Day 795 - I Manipulate with Justification

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to manipulate myself in my world through Justification where I am existing in and as a sort of Ignorance of my living of and as the word JUSTIFICATION.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to self-sabotage myself and my participation within my world within and as the execution of JUSTIFICATION to make sense of my accepted and allowed abdications of my best potential living here as Life made manifest as the realization of myself as All as One as Equal.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize and understand how I create JUSTIFICATION as a form of Defense and Offense I administer regularly to aggressively hold myself within a state of Suppression. I realize this shows to me how deceptive I am, because within this I play dumb as a point of Inferiority, pretending I do not know what I am really doing to myself and others as I use and abuse my words specifically for a sort of reactionary play out of the truth of myself acceptances and allowances.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to resist slowing down within and as Vulnerability and Patience to investigate the usage of my words to be sure that I am standing clear in and as the meaning and the specificity of my share.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be so careless within and as JUSTIFICATION.


I realize the shame within and as the way I have lived Justification.


I realize the travesty of my living and understanding of how to best express Justification.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to Weaponize Justification within myself where it's always been used from the starting point of me existing here on the field of battle, playing out my inner conflict and superimposing my suppression/depression onto the world as how I manipulate myself and others into the point of Inferiority.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize and understand the fear within and as my usage of Justification, where it has been my accepted and allowed, Inferiority and Inadequacy in me that has kept me Justifying....where I created this Need within myself to Explain my Reactions as my actions, to Justify my self-righteousness as someone who is ok, or even better than ok, someone who is good and is even in fact admirable.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to superimpose deceit within my structuring of words.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize and understand the origins of the trauma from my childhood as the source memories of myself physically integrating/learning how to Defend and Attack myself with Justification.



I commit myself to exposing the ridiculousness of Justification used from the starting point of making sense and rationalizing the explanations of failure without being asked and or questioned about such things.



I commit myself to question myself and others in and as the usage of Justification.


I commit myself to show how Justification is an effective tool in and as Manipulation.


I commit myself to use Justification as a tool of self-support in questioning my acceptances and allowances....and to from here be Vulnerable and Intimate with myself in going deep into the discomfort within and as my body...and from here, access the memories of my past where i accepted and allowed suppression as a result of not realizing nor investigating the specificity of my reactions.

Day 794 - FaceOff "JUSTIFICATION"

I've been facing the characters of myself as how I have conditioned myself to respond in a plethora of scenarios.  What's interesting to see is myself as the array of characters and also to within various forms of interactions/engagements where sometimes i have a particular resistance towards a certain type of character and it's like i want to move on and away from that character as quickly as possible because I see something in them that I don't like.

Lets look at this point of seeing something in another person that i don't like.

The things i see in other people at times are ugly, undesirable, awkward, overcompensation, fake, fucked, bullshit, superiority, inferiority, volatile, scripted, Routine, justification and excuses.

These are all points of myself that i am working through.

for practical purposes here: I am going to take one word:

JUSTIFICATION


I've been getting so angry when reading and speaking with others and Justification comes up.  Like this up sets me very much. The irony of this is it is showing a deeply embedded point within me.

What I have noticed about myself within and as my day to day living as JUSTIFICATION, is that it has been a point of self-suppression, a form of accepted and allowed defense system that I use as a form of Offense and Attack on myself that is projected outward onto others to compensate with a form of suppression/depression existent within myself.

Let me further clarify:

Justification has been used by me as a sort of Self-narration to Explain myself to others my Point of View as in why I am Right within my Living as the decisions I am making and have made.  Justification is the Excuses I create as the ways to validate Inferiority within myself as Accepting less than my Best Potential.

I've been using Justification as a form of aggressive Offense where I would instantly go into an automated reactionary response where I experience the urgency to Explain myself and my actions to others.  Fucked up in a lot of ways, because what this reveals upon further investigation is how I am manipulating myself in participation through others.  Meaning, I use my participations with others to validate my behavior and pattern where i superimpose a sort of Validating and Accepting response/reaction in others the way i position my sharing of information as JUSTIFICATION.

SEE:

Justification has been my way to say, " Just If I see a Tie On".  Meaning also: Just if  I/Me/You can see the connection I am making here and accept it as the terms of the Contract I am presenting here as my word scheme as my Pyramid layered self-deception.

Vulnerability has been a support word for me in going deeper into investigating JUSTIFICATION within myself.

Vulnerability is cool because I within and as Vulnerability I am strong in standing in and as Weakness.  I move past my dissonance and stand as the point of accounting for my acceptances and allowances that are not cool.

The experiences I encounter within and as my vulnerability are very challenging at times as there is often a certain amount of intensity that comes up and that has manifested in a myriad of ways in my body in various moments...and so I've made a sort of game and challenge for myself in being my own DETECTIVE in making a play and work of Identifying the Specifics of the experience that surfaces and comes up within myself.  What is very fascinating about this detective process of self-investigation for me is that my behavior and patterns are Learned over time, Layered within and as Specific Memories of past acceptances and allowances. So much fun and excitement in a way of creating the path of self-discovery with going into the seemingly Unknown of myself.  Unknown from the point of not realizing and understanding how exactly i self-sabotaged, self-suppressed myself in the first place!

This process of self-exploration as taking on the staring point responsibility here as an Existential Detective has been a journey and an adventure for each and everyone.  My ability to relate and share and teach and learn has improved immensely.  The quality of my life is a continued improvement because I Keep letting go of baggage that is unnecessary to hold onto as impressions of suppression as the points and moments in memory as Not Understanding and Realizing myself here as Life, One and Equal.

I enjoy learning so much.

I encourage each and everyone to dare to go deep within and as your participation's with others and the activities you participate within alone...and really see what you think about others and the activities you participate within ,,,and really get to know your weaknesses, you know, The Justifications.....the Just if I see a Tie On.

Remember:

Justification in and of itself can be a cool tool to see where we work to create explanation in our actions...and actually understanding the nature of justification as why we are wanting to manipulate our information in a particular way.

Do we see how Manipulation is Complimentary in action to Justification?

Day 778 - Cheating myself out of Life

For a long while I've been pretty loose with the rules while playing golf, where I would improve my lie (how the ball is laying on the ground...making it more forgiving),  take generous drops,  give myself putts, take mulligans, and be forgiving with out of bounds and penalty stroke rules.

I bring attention to this here....because I reflect back to playing when I was fairly young, and me and my friend were fairly competitive about posting the lowest scores we could. And what happened slowly but surely is I became forgiving on points/rules of enforcement...I mean it would be a gimme on a putt here...or a mulligan on the first hole....or like saying one mulligan per round....or saying we can fluff our ball's lies.

I've started playing golf again with a competitive spirit about scoring as best as i am possibly able to.  I am also very serious in developing my performance to an elite level.  My ability at the moment is above average.  I've come to recognize that I've tainted my best golf development over the years by being so slack with the rules.  I see this as consequential because it's like I resisted making mistakes...and when i would make mistakes i would cover them up, forgive them without really completely taking responsibility for it and learning from it, understanding the specific mechanics of my error.

In fact, i see how I have accepted and allowed myself to create emotions and feelings about my swings and scores in golf....where it's like a point of perfection or imperfection on each shot and result....so like, multiple judgement system relationships here.

I am also noticing how I don't want to continue within this type of relationship patterned behavior with regards to my relationship with golf.  I am seeing a lot of layers here that need to be fine tuned.

I am also questioning how my relationship within golf relates and reflects to other areas within my life.  To take this question to the core of myself within the perspective and consideration of personality character design and construction; What stand out to me is:  Superiority and Inferiority and the relationship with perfection and and Imperfection where these words are forms of polarized judgements.  I notice  how I write the construct down here as, "superiority and inferiority"...that i want to put superiority first as like a desire to associate myself more with superiority and how i wish to come across and be more closely associated as superior.  In writing here i can see how superiority and inferiority are words that exist within me that are closely related in a polarized way to perfection and imperfection.

I see this as a topic for me to explore more into specifics.

At this point i would like to open up self-forgiveness on points that stick out for me here:

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to cheat myself at golf and at life.  I realize it is my relationship within and as how I play in regards to my thoughts, feelings and emotions that can be improved upon, as I realize and understand the way in which i have accepted and allowed myself to participate within golf has sort of perpetuated and compounded myself existing within and as a sort of ego conflict within myself where i am polarized into reacting consistently at the results/actions of myself where there is a an ongoing scoring evaluation of myself within judgement in the form of emotion and feeling, so much so related to my definitions of perfection and imperfection

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for suppressing my feelings and emotions within seeing the shame about how i have defined my feelings and emotions in relationship to perfection and imperfection.  I realize that taking a neutral approach is totally tied to keeping the inferiority and superiority character construction in tact within myself as like playing it neutral is almost like playing it cool when all is not cool within oneself....or like playing it extra chill when one is totally not experiencing them-self as super chill but wants to put on the front of being super chill.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to stress myself out within taking the time to actually look at how I have accepted and allowed myself to cheat the best development of my potential within golf/life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for being embarrassed and shameful to talk and share about the fact that i have existed within inferiority and superiority within myself.  I realize the inequality within accepting this type of attitude and perception about myself in regards to others here.  I realize taking on this attitude and thinking is a mistake, is consequential of existing within and as a state of mind consciousness with a polarized energetically charged vocabulary.  I commit myself to stopping this patterned behavior and walking the fine tuning of myself here as my words, where i remove the charges against myself...I re-establish the terms/definitions of my words.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for thinking it normal to fuck with oneself in reacting and creating forms of stress on the body within and as one's relationship to words.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to cheat myself within my mind of thinking thoughts where i buy into the highs and lows of my feelings and emotions and allow myself to become distracted by them and influence my movement and ability to create and live my utmost potential.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to slack off on myself discipline with regards to my competitive spirit in regards to athletics and sports.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to inferiorize myself within competitions and at the same time desire superiority.  I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize and understand how I have created inferiority within and as my best ability as a result of being dishonest with myself and tainting my vocabulary within and as results of perfection and imperfection.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize and understand how so much so my life and abilities within my life are correlated with how I live words within my physical body here....that my words are my living actions and there is many ways in which i can express myself through my words.  I realize my actions are a reflection of my words.  I realize my participation within all things is a reflection of my self-development and word/world agreements.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to frustrate myself within looking at what I have accepted and allowed throughout my life that is less that my best potential.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become overwhelmed within looking at the definitions terms/words of agreements I agreed to participate within.  I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to resist taking self-responsibility for my consent within all my relationships.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear vulnerability in exposing/sharing my mistakes.

I forgive myself for not realizing and understanding the irony within fearing the vulnerability to share/expose my mistakes.  I see, realize and know the irony here as being  tragically comical because within sharing one's mistakes, one is able to assist and support others to learn lessons without having to necessarily remain within the same suppression that I was existing within.  I realize that sharing one's mistakes and the lessons learned, is in fact an act of compassion in care/regard to support another as oneself here. I see this as the practical living embodiment of self-respect, self-regard, self-nourishment, and self-development.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear sharing myself as a result of being competitive within myself from a polarized relationship of inferiority and superiority. I realize the ridiculousness of defining myself into opposition within myself through and as the confusion of my word relationships and agreements.  I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize the tragic comedy of energetically inferior and superior word and world relationships....where more value is given to that which is regarded as more, and less value to that which is disregarded as less....from the perspective of everything Being Life equality and oneness here...and a dissonance existing as the very design of polarized energetic resonance through and as the accepted and allowed  inferiority and superiority within and as one's word and world relationships within oneself as all Life here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define  myself in ways that are less than great.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for resisting to take self-responsibility for my less than great self-definitions here.

I realize and understand my self-responsibility for myself-definitions here...and that my relationships within and as words is key to myself living for real in physical reality here.

I commit myself to self-improvement through and as self-responsibility in and as my practical every day living and usage of words.

I commit myself to share my process of self-realization and understanding.

I commit myself to humbleness within vulnerability as i see myself within and as the mistakes I make.  I commit myself to being efficient and effective at learning from my mistakes.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to pad my stats within and as my results within activities.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fuck with my legitimacy, integrity and resolve.

I commit myself to practically living the words Legitimacy, Integrity, and Resolve as points of self-commitment in walking through my mistakes as learning lessons...and to learn as effectively and efficiently as possible within walking through learning lessons.  I commit myself to being open and vulnerable within and as I walk my process journey to Life.

I commit myself to accountability and integrity within and as my thoughts/words/deeds. 

I commit myself to practically living the word Ownership in regard to self-accountability and self-responsibility as points of practically living the best care taking.

Day 776 - The Ink in my Thinking as Personified Television

 



Thinking is something i have given much credence to.  I have placed so much value in thinking that it has been to my own detriment.  I'd like to make a distinction here between 'thinking' and 'looking', where thinking is a sort of random behavior without direction that we give attention to as like thoughts, things just pop up within our mind and as we give attention to it our mind continues to move and build momentum and increase it's activity production output as going deeper and deeper.  Where as 'Looking' is a self directed point of seeing into something that will often stem from a form of questioning. the question may be direct or indirectly asked within oneself as a sort of examination like process within getting to know/investigate a particular point.

For myself, i can see i have very much allowed myself to blur the lines between self-directed 'looking' and 'thinking'....where the looking and the thinking can be very much regarded as the same thing....but also within the mix is the random reactionary thought that i have gotten into the patterned habit of examining, where it's like I stop what i am solely focused on and begin a sort of juggling act by giving a certain amount of attention to this 'new thought application'.  This 'thought application' is like a random virus in the sense that my connection to it is emotional/feeling based where it typical starts off with a very small charge/pulse about it....and i form a specific impression as a 'new thought/feeling-emotion/action-reaction' and from there do a sort of spiral inward into layering the point, where it's like a sort of zap/zing suppression that is kind of like lightening in a bottle in that it is is so intense yet small yet quick, yet powerful.

Fortunately I have the tools to sort out....self-correct such conditioned behavior.

Why would I want to correct such behavior / application within myself?
What's the point?

The point is Specificity and Accountability.  Meaning, to live and create the best version of myself here.

To elaborate,  My expression and ability to perform tasks to the best of my abilities is tainted within allowing myself to be very much 'distracted/possessed' within my own Thinking.

I have seen first hand how much my mobility is limited/halted within allowing myself to drift/wander/watch my thoughts brew about a particular topic.  For example, In tree planting...a job i have done for many years, my ability to move/flow with effortless efficiency is in direct correlation with presence/thoughtlessness of the moment, where i am so committed to my physical movement and am just so here within the expression of me moving, that there is no room for any other activity, nor need.   However...sometimes i would allow myself to be preoccupied with points of thought/ideas while moving/tree-planting...and the longer i allowed myself to focus on the thinking while moving/working, the more my performance suffered as tree-planting effortless efficiency, meaning my ability to plant a tree quickly slowed down...sometimes this slowing down in movement was only a fraction of a second, and sometimes it was more.  Ironically, I was typically more exhausted at the end of a tree-planting day when i had planted fewer trees and thought more.


To be Continued

Day 768 - Lame Communication

 


I am working on developing my effectiveness in communication.  I see communication as Paramount.  Communication is Life. Communication is integral in building the best quality Life Here. Communication is Everything.


I bring up these seemingly obvious points about Communication here because I am taking a moment here to give regard to my accepted and allowed communication:

Some cool self reflection opened op for me today in hosting, "Desteni Movie Night Hangout -Cheech and Chong's Up in Smoke."
 My guest cancelled last minute / confused the start time.  This presented me with the opportunity to go it alone, and that I did.  I wasn't expecting to talk for 52 minutes, doing a monologue, I was expecting to have a conversation with my guest, asking and directing the response of questions, while making some comments here and there.

About 10 minutes or so in...and i think also sooner than that, the point came into mind that i am sort of bombing this hangout...like a little bit stumbling and bumbly with my word flow sharing expression and knowing where i want to go and take things....and also kind of placing a little bit of pressure/judgement upon myself as like I am doing this live without any preparation and nobody is tuning in live....'what's the point....my performance is kind of lame...not nearly as tight and polished as I could be...my flow is less than what I would regard as stellar...the experience of myself within this is somewhat challenging...as like bailing out would stop the bleeding, as like i am experiencing the wounds of my accpeted and allowed discomforts within expressing/communicating myself here unconditional on the spot without a preprogrammed rehearsal so that i can give a sort of automative predicatable performance that i know already.

So in looking at these points and having a real Care to push myself to continue on with the show, I showcased myself some weakeness in my communication.  This was really cool for myself as it was like a wow moment and an aha, as towards the end of the hanging there was a bit of a shit that happened within me as like finally coming into my confidence and and my flow/trust/expression was coming through a bit more.  I do see that this showing here on a whole was a bit of a flop from my perspective of being a solo performer doing a big set.  I mean how often is it that we put ourselves out there and monologue for 52 minutes? I found this to be a real tipping point for myself in my process here, as someone who is committed to the development and mastery of the law of my being here, as the practical living sound embodiment of words.  A word smith if you will...

I see the tremendous value in committing myself to vlogging as a process point of support for myself and others here.  I see that not doing this is a real know within the process of self-purification here.  I speak from experience as I created a sorted of justified censorship on speaking/sharing my voice publically out of concern for public judgment/ridicule/consequence.  Ultimately my reasoning was very much logical within my mind as the programming of my conditioned thinking...and this state of mind, kept me from noticing deficiencies within my word expressions here, and really has been a tragic comedy of sorts because my effectiveness in communication is less than my best potential at the moment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding the profound support within vlogging.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for dismissing the value within vlogging as a result of my accepted and allowed ego defense systems.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for accepting and allowing myself for justifying a sort of self sacrifice of my potential out of fear for survival here, as like ways to prevent possible conflicting engagements that may require my response capable communication.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fearing to see the points within myself that are lame.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing to hide from what I have accepted and allowed that is lame.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for suppressing my self-regard to such an extent that I would justify remaining lame within points that could be development into a practical living potential.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for censoring myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding how I have resisted to engage myself on points of self-suppression.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not wanting to appear less than well developed within a point.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for resisting the learning/birthing process here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding that paying attention here is the epitome of patience, and that to really pay attention is to in fact practically live the word care....and within the word care is where the fun is.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to mindfuck myself within and as how i think my communication should go.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for resisting to trust myself unconditionally here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for justifying self-censorship as a means of avoiding and adverting conflict.

I forgive myself for not realizing and understanding how i have accepted and allowed myself to perpetuate the existence of conflict within myself by 'trying' to avoid conflict in communication with others.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding my flexibility as self-responsibility here to actually and practically create solutions that are awesome in all ways here. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for resisting to live the patience required to actually Care to be here in this world.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for pushing through my life without taking the time to care about what it is i am accepting and allowing within my thoughts/words/deeds.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for justifying the reliance of others to stimulate my movement and communication here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding the extent to which I have allowed myself to be dependent on existing in reaction here....as like mostly being moved as a result of the positive or negative i experience within myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for resisting to really challenge my acceptances and allowances.  I realizing that engaging myself is a real practical way to live patience and self-intimacy here.  I realize that this is actually a lot of fun!

I commit myself to the process of developing myself in communication as thought, word and deed.

I commit myself to working and playing with my words.

I commit myself to trusting myself in thought/word/deed/

I commit myself to investigating my thoughts/words/deeds/

I realize the process of self-investigation as thoughts/words/deeds is a very fruitful opportunity, and I am grateful to give myself this opportunity that has so much potential.  I realize the potential is a result of my dedicated labor here.  I realize and understand the balance between work and play as like how the to can exist together complimentary and also as opposites in focused specificty...and i see how the words are in me always and that my fine tuning of moment to moment management is where my expression is as i get to direct the specifics of myself here.

I commit myself to vlogging.

I commit myself to sharing the self-realization that vlogging is a tremendous tool of profound support that is like one of the best gifts one can give to oneself here.

I commit myself to engaging myself to face the difficult points within myself and to from here, forgive myself and to create solutions for myself as new pathways of self-development in my personal process walking here.

I commit myself to using my voice as a point of self-reflection here.  I commit myself to self-investigation.

I commit myself to sharing Life regard.

I commit myself to engaging myself within and as Communication.

When and as I see myself resisting to do a vlog, I stop and breathe, I allow myself to make one.  I realize that making vlogging a regular part of my process here is awesome in all ways always.

I commit myself to the process of developing my self-expressions within vlogging.

I commit myself to stop fearing what other people think of me.

I commit myself to stop accepting and allowing myself to suppress my voice here.

I commit myself to developing and enhancing my voice here as a result of working and playing with my voice here.

I commit myself to practically living my voice here.

I realize and understand my voice to be a fantastic tool here to express myself within/as/without.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for judging/fearing lame communication.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fearing vulnerability in developing weaknesses into strengths.


I commit myself to stop resisting to face points that are difficult/awkward.  I commit myself to seek out points of resistance, that are lame and awkward within myself to in fact take these points on as seeds I will nurture into a practical living potential here.

I commit myself to word and world regard here as what is best for all Life.



'Lao Tzu, the ancient father of Taoism, put it: “Time is a created thing. To say ‘I don't have time,’ is like saying, ‘I don't want to.’”  Make the time to communicate'

Day 767 - Maleficient

 


Ma-Lef-i-Cent....Mal-ef-i-cent..Maleficent...


I first recall seeing this word when the movie came out with the title "Maleficent".  I was kind of intrigued by this word because I was not familiar with it...at the time, I did a quick look of the word and found it to be synonymous with evil and wicked.  I stopped consciously investigating the word at that point...However, when I would see this word in the poster for the movie, there was a sort of curiosity about it.  Words we do not really know are so much so a mystery.  I did not know if i knew how to in fact pronounce 'maleficent' correctly.  I was kind of reading it like 'male-ficent'..or 'male-ficient'...this didn't quite sound right to me...but I believed myself to not care anymore about it, and it would be just a word I would kind of disregard, and not really know all that well, while kind of justifying that I know enough about it because I connected it to 'evil and wicked'.

Maleficent

"causing or capable of producing evil or mischief; harmful or baleful. malefic, adjective. maleficence, noun. C17: from Latin maleficent-, from maleficus wicked, prone to evil, from malum evil."


Maleficent came up in discussion earlier today while sorting out perceptions of ego that I have been sorting out.  In my mind, so much so, I have regarded myself as, 'Magnificent'. Which, ironically is so much so Maleficent, from the perspective of playing the polarity flip flop in perceptions and deliberately choosing to pick the 'positive' associations to hold in mind as Being 'It' as the form and information that creates my character personality.

Ironically, what is missed within seeking out and defining oneself within the positive light, even with the best of intentions...is the split decision that results as outflow consequence of the accepted and allowed word relationships.  Let me further explain this:  See, if you deliberate take a word and you superimpose it onto yourself for all time, as like this is my form here, this is who I am...You are influencing your form here with the information you are using....which is an act of self-manipulation in so many ways as a result of not really understanding oneself here and how to in fact be capable of expressing words without limitation from moment to moment.  See, so longs as there are these formed impressions/definitions about oneself here as the character you are here...as the who you are completely defined....you are predictably trapped withing your own self-created mind construct.  A self-imprisonment if you will.

Why is this seemingly bad when it sounds like such a good idea to be specific with the words to define yourself as? Well, it's bad from the perspective, that it re-enforces the programming of  oneself being an automatic robot...predictable programming...and then just kind of playing out the various consequences of such a construction, because over time, the programming becomes more and more rooted in as what was accepted and allowed....it's so much more substantiated and self validated as what it means to be here.....All the While, Ironically, the ability to actually Express oneself in any given moment as any particular Word, Showcasing a complete range of flexibility in one's creative capacity to Act and Express what it means to live Responsibility.

See, if i look back into my earlier days, I figured I might as well self-define myself as the Best in the World.  My initial starting point perspective was definitely rooted in survival here, thinking that my greatness is in what I believe, as the rhyming of "what Believe, I can Achieve".  Interestingly enough, I didn't really question why I would really need to create this sort of ongoing Belief within myself...to me, it just seemed like a sort of trick to give myself a competitive edge here, from the perspective that it's up to me to create the best for myself.  Ironically, at that time I did not understand myself in relationship to others here, as like being various points of mirror reflection here...so, so much so I was well on my way in created dissonance within my perception of my shared reality here.  Ironically, with good intentions. 

To give some overall clarity in word relationships:

I've come to realize my capacity to express myself is within and as moments here.  So much so, the moment is a result of and as myself here as a complimentary player and action directing my response ability. 

The interesting thing here, and it is still a continuous process I am opening up, Is in taking the Care to see where I went into an Automatic Reaction in relationship to the relationships in my environment.  What is fascinating about this, is that by investigating the automated behavior which is reaction based, is just a going through the motions without really being an active living participant here...not too mention the play out, isn't really a self-directive play at all....though, ironically, within one's own mind, the reactions as one's actions, make total sense....complete total sense, because that is the very logic/programming that was authorized, whether consciously or unconsciously...the behavior characterization was consented and scripted into one's very own self-personified his/her story.

Words are creative tools for ourselves to express ourselves here.  Our ability to express ourselves effectively here is within our knowing how creative tools work in shaping our form as information from moment to moment.  The irony of course is that holding onto some words all the time, with particular charges about the word...as like it being energetically negative;y charged or positively charged...creates this wedge within oneself where our ability to move as the expression of our Potential is compromised within and as our very own Spelling.  

Let's together here, take a moment and explore the Self-responsible Play of Self-Forgiveness:

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding what it really means to express myself as living words from moment to moment as the movement of myself here as a sound.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding how I created my own self-authorized hypnosis within and from the starting point of wanting to be the best in the world.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding how my thinking is so much so a reactionary play out of the making of sense of what I have accepted and allowed myself to believe.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding the restrictions I have created upon my capacity to express myself and to see and hear what is here with clarity as a result of what I have self-authorized within myself as my thoughts/feelings/emotions.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for resisting to really go in depth into looking at my starting point for wanting to be positive.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding that my status standing capacity to express myself from moment to moment is within and as my ability to self-correct my reactions from moment to moment and to create self-corrective solutions as an expression of me standing here from the starting point of Life - Oneness and Equality.  I realize and understand that this is a process of creative play and work as there is much to be done in seeing the errors of our ways and to seeing how we can move beyond accepted and allowed restrictions/limitations.  I realize that our a world is so much so a reflection of our words and our ability / inability to take accountability for our words.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for nor realizing and understanding how each and every word is a multi dimensional tool and expression here and our ability to naturally play with the potential that exists here, is a result of our willingness to stop polarizing our accepted and allowed self-definitions here.  I realize our creative capacity is within our ability to remove the energetic charges from our words as this is so much so the key to a real world debt forgiveness, where we are no more enslaved to our own accepted and allowed bullshit.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for resisting to thoroughly question What it is I am accepting and allowing,..I realize that is complete bullshit.  I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for logically self-manipulating myself into believing myself to be separate from the bullshit that exists here in our world,...and for believing myself to be not responsible for all the bullshit here.  I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing how I have had a tendency to discount my capacity for change that is best for myself and others here.

I forgive myself for unwittingly accepting and allowing myself to be at war with the world.  I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding the profound ironies within and as the military systems of control in this world and the amount of defenses/justifications and excuses I have created within myself as necessary as a result of how I am within and as my thoughts/emotions/feelings.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for defining myself as Magnificent in opposition of of Maleficent.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for justifying myself to be better than others within my thinking from a point of egoistic superiority as a result of believing that I am just better and more committed to self-defining my own greatness.  I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing the self-compromise within making believe character personalities for oneself as like the consequential outflow of self-definition from the perspective of focusing on building up a positive self regard rooted in a conflict.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding that the more one polarizes oneself here in language, the more difficult it is to in fact have effective relationships here.  I realize our real potential here in this world is within harmonizing the points of dissonance within our language/vocabulary.


I commit myself to sounding through the process of word and world accountability, by taking the time to investigate myself and world here and to in fact utilize all the different mirrors of self-reflection that exist here.

I commit myself to sharing my process or word and world relationships.

I commit myself to expressing my process of self-investigation here.

I commit myself to the moment by moment word movement and expression of myself here.

I commit myself to play with the development of my word and world potential here.

I commit myself to assist and support others to develop there creative capacity to play with what they say and to unlock the moment by moment potential of ourselves here as practical living word and world participants Here.

I commit myself to continue to share myself in writing.

I commit myself to stop flip flopping myself within the realms of positive and negative reactions as like absolute belief systems within myself.  

When and as I see myself becoming stuck within a moment, as like having a resistance to moving myself and taking directive responsibility for my participation, I stop and breathe, I have a look at my momentary accepted and allowed bullshit...i allow myself to sit within my shit for a moment, and really see what i am doing/accepting and allowing for myself here....I also acknowledge and realize that what I am accepting and allowing for myself here, I am in fact accepting and allowing for all of existence...I face my shit...and realize that enough is enough...time to play..time to move...time for fun...time for self expression.  I see the ridiculous absurdity in deliberately accepting and allowing self-suppression.  I commit myself to the process of practical living here.  I realize that this is a process unfoldment here, and that sometimes my movements may be lame and less than graceful.  I realize there is so much fun potential here in allowing myself permission to express myself from moment to moment.  I realize my capacity to live and express words from moment to moment, develops organically as I allow myself to work with my play here in all that I say and do.

Day 755 - What's Your Deal?

Check out the video I made, "What's your Deal?"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OIAOXDrOoOU

The video was created as an expansion and outflow of the writing of the blog:  Day 754 - "Funny Thing about Deals"

IN-JOY!

:)

Day 754 - Funny thing about "Deals"

 

If you look at the word "DEAL" and you move and play around with it....in fact reverse the order exactly...You get "LEAD"

For the point of my writing here is the acknowledgement of "Deals" like the deals we make with ourselves and each other....but primarily ourselves.

See what is so interesting i am finding out in new ways everyday is that when all is said and done at the end of each and everyday....I am the deal maker or the deal breaker as to what is my Deal...or shall I say what is my Lead.  Meaning, the experience of myself throughout my each and every day is my Deal.  It is my Lead.  I am the leader of me. I am the dealer of me.

Yes, from time to time....well, actually, so much so throughout our time...Deals are given/presented to us....as bits of info....and the particular relationship dynamics that make up the specifics of a certain arrangement.  So, Yes, this is all pretty obvious stuff...I mean, nothing ground breaking here.  Though, the acknowledgement and recognition of self-actualization....meaning the self-responsibility...self entitlement point...where, we realize and live ourselves as both the dealer and the leader....we become self-empowered to actually have fun and play as we work through our everyday dealings. I mean, sure sometimes there is much much much work to do....but the question is....who and how are you within the moment/movement of such work....I mean there is always all ways things to do...things happening....and so much so...I have taken myself into a state of dis-empowerment in particular moments.  You know those moments, where you experience a heaviness a sort of lethargy....or a "i don't feel like it" kind of experience....or maybe an apathy kind of thing.....and i am not saying these experiences are all the time or even most of the time....though maybe they are....the point is.....even in just one instance where there is this energetic experience within oneself towards actually taking initiative and managing a lead/deal within one's world and words....

Because, have a look:

We write the script....Meaning,

Here I am experiencing myself in a particular way and such and such opportunities and responsibilities are possible....BUT, I am having thoughts of..."I'm too tired"...."i don't feel like it right now"...."i rather do it later"..."i don't want to do anything now"...

And Guess what....

WIthin this situation, there is a Moment of Potential Movement.

What is this Moment of Potential Movement?

It is that split second where you see what you are accepting and allowing....and you have the freestyle ability to pivot yourstance and make a move a play if you will and give yourself an OUT....a WAY OUT of the FUNK...I mean the move can be subtle or intense...or even down right Funky....the thing is there is so many ways to re-position our stance here as in how we are Dealing and or Leading our Lives from moment to moment.

It's quite fascinating how we can recalibrate ourselves....our-cells with a few particular movements....a few particular words.

Some of the most self-empowering things one can do....is Self-forgive...and then as the self-forgive is a live time thing...happening in real time....the pivot goes with it..as the self-correction....and the commitment comes in and as the actualization of the realization ....where one see\s how much better it is to move within and as the solution to the previous problem one faced as the sort of stuckness one was in as like the "road block" from actually living the potential in the moment.


Food for thought:

The Vocabulary you have is like the cards you can play....and so...if you consider your life like a game of cards....whatever your card game...it's like you got the reassurance...the self-trust if you will to actually walk and talk your way through anything...and i mean anything...and yes in some instances it may be as simple as a Breath....but hey what's a breath?....a word and as physical action...just like each and every word. Word.....You heard....you use them words...how we use the words is the art of the freestyle...the movement and the momentum of playing and working together with ourselves and each other here....the harmony starts with self-harmonization...as like a sort of harm prevention if you will by actually buying into oneself as the investment into self-forgiveness and self-corrective application in real time application. our words are like Investments and our words are linked to actions...and this is the real money movement here if you will. So time to get real value out every moment here by living the greatness of gratitude as the get/got it done attitude as the deal maker and closer as the lead taker and the leader giving meaning to the movement and moment of self living real live words here.



Qucik funny little story:

I for a brief time defined myself as getting a bad deal from one of my roommates and i allowed this to effect me in a way where i would talk shit within my mind about like what a bad deal this was...what a bad roomate i got here....like blame was the game i was playing....the responsibility was outside of myself....and what is ironic about this scenario...is the potential existed for me to move in response abled manners....but i hesistated and often resisted because i didnt like the deal i was getting....and kind of allowed myself to be victimized within the treatment i was getting....instead of realizing how i can change the terms of the deal here...i can adjust my relationship here....i can start the lame within blame...and i can be the be...and be the change i want to see...and actually give as i would like to receive. 

In my particular example....i was getting pissed when some dishes would be left out and not put away...and so i could have put them away and spoke the point as like a bird chirp saying hey man put your fucking shit away....i picked it up...but next time it's a fine...or whatver....i mean i did pick up other dudes stuff sometime...but i didnt take any credit for it...or make a point of saying hey man im not your mom or whatever....anyways there is so many ways i could have played with the point....in fact i could just pick up anothers stuff in the house because i am able and capable and it is easy for me...it takes me like a brief moment and it's actually no big deal....and if i forgot i would think it was cool if somebody picked up my shit....you know...that's a cool team work mentality...and so ironically enough that's the attitude and expression i have taken in the house...i pick things up and put them away as i see them...it really is no big deal it's actually quite enjoyable to move about and throughout one's day with specific purposeful direction from moment to moment....the more self-responsibility the better. Word. You Heard.

Day 750 - Is Share A Dare?

The Dare to Share....
.

The Dare to Care.....



Truth or Dare?





Why would I say such things?



Well, let me tell You!





I have noticed that sharing what I have to share has been a definite dare of sorts at times....because what I have noticed is that there exists Fear at times to actually really Share what it is I would like to Share.





This fear comes up in various dimensions at different times that is presented as particular feelings and or emotions about things...and these particular feelings and emotions towards or away from a point...dictate the decision making process to varying degrees.


Now this is fascinating isn't it?





I mean, See for yourself if you have any "conditioned" responses within yourself. Dare I call these "conditioned responses". programmed reactions?  Which is interesting...because a "programmed reaction" is a particular code one has substantiated over time...with specific consent...whether that was done actively or passively is irrelevant because the code is the code.





So, The Dare Here, is in challenging your programmed conditioning....because these "programmed reactions" as the Truth of one's acceptances and allowances here have been educated into and as our Being, here in always.....so it is rooted into our core.





Now, what is very cool to see here, is how solutions exist to such an issue...because like anything that is rooted...the potential exists to up root such a point when and as one gets to the roots. Now, that might seem like a daunting task of sorts....But actually, No, it's not....because it's already Knotted here in and as the point...the main points within ourselves here. So, We already Got it! The point here is a simple matter of looking at what we Got.





"The Point Here is a Simple Matter of Looking at what We Got"





In any moment, the point here is asking yourself, "What Do We Got Here?"





The interesting thing about such a Specific Question, is that, "We Got Here to the Very Point in and as the Asking of the Question". This showcases and illustrates how it is possible to learn in every moment here and see new dimensions/perspectives of something here. This is in fact possible because We Source ourselves here as the very Question, Standing One and Equal with the Answer and also the Solution.




 Interesting forward movement and creation development is possible within asking 'Follow Up' Questions from a point of specificity into the initial matter. This aids in and as the expansive development of Response Abilities...as the avenues/paths/ways in which One can Move oneself here as the Self-Directed Expression....the Manifested Self-Willed and Realized Solution as the King of the Quest from and as the Perspective of taking Initiative to Source Self Here as the Authority in the Matter As King....See, as King, One has the rule to Make the Ruling Here...and the best rules are one's that are Just....and so Asking the Right Questions is Imperative into as as such Justice. Ironically the Justice is Cool when and as One accepts and allows Oneself to Rule!





Yes you can say, that you have an "edge"....like an advantage in Movement and Results of Actions Here....as the House always Rules....the House Advantage if You Will...and As King, You Dictate the terms within and as Your Self Definition....the Irony here of course is Seeing how we are currently sentenced to the Service of Our Own Self-definitions Here.





The Sentencing if You Dare to Look is most Profound.  Dare I say the truth of our sentencing is ironically tragic in the most comedic sense of the ways to play and work here?


Dare I say, Our Words are most Specific in Always Here.  Whether we realize the weather we create or not...


Weather Influence and Modification Stems from our very Roots.



Is it Possible the very essence of Planet Earth is a Seed of Potential that is a reflection of our True Heart...the Pulse and Beat as the Flow of our Going,...the very Doing as that in which we are in Fact or are Not Living....


The Caring here is Planting in What we want to Grow...as the Creation point of focused self-willed direction....the Creative play of Planting and the Plans within Making the best things Happen.



Ironically enough....the whole Plant point of the Heart of Matters here, starts with Ourselves as the very cells that make up our Selling as what we have bought and sold ourselves as our particular beliefs. The interesting thing here is the Questions that come up.





The Questions take One from from Believing in possibilities to Knowing the specifics of  Possibilities...to fine tuning the Best Possibilities....to Living as the Loving Work and Play Response Abilities as the Most Responsible Way to Live/Love Here as the Visible action and example of Sharing and Caring.


Be careful what you believe...because a belief in a lot of ways is like a Wish and you might just get what you Wish for.....

Day 749 - Word Recognition Continuation

Continuing from my previous post:

"So, what I would like to reiterate in this sharing here today, is the point that often times, there is a particular moment of reactionary impulsing to particular language that is used...and this is often reflected back to us or another in and as our communication. And within being perceptive to such instances. there is tremendous potential that is possible to open up in and as the moment. Here comes a point of self-honesty in and as the moment of sharing and looking and seeing, and somewhat daring to actually stop and look at what is here to investigate. I have noticed that in many instances, I was some what reluctant to actually stop and bring attention to the word in question that would come up in a moment as like a point of dissonance within myself or the person I was communicating with."

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing a reluctance within myself to actually opening up particular words within myself as points that require my attention as a remediation required to harmonize the dissonance within and as my particular relationship with the Word....so as to stop myself from accepting and allowing less than what is best as the Word...and to from within and as this regard, effectively empower myself as the Living Word Solution Here as that which is all ways always Best.

I realize and understand the process here of stopping myself...as it is is within the stopping myself, that I am able to actually look within myself and see what it is I have been accepting and allowing myself to participate within. As I give myself the opportunity to look and see what is going on as a result of first stopping, and then identifying the points within myself with specific word recognition, I am from Here able to expand myself and unlock my potential in so many ways. This Here is a structured process of specificity in unlocking self-imposed restraints as word/world relations that are less than what is best.

I commit myself to the specificity in unlocking self-imposed restraints as word/world relations that are less than what is best

Day 748 - Word Recognition and Exploration

It's fascinating to examine the specifics of our communication. Like for instance, when sharing words with another here, often times, we will pick up...or the other will focus in on a particular "word" within the exchange of many words. By giving attention to the particular word of interest...I have noticed that much potential is possible.

What I mean here, is really taking the time to elaborate and go into the various points of fascination that open up in our communications. Like specifically and for instance, in a most recent text messaging conversation i had.....I had shared many many points with a distant friend/associate....and of all the things i had shared...there was one point that came up as like somewhat of a consumption and a preoccupation. Which is interesting in and of itself, because the question opens up, as to, how often is it that, we are unable to actually practically work with information effectively here?

I mean this is somewhat reflective to the way in which our world exists here. World and Words....notice the paralleled similarities here...I mean in the spelling and the sounding here....Word and World...how closely related in relativity these point are. I mean our words make up the world so to speak as how we speak things so...as a reflection of our action...words in action make up our physical movement...the parts...the mechanics to and as the specifics of and as our motion. The movement and doing as our response abilities here....so much so as our capabilities here to exercise in and as our daily expressed/lived actions.

So, what I would like to reiterate in this sharing here today, is the point that often times, there is a particular moment of reactionary impulsing to particular language that is used...and this is often reflected back to us or another in and as our communication. And within being perceptive to such instances. there is tremendous potential that is possible to open up in and as the moment. Here comes a point of self-honesty in and as the moment of sharing and looking and seeing, and somewhat daring to actually stop and look at what is here to investigate. I have noticed that in many instances, i was some what reluctant to actually stop and bring attention to the word in question that would come up in a moment as like a point of dissonance within myself or the person I was communicating with.

What i have found to be really cool...is that by actually give care to this point...where there is a real sense of regard for the starting point of sharing as caring...and opening up such an instance as an expression and sharing of myself in a way that is cool....because I am giving from and as the principle starting point of "Give as I would like to receive"...and what I have learned within and as this Regard for myself and others is that the development potential that opens up is Awesome in many profoundly unexpected ways. You see, I see....that by making the effort here in and as particular Word recognition, we bridge the gap in and as our communication...and so it's like an enhance of the harmony between parties as like the flow of musical notes as the words we speak to one another being a complimentary aid of assistance and support in all ways Best.

I mean, if you really, really think about words,..Like really really look and see and the movement that comes up in and as how particular words are used and abused....it is really really the truth of and as our substance here....I mean...the words are very much in and as the make up tuning of and as the law of and as how and why we are being here. Interesting, isn't it?

Day 731 - Golden Ticket

Continuing from my previous post, "Day 730 - Coming Out of Retirement"


"A realization that has become clear to me is that Yes, Indeed I do have a Golden Ticket and this Golden Ticket is in fact my Potential Here...and the thing is...I Require to Use My Golden Ticket...and I cannot just save it away and avoid it for a long time later.....that is foolish....My Golden Ticket has the Most Value Now...and The Value Of My Golden Ticket Gets More Valuable every day I Exercise it....like a card I got to pay/play with as the decisions I make." (Day 730 - Coming out of Retirement)


Within this and continuing from my post yesterday there is much self-forgiveness I would like to share.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for resisting long term commitment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fearing long term commitment to get in the way of short term commitments and my overall ability to have fun.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for regarding "long term commitment" as burden and something that is tedious in a way i don't want to deal with.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fearing long term commitment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for making a conflict of sorts between "short term commitment" and "long term commitment".

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding how I have created my life from the starting point of self-interest linked to my emotions and feelings.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for resisting movement if I am not experiencing a positive energy about doing such movement

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for defining retirement living as the enthrallment within feed positive energy pursuits.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for getting overwhelmed within the point of long term planning.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for resisting to actually really sit with myself and take the time to look at what I would like as some long term plans.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for always kind of reacting to the point of long term planning and being quit to judge and dismiss the point as being limiting and taking away from my day to day living.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding the purposeful living within creating long term plans.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding the flexibility and adaptability within long term planning that it can be a fun thing and isn't a prison sentence,,,but in fact the complete opposite.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having spent many years not really caring or daring to push the development of long term planning.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding how this past decade has been like a testing phase of sorts where I have been investigating and looking at possible avenues to take myself within as a point of long term planning.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for desiring some structure and order in my life from the perspective of creating long term plans for myself to be able to move into fruition/actualization.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for disregarding how to create long term plans for myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for placing long term and short term goals within conflict with each other and for not realizing how I can utilized these two opposite points as being complimentary in bringing to fruition both the short term plans and the long term plans.

I forgive myself for not realizing and understand how ridiculous it is pit things against one another that can very easily be complementary.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for resisting to regularly check my maps as the plans i create for myself in both the short term and the long term.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not taking my life seriously from the perspective of long term planning.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for kind of neglecting myself as the creator of my life from and as the perspective that My Wish is My Command...and that I am capable of being very specific and exact within my life planning and also at times be quite adaptable.