Day 789 - TRUST and SELF-TRUST

TRUST and Self-Trust

In Asking myself how do I define Trust, What comes up within me is Honesty, meaning my truth and responsibility. I take the meaning of Trust a step further into myself as Self-Trust...myself as It....and so Here is where my Self-Honesty and Self-Responsibility are.

In opening up my investigation into Trust, I questioned whether or not there was any other Key words to support myself within and as Trust. What came up is: Confidence, Ability, Strength and, The Assured Reliance on the Character.

The Assured Reliance on the Character; Confidence, Ability, and Strength.

What Jumps Out at me Here is STRENGTH

In Questioning: Why have I had moments of difficult within and as Trust/Self-Trust?

The Answer: Moments of Weakness. I did not allow myself the truth of myself in moments of weakness. Meaning, I did not completely understand the dimension of Strength within and as my Trust. I resisted allowing myself to really face myself as How I am Living Who I am.

This lack of regard for my Strength became a massive point of suppression within myself. See, without Strength it is difficult to turn weaknesses into strengths.

What has now opened up for me is Understanding and Realizing the Complimentary Nature of: Self-Trust, Self-Honesty, Self-Responsibility, and Strength. Self-Strength.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize nor understand what it means to live Self-Strength.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to dismiss any regard for Strength within and as Trust and Self-Trust.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize nor understand the complimentary structured support within and as Strength.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize nor understand how I've abdicated Strength of Character as Who I Am as Self-Strength.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to suppress myself here as Strength.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize nor understand how my mind has been showing me my Weakness within and as Strength. I realize my mind has shown me my weakness within and as Strength/Self-Strength as a result of how i've been accepting and allowing relationship judgments of Characters as either Inferior or Superior.

I realize the polarity game of Inferiority and Superiority, reveals self-accepted and allowed Inferiority. This is so, regardless of whether or not You believe yourself to be Superior or Inferior in relationships. Stop it.

I commit myself to stand within as Self-Trust. Self-Trust being my self-assurance in who I am here as self-honesty, self-responsibility and Self-Strength.

I realize my ability to live words effectively as Who I Am, is a result of How I Give meaning to the words I speak. I realize I must first question and understand the meanings of my words if I am to ever establish Clarity and Purity within myself here as Life.

I realize the process of word investigation is a process of self-intimacy that is unique to each individual.

I realize and understand the self-satisfaction within purifying....fine-tuning an imperfection within my Word and World Here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize nor understand that when I struggle within making decisions, it is a result of have conflicting charges existing within my words. I realize and understand the solution is within investigating the specifics of each word in regards to the problem. What I mean by Problem...is the Decision that has become stuck within a point of Indecision. Ironically, I realize that Indecision is also in fact a Decision.

When and as I see myself making a decision to exist within Indecision, I stop and breathe, I Ask myself, “Is this practical for me to make the decision of Indecision?” I realize that taking the time to make a decision is in fact a decision for indecision. This is so, in the sense that I am allowing myself to test things out, take time to sort things out...to see and investigate all considerations involved within the Focal Point of being faced with a Decision.

I commit myself to simplicity within and as my word and world here.

I realize, Life Simplicity is the Key to Me. Life Simplicity is Specificity. Specificity is Self/Life Regard.

Day 768 - Lame Communication

 


I am working on developing my effectiveness in communication.  I see communication as Paramount.  Communication is Life. Communication is integral in building the best quality Life Here. Communication is Everything.


I bring up these seemingly obvious points about Communication here because I am taking a moment here to give regard to my accepted and allowed communication:

Some cool self reflection opened op for me today in hosting, "Desteni Movie Night Hangout -Cheech and Chong's Up in Smoke."
 My guest cancelled last minute / confused the start time.  This presented me with the opportunity to go it alone, and that I did.  I wasn't expecting to talk for 52 minutes, doing a monologue, I was expecting to have a conversation with my guest, asking and directing the response of questions, while making some comments here and there.

About 10 minutes or so in...and i think also sooner than that, the point came into mind that i am sort of bombing this hangout...like a little bit stumbling and bumbly with my word flow sharing expression and knowing where i want to go and take things....and also kind of placing a little bit of pressure/judgement upon myself as like I am doing this live without any preparation and nobody is tuning in live....'what's the point....my performance is kind of lame...not nearly as tight and polished as I could be...my flow is less than what I would regard as stellar...the experience of myself within this is somewhat challenging...as like bailing out would stop the bleeding, as like i am experiencing the wounds of my accpeted and allowed discomforts within expressing/communicating myself here unconditional on the spot without a preprogrammed rehearsal so that i can give a sort of automative predicatable performance that i know already.

So in looking at these points and having a real Care to push myself to continue on with the show, I showcased myself some weakeness in my communication.  This was really cool for myself as it was like a wow moment and an aha, as towards the end of the hanging there was a bit of a shit that happened within me as like finally coming into my confidence and and my flow/trust/expression was coming through a bit more.  I do see that this showing here on a whole was a bit of a flop from my perspective of being a solo performer doing a big set.  I mean how often is it that we put ourselves out there and monologue for 52 minutes? I found this to be a real tipping point for myself in my process here, as someone who is committed to the development and mastery of the law of my being here, as the practical living sound embodiment of words.  A word smith if you will...

I see the tremendous value in committing myself to vlogging as a process point of support for myself and others here.  I see that not doing this is a real know within the process of self-purification here.  I speak from experience as I created a sorted of justified censorship on speaking/sharing my voice publically out of concern for public judgment/ridicule/consequence.  Ultimately my reasoning was very much logical within my mind as the programming of my conditioned thinking...and this state of mind, kept me from noticing deficiencies within my word expressions here, and really has been a tragic comedy of sorts because my effectiveness in communication is less than my best potential at the moment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding the profound support within vlogging.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for dismissing the value within vlogging as a result of my accepted and allowed ego defense systems.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for accepting and allowing myself for justifying a sort of self sacrifice of my potential out of fear for survival here, as like ways to prevent possible conflicting engagements that may require my response capable communication.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fearing to see the points within myself that are lame.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing to hide from what I have accepted and allowed that is lame.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for suppressing my self-regard to such an extent that I would justify remaining lame within points that could be development into a practical living potential.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for censoring myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding how I have resisted to engage myself on points of self-suppression.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not wanting to appear less than well developed within a point.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for resisting the learning/birthing process here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding that paying attention here is the epitome of patience, and that to really pay attention is to in fact practically live the word care....and within the word care is where the fun is.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to mindfuck myself within and as how i think my communication should go.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for resisting to trust myself unconditionally here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for justifying self-censorship as a means of avoiding and adverting conflict.

I forgive myself for not realizing and understanding how i have accepted and allowed myself to perpetuate the existence of conflict within myself by 'trying' to avoid conflict in communication with others.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding my flexibility as self-responsibility here to actually and practically create solutions that are awesome in all ways here. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for resisting to live the patience required to actually Care to be here in this world.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for pushing through my life without taking the time to care about what it is i am accepting and allowing within my thoughts/words/deeds.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for justifying the reliance of others to stimulate my movement and communication here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding the extent to which I have allowed myself to be dependent on existing in reaction here....as like mostly being moved as a result of the positive or negative i experience within myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for resisting to really challenge my acceptances and allowances.  I realizing that engaging myself is a real practical way to live patience and self-intimacy here.  I realize that this is actually a lot of fun!

I commit myself to the process of developing myself in communication as thought, word and deed.

I commit myself to working and playing with my words.

I commit myself to trusting myself in thought/word/deed/

I commit myself to investigating my thoughts/words/deeds/

I realize the process of self-investigation as thoughts/words/deeds is a very fruitful opportunity, and I am grateful to give myself this opportunity that has so much potential.  I realize the potential is a result of my dedicated labor here.  I realize and understand the balance between work and play as like how the to can exist together complimentary and also as opposites in focused specificty...and i see how the words are in me always and that my fine tuning of moment to moment management is where my expression is as i get to direct the specifics of myself here.

I commit myself to vlogging.

I commit myself to sharing the self-realization that vlogging is a tremendous tool of profound support that is like one of the best gifts one can give to oneself here.

I commit myself to engaging myself to face the difficult points within myself and to from here, forgive myself and to create solutions for myself as new pathways of self-development in my personal process walking here.

I commit myself to using my voice as a point of self-reflection here.  I commit myself to self-investigation.

I commit myself to sharing Life regard.

I commit myself to engaging myself within and as Communication.

When and as I see myself resisting to do a vlog, I stop and breathe, I allow myself to make one.  I realize that making vlogging a regular part of my process here is awesome in all ways always.

I commit myself to the process of developing my self-expressions within vlogging.

I commit myself to stop fearing what other people think of me.

I commit myself to stop accepting and allowing myself to suppress my voice here.

I commit myself to developing and enhancing my voice here as a result of working and playing with my voice here.

I commit myself to practically living my voice here.

I realize and understand my voice to be a fantastic tool here to express myself within/as/without.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for judging/fearing lame communication.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fearing vulnerability in developing weaknesses into strengths.


I commit myself to stop resisting to face points that are difficult/awkward.  I commit myself to seek out points of resistance, that are lame and awkward within myself to in fact take these points on as seeds I will nurture into a practical living potential here.

I commit myself to word and world regard here as what is best for all Life.



'Lao Tzu, the ancient father of Taoism, put it: “Time is a created thing. To say ‘I don't have time,’ is like saying, ‘I don't want to.’”  Make the time to communicate'

Day 701 - Flow within and as Fortitude of Purpose

I have given myself temporarily, and different moment a specific fortitude of purpose...and within and as this point...I allowed myself to move as a flow...where I would not accept and allow the excuses and justifications that came up within my mind to distract me from and as the flow of my movement as the steadfast determination within and as the practical living fortitude of purpose.

A point that is interesting within examining this here....is that as I look closely at this point...I see that I removed the choice....the option to entertain deceit as like a choice to not go along with my planning as the specific specification of and as my self-designed....self-enacted purpose of fortitude.

Now, I see that throughout my life I have had many, many more moments where my steadfast and determination as my fortitude of purpose, was in fact lacking the strength and vigor required to actually stick to and stand firmly grounded within and as my commitment.  This giving up on a purposeful direction has been somewhat of a weakness of mine...where I have often questioned my origins of creating such a point in the first place...and usually such a point was then excused when and as the going got tough and a point/thought/emotion/feeling came up within my mind that challenged the flow of my movement...and it's like I didn't know what to do...I didn't realize how fast I was engulfed within and as the possession of mind as like a point of distraction from and as my initial gift giving enactment to myself as a Fortitude of Purpose...a direction...a commitment....and perhaps in these many times, instances....it was a necessary experience for me to experience in order to see the truth of my acceptances and allowances as how I have accepted and allowed myself to be conditioned and influenced by my very own programming. Also, I would say the purposeful giving of myself lacked the fortitude with purpose as the strength of character that would not quit even though the option of quitting and giving up would be a readily apparent option, time and time again until I proved to myself that quitting wasn't an option. Slacking would not be tolerated. Accepting less than my potential is not accepted and allowed.

I have been reflecting here today on points of self-denial and self-deceit as programmed conditioned suppressions that have compromised my potential moments of self-expression....self-creation as who I really am.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize and understand how I have conditioned myself into a weakness of character where deceit and denial of self are tolerated as particular coping mechanisms...as an outflow of the thoughts/emotions/feelings that I experience within myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not really grasping the fact of how the alignment with thoughts/words/deeds reflects the overall character Being here....as either self-honesty of self-dishonesty. Self-honesty is and as the physical alignment of what is in fact best for all Life. Self-dishonesty is the disregard of consideration of all Life and to only regard oneself as separate from the rest of Life here....this is the epitome of self-interest from the perspective of focusing on interests that exhibit and reveal the consequence and the lack of consideration for the effects of one's actions on the lives of others here. Self-dishonesty is to superimpose the validation of the consciousness energetic polarized friction systematic conflicted movement of oneself here as a mind consciousness organic robot.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for denying myself access to the programming and conditioning of myself as a mind consciousness organic robot.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for resisting to investigate extensively the suppression of myself here.

I forgive myself for thinking I can pick and choose self-honesty and self-dishonesty...as like being self-honest about some things and self-dishonest about other things....like believing that by deliberately focusing on some points and avoiding other points I can be projected as self-honest while keep the self-dishonesty in tact. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding how I have fought for my own limitation as suppression of potential expression here within and as a result of fearing to be self-honest always all ways...unconditionally self-honest here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for justifying the play out of self-dishonesty.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fearing to take self-responsibility for points of fuckedness I have created as self-dishonest...self-deception.  I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding the consequence of perpetuating the the self-inflicting misfortune of self-denial as a result of and as accepted and allowed self-deceit as like the fear to actually take responsibility for the creation and expression of One's Life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for harboring anger and frustration and sadness and disdain towards myself for my accepted and allowed suppressions.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for becoming addicted to dwelling within and as my very own sorrow to a point of actually being in self-denial about the suppression I have allowed to remain within myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for justifying the existence of suppression within my character as a result of and as the desire to be liked.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding how I have allowed myself to live in fear of being disliked to such an extent that I would compromise the character of myself to such an extent that I would deliberately choose to not express myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fearing the controversy of self-honesty within and as myself here...as like the great unknown of my true potential here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold myself hostage within myself as a result of  and as the fear of of ridicule, judgement and unflattering opinions/judgments about my character here. I forgive myself for not realizing and understanding the irony within and as such acceptances and allowances as that I have actually been perpetually justifying the creation of that which I want to avoid as fear of ridicule, judgement, and unflattering opinions/judgments because I have kept these beliefs existent within me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding how deeply rooted this point of desire to be liked has existed within me...that I have deliberately played out polarized relationships as a consequence of such conditioning...where I would deliberately put on an act to be liked...or deliberately put on an act to avoid the process of being engaged within relationships with various beings. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for being so conditionally restrained within and as my ability to express myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not know what it is actually like to live my life unconditionally as self-honesty as who I am here in and as the self-trust of and as the self-expression of myself here...without the fear to live/give the best of myself here...as the constant stability of myself here as I remain here grounded within as the life physicality...beyond the energetic veils of consciousness programming.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding how avoiding points of uncomfortability that exist within myself is like giving myself a false positive impression of myself as being all good when and as the truth of my reality is that I am being governed and controlled by my very accepted and allowed discomforts as fears.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for being complacent within and as fear programming where I avoid going into my discomforts in order to prevent the continuation of such problems existing within myself. I forgive myself for not realizing and understanding how enacting/creating solutions can be an uncomfortable process at times...because it is totally new...and that the particular adjustments and points of comfort require to be established....so obviously, in developing/creating something new for myself...there is going to be discomfort....because this is how I can effectively learn to groom my comfort-ability within myself as the self-actualized learning from my discomforts. I see and realize here how by not being afraid to get uncomfortable....face the discomforts within my acceptances and allowances...that I can actually get to know myself better....become more self-intimate within myself here...facing my relationship conditioning and at the same time expanding my relationship with myself here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for complicating my ability to live as the flow within and as the Fortitude of Purpose.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for wanting,needing, desiring the flow within and as the fortitude of purpose.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for resisting to give myself permission to practically live as the flow within and as the fortitude of purpose.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding how in fact the flow within and as the fortitude of purpose exists within myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for searching outside of myself for the flow within and as the fortitude of purpose.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for getting stressed about the practicality of giving myself purpose within and as my Life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for becoming frustrated within seeing, realizing the inconsistency I have exhibited within and as my life as purposeful living.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for being disappointed with points of inconsistency within and as my desteni process journey to life...as my daily writing.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fall within the point of daily writing, where I have allowed excuses and justifications to exist as like a form of self-dishonesty as a means of validating self-interest that exists separate from the interests that are best for all Life here.

When and as I see myself entertaining an excuse/justification within my mind as a means of distraction as entertainment to keep me in a state of self-dishonesty where I am looking to deliberately avoid self-honesty, I stop and breathe, I am self-honest with myself as to actually take responsibility in forgiving and self-correcting the accepted and allowed suppression of character. I realize and understand the best character to be that which is principled within and as the starting point of what is best for all life. I realize and understand the regard and consideration for all life within and as the starting point principle of what is best for all life. I realize and regard myself as all Life within and as the principle of what is best for all life.

I commit myself to practically living the principle what is best for all life.

I realize my effectiveness within and as the living of what is best for all life has been a learning process as I have been facing my self-dishonesty and walking a process of self-correction where I am learning to be self-honest as a point of stability within and as myself here.

When and as I see myself desiring to be liked or fearing to be disliked, I stop and breathe, I see realize and understand the suppression within and as myself, I commit myself to expressing myself from within and as a starting point of self-trust. I realize and understand I will encounter doubt from time to time as like a cross referencing point of and as my self-trust and self-realization of myself here...and that doubt is a practical tool of self-support to assist and support self-stability within and as the process journey to life here.

Day 700 - Fortitude of Purpose

Purpose.

Fortitude.


Purpose plus fortitude is a formula strong in nature. I see purpose and fortitude together as one and equal as the infusion of Life all ways always in and as the movement of self here.

The question has come to my attention, "If you lack purpose, do you in fact lack quality of Life?"

"What is the fortitude of purpose?"

"Does having any purpose guarantee a high quality of life....or is there a certain fortitude required in order to insure creation of a high quality Life?"

"Is life meant to be high quality,,,and is it in fact a point of becoming aware of our fortitude of purpose...as like it's in us to give...as a result of what has been given to us?"



At different times in my life I have briefly reflected on what it is I want to do with my life. Interestingly enough, every time I had asked myself such a question and or reflected about such a question...my thinking was in an absolute sense...and I often had difficulty with this...the commitment aspect of making a decision that I felt I would be bound to once in fact I made it....and what was interesting is that it's like I've been looking for sometime throughout my life as something I can give to myself as a responsibility to walk indefinitely...a Purpose of Fortitude of You will as the Meaning I give to my Life Living daily application and expression of myself here.

Now, what has been peculiar within my process of self-reflection throughout the years is that I have allowed myself to get distracted and preoccupied with things. And in this doing, kind of allowed a procrastination to ensue about activating fully the Fortitude of Purpose I wish to give to myself.

Entertainment has been my primary source of distraction from and as the development of and as my self willed purpose of fortitude. Ironically enough, I have seeked  a plethora of avenues within entertainment as a means to finding what it is I would like to find...and that ultimately being my self-expression. What do I mean by my self-expression? Many many many things. Looking for substantial greatness in all things....Ironically this thirst for greatness in various modes of entertainment has been a result of holding myself back as great entertainer.

It's interesting, my writing here...because even as have just written the above paragraph...I faced immediate reaction, where, specifically I turned away and did not even want to look at the words I have written. Me a great entertainer? But why? Why is this I see as a point worthy of my attention...and to such an extent where I can claim a fortitude of purpose?

I see tremendous value in Education. This is a rather obvious point for many I am sure...in that most would agree with the tremendous value within and as Education.  I mean education is a point where really, I think everyone can agree upon the importance in and as it's value. I see Entertainment as a a medium of Education. Within this, I see that there is great responsibility in standing as an entertainer within this world....because not only is one providing entertainment as a point of fun to be had....but first and foremost the entertainer is an educator...a teacher.

I have been looking to lots of teacher's in this world....lots of entertainers to be what I think they can be...and this is not fair to any of them....for in this regard...I have placed expectations on others as separate from myself to be operating and performing of a high quality particular standard of greatness that I have not even consistently held myself accountable to. In a way...I have been afraid to actually commit myself to the fortitude of purpose....as like actually existing here as the strength of character that does not give up or bow down to anyone. This is not to say that I must be fighting or welcoming to conflict...but at the same time being open to dancing with conflict that I am presented with...you know...in a way like a ninja master....where the problems/issues are directed into and as solutions.

The irony of course within everything is myself.  So often I have reflected outwards about irony as a seemingly separate entanglement that only loosely relates back to me and is not really knotted deeply in attachment to my particular acceptances and allowances. This perception being a scapegoat defense mechanism where I ultimately excused the deep seated self-reflection required in really getting to the origins of myself here as who and what I am really all about.  It's fascinating to examine the conspiracies of my acceptances and allowances if you will. I sure each and everyone can relate to the conspiracies within and as our very acceptances and allowances...as this is an area that can be easily dismissed from the giving patience and time as the necessary ingredients required to actually look at the story of self here...and the questioning of Fortitude of Purpose.

Anytime I would come across something that would reveal a depth of character....or be rich in substance...I would yearn for more and more exposure to such things....whether it be a show or production, a book, a person, a sport,...it's like all the while...I was always missing the core of myself within and as it....where full appreciation was not quite grasped...because I don't think I have ever really fully appreciated myself to the fullest extent of and as the meaning of appreciation. Reflecting back on my various modes enthrallment from the perspective of entertainment interests...my satisfaction and thirst for more was never ending...and within this...the reflection to me is clear on the point of enjoyment...self-enjoyment....where it is an alone and together thing....where it's a shared thing between two or more.

I am reminded of the court jester....the joker if you will...as the comedic relief to the absurd ridiculousness of aristocracy and monarchy. Within and as such a position...the joker is like the master educator...world teacher in a sense...where his immunity is granted for him alone because of his chosen profession...and the reasoning that this is the joker...and no matter how serious the reflection may be...this is the court jester...the joker...who is permitted...authorized to ridicule the ridiculousness of the accepted and allowed crown rule.  I think of this in terms relatable to stand up comedy and movie and television entertainment. Where there is potential within such a position to me an intermediary role player bridging the gaps of dissonance with common sense critique. Exposing the absurd ridiculousness in absurdly ridiculous ways with cleverly creative points of comparison and association...making a mockery of a mockery while at the same time, giving the antidote...the formula....the recipe....the solution as to how the absurd ridiculousness can be solved...as being no longer relevant and therefore remedied,,,because after having the aha moment of a laugh and seeing for real...it is clear...crystal clear like water...the perfect solution as the how to do....I get it, I got it...I  do it...I am doing it attitude that is contagious in and as itself being a point that is addictively spread as the messages worth repeating.

What's interesting within as a my moments of reflection here is...that I as each I is the gate keeper of I...for it is for I...and I for an I that make everything to I...as to grant to I...is to for real be to I...as Realized...as aha...yes...I see it is all to and for I...as to and from I ...as the perfect relationship...I Give and Get Given here for it is the Gift of me/you/life here.
Meaning the play is in and as our permission authority to play...as like will allow ourselves to play...will we ask others to play....will we show others how to play...will we talk about our play...and to such a point where our work can become the play..in such a way where the play is a work in progress..as like a continued play day...play date that can stand the testaments of time as like...yes playing and working with what is here will stand the testaments of time...in and as the way to educate and entertain effectively....because education and entertainment together as a point of enjoyment shared between two or more is something rather harmoniously marvelous as the simplistic euphoria of the warmth of touch. This is life awareness here. This is who I am ....this is who we are. This is what I am about. This is how I choose to express and share the expression/creation of myself here.

,...it seems daunting and far to easy to actually be the way forward here...that trauma and suffering is not actually required...that simplicity is key in self exploration and creation. That really we can have a lot of fun in creating our fortitude of purpose and within this enacting a self-responsibility that will insure the future well being for generations to come as the knowing that this is substantial support that is fostering the facilitation of greatness in all ways always. It's important to note that obviously this enactment of purposeful living of and as self-responsibility will be a challenge in and of itself...because I realize I have been conditioned to operate in a way that is less than beneficial to all life here....so in breaking the restraints of my conditioned limitations may in fact very well be somewhat traumatically challenging....though I see here...the way in which I remove the layers of deception from myself as being related to me and my investigative digging...meaning that my willingness to pull off the layers of my deceit self-willing will be a challenge yes...but far less traumatic if I avoid doing so and therefore require to only realize through the consequence of my programmed planning conditioning playing out.

To be Continued

Day 699 - Discipline

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have mixed emotions/feelings about "discipline"

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for creating a friction about Discipline from the perspective where I crave/desire discipline and at the same time I resist and revolt against discipline.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for creating uncertainty within my daily responsibilities as a result of and as my relationship within and as the point of Discipline.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself fore resisting to actually purify my relationship and expression within and as the living embodiment of Discipline as I see is in fact best for Life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to suppress myself as the living full potential of and as the word Discipline.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create contradictions within myself as the word embodiment of Discipline.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding the paramount importance of and as the purity of each living word definition within myself here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for resisting to exercise the living of and as Discipline within and as my decisions/movements here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to forego disciplined principles in and as my applications for preferred preferences.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for resisting to stay committed and determined to stick with a particular discipline as a point of purpose in and as my day to day living.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not even considering the practical living support in making a decision as to enact a practical living purpose for my life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding how giving myself a practical living purpose can in fact support the development and effectiveness within and as myself as embodiment of Discipline here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for creating conflict about discipline to such an extent that I created conflict for my life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding the irony within and as reactionary and conflicted word relations.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding how reactionary and conflicted word relationships reveal to me points of accepted and allowed suppression in my overall character potential ability here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for resisting the daily discipline of being specific within and as my word investigations as like my daily barometer in and as the purification of myself here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for realizing and understanding the quality of my life here exists within and as my effectiveness with my words.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding how my relationship within and as Discipline ties into and as the quality of my life here as my effectiveness with my vocabulary here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding my vocabulary to exist as like nutrients of self-support.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not really considering or being systematically diligent in  and as daily investigating the extent of and as my word relationships.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for make believing that my word relationships are all good.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fearing the Discipline required to practically live for real.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding how I have in fact feared the practical living of Discipline....and the irony within this as the absurd ridiculousness because I have perpetuated that which I in fact would not like to experience.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding the specification of our world as our words we know...as specifically as how we have accepted and allowed our words and world to exist.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for resisting to examine the negativity within and as my word acceptances and allowances as the emotion that exists within my body about particular words.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for resisting to investigate the positivity within and as my word acceptances and allowances as feelings that exist within my body about particular words because they feel good.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fearing the investigation of and as the positive and negative word associations that I have accepted and allowed within and as my mind/body/being relationship here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding the change of our mind/body/being exists within and as our word relations....as it is in fact our word relationships that shape this world relationship...and it is therefore our sound signature in and as what is we accept and allow to exist here...as like our resonant signature and vote of what is and is not acceptable.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fearing to be a standing example of and as what is best for all Life in all ways.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for suppressing my spoken/written/living word potential.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding the absurd ridiculousness of suppressing my spoken/written/living word potential.

I forgive myself for not realizing and understanding the tremendous amount of support that opens of as a result of and as the investigation and purification process of One word.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for coping with words that have been devoid of optimum value and nutritional sustenance.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for limiting the assistance and support within and as my word relations.


I commit myself to the purification of my word relationships.

I commit myself to living the purification of my word relationships.

I commit myself to the support and assistance within and as the purification of word relationships.

I commit myself to live the embodiment of practical living word relationships as the epitome of self-living support and assistance as what is in fact best for Life.

I commit myself to share words of support and assistance.

I commit myself to assist and support others to practically live words effectively.

I commit myself to the embodiment of living words.

I commit myself to giving myself purpose within and as the sharing of words here as solutions that can assist and support others to gift themselves access to the development and enactment of untapped potential creation here.

Day 677 - Effort-full

"I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having resistance to learning with effortless ease" Day 676 - Life...Learning...Teach Ability...Opportunity and Fortune

This statement jumps out at me as I re-read through my previous blog entry. I ponder on the point a moment and I look at the process of development a child learns to walk within the actual skill of walking...and specifically the process of going from learning to crawl...to crawling...to standing...to falling and standing up...and actually waddling a step or two...to eventual walking effectiveness.

Within looking and regarding this process...It is quite the process and it is in fact effort-full There is a self-willing commitment to actually explore and push the development of potential which is the result of constant and consistent experimental application...practice and repetition...and a fine tuning.

So, within re-reading my initial statement I share above here with regards to an effortless within learning...I see here how I have placed an expectation about my idea of how I have believed the learning process should be. This is not necessarily the case within learning new skills. In fact some things will require much more effort than other things. And, to only learn that which comes effortlessly...would be in fact a squandering of one's actual learning potential here...because perhaps it is the commitment in learning the things that are the most challenging for ourselves that are in fact the most rewarding. I say this, because....look at the self-discipline and the self-commitment....and the self-perseverance...and the self-dedication....and the self-patience....and really.....this exemplifies the tenets of what is in fact self-mastery.

Learning something completely that is an effort-full process is rich in educational nourishment....because the the process's involved within learning anything from beginner level to a masterful level is to be rooted in the fundamental principles which substantiate an overall character development of an elite level standing. Meaning, there is no real short-cuts on the journey process of Life Mastery.

I am reminded of an example where this Ninja warrior is being asked by an aspiring Ninja how many different punches he knows how to do...and before the Ninja Warrior can even real respond....the aspiring Ninja begins spouting off all the different types of punches that he knows. The Ninja Warrior explains that he is not threatened by the the Ninja who knows 10,000 different punches he has practiced very little....But is in fact greatly concerned about facing the Ninja Warrior who has practiced a single punch 10,000 times.

The point of my sharing of this story here...is on the commitment and discipline required in and as self-perfection. Which to me exemplifies the natural learning expression of Life. Where one is able to meticulously study oneself in one's movement relationships here.

SO,

This is a point that has come to my attention within my Life....where I have had a tendency throughout my Life to learn things for a little while....when and as the learning came easily without much effort or work on my part. Then what has happened in many instances...is where I shift my focus to learning something else...where I lose interest in continuing what I initially set out to do. This tendency of mine I have notices as a result of myself always looking for the path of least resistance...and actually having conditioned myself to avoid seemingly effort-full commitments to actually expanding my comprehension within a particular subject beyond my current ability level.

This is something I am committing myself to changing. Changing specifically the reluctance within myself to continue on a point of self-mastery within particular areas I have actually really wanted to excel within.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for creating ideas and beliefs about how I should feel within learning something new...and the process of self-perfection.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for tainting the process of self-perfection by having pre-conceived...make believe ideas about how the aftermath of self-perfection within a particular point is in fact.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for justifying my impatience within the difficulty of learning particular tasks...skills.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for creating judgement/friction/conflict within myself in relationship to the amount of time it takes for me to learn and effectively comprehend a particular point.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for burdening myself within the guilt and shame which I experience within reflecting upon all my failed attempts to actually comprehend a particular point and physically administer perfect execution of said point.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for giving credence to giving up on myself when and as I am faced with difficulty.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding that the real testaments of individual will is in fact the commitment and devotion to oneself when faced with difficulty.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for shying away from difficulty within my participations here in this world.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fearing difficulty.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding the irony of myself inflicted difficulties I have done unto myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having created an apprehensiveness towards difficult tasks.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having avoided to really examine the extensiveness of my very own apprehensiveness as like a self-ingrained defense mechanism to avoid actually seeing the painful truth of myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for choosing to minimize my creative influence within our shared World System...because of the fact that I see this requires great effort on my part.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for neglecting my creative potential when and as great effort is required in developing creative contributions here that are in the best interests of myself and all Life here. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for neglecting my creative potential because it takes effort.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having a negative polarity connotation towards the word "effort"
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having cringing thoughts/emotions about "effort" as like an ugh exhausting type experience.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing a resistance towards effort that can be torturous at times.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for torturing myself as a result of having an ineffective relationship with and as the word "effort".

Effort: Strenuous physical or mental exertion.
            A vigorous or determined attempt.
            The result of an attempt.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for defining strenuous physical or mental exertion as something that I want to avoid most of the time and only participate within it if I feel/believe it to be absolutely necessary.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have conditioned my effort to exist in relationship to my particular emotion and or feeling about exerting effort in the particular moment.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for being unreliable within my participations as a result of accepting and allowing myself to be conditioned by my thoughts, feelings and or emotions that pop up suddenly within a moment with specific regards to a point I am looking at.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for self-sabotaging my ability to participate in learning things effectively and efficiently.

The word 'Effort" is rooted in the Latin words, " Ex + Fortis....which means ...Out + Strong"....which lead to the old french word "esforcier"....which leads us to the word "effort" we have today.

In looking at the "Out + Strong" of the Latin roots of Effort....I see that effort is a result of breathing out an exertion of self-expression....a living of life force essence....a particular strength in character being exhibited within a particular focus as a result of and as the living of an outer strength. I see and understand this outward expression of effort being the result of an inward commitment of oneself to share the expression of oneself outward and onward. And therefore I see effort as a tool in self-development....a tool that assists and support our process development here.

I commit myself to living Effort as an Outward strength of Character.

I see realize and understand that to live Effort as an outward strength of character is to live an inward strength of character. As within and so without.

Day 635 Perseverance

Perseverance sounds kind of like "personal endurance"...though it is not exact, yes, I realize that, however I do see the similarities in the sounding of the words here. Also, let me look here at Perseverance some more:

Per Severance.

What is a Severance?  What first comes to mind is a "severance package" or "severance pay" which comes as a result of being laid off, or the terms of compensation for an employee ending services rendered for an employer.

Severance can also more bluntly be regarded as the "severing" of something. Severance also means the ending of a relationship. It can mean a "breaking off of a friendship"...like to sever the ties of the relationship and or agreement. In law it can be referred to as a "a division into parts, as of liabilities or provisions; removal of a part from the whole."

So, when I first started looking at the word severance I had a small reaction, "as like oh shit...I was looking to see the awesomeness in Perseverance...and now I have found "Severance" which can easily be regarded as something that is seemingly so much less than awesome"

What's interesting about this initially observed reaction I faced...is that I took the opportunity to investigate the extent of it...which yielded some insight I would like to share.

So, in facing the fact of the matter that relationships do in fact end...that people do in fact lose their jobs...that death is a very real matter of our existence here...I began to wonder why it is that I regard the "end" of various forms of relationships as "bad". Within this self-reflective examination I noted how I have been conditioned within the tendency to immediately classify information with a particular connotation of being either "good" or "bad"....and within this it is not to say that "good" and "bad" do not in fact both exist here...but to see the interdependence of both "good" and "bad" here and that good and bad is really beyond the relationship association of my feelings and or emotions attached to information.

OK, so to bring more clarity to my investigation here, I became aware of the fact that I wasn't able to see the "Good"within the apparent "bad"...in this particular situation...how specifically it could be "good" for Severances to occur. So, this lead me on another Quest as the Question brought through the answer here for me to see...and that being, "aha, hey, look, it is in fact really supportive in one's process of development to remediate the mistakes that have been made"...Which infers that in order to live "Perseverance" One must in fact Sever relationships that are contradictory to the well being of one's ambition, goals, process of learning and expanding a particular skill set. For example, and this is a very elementary example:

"Bobby wants to be a writer but spends all his time playing video games"....See, for Bobby to begin writing here, he has to "change" the nature of his relationship to playing video games all the time. Within this relationship here, "See" that he does not require to cut out video games from his life completely...he just needs to change the dynamics of his relationship with video games...so that he can enable himself the Time to cultivate a new relationship with Writing."

So, this is an interesting example here because this reflects to me a point of fine-tuning "Change"...and also the point of "Recognition"...where there is a sort of re-alignment happening within One's cognition/awareness Here.

So, Obviously I am illustrating but 1 example of an "Adjustment" required within and as a point of understanding "Perseverance" as the changing nature of our relationships here.

So, also note here, that it is not to say that in practically living the effectiveness of "Perseverance" that some relationship connections will  be seemingly deleted/cut-off completely.  I say here "seemingly" because of for instance the "stopping" and or "breaking" of a particular habit. However, if you look closely here,even though you stopped your particular relationship association with the habit here....does it in fact mean that lets say You cut-off/cut-out video games completely from your participation....it doesn't in fact mean that video games are now non existent within the greater shared reality which we are all in fact a part of. So, see here how it is basically always the relationship dynamics that change of a point in Question...as like "What is the starting point of and as Our Association Here?"

Oneness and Equality is the Starting point of and as Our Relationship/Agreement Here. Obviously here, within this understanding and insight is "where" in fact Our "Perseverance" is required and practically able to be lived as the self-correction of cognitive-dissonance into and as the "Joy" to the World/Words in and as the restoration of Life Being and Meaning Precious and Premier Value that will be protected, supported, regarded, recognized as what is Creative and Structured Assistance and Support as the Best Giving and Receiving Relationship Agreement.

What's so cool in various degrees/dimensions of "Awesomeness" here is the fact that each One of us is a self-reflection of and as the "terms" of and as "Our" "Agreements/Relationships" here. So, Here, I again emphasize the importance in understanding Our Word/World Relationships Here as the basic tenants in and as our ability/capacity to cultivate the development of harmonious gift givings.


Note: to "Play" with what we "Say" is how we "Service" Our "Work" and "World" from day to day as the meaning of "Life Gift-Giving" as Our "Today" which is always Our "Present" Sharing the Life of Our Words Here...as Our Creative Structured Support In "Walking" Our "Talking" as What it means to in fact practically live Our "Words"


I commit myself to living Perseverance within facilitating a Practical Living World that is Best for All Life.


Perseverance is steadfastness in doing something despite difficulty or delay in achieving success.

Words synonymous with Perseverance include:

persistence, tenacity, determination, staying power, indefatigable, steadfastness, purposefulness; patience, endurance, application, diligence, dedication, commitment, doggedness, assiduity, tirelessness, stamina; intransigence, obstinacy; informal stick-to-it-iveness; formal pertinacity; "in a competitive environment perseverance is an invaluable asset"

Day 551 Teacher Student Relations

I experienced a little bit of agitation, frustration, annoyance and irritation within teaching ski lessons today.

The scenarios's that triggered these incidences were when a student or students were causing the rest of the class to wait upon them. What bothered me was that the student or students seemed to have no regard for how their particpations effective the rest of the class.

I see how in these particular incidences I briefly allowed myself to take the events personally and go into a form of reaction/judgement where I victimized myself as a result of the particular events unfolding.

Also I see how I directed blame towards the students in thinking that they ought to know better.

I see how in the particular incidences I lacked empathy and consideration. I see how I momentarily disempowered myself by taking the unfolding of the events personally.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for justifying the self-victimization of myself within taking the unfolding of events personally.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for justifying agitation, frustration, irritation and annoyance as a result of participating within the blame and judgement of accepting and allowing myself to be triggered/stimulated by people.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for existing within and as the superiority character within participating as a ski instructor/teacher.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding how I have created a cognitive dissonance towards my students within taking on a superiority personality as being the teacher/instructor. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding the equality within student/teacher relations and that I am in fact always both the teacher and the student as like I am also learning from the students as the students also stand within and as the role of teacher.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for getting annoyed, frustrated, angered and irritated within the incidences where I assumed/believed/perceived that the students ought to know better. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding myself as the student within these particular incidences and how I know better that to judge/assume and create a form of logical self-manipulation within myself as a way to justify and validate separation and the abuse of energetic accumulation within myself. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for being inconsiderate towards my students within thinking they ought to know better. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for projecting blame, anger, agitation , frustration, annoyance and irritation.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for being spiteful and self-righteous within thinking that my students ought to already know these particular things and within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having resistance to educating and informing others about things I believe and perceive that they ought to already know and understand. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for justifying resentmenttowards my students as a result of having accepted and allowed myself to participate within emotional energetic reactions towards my students.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for being selfish within my relationship with others within not fully wanting to give up superiority/inferiority relationship and place myself within their shoes as one and equal.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding how I have created moments of temporary hardship/burden in relationships with others as a result of not placing myself within and as the shoes/position of the being. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding the shame within being resistant/reluctant to place myself within and as the shoes/position of all beings within and as this world.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for being spiteful and self-righteous within neglecting to place myself in the position of each and every single being here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for only sometimes placing myself in the position of other being here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding the shame of only sometimes regarding the equality of Life here. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for being shameful and spiteful towards the equality and oneness of all Life here.

When and as I see myself looking at another being as separate from myself, I stop and breathe, I realize and understand there is a point of cognitive dissonance here as accepted and allowed manifested separation, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for creating a rift/separation between myself and another being here. I realize and understand the absurd ridiculousness in perpetuating experiences of cognitive dissonance. I commitmyself to removing all experiences of cognitive dissonance within myself.

When and as I see myself considering being angry, irritated, annoyed, agitated or frustrated, I stop and breathe, I realize and understand the disservice I do to Life within accepting and allowing myself to abuse life within the energetic reactions of anger, irritation, annoyance, agitation and frustration. I look to reflect upon the point within myself and see how a moment of opportunity opened up where a particular event/scenario unfolded as a lesson for me to learn from within seeing and realizing where/how/why self-correction is required within myself with specific regards to a particular point. I commit myself to walk the specificity of self-correction with specific regards to a particular point. I commit myself to utilizing the lessons/opportunity that are presented to me here in every moment to self-perfect my standing here within and as the equality and oneness of Life.

When and as I see myself formulating logical assumptions within my mind about others as like what I think/believe/perceive, I stop and breathe, I return the points within myself as I realize and understand this thinking/believing/perceiving is specific to what I have accepted and allowed to exist within my mind...and that it is my self-responsibility to remove the limitations of my thinking/believing/perceiving about others within myreality. I realize and understand the absurd ridiculousness of rationalizing and perpetuating the justification of judgement as a necessary thinking/believing/perceiving mechanism necessary to self-define others within a limited view. I realize and understand that holding onto limited views about others reflects that acceptance and allowance of self-suppression within myself. I commit myself to stop all forms of self-suppression within myself. I commit myself to investigate all forms of self-suppression. I commit myself to stop and prevent self-suppression within myself.

I commit myself to valuing and regarding All Life Equally.

I commit myself to Equality and Oneness within and as Teacher/Student....Student/Teacher relations.