Day 329 Planting Fear

 

Fearing not being able to Plant

I missed the 2^nd and third day of the tree planting season because I strained my upper body on the first day of planting. Interesting too I was taking it easy in terms of not trying to push myself too hard.

I was considering that my body would need time to warm up to the vigorous workout that I typically put myself through in planting large amounts of trees in a day.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for thinking today from a starting pint of fear that I will not be able to plant trees because my body is just too sore and that I will have to go home and find some sort of job to provide for myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear for my survival as like knowing how I can make lots of money.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel vulonerable as consequence of being in less than top physical condition for the beginning of the tree planting season.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for thinking about how much it would suck if I had to stop planting because my body couldn’t handle the workout.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fearing what I will do if I do not make the money I have planned to make this summer.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think thoughts of giving up as like how I will get home from where I am now…without having pushed myself to my physical limits.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having doubted my physical abilities to plant lots of trees.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for doubting that my body will hold up.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fearing that Ive damaged my body too much to continue tree planting with great success.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to forget about the quote a friend gave me with regards to working out and feeling sore after a work out, “pain is just weakness leaving the body”

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear pain.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for thinking that I want to be numb to pain.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for thinking and comparing myself to all the beings who suffer in pain.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to suffer in pain.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel sorry for myself and the pain I have caused myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fearing my ability to survive will be compromised if my physicality is compromised.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to lack faith in my physical body strength,

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear the worst possible scenarios.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react in fear to considering bad scenarios for myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be disappointed with myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fearing to upset my employer.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fearing to face my employer when I am sore…because 

I want to work and not have to take rest days to recover my health.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel a little bit of guilt for taking two days off to rest after straining myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear judgement of my employers for taking two days off.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge my physical body and my employers.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for mind fucking myself after getting upper body muscle strain after planting 1140 trees my first day of work…and I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise and understand that I did lots of repetitive motions I haven’t done in a long time…and that my body is in process of going through adjustments to doing such repetive motions…as like my body was some what shocked from all the repetive motions that had not been present within the previous days.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for accepting and allowing myself for resisting/fearing the physical laboured change I am putting my body through.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for making a big deal about the strength training I am putting my body through.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have desired to quit so I don’t have to experience the pain of physical body strains in strengthening my muscle memory as a tree planter.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for doubting my physical body commitment.

I forgive myself for having thoughts of giving up on myself and thinking that I will not be able to perform as a tree planter as good as I know I am capable.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for thinking it would be easier to just not put myself through the work of tree planting….and instead just get some sort of employment in the city and do some basic exercises on a daily basis.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for thinking that I don’t want to be where I am now that I am here…as like thinking I would rather be somewhere else doing something else.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for mindfucking with myself by playing the thinking game of thinking of things that maybe I would rather prefer to be doing than I am now.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to attach any emotions or feelings to tree planting.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having attached such emotional lows to tree planting and such feelings of highness to tree planting.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to ride the waves of emotions and feelings while tree planting as like highs and lows.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to tree plant.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think that I must tree plant.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think that tree planting is the easiest way for me to make a bunch of money and have some financial security.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for thinking it would be harder for me to make lots of money doing other things besides tree planting.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to like tree planting because it’s easy and that it only ever seems hard when I allow myself to make it seem hard because it’s just one breath at a time, one tree at a time,,,and I just have to repeat over and over thousands of times….and then the day of tree planting is done…..and as I commit myself to tree planting one breath and one tree at a time,…I build momentum as like a continuous harmonious flow…and the physical work that can seem so hard becomes like totally effortless because I enable/direct myself to operate as a consistent constant flow of great production….accumulating trees in the ground and breaths taken. I realise my will is my resolve and my will is like the focus in my drive as the directive self-responsibility in my movement….and that as I trust and have faith in myself I am strong and very capable of great results…as like operating in a way where I am recognized as one of the best.

I realise the gifts I have given myself here in speaking self-forgiveness as written expression. I am especially grateful for the gifts I have bestowed upon myself in the forgiveness listed directly above this statement of self-realisation.

I realise I am capable and able bodied to perform well tree planting. I realise I am warming up my muscles and experiencing some pain as I push and pull the cob webs off myself as like I rejuvenate my strength…as I give myself further access in to my physical body capabilities.

I commit myself to accessing my physical body capabilities that I have not yet accessed.

I commit myself to my will as my resolve.

I commit myself to embrace the pain as weakness leaves my body and I become stronger and stronger and more and more able bodied.

I commit myself to enjoying myself tree planting as I am the work I do.

I commit myself to pushing myself in tree planting as I am the work I do.

I commit myself to push myself to do my best in everything I do.

I commit myself to giving my best efforts.