than me today. This bothered me specifically when I told her and she was so pleased and happy…I felt shitty.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for feeling shitty when my girlfriend is happy…specifically when she planted more trees than me…as like she said she knows I am a really good planter and for here to beat me made her feel really good.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not liking the way my girlfriend was behaving when she found out that she planted more trees than me…so much so that I lied and told her I actually planted more trees.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fearing anyone to know that my girlfriend planted more trees than me in a day.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for feeling shitty when my girlfriend plants more trees than me…and also upset that she is happy that she planted more trees than me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for making tree planting out to be a competition and within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for desiring to plant more trees than everyone…and within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for thinking judgments about others if they plant more trees than me as like their land must have been nicer and easier to plant.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be self righteous about tree planting as like regarding myself as a superior tree planter.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realising how ridiculous it is to be constantly comparing my results to others and like allowing myself to feel good if I know I planted more trees than everyone…and also I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be upset/disappointed if I find out that people planted more trees than me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for expecting to always be better than the majority of people tree planting.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for judging my girlfriend as an inferior tree planter compared to me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for making judgments about people based on the amount of trees they plant.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to obsess about judgments about how fast others around me are moving and myself in relation to others.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for comparing myself to others while tree planting and fearing others to plant more tree than me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for resisting to congratulate my girlfriend for having her best tree planting production day ever when she planted more trees than me…and within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be frustrated and like allowing myself to experience self pity and self victimization as like it’s not fair that I had to plant such a difficult piece of land when my girlfriend had a very easy piece of land.

Day 352 Ground Hog Day

I just watched the movie Ground Hog Day…and within the movie the main character keeps repeating ground hog day…and within this he goes through many different experiences of emotions and feelings…to eventually getting to a point where he lives the day to the fullest…as like he moves beyond his egocentric nature of emotional wallowing and thirsting for feelings/experiences of self-indulgence desires…and within this becomes the epitome of a great guy…as like a being who cares about himself and others as himself.

Within watching this movie, the point is highlighted of always giving/doing my best within all that I participate…as like no holding back…really giving as I would like to receive.

Also, the point about not cycling within memories of the past as like carrying burdens from previous days into the new day because when tomorrow gets here it’s today…and in a way it’s always today here and the point remains the same as equality and oneness as like what is best for is best for all…like the point of realising/knowing who I am within everything that I do…as like commitment to operating as the best…as like a commitment to utilizing my full potential here…as like seeing the full potential of everything…as like being a young child in a way…as like a point of innocence and sincerity.

Also, the point came up within me about how money has influenced my day as like being more happy when I make more money/and less happy when I make less money…as like a constant comparison against myself within past memories/days.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to carry the past around with me in energetically charged memories as positive or negative energies.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realising and understanding how my present days have been influenced and compromised by my past days as consequence of allowing myself to indulge within reactions as like being triggered by points/memories that were created in previous days…and giving attention to the memory reactions in present days as like being possessed within points of feelings/emotions as like consuming myself within though/backchat about particular points that have already happened.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realising and understanding how ridiculous it is to ignore the present of today within focusing on the past as like wallowing within emotions about past happenings…and like creating new feelings about past happenings as like a way to entertain myself within my mind as like watching a broadcast as like a running commentary within myself that is based on the data mining of my previous impressions that I have made as like how I stored and valued/defined energetic charges upon memories…as like how I accepted and allowed myself to imprint information within myself as like how I codified my mind consciousness system.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for neglecting the diligence required in living self-forgiveness as the necessary tool to release myself from slavery so to speak…as like my own imprisonment…as like how I codified myself within my own enslavement based on all the memory impressions that exist within me as feelings/emotions…as I realise and understand how the process works of releasing energetic charges within myself as I create energetic charges within myself…as like it’s an on-going process because there’s so many memories existent within myself…and therefore it is to utilize all moments of reactions as liker recognizing the trigger points…as like what caused the outflow of reaction within myself…and I utilize the trigger point by going into self-forgiveness on this point…and specifically do a mind construct on the point as has been explained to me within SRA 2….structural resonance alignment training…as I've come to realise the extensiveness of one thought…one reaction…one trigger…as like being a network of points within the point.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realising and understanding how I can be utilising my every day practical living as like being a detective in bringing forth solutions as like self correcting points that come up within myself by identifying all points that trigger myself within a day…as like I realise that by looking at the trigger points that come up within myself I can see the self-corrections…as like within looking at a point...I am easily able to see the absurd ridiculousness of my reactions as like emotions/feelings.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having resisted having fun consistently daily being a detective on the case of who and how I am as like enjoyment of the process of self-perfection…as like really knowing myself in all ways.

When and as I see myself wallowing within emotion, I stop and breathe…I check myself before I wreck myself as like I realise the absurd ridiculousness of wallowing within emotions.

When and as I see myself charging myself up with positive feeling as like thinking about desires…I stop and breathe and realise that I am here and that I do not require to charge myself up with feelings…as that is like charging interest against myself as like a form of debt I am in service to…as I realise and understand how emotions and feelings work as like being full circle as like an up and down balance as like I understand and realise how the positive feelings are created from the negative emotions…and I realise and understand myself responsibility in stopping as like saying “till here no further do I accept and allow myself to desire to feel a positive high…as I realise the desire for the high comes from wanting to get off the low…within this I ground myself here as me here walking process as commitment to becoming/understanding myself as Life in all ways as like unifying within and as the starting point of creating as Equality and Oneness.

I commit myself to the unification of Equality and Oneness as my image and likeness in every Here moment as who and how and why I am.

I commit myself to the unification of man as Equality and Oneness as like understanding Here

Day 351 Authorities of Information

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place trust within authorities of information as like the scientific community.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe something to be true or not true based on what the scientific community says.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be reliant upon others for truth.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for looking for expert opinion in figuring out the validity of knowledge and information.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having faith in the scientific community as like being the authority of knowledge as like what the truth is and what pseudo-science is.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for assuming that if the majority of people subscribe to particular beliefs/opinions than it must be valid because the majority of people can’t be wrong.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for doubting individuals because what they’re saying isn't backed up by the majority of individuals here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realising the ridiculousness within and as the vast amounts of knowledge and information existent and what is pedaled as fact or fiction.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to trust expert opinions as like law.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realising and understanding that the majority of people here have no clue how things function and that there is lots of speculation about the validity of existence as there is so much opinion as like ever profession is but expert opinion…as like assumptions because the truth in so many instances seems uncertain.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for doubting myself as the primary source authority of knowledge and information.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having regarded myself as less than an authority figure of knowledge and information.

When and as I see myself placing trust within expert opinion as like reasoning the expert opinion to be valid as the truth, I stop and breathe and I realise the ridiculousness as like logical manipulation is placing faith/belief within expert opinion to be like the authority on how things are in physicality.

Day 350 Physically Liking Work

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having resistances towards doing physical work.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise and understand how I particularly like completing labored tasks as like accomplishing the fruits of my labor as like appreciating a job well done as like I did it…I did good work.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having resistance towards beginning the process of doing good work as like finding starting the process of doing labored tasks difficult. Within this I realise that once I begin a labored task I in fact enjoy myself within and as the physical labor as like myself engaged in physical tasks.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realising and understanding that all work is physical…and can in fact only vary to the extent of physicality as like how much labored movement is required because in fact this is a physical reality in which I am operating within.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not wanting to maximize my labored potential good work as like wanting and choosing to do work of less labor as like avoiding tasks and projects that require immense and meticulous focus and attention to detail as like moving point by point through the process involved within and as systematic functioning.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realising and understanding that neglecting moving myself within taking on responsibilities and work that is best for life as like points of assistance and support that I am in fact doing a dis-service to myself and Life so to speak as like dissing myself as like accepting myself as less than life as like being a dysfunctional member of Life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realising and understanding that emotions and feelings that come up about doing work is already existent within be based on past acceptances and allowances as like memories that are in-formed within myself as like some sort of crystallisation within in me as like programmed/codified within me as like systematic computing software that just comes up/surfaces when I am presented with a point as the memories within me work like triggers so to speak that new moments of interaction within my environment are always connecting with past memories…and bring about points within myself as like wave of energies that are like resistances to me actually in fact expressing as living myself in practical in moment application of myself here as a physical labored being always doing the best work.

When and as I see myself connecting to memories of past moments as like the software programming within myself of how I should “apparently feel” and act, I stop and breathe and I realise the opportunity to learn from my mistakes as memory so to speak and that I can move beyond the self-imposed energetic limitations of energetic reactions within myself and become an effective efficient practical living being, free from energetic triggers that compromise in the moment practical living effective and efficient applications.

Day 349 Doing Better Work

So, While tree planting yesterday I realized how I was able to move myself more expediently/swiftly…but I was comfortable/satisfied with the pace of movement I was operating at…so I was resistant to accelerate my applications. This was a mind job…as I had the backchat thinking of like I’m working good enough….within this full well knowing that I was capable of expanding and doing more. I had moments where I pushed myself to move beyond resistance and accelerate my movement…and I enjoyed this very much. What’s interesting is that I didn't particularly enjoy the resistance to expanding my application and what’s fascinating about this is that I remained within the point of resistance to expanding my application more than I was engaged in movement of self-expansion as striving for my full potential work output. It’s like I accepted and allowed some work complacency so to speak within myself as like justifying “I’m working hard enough…this is good enough”…and within this I was comparing myself to others work output…and further justified limiting expansion within myself by thinking “I’m already doing better than others.”

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realising and understanding that resisting to push myself to do better work as in being and becoming more productive in the work I do is a point of support and assistance for me as like I enable self-expansion as like realising and enacting my capabilities.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realising and understanding that in moments when I find myself having thoughts of complacency within the work I am doing that there is an opportunity for me to expand my abilities by pushing myself to do better and more work as like being more efficient and expedient in the work that I do and specifically with regards to the labor I am currently actively involved with planting trees.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realising and understanding how much I like expanding my abilities as like self-expansion is cool as like learning is fun.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing for remaining complacent within the work tree planting as like thinking I’ll just remain in this comfort zone of moving along within really moving myself to move faster and be more efficient in planting trees to maximize my earning potentials tree planting.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for comparing my abilities to other peoples abilities within the job tree planting and in general terms as like I realise and understand the absurd ridiculousness of self-sabotaging myself within justifying that I am good enough already within my skill set and I do not require to push the point of self-expansion.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realising and understanding how complacent and self-compromising as like a point of arguing within myself for self-imposed limitation it is to speak the phrasing “that good enough…or I’m doing good enough” as like within this phrasing I realise there’s a loss as like letting go of potential capabilities…as like seeing that there is more that could be done do bring a about a better/best result…but this result is better than a worse result but is in fact worse than the best result …and is in and as a point of comparison as being like less than best and comparable to something bad…as like degrees of badness…which is being referred to goodness…but cant really be that good if it is less than the greatest good as like full out labored greatness as like enacting utilizing all available potential.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for looking for comfort/solace within the work that I do as like just wanting to do good enough as like just get by within a a result that is comparable to others as good but less than greatest as like the best as like tapping into and becoming the epitome of full potential as like enacting myself to operate within my full capacity…and within and as enacting myself to operating within abilities to enable myself to learn to expand my capabilities and see how I am able to learn and expand my operations as like seeing and realising how I can become and be more efficient in and as the work that I do so that I am always operating from and as the starting point of what is Best for Life as like being and becoming the Best Life as like me being and becoming the epitome of living/operating/becoming the epitome of always doing my best work.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing less than my best work.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing My best to be less than the Best as like accepting and allowing myself to not utilize my full potential.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for thinking that I am winning by cutting corners as like profiting so home by doing less than what I am capable and able to do as like enacting my full potential in and as all the work that I do….so that I in fact/word/deed stand in and as the doing of my best work. Within this, I realise and understand that I am in process of forgiving myself for doing less than my best.

I commit myself to pushing myself to plant as many trees as efficiently as possible.

I commit myself to becoming the epitome of hard work and self-determination.

I commit myself to expanding my abilities within everything that I do.

When and as I see myself becoming complacent within the work that I do, I stop and breathe and I realise the opportunity existent within myself to expand my abilities within pushing myself to operate better than I am currently accepting and allowing myself to operate.

When and as I see myself comparing my abilities to others as a means of arguing for self-imposed limitation within myself as like “this is good enough”…I stop and breathe and I realise the ridiculous absurdity of such a statement …and within this I allow and enable an aha moment of self-realisation as I realise and understand that I am capable and able of more as I realise how I can become better than I am accepting and allowing myself to exist as.

Day 348 Humanity is a Joke

Points of absurd ridiculousness:

Legal System

Economic System

Religion

Politics

Poverty

Starvation

Hunger Strikes

Minimum Wage

Income Tax

Economists

News Broadcasts

Commercials

Aristocrats

Royal Families

Reality TV

Celebrities

Professional Sports

Sports Commentators

Porn

Education System

Media

United Nations

Human Rights

Getting Drunk

Value of Gold

Greed

Rape

Sex Trafficking

Prostitution

Sex

Emotions

Feelings

Spirituality

Anxiety

Animal Cruelty

Wasting Food

Temper Tantrums

Emotional Instability

Expert Opinions

Gurus and Masters

Being Positive in a Negative World

Murder

War

Peaceful Protests

Occupy Wall Street

Banking System

Parental Education/Preparation for having children

Drug and Alcohol Abuse

Shamans

Hippies

Hipsters

Nerds

Geeks

Jocks

Capitalism

Funerals

Grocery Stores

Sweat Shops

Different World Countries…like 1^st versus 3^rd

Slavery

Consciousness

Charity

Bribery

Fraud

Advertising

Branding

Brain Washing

Cognitive Dissonance

Psychology

Health Care

Disease

Trauma

Suffering

Pain

Survival of the fittest

Ego

Depression

Hate

Violence

Torture

Patents and Copy Rights

Family Inheritance

Blame

Justification

Conflict between Good and Evil

Life Insurance

Note: These are some points that came up within me today that I wanted to share…I will utilize these words to go into more detail and share some of the absurd ridiculousness I see in relation to each of these words and within everyday human interaction.

Day 347 Letting Go of the Thinking that Compromises My Best Work Production

This morning I had been thinking about all sorts of things I would rather be doing instead of the work I have to do. I was trying to think about how I could escape the work I had to do. I was thinking about all sorts of things as like distractions and justifications to keep me from really fully immersing myself within the work I was required to do. It’s like I was doing the work for a little while…but very very slowly as like having poor focus on moving myself expediently through the tasks…it’s like I was moving in slow motion…as like I was consuming so much energy with all the thinking that I was doing/holding onto within myself which was contradictory to assisting and supporting me within moving myself as quickly and swiftly within the work I was required to do.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be influenced in the morning by feelings/emotions I have about the work I am required to do.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for feeding the emotions/feelings I have about the work I am required to do with more thinking as like creating justifications to support the existence of the emotions/feelings I am experiencing as like to keep the emotion/feeling active within myself as like sucking my body dry from the inside.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for choosing to allow myself to fuck with myself in following on within thinking/backchat as like justifications for the acceptances and allowances within my mind as ego feelings/emotions.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be distracted from putting forth my best efforts within day dreaming as like consuming myself within thinking to support emotions/feelings I am experiencing.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to victimize myself within my thinking/feelings/emotions as like experiencing myself as stuck here within responsibilities/obligations as work.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for messing around with my emotions/feelings at work as like creating excuses/justifications/reasons within myself to avoid and stop working because I am not feeling well.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create the experience of not feeling well at work and becoming really tired within excessively thinking about how I can get out of doing work and within this not realising how I created a tiredness within my mind as like a temporary escape from physical responsibilities by extensively mentally masturbating myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fucking with my survival and comfort here in reality by compromising my best earning potential at work within giving attention to feelings/emotions about not wanting to work.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not being competitive within myself about pushing myself to work as hard as I can.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to resist really challenging myself within my work by pushing myself to work as hard as I can to achieve the best results I can.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing my emotions/feelings to dictate my results at work…as like being reliant on the energy produced within emotions/feelings to determine how I move myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit my movement at work to being accordance with how I am feeling.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to sabotage myself from earning as much money as I can on a daily basis at work.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to justify sabotaging myself from earning as much money as possible at work within logical manipulation as like emotions/feelings about not wanting to move myself as quickly and swiftly as possible to maximize money opportunity at work.

I forgive myself for not realising and understanding the ridiculousness of compromising my ability to make as much money as possible at work within giving away focus direction at work to randomly occurring backchat thinking.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for resisting setting daily goals for myself at work as like a tool of assistance and support for me to push myself in capitalizing on the opportunities available to me at work to make as much money as possible.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realising and understand that any thinking that limits my ability to move myself as quickly and swiftly as possible in doing my work well is ridiculously absurd and is to be stopped and deleted from within myself the moment a point of limitation surfaces within myself.

When and as I see myself giving attention to thoughts/feelings/emotions that are not assisting and supporting me to make as much money as possible at work while doing good work, I stop and breathe and I realise the absurd ridiculousness of giving attention to such distractions. I push myself to move myself quickly and swiftly with strength and vigor in and as commitment to make lots of money at work.

I commit myself to making lots of money at work every day.

I commit myself consistently making lots of money at work.

I commit myself to working really hard at work…so much so that I am operating in the zone as like an effortless flow of determination as like self-willed movement that is momentous momentum.

I commit myself to setting daily goals for myself as a point of assistance and support in doing great work.

I commit myself to removing any thoughts/feelings/emotions that come up within myself that could interfere with me working hard and making lots of money.

I commit myself to doing some mental preparations for my day of work as like in accordance for setting goals as like creating a script like construct for myself to work with/walk through my day as like structured support I outline for myself.

Day 346 Making Mistakes

So, the other day I was planting some of my trees to deep…and planting the tree too deep is considered a fault as like it’s a bad tree…and so I was trying to make sure that I didn't burry any of the laterals on the tree and I ended up planting some shallow trees today. I was not pleased to realise I was planting shallow trees.

It’s kind of ridiculous when I look at the day of planting and specifically at a thought I had been having as “I haven’t heard anything about planting shallow trees…like I've had open holes before and too tight spacing but nothing has been mentioned about shallow trees”….and it’s like within this thinking I scripted a scenario upon myself where I was planting shallow trees…as like so I could be told not to plant shallow trees…almost like me thinking/considering/wondering if I can get away with planting shallow trees…as like it seeing what is and isn't acceptable in all sorts of types of scenarios with regards to planting a tree that is acceptable.

I see how I was like possessed within my thinking and I acted out my thinking without even realising the extent to which I was compromising the quality of the work I was doing…and within this…I see how I made a mistake.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for trying to create shortcuts while tree planting as like to cheat at planting the tree properly.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realising and understanding how my thinking can influence my in the moment actions/participation's.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realising and understanding how I create more work for myself by trying to take short cuts within doing my best work as like having to re-work my short cuts.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for getting angry about making a mistake planting shallow trees and within that having thoughts about wanting to quit because of not liking the experience of having to correct my faults.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for getting frustrated and irritated within having to do corrections on my faulty trees and within this moving really slowly as like fearing to make more mistakes.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realising and understanding that fearing to make more mistakes is a mistake within itself as it’s like as long as I fear making mistakes I remain within a mistake I am not seeing…as it’s like when I am stuck within a point I don’t realise and understand how I am stuck within the point because it’s like being stoned/frozen in and as it.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for reacting to realising how I get stuck within points that I didn't realise I was stuck within.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realising and understanding when and as I am stuck within a point.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit myself within emotional reactions within fearing more mistakes.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for moving slowly in walking self corrections of my mistakes.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having resistance to correcting my mistakes as quickly as possible.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having a temper tantrum within myself about correcting my mistakes and kind of half assed doing it…like doing it but not really doing it for myself as like the best support/sustenance I can give myself because it’s like being mad at myself for having to do corrections in the first place…as like being upset that I made mistakes and require corrections and not liking the time required labor to walk/move through the corrections.

I forgive myself for not realising and understanding how tree planting is reflecting the Journey to Life Process.

When and as I see myself making a mistake while planting a tree, I stop and breathe and I correct the mistake so that I plant and an acceptable tree.

When and as I see myself resisting to make corrections as expediently as possible, I stop and breathe and I move myself as expediently/efficiently as possible in making all necessary corrections I see…as I realise the ridiculousness of moving real slow in making corrections that I see require correction. I realise and understand that it is so ridiculous to move very slowly to make corrections when it is possible to be more efficient in making all necessary corrections.

When and as I see myself not wanting to move myself in a very efficient manner in making corrections, I stop and breathe and I move myself as efficiency in making corrections as I realise the ridiculousness of not being efficient with my time. I realise my time here is opportunities for self-correction

I commit myself to self-corrections.

I commit myself to developing steadfast within and as self-corrections.

I commit myself to becoming always efficient within correcting mistakes.

I commit myself to expanding efficiency of planting perfect quality trees all the time.

I commit myself to planting perfect trees.

I commit myself to enjoying planting perfect trees as like an expression of who/how/why I am here.

I commit myself to utilizing mistakes as gifts of opportunities for self-corrections as like ways about fine tuning myself here.

Day 345 Desteni Brainwashing

It’s interesting that I've been told that Desteni is a cult, Desteni is brainwashing me, and Desteni is a scam just to get my money.

It’s interesting because it’s quite obvious to me that Desteni represents a golden platter of assistance and support for dealing with brain washing and the intricacies of the mind as like how and how a thought originates within me and the extent to which I am controlled by memory impressions.

It’s interesting that what is obvious to me isn't obvious to everyone.

I realise I am in the process of releasing myself from brainwashed conditioning as thoughts/feelings/emotions.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to neglect the extent of other human beings brainwashing conditions and within this for being naive in thinking that what is obvious to me should automatically be obvious to another being…and for like taking it personally when what is obvious to me isn't realized and understood by another being.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realising and understanding that when I have reactions in moments as like thoughts/feelings/emotions, I am in fact showing myself the my brain washed conditioning as my acceptances and allowances and that I can utilize the thoughts/feelings/emotions as like resources to free myself from conditioned/brainwashed behavior by realising that who and how I am exists beyond thought/feeling/emotion.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for being cold shouldered to others in the sense of just not being very sympathetic for them and their brain washed conditioning as like dismissing the notion that I am looking at myself in another Life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for being self-righteous in moments when I am being provoked as almost like encouraged to be and say something that’s self-righteously ridiculous…within this I forgive myself for not realising and understand that I can only really be provoked by accepting and allowing thoughts/feelings/emotions to influence my decision making…and within this I realise I have proven myself able and capable of stopping and breathing and not moving within and as immediate reaction as I am able to dissipate the energetic charges that come up within myself.

When and as I see myself being cold shouldered to people, I stop and breathe and I realise that the being I am resisting giving any attention is myself in and as another Life. I give as I like to receive.

When and as I see myself feeling provoked to respond within and as a form of self-righteous communication, I stop and breathe, I utilize the opportunity to speak awesome words of assistance and support as a moment of self-expression as I realise the science of awesome is awesome is always awe-so-me as what is always best for Life…and to share the awesome as me in self-expression is to give as I like to receive.

Day 344 Writing my Blog before I go to Bed

I've been writing my blog just before I go to sleep and I've noticed that sometimes I’m so tired before I write my blog and it’s like yes I’m writing my blog but maybe there could be more to my writing if I didn't write my blog just before I go to sleep….like I've been working 10-11 hour days and then just before bed I’m pretty much physically exhausted and so I think I am going to try writing my blog just before dinner or just after dinner.

A few points here of forgiveness in relation to the blogging before bed,

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for postponing writing my blog just before I go to sleep and within this sometimes compromising my ability to write effectively because I am so tired and just wanting to finish writing and go to sleep and within this I realise that I am not garnering as much insight from my writing because it’s like become kind of half assed.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for half assing my blogging within and as writing my blog just before bed when I am in fact ready to go to sleep.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for waiting/postponing writing my blog just before I go to bed.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for waiting till I’m tired and thinking about going to bed before I write my blog. I realise this isn’t the best approach/starting point for writing as a point of assistance and support.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for limiting the assistance and support I am giving to myself within blogging as consequence of being tired and ready for sleep when I begin writing my blog. I realise that sometimes it is inevitable that I will require to write my blog before I go to bed because I had such a busy schedule through the day and evening time…yet within this I realise I am able to not make a habit of writing my blog right before bed because I have found that I am in a rush to get it done as so to complete my writing of my blog before bed…and the quality of my work suffers.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to rush to get my blog writing done…I realise within this approach the quality of my writing as assistance and support suffers as like being less than my best ability/capabilities.

When and as I see that I have the opportunity to write my blog, I take the opportunity to write my blog because I realise that postponing the opportunity to write my blog before I go to sleep sometimes causes me to be in a rush to complete my writing so that I can go to sleep and is less than my best work because I waited till I was tired to begin writing.

When and as I see that I am rushing to write my blog so that I can go to sleep, I stop and breathe, I realise the patience required in taking my time to be here in the moment writing and not future projecting myself sleeping and racing through my writing to get to that future projection of myself sleeping.

When and as I see that I am postponing writing my blog after dinner, I stop and breathe and I realise that postponing writing my blog has consequential affects as like limiting the amount of presents I can gift myself in my writing as assistance and support because the amount of time I give myself to write before I go to sleep is sometimes less than if I were to write my blog earlier in the day.

I commit myself to taking my blogging seriously.

I SEE IN RE_READING MY WORD HERE THAT I WAS MAKING SOME JUSTIFICATIONS IN MY WORD FORMATIONS ABOUT MYSELF WITHIN BLOGGING>>AND MY PREVIOUS POST RELATES TO THIS POINT ABOUT JUSTIFICATION IN WORD FORMATIONS...

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for utilizing justification from and as the starting point of making myself heard as like so I am understood from the perspective of wanting to be understood as like positioning words in such a way as to manipulate the perception I want to be seen....and within this I forgive myself for not realising and understanding how I've spoken words as justifications

Day 343 Wacky Ridiculous World Relations

A world of words here and the words to describe our shared reality as like the everyday go about of human interactions is not pretty…yet these are just words I’m using to articulate the wacky ridiculous world relations…and even referring to wacky ridiculous world relations is me connecting words together as like making a mathematical sequence of meaning in communication relations…and I mean it’s all very bizarre in the sense how codified everything is…like for instance how our emotions and feelings are connected to words…and within saying this I realise it is myself responsibility to release all word polarization's as energetic charges as emotions and feelings as like the emotions representing the negative energy charges and feelings representing the positive energy charges.

I realise myself referring to the “wacky ridiculous world relations” is a self-judgement of myself here in and as this world.

Today I had thoughts this morning before beginning work of just wishing that I could fast forward through these next few months of work and it all be over and done with and my bank account has a bunch of money it as reflecting all the labor I did to get the money. Within this I was kind of like what the fuck…like seriously what the fuck has my Life come to that I want to fast forward my time as like not wanting to walk through the labor that I got to do. At the moment I am tree planting and I am being paid 15 cents a tree in Canadian currency. Today I was told I planted some faulty trees…which meant I required to fix the faulty trees…and I thought about how I am not getting paid to fix the trees and that I would probably never require to fix faulty trees if I wasn't trying to plant the trees properly as fast as possible…like if planting the trees wasn't a race to make as much money as possible…the survival rate of the trees would be better. I think as it is…the foresters try to have a 93 percent quality standard…meaning it’s OK if some trees die in the process of planting…just so long as based on the quality tests that are done…that a 93 percent quality standard “appears”. I thought about how tree planting in this manner is kind of ridiculous in the sense that each tree is Life here…and how if the job wasn't piece rate production there could be close to if not a perfect tree planted all the time…because the care and caution could be given to make sure each tree has a perfect place rooted in the ground.

Money Money Money Money Money Money

I considered that if the job wasn't piece rate, people wouldn't be motivated to try and plant as fast as they possibly could. I've often viewed this as a negative thing…but really the more I look at this point…I see how this could be of benefit to the Life living of trees as like less tree deaths.

Within writing the above words I was looking at the point of how commerce works according to fast pace money movement…as like production…constant production…as like producing things as fast as possible…and within this I see how globally we have quite the epidemic of quality of goods…like it’s all about making as much stuff as cheap as possible…it’s like quality is an expendable price…if profits can be made at the expense of quality…and something is produced of some sort of quality…it’s like well that’s the price of doing business…like the busyness of business.

Is any work of value if the work is less than the best possible output?

The way our monetary system works is of no real value because it works in a way that is less than the best possible outcome for all Life Here.

I realise the immense amount of work that is required to be done within myself in making sure that I operate as what’s always best…as I've come to see and realise that the ways in which I have been conditioned are to operate in ways that are less than the best possible output.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for wishing my days away as like the time I have committed to tree planting as like not wanting to be here tree planting for money.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for disregarding my learning potential on a daily basis while being physically engaged in long hour days planting trees as like an opportunity to really physically express myself within self-directive movement.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself as a bizarre ridiculous wacky world relation.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for only being concerned with having money in my bank account as like thinking once I have a bunch of money in my bank account then I will be happy and at ease and restful as like totally relaxed because my survival here will be easy so to speak as like money determines comfort and quality of living so to speak as like privileged opportunities Here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to get annoyed with myself for taking extra caution while planting trees after I was informed that I had planted some faulty trees.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for feeling conflicted within the work I do planting trees as like I realise each tree is Life Here and I am directly responsible for giving the tree a good home and within this I also realise how I require money to survive and I am able to make the most money possible when I push the tree planting quality standards as like making as many mistakes that is acceptable as like getting my production of trees planted to the highest amount without having to re-work the land for having too many faulty trees.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for taking mistakes personally as like feeling burdened within making a mistake as like getting really down on myself as like being angered and upset within myself as like so dissatisfied within myself that I experience spite.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for spiting myself when and as I make a mistake tree planting.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to get angry and frustrated when and as I make a mistake tree planting.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having a temper tantrum within myself when I make a mistake.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use justification witihin my words as like to create hypothetical what if scenarios as like woulda coulda shoulda...as like how things would be different if things were different....and within this I realise and understand the ridiculousness absurdity of accepting and allowing myself to form justifications within and as word formations.

When and as I see myself having a temper tantrum within myself as like spiting myself within anger and frustration for having made a mistake/error, I stop and breathe and I realise the wacky bizarre ridiculous word relations I am existing within and as.

When and as I see myself going into word formations from and as the starting point of creating justifications to assert reasoning upon my actions/mistakes...I stop and breathe and I realise and understand the ridiculous absurdity of justifications...I direct myself in the moment of seeing myself going into a point of justification...to stop and breathe.

Day 342 Lucius Vorenus

I've been watching the show “Rome”. There’s a character in the show named Lucius Vorenus. The character is well regarded among the people, conservative, stubborn, respectful of authority, serious, great fighter, smart, angered easily, very calm when not having anger outburst….these are points that immediately jump out at me.

Also, the character is seemingly very serendipitous…meaning he ends up in unexpected scenarios and is often very fortunate. He’ had his share of misfortune too…it seems like things are really good or really bad for him…like has many real extreme circumstances.

The name Lucius Vorenus has popped into my head various times the last few days at work…seemingly out of nowhere.

I like the character Lucius Vorenus.

I reflect myself as the points I am seeing in the character.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for relating myself to the character Lucius Vorenus in the tv show “Rome”

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for basing my liking of this character based on identifying shared character traits.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for defining myself as conservative, stubborn, respectful of authority, serious, great fighter, smart, angered easily, very calm when not having anger outburst

I forgive myself for not realising and understanding that I relate to all characters here whether or not I like it as all here is a reflection of me here as like everyone/everything is here on/in and as the earth and is of the same substance makeup.

Day 341 Jersey Shore

I've been watching the show Jersey Shore with my girlfriend and some points I want to go into self-forgiveness upon.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for judging the characters on jersey shore and for separating myself from and as the characters on jersey shore.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react to the characters on Jersey Shore as like just saying “she’s fucking crazy”…like….”insane”.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for laughing at characters on Jersey Shore’s misfortune.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realising and understanding that the reactions that have come up within me while watching Jersey Shore reflect points within myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for suppressing the fact that I have acted like the characters on Jersey Shore.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for judging the characters on Jersey Shore for drinking all the time.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for holding onto guilt within myself and regret and shame for having participated within drinking all the time and being focused on just going out to the bar and hooking up with girls.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for reacting to the messy house the characters on Jersey Shore have…like especially their rooms as clothes all over the place.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for neglecting my living space and not really cared about having a tidy house…and also having a messy room as like having clothes all over the place.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for neglecting cleaning up after myself and for not putting my putting my clothes away in the closet…and just kind of scattering my clothes all over the place.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for reacting to the characters speaking lies deliberately just to generate reaction….and within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for deliberately speaking lies to generate reactional responses from others for my own amusement.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for judging the characters as not giving a shit about anything but themselves….and within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not giving a shit about anything but myself and for projecting myself as like righteous superiority as like better than others because I can see how fucked they are….and within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for diverting my attention away from my own fuckedness as like the points that make me fucked and focus on thinking about how others are fucked….and within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for hiding from facing the truth of myself and for resisting to take self-corrective action and walk corrections as to re-align myself in ways that are best.

When and as I see myself thinking shit about a character in a show that I am watching, I realise this is in fact a point of self-reflection and therefore I take this thought and unravel it as a point of self-reflection by bringing the point back to myself as how I am this point of acceptance and allowance…and how I can release this acceptance and allowance through self-forgiveness….and how as I look within a thought…I see the network of interconnected points as like parts of the web which I constructed without realising the consequences of my actions.

I commit myself to use movies and shows as an educational tool of self-support in deprogramming character flaws/weaknesses.

Day 340 Once Upon a Time

I've been watching the show “Once Upon a Time” and within this show there is lots of characters…and there has been many conflicts between the characters and as the show has progressed there has been new conflicts and also many unsuspecting agreements between characters where characters team up and work together as to like join forces against a greater evil so to speak…and within the most recent episode I watched there was more characters united than ever before…which was interesting because I reflected this point upon the state of worldly affairs where all beings are required to work together for the greatest good of our existence as like to bring forth a place of awesome assistance and support in always…is the result of inner working agreements as like team work and co-dependency. Within the most recent episode past conflicts were forgiven and forgotten so to speak as the point was realized that were stronger when we work together and our individual interests are best served when we work together as a collective unit as we a stronger together than we are as separate parts trying to do it all by ourselves as like sharing the weight that needs to be lifted makes lifting the weight possible. Also a point within the show was that the best way isn't always the easiest way and without it’s challenges so to speak….and again that’s like the situation we are all facing here on earth as we all have many challenges and tribulations to face as part of our process of self-realisation/self-responsibility in becoming a creator/guardian of the universe as Equality and Oneness.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having many times resisted support from others because I felt it my duty/responsibility/burden to bury the cross alone so to speak as like to silently suffer because of my own self guilt/judgement as like believing that I must experience the consequential outflow of my actions and believing that experiences of hardship is a necessary component of process of self-realisation/self-responsibility.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to suffer within and as resisting working together with others and not wanting to participate in group dynamics but just wanting to do things my way by myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for judging character relations and thinking that some characters are just too evil to ever come to agreement of mutual benefit and support.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for resisting character relations of mutual benefit and support.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise and understand the process of amalgamation as like all characters unite to form one complete character of and as Equality and Oneness as like the harmonious force of agreement as like symbiotic relations all singing and knowing the same song of giving equals receiving and therefore what’s best for everyone is best for me because I am encompassed within everyone as like each is a part that makes up the whole of everything….as like each being is a crucial and critical element that makes up what we call Here.

I realise it is my self-responsibility to get to know all relationships existing within myself as like to know and understand the functioning of my body with great detail.

I commit myself to getting to know all relationships that exist within me as like knowing and understanding the function of my body with great detail…as like to expand my, self in to me I see as self-intimacy

I commit myself to unifying all character persona’s within and as the point of creation as Equality and Oneness merged together as like a total fusion and binding together as eternal Life everlasting as realising that the truth of myself exists behind the masks of character persona’s as One complete character that acts in ways which is always best as the starting point principle of creation/Equality and Oneness.

Day 339 Keep Working

Today I was tree planting and I didn't have nearly as many trees planted as I would of liked to have planted at about the half-way point in the day. Initially I was kind of upset…and prior to the half-way point I thought about taking a nap as like I wasn't pleased with my rate of production…and going to sleep and just forgetting about tree planting production seemed kind of appealing….I realized I was bullshitting within myself and that I just had to keep breathing and keep planting tree by tree….and so I did and my pace picked up in the second half of the day and I ended up tallying a final result I was pleased with…and I really showed myself that it is important to keep applying myself even when I am not pleased with the initial results I am getting…that continuous application…as a commitment to keep working/going and not giving up is fulfilling.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for considering quitting and giving up on work that is tough going and is not immediately yielding results I am satisfied with.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realising and understand the diligence of continuous application as sticking to a point and walking it into completion even when it is tough going and seems difficult and giving up seems so appealing as like a way to seek refuge from the hardship/challenge I am faced with.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realising and understanding the extent of my capabilities when I refuse to give up on myself as like not allowing myself to quit a job…as like realising I am the work I do and that it is fulfilling to finish my work…even when finishing/completing the work/task seems difficult/challenging/when the job will be finished is not known.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to get frustrated/irritated/annoyed/upset/disappointed with myself when work is challenging me and is harder than I expected.

I forgive myself for not realising and understanding the commitment to not giving up as just refusing to give into energy temptation as like following backchat as like an abdication of sticking to self-responsibility.

When and as I see myself back chatting within myself about giving up on a point I am committed to walking, I stop and breathe…I realise the ridiculousness of giving into temptation as considering to follow backchat…I realise I am my own self-fulfilling prophecy when I stick to my commitment to do the job without quitting/giving up.

When and as I see myself wanting to take a nap when I got work that needs to be done…I stop and breathe…I realise sleeping on myself responsibility is not an option as I am committed to getting the job done and sleeping on a task that needs being done is just prolonging and postponing the job completion.

When and as I see myself not being satisfied with the amount of trees I've planted at the half-way point in the day, I stop and breathe and I realise I am capable and able to accelerate my production and that if I just keep working and not worrying about what has already be done because it’s already be done…I am able to surprise myself in tapping into capabilities that become new abilities as a result of refusing to give up on myself and just keep working.

I commit myself to not giving up on myself.

I commit myself to expanding my abilities and increasing my capabilities.

I commit myself to the work I do as I am the work I do.

Day 338 socializing

My girlfriend was telling me I should be socializing more with my fellow tree planters…like after work…especially on the last day of the work week. Like typically the majority of the workers like to have some alcohol on the night after our last day of work for the week…and perhaps get drunk/wasted…as it’s considered like party time…because there isn't work the next day. I’m not at all interested in the boozing scene and have deliberately distanced myself from that type of participation/social interaction…as I've come to see that there’s other ways I’d prefer to spend my time…I mean I only have so much time in the day…and it seems to me kind of like a waste just hanging around drinking. The reason I bring this up…is that I noticed a slight reaction within myself to the word “socializing”…as like being offended for being regarded as anti-social…like thinking I’m rebelling by not socializing after work on party night.

Playing with the word ‘socializing’

Socializing...Socialising…social I sing…social I zing…so-c-I-all-sing…social-eyes….social-eyeing…social-I-sin…so-shall-I’s…so see I all I’s…

Looking at dictionary definition of ‘socialize’

so·cial·ize

v. so·cial·ized, so·cial·iz·ing, so·cial·iz·es

v.tr.

1. To place under government or group ownership or control.

2. To make fit for companionship with others; make sociable.

3. To convert or adapt to the needs of society.

v.intr.

To take part in social activities.

Playing with definition of ‘socialize’

Socializing…like the sharing of I as persona….the coming together of many I’s/eyes in a group dynamic…like social I/eye singing/zinging as word exchanges…social interaction

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word ‘socialize’ with a positive energetic charge.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for reacting in defense/offense…as like being offended when I am referred to as being anti-social because I didn't want to hang out with co-workers after work.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for experiencing a loss when my girlfriend was referring to me as being anti-social…as like I interpreted this as something negative and bad.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for defining ant-social with a negative energetic charge.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be zinged by the word socialize within and as allowing polarity energetic charges…as like either a positive or a negative zing/shock.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having desired to socialize as like wanting to share the company of others.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for drinking alcohol as like my liquid courage in social as my social lubricant for socializing.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for desiring alcohol within socializing experiences.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for judging others who use alcohol as a point of comfort in socializing.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for making a big deal about alcohol and socializing.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for taking offence to being regarded as anti-social for not hanging out drinking with co-workers after work.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not being interested in hanging out with co-workers while they drink after work.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have felt the need/obligation to be social with others as like a form of etiquette as like it’s how I want to be treated.

When and as I find myself reacting to the word socialize, I stop and breathe and I check the specifics of the reaction I am having to the word socialize and investigate the point within myself as a means of self-reflection.

I realise social interaction is all the time from the perspective that our reality in inter-dependent meaning that various parts are in contact at all times…and like everything is interconnected…so there is like always physical social interaction.

Mike McDonald's Journey to Life

important shit