Day 772 - Life is a StandUp Comedy

 



It's funny you know, when you really get something, like you totally got it. I mean it's that moment of aha that can turn into a real hahahaha ohhh man that's funny, that's rich, that's just so great. pure gold. So money.

See, our lives are like an ever evolving learning process of self-expansion and recognition here, and we are all ways the butt of the joke. I mean we are the source of it all. We are in the house of mirrors and everything exists within ourselves and is mirrored outward as our external reality.

It's interesting to see, when we go for prolonged amounts of time without any relief... I mean, like, just perpetuating a build up of our own self-induced stress that we blame and judge and really believe it's all out there, outside of ourselves. So in a lot of ways, this is not so funny...and that is precisely the point....the knot in the funny....the knot in the fun, because we are too tightly wound, taking ourselves way too seriously, not recognizing the jokes, the points, the learning lessons, the mistakes, the problems and the solutions.

See, it's interesting; Self-honesty through accepting and allowing ourselves to be vulnerable with ourselves here,...our self-in-to-me-I-see...our self-intimacy, the taking the time to look, to care, to in fact recognize the bits of things that are happening within ourselves here.

See, these 'bits' are the jokes....and it's interesting, because everybody has so many bits here, I mean, we are always working with bits of information, and so much so it's in these moments of working with information...and there's a plethora of ways in which this is so...the amounts of varying relationship dynamics is tremendous.  The jokes, the fun, the funny, is the balancing act of not taking ourselves too seriously within and as the work we are engaged within, because we are at work all the time so to speak...our very design is as a working body here,  i mean our body doesnt take a vacation every few days,.., it's an all the time thing.

So, in having some laughs while we work, while we share, while we converse, while we play, we allow ourselves to learn and grow...we are creating a natural learning environment for ourselves within ourselves by allowing ourselves to recognize our accepted and allowed moments of ridiculousness. I mean wow, if we really have a look...it's like so often we are missing out on the fun and the funny because we are not being self-honest with ourselves here. Faking to be cool when in fact that isn't really cool.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to play it cool when shit is not all cool.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for creating a too prolonged build up within myself without getting to the punch line, the joke recognition, seeing the ridiculousness that i have accepted and allowed.

I realize it's kind of funny to exist as a living joke and to within and as the joke, forget that,.. Tag, I am It.  Like, oh shit, I totally forgot what the fuck i was doing.....what i have been doing....oh man...fuck.  Looking back at my set, as my acceptances and allowances that are ridiculously unacceptable it's like wow talk about bombing. Wait no, don't say bomb if you are being recorded....oh shit is this blog being recorded....lolol.  But seriously, butt butt butt...we are the shit....the whole spectrum of it, it's like we got a giant ball of shit here, the planet and it's a matter of shit management, i mean shit, take a regard of the fact that if you don't move the shit through your body on a regular basis, you are going to fucking die,...maybe through explosion, maybe not.  Point being here, is that I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to forget that I am always working and playing with a bit of some sorts, because that's the standup comedy life process here.

I realize it isn't to say, we must deliberate be fuckup's in order to be funny and have fun....no that would be dumb. Everyone is already a fuckup, Obviously myself included.  It's to self-honestly allow ourselves to recognize our weakness and to turn them into strengths, and to allow ourselves to play with these points of self-development.  Allowing ourselves to be cool in walking a point of weakness into a strength. Allowing ourselves to enjoy the journey/ride/adventure within and as our natural learning abilities here.

It's funny,

When we allow ourselves to be too hard on ourselves,

It's like we are deliberately creating a Hard-On within our minds,

You know,

A throbbing erection to mind fuck the shit out of ourselves with...

and it's like,

every time we allow ourselves to be hard on ourselves about something, it's like we are creating a new big dick inside ourselves,

as another big dick example to fuck ourselves with.

Excuse my Dick humor here,

I'm just dicking around.

Because you know,

it's kind of funny,

I mean realizing the extent to which we fuck ourselves is tragic,

Tragic comedy,

A divine comedy if you will,

because there is so much learning in store,

I mean we are all such a wealth of storage...

and it just so happens that sharing our realizations has the capacity to be both fun and funny.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold back on showing myself the funny here, as the moments/points of ridiculousness that I have accepted and allowed.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to forget to look at the ridiculousness of myself within my acceptances and allowances as the source of funny.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to suppress the fun and funny I have within myself that is at the core of my being here.  I realize and understand that the fun and the funny are here for everyone, we are all a part of it, and it is in fact best shared as like we are each the story teller, and what's cool about a good story is the fun and the funny along the way.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for resisting to take it easy within recognizing difficult things I have accepted and allowed.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for choosing to create a fearful frame of mind when I am faced with points that are challenging.  I realize that is ridiculousness, because going into a fearful mind state when things are difficult and unfamiliar, does not really assist and support oneself to move with a sort of effortless ease as the presentation of our in fact developed response abilities as the ways in which we are skilled and versed in movement.

I commit myself to sharing my process of life standup comedy.

I commit myself to encouraging others to share their life process of standup comedy.

I commit myself to share points of relationship that are easily relate-able, so that the fun and funny can be had by all.

I commit myself to educating through sharing stories/jokes of trials and tribulations.

I commit myself educating myself about others by being interested in listening to their stories of trials and tribulations.

I commit myself to being open minded.

When and as I see myself having difficulty communicating with someone, I stop and breathe, I have a giggle as I recognize I have been fucking myself unintentionally....which is pretty ridiculous....i mean to fuck yourself and not realize how you are fucking yourself is pretty fucking questionable...I mean what the fuck is going on!  SO, I recognize the specifics of the mind fuck, and I forgive myself and correct the discrepancy within myself as the point of conflict/friction/blockage that i had been brewing/building within myself.  I let it go.  I open up my ability to relate here. I see for real what is here,  I allow myself to return into and as Flow Here, by being completely open and at ease within myself here.


I commit myself to being a pillar of support in communicating with others.

I commit myself to gratitude within and as the process sharing of words here.

I commit myself to many daily word exchanges.

I commit myself to treasuring each and every word exchange.

I realize word exchanges are kind of like the stock exchanges...because words are instruments here of tremendous value.

I commit myself to cherishing my words and the words of others.

I commit myself to see the assistance and support in words always all ways.

Day 696 - Discipline

Throughout my life I have had mixed emotions in relationship to the word "Discipline."


Discipline started out as something to be feared. My parents were the Administrators of Discipline. As far as I understood....Discipline was only something terrible as a form of punishment that I would associate as being like a kind of torture that would be done unto me in some capacity as a result of my "misbehavior" according to the Administrators of Discipline....aka....my parents.


So, Discipline and I did not get a long. I did not like Discipline. As far as I was concerned, Discipline could go fuck itself and die...for I would have been satisfied with no more dispensing of Discipline from the Administrators of Discipline...aka...my parents.


Note, for the record here....No blame is being pointed at the Administrators of Discipline Here...this is a Story about my Relationship with Discipline. The Word...


So, not until I became wayyyyyyyyyyyyy older than my first receiving of Discipline as an apparent method of Torture employed by my parents...aka...my Authorities...

Now in all fairness, I do not recall my Authorities....I mean my parents ever once mentioning that they were Disciplining me as a method of Torture. No, the informed me that I was receiving Discipline as a form of Punishment as a method to instill in me regard/respect for the behavior/actions that was required and to be expected of me from my parents....

What's interesting is that Discipline often arose as a result of my unexpected behavior and was seen as a method of remediating behavior that my parents did not like...that was not appropriate in and as their judgement. Granted....perhaps some of my behavior was outlandish...

So Discipline had become quite the resistance movement within me....to the point where my mobility was in rebellion to my parents in and as Defense of Discipline...meaning, my relationship with my parents developed to a point of no regard....no regard from the perspective that I stopped listening to them. Sort of. I would hear what they would say....and I would deliberately side with the point that they were in opposition towards. Meaning if they thought some idea was particularly good....it was therefore bad to me. 

What is fascinating about the playout of my reactionary defensive conflicted relationship with my parents is that I wasn't really consciously aware of how I was existing in a perpetual state of reaction in relationship to the existence of my parents.



To Be Continued

Day 529 Blasting the Music So Loud

So I'm in the library and I had been looking at the point of frustration and irritation where I realized and understood frustration and irritation to be a decision. Within looking at this, I realize and understand that there are many things that I have accepted and allowed within myself that have brought up reactions as frustration and irritation...as that it is necessary for me to face all the accepted and allowed points of irritation and frustration within myself in order to stop the decision to participate in frustration and irritation.

What's funny about this is that how long a point of frustration or irritation bothers me is totally my decision because when and as a point of reaction comes up within me, I can immediately take self-responsibility for the point and therefor not allow myself to be consumed within the point of reaction.

Interestingly enough, just after I saw this point of decision making with regards to frustration and irritation, this girl started blasting her music so loud through her headphones that is was loud for me to hear. I reacted initially to her behaviour as like what the fuck...were in the library this is suppose to be a quiet space. I looked at the point a little more and saw the point about how I used to blast my music so loud that others around me could here it and that I didn't really care because I was just kind of buzzing on the sounds of the music I was listening to...like allowing myself to get amerced within the music and totally disregarding my surroundings, like just kind of getting hooked on a feeling.

Initially I wanted to just create conflict with the girl. I paused for a moment here and checked myself,...like why was I getting so bothered by hearing the music. I mean how can stop accepting and allowing myself to be bothered by the music? Am I bothered by hearing the music because of what I have accepted and allowed within  myself?

Obviously the point is one of self reflection as I realize and understand that everything is always a point of self-reflection.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for being inconsiderate of others around me in blasting my music so loud.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for disregarding my eardrums in blasting my music so loud.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for listening to my music so loud to get an energetic high feeling experience.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for disregarding any consequence of blasting my music so loud because I was more concerned with having the energetic experience that comes with blasting my music so loud.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for blaming another for myself experiencing frustration and irritation.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding how this girl in the library assisted and supported me to see a point within myself that I was holding onto within and as a form of self-judgement...because I was accepting and allowing myself for condemning myself within this self judgment by being irritated and frustrated.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for believing that it is rude for someone to blast there music loud.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be offended by someone blasting their music real loud.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for resisting to have confrontation with the girl who is blasting her music so loud.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fearing to have confrontation with the girl is blasting her music so loud.


So, I'm writing this blog in the library here in real time...and as I saw the point of resisting to ask the girl to turn her music down....I saw this point of resistance as what I got to move through and so I said to the girl, "excuse me, can you turn your music down it's really loud and my ears are really sensitive".....she then apologized to me and told me that she didn't even realize that her music was that loud. She was happy to oblige my request.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding the point of speaking up in moments where there is a point of conflict as the solution to remedy the conflict.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having feared to remedy conflict within my world by speaking up in moments.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding that communicating can be a point of awareness expansion as like in this particular instance I assumed that the girl was aware of how loud she was blasting her music...when in reality, she was not aware of how loud she was blasting her music...I also became aware that she had not been aware of this...and I became aware of the importance of speaking up and facing a point where there is potential conflict/confrontation because my speaking/sharing in and and as communication can act as a point of support for myself and others.

I realize and understand the absurd ridiculousness of fearing to speak up in a moment.

When and as I see myself faced with a point of reaction, I see and realize the practicality of immediately investigating the reaction within myself as I realize and understand myself as the starting point origin of the reaction manifesting and that the external point acted as the trigger/teacher....assisting and supporting me to see and realize a point of self suppression. I am grateful to immediately investigate moments of reactions as I realize and understand that their is an unlimited potential that can be gained from the process of self-investigation into the nature of our acceptances and allowances.

I commit myself to being steadfast within and as my immediate investigation into moments of reaction.

I realize and understand the self support in moving through points of resistance.

I realize and understand that moving through a moment of resistance is like changing my decision making process where I realise and understand the resistance is an accepted and allowed mistake and therefore I am in real time correcting the mistake and therefor preventing the mistake from happening again by standing up for myself and walking the living practical self correction as the remedied solution in the moment as what is best for myself as all Life.

I commit myself to making decisions that are best for all Life.

I commit myself to learning and expanding my awareness within and as communication.

I commit myself to expanding my awareness of myself through communication.

I commit myself to sharing my awareness with others as a point of self-support.

Day 488 Undermining My Own Authority

So, the point has surface this evening with regards to this law paper I am writing about justice and dominance with regards to distributive means.

The point being, that I am doubting myself as source authority within writing.  Like, I doubt the validity of my own words, well not really doubting the validity of my own words directly,....but more so doubting and questioning how my essay will be received by professor/teaching assistance who is grading my paper. I doubt the teacher/teaching assistant.....like I see here that I have accepted and allowed myself to be in conflict with school professor/teaching assistant from the perspective that I regard myself as superior intellect, yet I am trying to qualify my intellect to them, and I worry sometimes that the grading of my paper will reflect their reaction to my reading, as like I will get a really good grade if they agree with what I said and how I said it, and I will will get a less than stellar grade if my point if not agreed with.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for separating myself from my professor and teaching assistant.  I realize and understand that writing university papers is like writing papers to myself in another life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for judging myself in polarity based comparison to my professor/teaching assistant.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for playing the self righteous superiority/inferiority game.  I realise and understand what a mind fuck it is to accept and allow the polarity energy game of self righteous superiority/inferiority.

I forgive myself for not realizing and understanding how I was indirectly doubting my own words as the resulting consequence of accepting and allowing myself to judge myself in relationship to my professor and Teaching Assistant. I realize and understand how I mind fucked myself within entertaining polarized judgement within myself.  I realize the ridiculousness of accepting and allowing myself to exist within doubt as a result of accepted and allowed self-judgement.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for believing I need to regulate my doubts as like a form of control methodology within my mind based upon ascertaining a polarized degree of self-righteousness within myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for doubting my professor/teaching assistant's ability to comprehend my words.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for assuming that my words will be received in conflict.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for assuming and obsessing about worst possible scenario's with regards to the submission of my writing assignment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for thinking that I must dumb my writing down in order to not cause problems within my school assignments.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for thinking that it is safer for me to dumb my writing down, as like to not cause any reactions within my university evaluators...and like just kind of produce a mediocre paper that doesn't really challenge the system structures and operating platforms.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for thinking that I should really minimize my thoughts and perspectives within writing university papers and just focus on utilizing the course material readings, and basically regurgitate the curriculum back to the evaluator as the way of illustrating my basic comprehension of course material.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fearing failure within utilizing my own observations and critical analysis/examination of scholars words who I happen to disagree with.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for disregarding my authority within having the ability to effectively illustrate that I disagree with scholarly work....and being able to do so in a manner that is eloquently phrased and well regarded by the professor and or teaching assistant.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fearing to be too creative within my essay writing.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fearing to be penalized and poorly graded for being creative in garnering fresh and unique insights/perspective/consideration that are not commonly expressed within course assignments.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be a copy cat within writing university essays within the perspective of fearing to be totally unique and creative within my responses....like fearing to be too different from my peers...and therefore, as a result of the fear, thinking and believing that I must tailor my responses to be in uniform alignment with what I believe to be the "correct generic response" that has already been considered and regarded as "the answer".

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fearing to be penalized and poorly graded/marked within creating new answers to questions I see as challenging and expanding upon the scholarly sources within the course curriculum.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for doubting my ability to articulate obvious common sense in such a way that it is so apparent and clear to whoever is reading or listening to my words.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for doubting my ability to be coherent within writing and verbal communication.

When and as I see myself writing my school papers and I react/judge/fear a thought about how my paper will be graded/received, I stop and breathe, I realize and understand my ability to communicate coherently and my strong ability to articulate obvious common sense. I realize and understand the absurd ridiculousness of mind fucking myself with self induced judgement within hypothetical what if scenarios from the perspective of reacting to the particular outcomes of hypothetical what if scenarios.

When and as I see myself doubting my words, I stop and breathe, I realize and understand the fear within doubt as a form of ridiculousness. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fearing myself.  I direct myself to stand one and equal with the words I speak.  I realize and understand the ridiculousness of separating myself within my words.

When and as I see myself placing myself in conflict with professor/teaching assistant, I stop and breathe, I realise and understand the absurd ridiculousness of deliberately believing myself to be in conflict with professor/teacher.

When and as I see myself creating conflict within my mind about completing school assignment, I stop and breathe, I realize and understand the absurd ridiculousness of polarizing the relationship towards completing school assignments. I realize the ridiculousness of perpetuating conflict within myself.

I commit myself to completing my school assignment within and as a starting point of authority.

I commit myself to standing as authority.

I commit myself realizing and understanding the authority of Equality and Oneness.

I commit myself to self-direction as an authority of what's best for all Life.

I commit myself to removing all conflict from within myself.