Day 787 - Creating Structure(s)

Lets have a look at Structure:

Our time is structured....whether we like it or not. Obviously depending on our time management and regard for our responsibilities and allotment of time...will reflect in the quality of our minute to minute structuring of our days within time.

Activities are structured.  Say you play a sport...there's a certain structure to it that makes it the very sport/game you play.  Television is structured into a specific amount of time....same with movies.  Also consider here the stories are structured in a way of a timeline.

Money Is Structured. What do I mean?  I mean lets say you use a bank, there's banking structure.  Also, how much money you receive from work that you do is often structures by an hourly wage, an annual wage, a commission per sale, and or by specific contract.  Each point showcasing a particular structured design.

Our Thoughts/Feelings/Emotions are structured. What? Have a look...if you investigate the details into one of your thoughts....you can see that it corelates to much about yourself in one way or another. Same with the feelings and emotions.  They have been conditioned into ourselves in very specific ways as a result of how we have acted and reacted in response to stimuli in our environment.  Basically how we have been conditioned to process information from the time we were born.  Interesting investigation into the structure of our thoughts/feelings/emotions....because in using our words as a point of source identification....we can explore further by seeing what connector words are associated to the core words that come up in relation to a thought/feeling/emotion.

Point I am getting at here is:  Everything exists within and as Structure. Notice how something that is well built is checked by the engineer to make sure that it is Structurally Sound.


Creation is therefore all about Structure.  Anything we do has that point of structure to it.  Even within the regard that we create new structures by learning and knowing...understanding old structures.  Because with this insight we are able to fine tune the structuring of things in ways that are great.  Though ironically enough if we look at the world of business, many products are being made more and more inferior in and as the quality/durability of their structure.

I have started Playing with the creation of Structures in my day to day living.  How so?  Specifying specific amounts of time to begin new projects.  I am keeping it super simple. So i've decided to test these specifc structures over the course of 1 year. Yup one year.  The structures I have set up are small investments of time on a daily basis. 5 minutes or more.  I set the stop watch and I immerse myself within the point for 5 minutes...or a bit more if i decided to do so.  Though the point here is in seeing for myself how many things I can create with very small investments of time on a daily basis.


See the interesting thing here is that the learning compounds everyday.  So, lets look more closely at the 5 minute investment each day.  Lets take 7 points of Interest. that's 35 minutes.  Each day for 365 days. That's  1825 minutes per point. now say you pushed yourself and you did 7 minutes on each point.  Keep in mind, you dont have to do these things, one after another.....you could have 7, 7minute blocks spread out throughout your day.  That doesn't seem all that difficult. That would equal 2555minutes on each project/investigation point of discovery.  Now the interesting thing here is obviously you could push it further if you wanted to.  Say you get 10 minutes on average....because you just can't help but want to do more once you've started this fun structure setup you've created for yourself.

The emphasis here is that their is tremendous growth potential when and as you create a structure where you build on your own momentum on a daily basis.  It's a cool discipline in short term focus for long term benefit.

So just figured I would share some of my structured investments that i've embarked upon. 



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to resist creating structured supports in my day to day living. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize how supportive it is to create many structured points of support for myself in my day to day living.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize and understand my tremendous creative potential within creating specific structures within my day to day living.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to forget about Play in relationship to Structure.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have forgotten about being a small child who was extremely satisfied to spend time on the Play Structures.  I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize and understand how setting up specific structures within my day is allowing me to Create Structured Play Time in a variety of ways.  I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize and understand how creating specific structures within my day to day living creates and supports the harmony of a balanced work/play creation.

When and as I see myself resisting one of my specific structures I have setup to support my day to day living, I stop and breathe, I realize that moving into the structure and playing and working with it will be fun.  That the time commitment is short and totally doable.  I realize that these specific structures i have setup in my day to day living are long term investments that yield a rich harvest.

I commit myself to the fruits of my labor.

I commit myself to using Structures to support my best potential.

I commit myself to using structures as a platform to Create and develop myself in ways in which i would like to expand and grow.

I realize by creating structures for myself I am creating a sort of recipe book of my own success.

I commit myself to living passion within the specific structures i have set up.

Day 778 - Cheating myself out of Life

For a long while I've been pretty loose with the rules while playing golf, where I would improve my lie (how the ball is laying on the ground...making it more forgiving),  take generous drops,  give myself putts, take mulligans, and be forgiving with out of bounds and penalty stroke rules.

I bring attention to this here....because I reflect back to playing when I was fairly young, and me and my friend were fairly competitive about posting the lowest scores we could. And what happened slowly but surely is I became forgiving on points/rules of enforcement...I mean it would be a gimme on a putt here...or a mulligan on the first hole....or like saying one mulligan per round....or saying we can fluff our ball's lies.

I've started playing golf again with a competitive spirit about scoring as best as i am possibly able to.  I am also very serious in developing my performance to an elite level.  My ability at the moment is above average.  I've come to recognize that I've tainted my best golf development over the years by being so slack with the rules.  I see this as consequential because it's like I resisted making mistakes...and when i would make mistakes i would cover them up, forgive them without really completely taking responsibility for it and learning from it, understanding the specific mechanics of my error.

In fact, i see how I have accepted and allowed myself to create emotions and feelings about my swings and scores in golf....where it's like a point of perfection or imperfection on each shot and result....so like, multiple judgement system relationships here.

I am also noticing how I don't want to continue within this type of relationship patterned behavior with regards to my relationship with golf.  I am seeing a lot of layers here that need to be fine tuned.

I am also questioning how my relationship within golf relates and reflects to other areas within my life.  To take this question to the core of myself within the perspective and consideration of personality character design and construction; What stand out to me is:  Superiority and Inferiority and the relationship with perfection and and Imperfection where these words are forms of polarized judgements.  I notice  how I write the construct down here as, "superiority and inferiority"...that i want to put superiority first as like a desire to associate myself more with superiority and how i wish to come across and be more closely associated as superior.  In writing here i can see how superiority and inferiority are words that exist within me that are closely related in a polarized way to perfection and imperfection.

I see this as a topic for me to explore more into specifics.

At this point i would like to open up self-forgiveness on points that stick out for me here:

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to cheat myself at golf and at life.  I realize it is my relationship within and as how I play in regards to my thoughts, feelings and emotions that can be improved upon, as I realize and understand the way in which i have accepted and allowed myself to participate within golf has sort of perpetuated and compounded myself existing within and as a sort of ego conflict within myself where i am polarized into reacting consistently at the results/actions of myself where there is a an ongoing scoring evaluation of myself within judgement in the form of emotion and feeling, so much so related to my definitions of perfection and imperfection

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for suppressing my feelings and emotions within seeing the shame about how i have defined my feelings and emotions in relationship to perfection and imperfection.  I realize that taking a neutral approach is totally tied to keeping the inferiority and superiority character construction in tact within myself as like playing it neutral is almost like playing it cool when all is not cool within oneself....or like playing it extra chill when one is totally not experiencing them-self as super chill but wants to put on the front of being super chill.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to stress myself out within taking the time to actually look at how I have accepted and allowed myself to cheat the best development of my potential within golf/life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for being embarrassed and shameful to talk and share about the fact that i have existed within inferiority and superiority within myself.  I realize the inequality within accepting this type of attitude and perception about myself in regards to others here.  I realize taking on this attitude and thinking is a mistake, is consequential of existing within and as a state of mind consciousness with a polarized energetically charged vocabulary.  I commit myself to stopping this patterned behavior and walking the fine tuning of myself here as my words, where i remove the charges against myself...I re-establish the terms/definitions of my words.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for thinking it normal to fuck with oneself in reacting and creating forms of stress on the body within and as one's relationship to words.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to cheat myself within my mind of thinking thoughts where i buy into the highs and lows of my feelings and emotions and allow myself to become distracted by them and influence my movement and ability to create and live my utmost potential.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to slack off on myself discipline with regards to my competitive spirit in regards to athletics and sports.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to inferiorize myself within competitions and at the same time desire superiority.  I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize and understand how I have created inferiority within and as my best ability as a result of being dishonest with myself and tainting my vocabulary within and as results of perfection and imperfection.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize and understand how so much so my life and abilities within my life are correlated with how I live words within my physical body here....that my words are my living actions and there is many ways in which i can express myself through my words.  I realize my actions are a reflection of my words.  I realize my participation within all things is a reflection of my self-development and word/world agreements.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to frustrate myself within looking at what I have accepted and allowed throughout my life that is less that my best potential.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become overwhelmed within looking at the definitions terms/words of agreements I agreed to participate within.  I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to resist taking self-responsibility for my consent within all my relationships.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear vulnerability in exposing/sharing my mistakes.

I forgive myself for not realizing and understanding the irony within fearing the vulnerability to share/expose my mistakes.  I see, realize and know the irony here as being  tragically comical because within sharing one's mistakes, one is able to assist and support others to learn lessons without having to necessarily remain within the same suppression that I was existing within.  I realize that sharing one's mistakes and the lessons learned, is in fact an act of compassion in care/regard to support another as oneself here. I see this as the practical living embodiment of self-respect, self-regard, self-nourishment, and self-development.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear sharing myself as a result of being competitive within myself from a polarized relationship of inferiority and superiority. I realize the ridiculousness of defining myself into opposition within myself through and as the confusion of my word relationships and agreements.  I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize the tragic comedy of energetically inferior and superior word and world relationships....where more value is given to that which is regarded as more, and less value to that which is disregarded as less....from the perspective of everything Being Life equality and oneness here...and a dissonance existing as the very design of polarized energetic resonance through and as the accepted and allowed  inferiority and superiority within and as one's word and world relationships within oneself as all Life here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define  myself in ways that are less than great.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for resisting to take self-responsibility for my less than great self-definitions here.

I realize and understand my self-responsibility for myself-definitions here...and that my relationships within and as words is key to myself living for real in physical reality here.

I commit myself to self-improvement through and as self-responsibility in and as my practical every day living and usage of words.

I commit myself to share my process of self-realization and understanding.

I commit myself to humbleness within vulnerability as i see myself within and as the mistakes I make.  I commit myself to being efficient and effective at learning from my mistakes.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to pad my stats within and as my results within activities.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fuck with my legitimacy, integrity and resolve.

I commit myself to practically living the words Legitimacy, Integrity, and Resolve as points of self-commitment in walking through my mistakes as learning lessons...and to learn as effectively and efficiently as possible within walking through learning lessons.  I commit myself to being open and vulnerable within and as I walk my process journey to Life.

I commit myself to accountability and integrity within and as my thoughts/words/deeds. 

I commit myself to practically living the word Ownership in regard to self-accountability and self-responsibility as points of practically living the best care taking.

Day 698 - Discipline...More than A feeling...

Isn't it interesting that when and as we examine ourselves and the world we see that so many things are bass ackwards!

Looking at the point of Discipline and the early advent of discipline in the education system, you see that children were Hit, or beaten with a strap as a form of punishment for misbehavior....the disciplinary action was to act as a form of fear controlling measure.

looking at fear controlling measure....I see how I have been influenced and controlled through fear throughout my life to varying degrees.

Sometimes I was in such fear that I denied the actuality of my reactions being a total polar opposite movement as like taking the other side of the coin to project a superiority stance as a way of covering up the accepted and allowed insecurity within myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for polarizing my relationship with and as the word Discipline.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for existing within a relationship wuth Discipline from the perspective of fighting fear....where I am using discipline as like a point of trying to convince myself of behaving in particular manners and at the same time rebelling against my said desire behavior.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for creating stagnation in my effective application of sorting myself out so to speak as the structural alignment of myself as the purification of and as my being here sound.

I forgive myself ofr accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding the irony within and as practical living applications from and as the perspective of my word acceptances and allowances are being directly exposed/revealed to me to see the actuality of myself here...and where i REQUIRE SELF-CORRECTION....SELF PERFECTION...

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for complicating the truth of myself by avoiding to face and correct it.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding the extent of limitations I create for myself as consequence of accepting and allowing myself to be controlled by fears.....and that these fears are revealed as a spectrum of momentary reactions that come up within my mind as thoughts/feelings/emotions....both positive and negative.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself ofr having problems in being able to practically able to live daily consistency within myself as a result of giving credence to the thoughts/emotions/feelings that come up within my mind to the point of possession/belief ,,playout where abdication of self-direction.,..self correction happens

Day 699 - Discipline

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have mixed emotions/feelings about "discipline"

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for creating a friction about Discipline from the perspective where I crave/desire discipline and at the same time I resist and revolt against discipline.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for creating uncertainty within my daily responsibilities as a result of and as my relationship within and as the point of Discipline.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself fore resisting to actually purify my relationship and expression within and as the living embodiment of Discipline as I see is in fact best for Life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to suppress myself as the living full potential of and as the word Discipline.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create contradictions within myself as the word embodiment of Discipline.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding the paramount importance of and as the purity of each living word definition within myself here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for resisting to exercise the living of and as Discipline within and as my decisions/movements here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to forego disciplined principles in and as my applications for preferred preferences.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for resisting to stay committed and determined to stick with a particular discipline as a point of purpose in and as my day to day living.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not even considering the practical living support in making a decision as to enact a practical living purpose for my life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding how giving myself a practical living purpose can in fact support the development and effectiveness within and as myself as embodiment of Discipline here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for creating conflict about discipline to such an extent that I created conflict for my life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding the irony within and as reactionary and conflicted word relations.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding how reactionary and conflicted word relationships reveal to me points of accepted and allowed suppression in my overall character potential ability here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for resisting the daily discipline of being specific within and as my word investigations as like my daily barometer in and as the purification of myself here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for realizing and understanding the quality of my life here exists within and as my effectiveness with my words.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding how my relationship within and as Discipline ties into and as the quality of my life here as my effectiveness with my vocabulary here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding my vocabulary to exist as like nutrients of self-support.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not really considering or being systematically diligent in  and as daily investigating the extent of and as my word relationships.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for make believing that my word relationships are all good.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fearing the Discipline required to practically live for real.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding how I have in fact feared the practical living of Discipline....and the irony within this as the absurd ridiculousness because I have perpetuated that which I in fact would not like to experience.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding the specification of our world as our words we know...as specifically as how we have accepted and allowed our words and world to exist.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for resisting to examine the negativity within and as my word acceptances and allowances as the emotion that exists within my body about particular words.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for resisting to investigate the positivity within and as my word acceptances and allowances as feelings that exist within my body about particular words because they feel good.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fearing the investigation of and as the positive and negative word associations that I have accepted and allowed within and as my mind/body/being relationship here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding the change of our mind/body/being exists within and as our word relations....as it is in fact our word relationships that shape this world relationship...and it is therefore our sound signature in and as what is we accept and allow to exist here...as like our resonant signature and vote of what is and is not acceptable.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fearing to be a standing example of and as what is best for all Life in all ways.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for suppressing my spoken/written/living word potential.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding the absurd ridiculousness of suppressing my spoken/written/living word potential.

I forgive myself for not realizing and understanding the tremendous amount of support that opens of as a result of and as the investigation and purification process of One word.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for coping with words that have been devoid of optimum value and nutritional sustenance.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for limiting the assistance and support within and as my word relations.


I commit myself to the purification of my word relationships.

I commit myself to living the purification of my word relationships.

I commit myself to the support and assistance within and as the purification of word relationships.

I commit myself to live the embodiment of practical living word relationships as the epitome of self-living support and assistance as what is in fact best for Life.

I commit myself to share words of support and assistance.

I commit myself to assist and support others to practically live words effectively.

I commit myself to the embodiment of living words.

I commit myself to giving myself purpose within and as the sharing of words here as solutions that can assist and support others to gift themselves access to the development and enactment of untapped potential creation here.

Day 696 - Discipline

Throughout my life I have had mixed emotions in relationship to the word "Discipline."


Discipline started out as something to be feared. My parents were the Administrators of Discipline. As far as I understood....Discipline was only something terrible as a form of punishment that I would associate as being like a kind of torture that would be done unto me in some capacity as a result of my "misbehavior" according to the Administrators of Discipline....aka....my parents.


So, Discipline and I did not get a long. I did not like Discipline. As far as I was concerned, Discipline could go fuck itself and die...for I would have been satisfied with no more dispensing of Discipline from the Administrators of Discipline...aka...my parents.


Note, for the record here....No blame is being pointed at the Administrators of Discipline Here...this is a Story about my Relationship with Discipline. The Word...


So, not until I became wayyyyyyyyyyyyy older than my first receiving of Discipline as an apparent method of Torture employed by my parents...aka...my Authorities...

Now in all fairness, I do not recall my Authorities....I mean my parents ever once mentioning that they were Disciplining me as a method of Torture. No, the informed me that I was receiving Discipline as a form of Punishment as a method to instill in me regard/respect for the behavior/actions that was required and to be expected of me from my parents....

What's interesting is that Discipline often arose as a result of my unexpected behavior and was seen as a method of remediating behavior that my parents did not like...that was not appropriate in and as their judgement. Granted....perhaps some of my behavior was outlandish...

So Discipline had become quite the resistance movement within me....to the point where my mobility was in rebellion to my parents in and as Defense of Discipline...meaning, my relationship with my parents developed to a point of no regard....no regard from the perspective that I stopped listening to them. Sort of. I would hear what they would say....and I would deliberately side with the point that they were in opposition towards. Meaning if they thought some idea was particularly good....it was therefore bad to me. 

What is fascinating about the playout of my reactionary defensive conflicted relationship with my parents is that I wasn't really consciously aware of how I was existing in a perpetual state of reaction in relationship to the existence of my parents.



To Be Continued

Day 677 - Effort-full

"I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having resistance to learning with effortless ease" Day 676 - Life...Learning...Teach Ability...Opportunity and Fortune

This statement jumps out at me as I re-read through my previous blog entry. I ponder on the point a moment and I look at the process of development a child learns to walk within the actual skill of walking...and specifically the process of going from learning to crawl...to crawling...to standing...to falling and standing up...and actually waddling a step or two...to eventual walking effectiveness.

Within looking and regarding this process...It is quite the process and it is in fact effort-full There is a self-willing commitment to actually explore and push the development of potential which is the result of constant and consistent experimental application...practice and repetition...and a fine tuning.

So, within re-reading my initial statement I share above here with regards to an effortless within learning...I see here how I have placed an expectation about my idea of how I have believed the learning process should be. This is not necessarily the case within learning new skills. In fact some things will require much more effort than other things. And, to only learn that which comes effortlessly...would be in fact a squandering of one's actual learning potential here...because perhaps it is the commitment in learning the things that are the most challenging for ourselves that are in fact the most rewarding. I say this, because....look at the self-discipline and the self-commitment....and the self-perseverance...and the self-dedication....and the self-patience....and really.....this exemplifies the tenets of what is in fact self-mastery.

Learning something completely that is an effort-full process is rich in educational nourishment....because the the process's involved within learning anything from beginner level to a masterful level is to be rooted in the fundamental principles which substantiate an overall character development of an elite level standing. Meaning, there is no real short-cuts on the journey process of Life Mastery.

I am reminded of an example where this Ninja warrior is being asked by an aspiring Ninja how many different punches he knows how to do...and before the Ninja Warrior can even real respond....the aspiring Ninja begins spouting off all the different types of punches that he knows. The Ninja Warrior explains that he is not threatened by the the Ninja who knows 10,000 different punches he has practiced very little....But is in fact greatly concerned about facing the Ninja Warrior who has practiced a single punch 10,000 times.

The point of my sharing of this story here...is on the commitment and discipline required in and as self-perfection. Which to me exemplifies the natural learning expression of Life. Where one is able to meticulously study oneself in one's movement relationships here.

SO,

This is a point that has come to my attention within my Life....where I have had a tendency throughout my Life to learn things for a little while....when and as the learning came easily without much effort or work on my part. Then what has happened in many instances...is where I shift my focus to learning something else...where I lose interest in continuing what I initially set out to do. This tendency of mine I have notices as a result of myself always looking for the path of least resistance...and actually having conditioned myself to avoid seemingly effort-full commitments to actually expanding my comprehension within a particular subject beyond my current ability level.

This is something I am committing myself to changing. Changing specifically the reluctance within myself to continue on a point of self-mastery within particular areas I have actually really wanted to excel within.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for creating ideas and beliefs about how I should feel within learning something new...and the process of self-perfection.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for tainting the process of self-perfection by having pre-conceived...make believe ideas about how the aftermath of self-perfection within a particular point is in fact.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for justifying my impatience within the difficulty of learning particular tasks...skills.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for creating judgement/friction/conflict within myself in relationship to the amount of time it takes for me to learn and effectively comprehend a particular point.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for burdening myself within the guilt and shame which I experience within reflecting upon all my failed attempts to actually comprehend a particular point and physically administer perfect execution of said point.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for giving credence to giving up on myself when and as I am faced with difficulty.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding that the real testaments of individual will is in fact the commitment and devotion to oneself when faced with difficulty.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for shying away from difficulty within my participations here in this world.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fearing difficulty.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding the irony of myself inflicted difficulties I have done unto myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having created an apprehensiveness towards difficult tasks.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having avoided to really examine the extensiveness of my very own apprehensiveness as like a self-ingrained defense mechanism to avoid actually seeing the painful truth of myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for choosing to minimize my creative influence within our shared World System...because of the fact that I see this requires great effort on my part.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for neglecting my creative potential when and as great effort is required in developing creative contributions here that are in the best interests of myself and all Life here. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for neglecting my creative potential because it takes effort.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having a negative polarity connotation towards the word "effort"
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having cringing thoughts/emotions about "effort" as like an ugh exhausting type experience.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing a resistance towards effort that can be torturous at times.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for torturing myself as a result of having an ineffective relationship with and as the word "effort".

Effort: Strenuous physical or mental exertion.
            A vigorous or determined attempt.
            The result of an attempt.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for defining strenuous physical or mental exertion as something that I want to avoid most of the time and only participate within it if I feel/believe it to be absolutely necessary.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have conditioned my effort to exist in relationship to my particular emotion and or feeling about exerting effort in the particular moment.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for being unreliable within my participations as a result of accepting and allowing myself to be conditioned by my thoughts, feelings and or emotions that pop up suddenly within a moment with specific regards to a point I am looking at.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for self-sabotaging my ability to participate in learning things effectively and efficiently.

The word 'Effort" is rooted in the Latin words, " Ex + Fortis....which means ...Out + Strong"....which lead to the old french word "esforcier"....which leads us to the word "effort" we have today.

In looking at the "Out + Strong" of the Latin roots of Effort....I see that effort is a result of breathing out an exertion of self-expression....a living of life force essence....a particular strength in character being exhibited within a particular focus as a result of and as the living of an outer strength. I see and understand this outward expression of effort being the result of an inward commitment of oneself to share the expression of oneself outward and onward. And therefore I see effort as a tool in self-development....a tool that assists and support our process development here.

I commit myself to living Effort as an Outward strength of Character.

I see realize and understand that to live Effort as an outward strength of character is to live an inward strength of character. As within and so without.

Day 669 - Work and Play

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having a negative energetic charge in relationship to Work.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having a positive energetic charge in relationship to Play.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for thinking that I can counteract Work having a negative energetic charge by attaching Play to work with a positive energetic charge.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for creating a sort of neutral energetic relationship with regards to work and play.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having a preference towards play over work.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for creating opposition towards work in play...as like having these words existing within me as opposing forces.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for desiring Work to be Play.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for struggling to always have a harmonious balance between work and and play.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fearing to give up play time in order to take on more work time.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fearing the responsibility of creating more work for myself and less play.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for thinking that for work to exist without play is for work to exist without enjoyment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fearing to require to work without having enjoyment within the work that I am doing.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for creating conflict within my effectiveness in maximizing my working potential as a result of having a preference towards spending my time playing sports/games.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having always the idea that I should look to minimize the amount of work I do and maximize the amount of time I play.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to resist exercising my working potential.

I forgive myself for being in opposition towards work.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for connecting work to a point of survival that I have to do.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for getting upset that I live in a reality where work is required and to a certain degree enforced as a necessity...while at the same time play is not regarded as being an equal necessity.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for judging myself for creating so much play time for myself when in fact I live in a world where a tremendous amount of abuse and suffering exists...and that there is much work to be done in order to remediate the situation to an optimum/harmonious balance of both work and play.

I realize that in order for the World in which I live to get to a point of assistance and support for all life to have an optimum and harmonious balance of work and play requires a tremendous amount of work.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for resisting to let go of leisurely pursuits so that I can take on more Working responsibilities.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for disregarding the opportunity that exists for me to Work as a Leader within the Wold System.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having the attitude that I don't really want the responsibility of having to work very much and that I would rather focus on having free time for myself to be playing and learning how to play better.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having a procrastination attitude towards Work and within this directly comparing Work to Play...as like Work being of less value to me than Play time.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for being apprehensive about creating Work for myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having a preference for only engaging myself within Work that doesn't really seem like Work and could be definitely be regarded as Play.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having judgment about myself as being selfish from the perspective of only really regarding myself and no other life within not wanting to Work and and Wanting to Play as much as Possible.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for thinking that even looking at this point of creating more Work and Responsibility for myself is stupid...and like why would anyone want to create more work for themselves.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for dismissing the need for me to be a Working Professional within the World System and that I do not really require to be educated within the various professional fields of study because there is already so many professionals working within the various fields of study...and thus there is already, seemingly more than enough people Working.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for when I was a child, creating this idea about not really needing to contribute to society because there is already so many people contributing to the way society functions.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for abdicating my self-responsibility for the ways in which I function/participate within society.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for logically reasoning as a child that I do not require to involve myself within a position of importance or significance within society because there is already so many people looking after these positions.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having some shame and judgement about acknowledging my resistances to taking on Work and dedicating myself to laboring the facilitation of great change within Our World System that is best for all Life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not pushing myself as hard as I am physically able to push myself within Laboring great change within the Word System.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist as a sort of outcast in the word system from the perspective of deliberately minimizing my Work/Labor within the world system.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for resisting to take responsibility for the World System that I participate within.


To Be Continued

Day 448 I Got A Lot of Work to Do

So, at the moment I have a lot of responsibilities and obligations on my plate...and I find myself here in this moment looking at all the work I have got to do...and I would like to take this opportunity to go into self forgiveness with regards to being steadfast in getting my work done...working through obligations, realizing the ridiculousness of getting emotional about all the work I got to do...and giving myself a script of support in working as what is best for Life as like enabling myself to be self directive in every moment as I realize and understand that every moment is important and equally valuable as Life Here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having wasted ,moments of opportunity as self responsibility by neglecting to direct myself in the moment by physically moving myself. I realize and understand that as I move myself breath by breath and allow myself to immerse myself within the work I am required to do, breath by breath I bring my work into completion as I finish tasks/obligations by operating from the simplicity of the breath by breath as like not allowing myself to get carried away within past reflections and future projections...as like I realize and understand the gift I am giving to myself by moment to moment application of myself here as breath by physically moving myself in action in each moment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for making a big deal about having lots of work responsibilities on my plate right now...as like being bummed out that I don't have abundant amount of free time to just fuck around and do whatever I feel like doing.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fucking with my mental stability by entertaining feelings and emotions within myself with regards to work/responsibilities/obligations.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for manipulating my work/responsibilities/obligations with feelings and emotions. I realize and understand the absurd ridiculousness of of deliberately manipulating myself with feelings and emotions...by like trying to create an energy push within myself to move myself into action. I realize and understand the absurd ridiculousness of such self deceit as to manipulate myself with feelings and emotions as like believing I need feelings and emotions to act as  motivation for me to be able to move myself physically here....and within this I see and realize the irony, that creating feelings/emotions to motivate myself into movement...is in fact just energetic reactions which is in fact an abdication of self-response abled movement as self directive physical expression of myself here within my physical body.  I realize and understand that choosing to allow emotions and feelings to stimulate movement is an indication of self-suppression...as like making a statement that I cannot move myself without an energetic buzz.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for searching for and desiring for particular energetic buzzes in order for me to do work.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for suppressing myself to such an extent that I would abdicate physical self direction for a constantly depleting energetic buzz that never lasts and always just fades away.

When and as I see myself not directing myself with breath in the moment, I stop and breathe and I direct myself  to let go of energetic possession of feelings/emotions...and I give myself the gift of physical self expression free from the restraints of energetic possessiveness as feeling and emotions.

When and as I see myself avoiding to stay on task as to get all my work done, I stop and breathe and I direct myself to do what is the best thing that I can do for myself from and as the starting point principle of what is best for all Life is best for me, because I am a part of all Life.

When and as I see myself thinking I'll just take a bit longer break than I was planning to take because I am so comfortable and relaxed and I am really enjoying this break from work responsibilities, I stop and breathe and direct myself in getting back on task/to work as I realize my break from work is over and I got lots of work to do and that fucking around by taking extended breaks to avoid getting my work done is not cool and is in fact abusive to myself here.  I realize and understand that accepting and allowing even one point of abuse within myself...is like an act of justifying the suppression/abuse of all Life here...and that this type of behaviour is not acceptable....shall not be tolerated...and shall be stopped and corrected in the moment as I see and realize the points here as I learn to breathe effective as a physical expression of self direction in moment to moment management as what is best for Life.

I commit myself to using my current situation as a stepping stone of support...as like a present and opportunity for me to strengthen and enhance my discipline, my diligence, my steadfast focus, my breathing as my standing for Life Equality and Oneness as what is best for all Life is best for me.

I commit myself to self-forgiveness

I commit myself to becoming better.

I commit myself to hard work.

I commit myself to self-determination.

I commit myself to getting all my work responsibilities taken care of.

Day 422 "Commitment"

Commitment

Currently I view the word commitment as a dedication to doing something.

I’m taking the moment here to investigate the word “Commitment” because I often avoid committing myself to things right away...like; if I am going to commit to something I want to be sure that I am going to honour the commitment with and as dedication.

Also, by investigating the word “Commitment”, I am looking to see if I can expand my understanding and living of “commitment”

Dictionary definition of Commitment:

Noun 1.      The act of committing or the state of being committed. 2.      Dedication; application.

Synonyms obligation - committal - engagement - undertaking (source "The Free Dictionary")

Playing with the word Commitment:

Come it man…like a becoming of it…come it what you meant…becoming what you mean….commit me not…calm it meant…comb it meant…co-double my it meant…like co-dependency within and a s commitment because…co-my-it men-cross….come-I’m/my-it/tie-meaning…come, coming, commit, time, mom, meme, ten, tent, ten-time-come, communication…cite, cite-moment…commitment is to cite the moment as a dedication to application within time…moment-c-it…moment-see-it…

New Expanded Definition of Commitment:

Commitment is a 'becoming of it' moment as the moment of seeing it, as that which you are committed to being and becoming. Making a commitment is in regards to the present and future as making a plan that is coming into action…meaning the words you say…as a commitment is what you say…as how you cite yourself and are giving yourself a reference like a reservation for present and future participation here in time as participating within and as an undertaking/obligation/dedication…as the response abled actions.

Commitments also means how your time is tied together…like, my day is filled with commitments.

Commitments are comments in time which can stand the tests of time as mighty living words that You are dedicated to and as.

In making a commitment, You are the source or responsibility.

It is important to note the danger within over commitment…as that leads to not being fully committed, due to having too many commitments/responsibilities at the same time…and or not having enough time to be dedicated within those commitments/responsibilities.

Under-Committing yourself is when you are capable and able to have more commitments in your Life and you have not enabled yourself to make more commitments…as like under committing is to neglect yourself from response abled opportunities to live the meaning of words he in time as creating programmed plans to act out in present and or future moments.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for judging myself for being cautious about making commitments.  I realise the importance of being cautious within making decisions.  I realise making commitments without careful consideration is ridiculously absurd.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having feared taking on too many commitments/responsibilities…and within this I forgive myself for not realising and understanding how I have under committed myself in moments as the consequence of fearing to be over committed without practically checking and assessing my time availability by planning/scheduling a programmed time line to assist and support the maximizing of commitments I am available to undertake for a particular given time frame. I realise and understand the ridiculous absurd nature of under committing myself. I realise and understand the importance of commitments.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having neglected honouring all commitments.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having disregarded commitments.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for thinking that it’s no big deal if I break my commitments if I feel like doing something else.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realising and understanding the correlation with commitments as my word is my bond.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realising and understanding my words as my bonds as what I am bound to as meaning and representation as the expression and character I am.

When and as I see myself about to disregard a commitment, I stop and breathe, I realise my words are my bond, which is the essence of integrity, honour, dignity and dedication.

When and as I see myself resisting making commitments when I am capable and able to and an opportunity is presented to me, I stop and breathe…I double check my schedule to make sure I am not over committing myself…I look at why I am having resistance to making a commitment to an opportunity, I push myself through resistances and make a commitment to the opportunity and I realise the opportunity to be a learning experience with great potential.

When and as I see myself thinking about breaking commitments based upon feelings/emotions, I stop and breathe, I check my scheduling and availability and I realise and understand that sometimes scheduling conflicts occur…and commitments need to be re-scheduled/re-arranged…in order to accommodate living commitments as effective opportunities. I realise and understand the dedication, integrity, dignity and honour required in keeping/upholding commitments

I commit myself to the words I speak.

I commit myself to strength in the words I speak.

I commit myself to expanding the strength in the words I speak.

I commit myself to dedication, integrity, dignity and honor within the words I speak.