Day 700 - Fortitude of Purpose

Purpose.

Fortitude.


Purpose plus fortitude is a formula strong in nature. I see purpose and fortitude together as one and equal as the infusion of Life all ways always in and as the movement of self here.

The question has come to my attention, "If you lack purpose, do you in fact lack quality of Life?"

"What is the fortitude of purpose?"

"Does having any purpose guarantee a high quality of life....or is there a certain fortitude required in order to insure creation of a high quality Life?"

"Is life meant to be high quality,,,and is it in fact a point of becoming aware of our fortitude of purpose...as like it's in us to give...as a result of what has been given to us?"



At different times in my life I have briefly reflected on what it is I want to do with my life. Interestingly enough, every time I had asked myself such a question and or reflected about such a question...my thinking was in an absolute sense...and I often had difficulty with this...the commitment aspect of making a decision that I felt I would be bound to once in fact I made it....and what was interesting is that it's like I've been looking for sometime throughout my life as something I can give to myself as a responsibility to walk indefinitely...a Purpose of Fortitude of You will as the Meaning I give to my Life Living daily application and expression of myself here.

Now, what has been peculiar within my process of self-reflection throughout the years is that I have allowed myself to get distracted and preoccupied with things. And in this doing, kind of allowed a procrastination to ensue about activating fully the Fortitude of Purpose I wish to give to myself.

Entertainment has been my primary source of distraction from and as the development of and as my self willed purpose of fortitude. Ironically enough, I have seeked  a plethora of avenues within entertainment as a means to finding what it is I would like to find...and that ultimately being my self-expression. What do I mean by my self-expression? Many many many things. Looking for substantial greatness in all things....Ironically this thirst for greatness in various modes of entertainment has been a result of holding myself back as great entertainer.

It's interesting, my writing here...because even as have just written the above paragraph...I faced immediate reaction, where, specifically I turned away and did not even want to look at the words I have written. Me a great entertainer? But why? Why is this I see as a point worthy of my attention...and to such an extent where I can claim a fortitude of purpose?

I see tremendous value in Education. This is a rather obvious point for many I am sure...in that most would agree with the tremendous value within and as Education.  I mean education is a point where really, I think everyone can agree upon the importance in and as it's value. I see Entertainment as a a medium of Education. Within this, I see that there is great responsibility in standing as an entertainer within this world....because not only is one providing entertainment as a point of fun to be had....but first and foremost the entertainer is an educator...a teacher.

I have been looking to lots of teacher's in this world....lots of entertainers to be what I think they can be...and this is not fair to any of them....for in this regard...I have placed expectations on others as separate from myself to be operating and performing of a high quality particular standard of greatness that I have not even consistently held myself accountable to. In a way...I have been afraid to actually commit myself to the fortitude of purpose....as like actually existing here as the strength of character that does not give up or bow down to anyone. This is not to say that I must be fighting or welcoming to conflict...but at the same time being open to dancing with conflict that I am presented with...you know...in a way like a ninja master....where the problems/issues are directed into and as solutions.

The irony of course within everything is myself.  So often I have reflected outwards about irony as a seemingly separate entanglement that only loosely relates back to me and is not really knotted deeply in attachment to my particular acceptances and allowances. This perception being a scapegoat defense mechanism where I ultimately excused the deep seated self-reflection required in really getting to the origins of myself here as who and what I am really all about.  It's fascinating to examine the conspiracies of my acceptances and allowances if you will. I sure each and everyone can relate to the conspiracies within and as our very acceptances and allowances...as this is an area that can be easily dismissed from the giving patience and time as the necessary ingredients required to actually look at the story of self here...and the questioning of Fortitude of Purpose.

Anytime I would come across something that would reveal a depth of character....or be rich in substance...I would yearn for more and more exposure to such things....whether it be a show or production, a book, a person, a sport,...it's like all the while...I was always missing the core of myself within and as it....where full appreciation was not quite grasped...because I don't think I have ever really fully appreciated myself to the fullest extent of and as the meaning of appreciation. Reflecting back on my various modes enthrallment from the perspective of entertainment interests...my satisfaction and thirst for more was never ending...and within this...the reflection to me is clear on the point of enjoyment...self-enjoyment....where it is an alone and together thing....where it's a shared thing between two or more.

I am reminded of the court jester....the joker if you will...as the comedic relief to the absurd ridiculousness of aristocracy and monarchy. Within and as such a position...the joker is like the master educator...world teacher in a sense...where his immunity is granted for him alone because of his chosen profession...and the reasoning that this is the joker...and no matter how serious the reflection may be...this is the court jester...the joker...who is permitted...authorized to ridicule the ridiculousness of the accepted and allowed crown rule.  I think of this in terms relatable to stand up comedy and movie and television entertainment. Where there is potential within such a position to me an intermediary role player bridging the gaps of dissonance with common sense critique. Exposing the absurd ridiculousness in absurdly ridiculous ways with cleverly creative points of comparison and association...making a mockery of a mockery while at the same time, giving the antidote...the formula....the recipe....the solution as to how the absurd ridiculousness can be solved...as being no longer relevant and therefore remedied,,,because after having the aha moment of a laugh and seeing for real...it is clear...crystal clear like water...the perfect solution as the how to do....I get it, I got it...I  do it...I am doing it attitude that is contagious in and as itself being a point that is addictively spread as the messages worth repeating.

What's interesting within as a my moments of reflection here is...that I as each I is the gate keeper of I...for it is for I...and I for an I that make everything to I...as to grant to I...is to for real be to I...as Realized...as aha...yes...I see it is all to and for I...as to and from I ...as the perfect relationship...I Give and Get Given here for it is the Gift of me/you/life here.
Meaning the play is in and as our permission authority to play...as like will allow ourselves to play...will we ask others to play....will we show others how to play...will we talk about our play...and to such a point where our work can become the play..in such a way where the play is a work in progress..as like a continued play day...play date that can stand the testaments of time as like...yes playing and working with what is here will stand the testaments of time...in and as the way to educate and entertain effectively....because education and entertainment together as a point of enjoyment shared between two or more is something rather harmoniously marvelous as the simplistic euphoria of the warmth of touch. This is life awareness here. This is who I am ....this is who we are. This is what I am about. This is how I choose to express and share the expression/creation of myself here.

,...it seems daunting and far to easy to actually be the way forward here...that trauma and suffering is not actually required...that simplicity is key in self exploration and creation. That really we can have a lot of fun in creating our fortitude of purpose and within this enacting a self-responsibility that will insure the future well being for generations to come as the knowing that this is substantial support that is fostering the facilitation of greatness in all ways always. It's important to note that obviously this enactment of purposeful living of and as self-responsibility will be a challenge in and of itself...because I realize I have been conditioned to operate in a way that is less than beneficial to all life here....so in breaking the restraints of my conditioned limitations may in fact very well be somewhat traumatically challenging....though I see here...the way in which I remove the layers of deception from myself as being related to me and my investigative digging...meaning that my willingness to pull off the layers of my deceit self-willing will be a challenge yes...but far less traumatic if I avoid doing so and therefore require to only realize through the consequence of my programmed planning conditioning playing out.

To be Continued

Day 697 - Discipline and Questions

Let me begin with a comical story of sorts about an experience of mine from some most recent times:

A few days earlier I was skiing with some long time friends and a new potential friend of sorts who is  a new friend of my long time friends. This new potential friend had some unfortunate situations happen throughout our time together. These particular events brought up some questions within myself. first point was that she forgot her ski socks. Luckily, She realized this before we left for the hill and just had to do a quick turn around and drive a few minutes back to her house. I questioned this point as to how someone could forget their ski socks. I then learned that she had special ski socks and was wearing regular normal every day socks...and thus I could see how it was possible to not have your ski socks already on your feet. Question solved.

Next situation. We get to the ski hill and She has forgotten to bring her ski pants. I react a little bit to this point within a sort of shock and amazement and ask the question...."how could someone forget to bring their ski pants?" This baffled me. I see this question coming as a consequential build up of reaction energy within myself as there were also a few other points previously that stimulated questions within myself. Like, we didn't end up all car pooling together....we went in two vehicles....she wanted to drive her own vehicle with the one friend of mine who she knows from work. I was slightly agitated about this because I was anxious to get to the ski hill, and the plan was that we would all car pool,,,,and I was already weighting....I mean waiting for her to show up....because she and other friend were both running late.

See here the weight of waiting without clearing the energy...as like an accumulation of unnecessary bullshit.

Long story short, we go skiing...and when we come inside from skiing...She is complaining that her feet are cold. For some reason I am bothered by this. And, I am thinking to myself, 'how can her feet be so cold?'

Two days later, I go to the ski hill to teach some ski lessons. I have several lessons scheduled to teach. As I am getting out of the car, I realize I have forgotten my ski pants. I forgot my ski pants. Wow. Really? Yes. First time in 6 years of teaching ski lessons. Coincidence? Yes. Guess what else happened! My feet became so very cold!

The moral of my story here is that of "Discipline and Questions". You see, it is very important to be aware of the questions you ask. And specifically the starting point from which you speak. Whether you are making statements or You are asking questions.....the starting point is always equally important!

So, Remember:

A question is the quest you go on. If you put yourself on a quest to a destination that is most unfortunate, because your starting point was most unfortunate, then the quest is a most unfortunate process isn't it. Though, the alchemy here....if you will is that realizing and understanding the extent of Your accepted and allowed misfortune is most fortunate. This is in fact a pivotal point in becoming the leadership of and as your next inquisition, as you self-realize the capacity to captain your ship as the master dictator of and as your self-directive treasure hunt. See! Here, is the real fun in and as Our starting point of and as our questioning ability. This is the learning process made easy. Ask and You shall receive! Ask what? A Question of course!...for you will receive the course...the route...the journey...the lesson...the support and assistance you require in and as the forms you need. The irony here is of course...the course of action in and as which we participate...for there is grave difference between living action and perpetuating reaction.

The starting point Oneness and Equality within and as the Question is who/how we are/will be as the outside example/illustration and experience....one and equal with our very inside participation. How we ask the Question is in fact how we set the sail! It is how we set the sail...as it is how we set the sale...as what it is we have in fact agreed to buy....as our words are by our very own admission. For We are the Author's of our very own acceptances and allowances here. Note,... our allowances here are in fact in and as our agreements as what we are in fact willing to receive and or be given. The equality and oneness together as one forever more is I get it I got it good formula...as the abracadabra "do, re, mi, fa. so, la, ti, do"

The application of Self-forgiveness is the recognition within and as the seeing and realizing of and as the very misfortune...the energy buildup...the shipwreck so to speak....the repair job necessary to make the change necessary to live self-honesty as the knowing connection of yourself here that cannot be denied because you in fact self-realized...as the seeing for real the I's that are here equal and one...to get here as the together we are all here....one for all and all for one...the win win in asking the best questions that's why and how...for we are it. Yes, tis is the process we are...whether we like it or whether we don't set's the forecast for the weather patterning behavior in and as our ability and capability to respond in directly support our ship...our Life here...as the relation ship to all ships here as the Earth mother ship.


To Be Continued


For your information I've been watching a show called Black Sails and it's about pirates and the commerce of the sea...and ya...I've enjoyed playing just now with the ship point in relation to my understanding of maritime admiralty law and the connection to common law jurisdiction....and the law of our being here as the words...the sounds....the solfege that we are as how and who we are as the Being Creation Expression Presentation Today/Tonight and every Today/Tonight for it is always all ways Today/Tonight.

The funny thing about tomorrow is that it's always a day away and just when you think it's going to get here....We call it "Today"....a new Today....and Tomorrow is a day a way. Because the term/word tomorrow is in reference to a future present day...and well it's just funny to me because...why...Because...

Day 679 - What are We Doing Here?

It's interesting to examine the relationships one has. In always all ways. I mean look, how many relationships do we in fact even have? Does any One person Know how many relationships they are in fact a part of? It has become obviously apparent to me the vast interconnectedness that exists here as Earth. At the moment, I am not even certain as to how many relationship interconnections..,are taking place within my body...and for that matter...outside my body....and....on my body....like for example how much bacteria is there on my skin? What's going on exactly? The point I am getting at here is that relationships are paramount for Our Being Here. We are Here as a result of relationships. Things are the way they are because of relationships. What I have interesting and fascinating it to examine and study relationships. This studying I regard as a point of reading. Essentially, all we do is read....You know, read the situation...what's happening....communication is key....relationship interplay is a result of communication. I mean, when you think about it....there's really no choice But Communication existing Here. Think about it. We are all here sharing a particular amount of space...and within this space we are in proximity to one another. Relatively speaking. Fascinating stuff really.

I was talking to a University student today, who I did a reading diagnostics test for. Well, actually I talked to several students at the university...in which I administered reading diagnostic tests for.

What was interesting about my sharing today...was the discussions I had about Vocabulary. I had a particularly interesting discussion with a computer programming student. The student had very poor vocabulary recognition and his reading speed was below average. He, as also a few others...were dismissing the importance of Vocabulary in this day and age....where we have access to applications like Google.....the thought reasoning being....why would I even need to know how to spell correctly when Google knows....

I explained to him that his poor reading ability was directly related to his relationship with words. Meaning that words are like codes...and that essentially reading is adding up all the variables/codes/equations/formulas to get to the actuality and expression of the matter being shared. You know, basic addition here....the accounting if you will.

This point clicked with the computer programmer....because he could relate it to his effectiveness writing code....from the perspective that he could see that he would not be very effective writing new scripts and applications if he didn't effectively understand the various codes he was using...and that in fact he would be highly in effective in his using code to create things if he did not realize and understand the code.

This is what is happening here. Everyone is existing within code. The irony...the cosmic joke if you will....is that everyone is the butt of the joke....a parody of sorts. There is so much communication happening all the time....within ourselves...like how we react and or possible respond to others is so much so a result of what he have accumulated within ourselves earlier....our relationship coding if you will.

It's interesting to regard the point that we are all a part of a systematic program. Some may proclaim that it's creepy....others that this is hog wash....,or fantasy....or tell you that you've seen to many sci-fi movies....or that this is a really cool topic of discussion....others may suggest that this is something they don't want to talk about....or regard at all....others may say it's scary....
The point here....is that our response ability to any particular point is based on our programming. Our learning if you will....

Now, learning is a real interesting thing. Because if we dare to question our learning...and how it is in fact we learn...and why perhaps there is a tendency for people to stop having a passion for learning as they get older....there's some serious insight available....

Notice how information is presented in the news on television...and the protocol around such a production. It is very regimented in a particular way. Notice how the News reporters speak. Notice the particulars of everything.

Why is it that noticing the particulars of everything seems perhaps like a daunting and even possibly arduously endless task?  Is it because we have been conditioned in a way where we are believed to be so far removed from the actuality of what is totally happening here within ourselves. Within our cells? Have we perhaps suppressed our access to ourselves? Does this explain the drug and alcohol culture of experimentation?

Now, if you regard that our individual state of affairs...is a result of particular relationship conditions...and that essential the state of our world system is also a result of particular relationship conditions. Interesting how an affair can be a regarded as a bad thing....like something deceptive...you know like a cheating on your partner/lover.  While, when the word is pluralized....like regarding our state of affairs, this is not necessarily bad...it's more of a neutral things...like our business dealings....our happenings if you will...

What is quite interesting about the english language...is that there is so many variables...variations...in and as the wording of words....the context of things....which is interesting in and of itself....because, the idea and fact that there can be discrepancy in realization...and even understanding has profound consequences on our individual circumstances....like mixed signals....mixed messages, is a point of confusion really...

Look at how our legal system exists....are you familiar with all the laws and legislation that exists....all the legal code.....the meaning of all the legal terminology? Isn't this important if we are governed by law? What does that say about our individual relationship with words? I mean, have you really investigated your relationship with every word you know. How well do you really know all the words in you vocabulary? Do you ever notice how particular words act as like forms of triggers....uhm, you know...like a form of stimulation for your mind....that leads to particular emotion or feeling about other things beyond the initial word presentation....like some words have a lot of personal attachment to them.

Look at your thoughts. What are your thoughts primarily about? Is there any reoccurring themes....do the same themes cycle...time loop like a television series....where you are entertained or distracted with particular programming on a daily basis? Have you considered that each of us determines our channels....how we are tuned in and out of whatever programming that is running? what's your thoughts regarding programming? Are you the source programmer?

Does it seem difficult to do anything out of the ordinary? Like, to dare to act in away that you are not accustomed to? Do you think this is because you are operating within a particularly conditioned program?


To be Continued

Day 640 Tree Planting Chapter 4 In Your Face Self-Reflection

Tree Planting Chapter 4 In Your Face Self-Reflection

So, I find it interesting to see and realize that deep down within our self we all desire the very same thing(s). That is what is Awesome.

Now,  the meticulous detailed specifics of what is awesome may vary slightly as there is so much that encompassed the awe of awesome.

I was working with 2 fellow planters today...doing a bit of extra work..."overtime" if you will...as this was our "day off" from planting before our next shift of planting begins...this was a little special mission that we volunteered to take on. Points that stand out from this special mission is the fact that we all expressed the desire to have our own land...and the desire to work the land...and utilize what the land is able to produce...now this is interesting that we were talking about this as we were planting life into the land. Now, we also talked about the point of building our own homes on the land...and one of the guys has gotten himself some specific training in how to build log homes.  I had researched about straw bale houses...and he was familiar.

Now, point of my sharing here is on the topic of self reflection here...as that deep down we are all the same and we all want the same things at a very basic nature...like for instance our own home and our own land to produce food for example...now where things get a little individualized with wants is in the area of actual hobbies....activities...as like a form of education and entertainment play and pursuits of development and expression as like how we choose to utilize our free time.

This leads me here to sharing about the brutal truth of my self reflection this afternoon and this evening with regards to acceptance of self here...and the desire to be validated by another self here....as an equal.

This point comes up in specific relation to the nature of the relationship that exists with alcohol here within our human culture. Alcohol is like the social lube...as like the coming together acceptance and allowance...that as we share this drink together we can in turn socialize and validate one another within sharing this depressive drink...now I say depressive drink because scientifically it is fact that alcohol exists as a depressant....and the point of alcohol being regarded as something the majority of humans like to have and share with one another as a point of bonding is rather sad...and most unfortunate.

Now, I realized at quite a young age...that my use of alcohol was for these specific purposes...that it was a way for me to feel more comfortable interacting with others...as like feeling like I belong more with others here...and that alcohol was a drink I referred to as liquid courage...as like I could use the alcohol to say whatever I felt like...as like a way to feel like I am temporarily opening myself up....and also the fact that now I had a point in common with all these other people at a basic level of socializing from and as the perspective that they too are full of fear suppression and drink the alcohol as a point of wanting to have a good time and enjoy oneself.

Now, here in the tree planting culture in which I am immersed within ...alcohol is hugely popular. Drugs are also not uncommon. Pot is about as common as cigarette smoking...arguably less popular than it was some years ago...though...smoking in general is also quite popular among tree planters.

Now,  it is interesting to me...because I have had much resistance to wanting to put in much face time around others while engaging in socializing with alcohol. It's interesting because the socializing that occurs for the most part is in relationship to the drugs and the alcohol...as like the necessary fuel to unwind and have a good time....like it is the good time medicine.

What is interesting to reflect upon is how I, in the past regarded marijuana as my medicine. Like, I needed my weed to be OK...I can recall saying that I would be OK with being any where in the world...specifically...i believe I stated that I could be anywhere as long as I had my weed...and look at the point...here....that my stability...and comfort...and ability to be at one within myself...i believed to be totally dependent upon my ability to have my medicine...It's interesting because I regarded weed medicine as like quite powerful and strong stuff that was really helping me expand myself.

What's interesting about all this reflection here...is that there was a hesitance within me about actually looking at my starting point for my indulgence within substances.

Also...the point of intimately seeing others as me too. Like seeing and realizing and understanding my Self responsibility in communicating and socializing with others as a point of support and assistance for myself/others here.

What's interesting to see, is how easy it has been for me to go into a self-righteous character and cast out blame projections towards others as like a self-hypothesized theorized justification as how the others are just too fucked and that there ability to really give a shit and change their outlook is just so limited and that it is really a waste of my time to socialize with these depressed/suppressed/hippy drug and alcohol users who believe it's all good man and that things are cool and there all about having a good time and experiencing the good feelings within the right now of consciousness energy...as like just focus on the positive man...and ya lets just hang out together and party...have our drink and just have a good time.

"See", what is interesting about all this, ...., is, this is me facing me here.

What do I mean when and as I say..."this is me facing me here?"

I mean, this is me, facing myself here.

See, everyone here is me and you.

You is me and me is you.

The tough pill to swallow if you will, is that once you actually "dare to investigate" the extent of our self here...and question what is best for all life here....there is no turning back...like...there is a point of a certain strength of character required in honoring life here...and facing the challenges here, such as fellow humans within immense self-suppression...that there is a duty of care required here...to speak to, and as the strength of each persons character...regardless of how suppressed and buried it may very well be....SEE, Here...is and as our ability to "Live" the words we Speak as a Visible example within our community as the Question, the Answer and the Solution.

Like,

See here how my particular situation within my tree planting community brings about many questions: like; why i do not drink or do drugs.

Questions are a cool vehicle to getting somewhere.

Solutions are the best way to answer questions...as like a showing the way how to do something...so that another can have the point be explained and exemplified for them...so that there mind is totally clear within and as how the point can in fact actually be walked...like the will and the way have already been shown...what now opens up within an individual...another as self here...is that very point of having a tough pill to swallow with regards to and as the truth of and as our self reflection here....our Self "in" "to" "me" "I" "see".

Day 600 Certainty

CERTAINTY

CERTAIN


So,


I'm investigating with playing with the word "Certainty" and within and as the word "Certainty" I see the word "Certain" quite clearly as it is easily visible within and as the word "Certainty".


So,

I'm looking at how I can take on the word "Certainty" within myself as a point of practical living as a way to assist and support my self-expression here.


So,

I see and realize and understand how it is cool to be certain as a point of specificity within and as communication/self-expression here. I see and realize this to be a point of self-trust.


So,

I was looking at and questioning the nature of our World System here which is based in and around the ideas of uncertainty...as like there being unknown forces at play/work that can have potentially dire circumstances/consequences for the majority of beings within and as the World System here.


So,

It is ridiculously absurd to me, that it is generally accepted that the everyday functioning of our World System is based upon principled frame works of uncertainty...like making our total welfare up to chance...like a lottery of sorts where there is winners and losers....and well...what the fuck....I mean this is so ridiculously absurd...like really...that we can accept and allow ourselves to function within a global frame work of uncertainty as the consequence of our own doing...that we perpetuate certain problematic consequences that could otherwise be prevented with absolute certainty if we changed our prerogative from accepting and allowing uncertainty/doubt/fear within our-self here to that of self-trust/self-honesty/certainty as that which is best for Life.


So,

It becomes more and more apparent to me on a daily basis how I have in fact never really known with absolute certainty what is in fact always best for Life.


So,

This is quite certainly a seriously important situation and issue that require certain specific attention.


So,


I see/realize/understand that as I face my accepted and allowed doubt/uncertainty/fear within myself that I in fact enable/birth/grow my self-trust/self-honesty/self-reliability/self-sustainability/self-integrity/self-ingenuity/self-determination/self-worth as this becomes the fruit/bounty of as the labor of my self-forgiveness here.


So,

Would not it be cool to align the World System in accordance within and as the specific certainty of and as that which is best for all Life here?


So,


Can you see how self-forgiveness is in fact a starting point platform for sharing/expanding our fruit/bounty of and as the labor of self-forgiveness here.


So,

It is obviously so cool to me to harmonize our World System from and as the Starting point of Self-forgiveness. A giving for Self Here. Which in turn is also a Receiving for Self Here.


So,

Can you answer with absolute certainty, that, It is common sense that we should have a World System that is orchestrated from and as the Starting Point of "Forgiveness...Giving as We Like to Receive"?


So,


It is clear to me that as individuals we come together and form groups that reflect the common bond of our individuality here within and as the point of that which is best for all Life as/is within and as the starting point of Creation Here within and as Equality and Oneness.


So,

I am certain that as I continue to purify myself within and as the practical living of self-forgiveness as the who/how/why I am here....that I am in fact facilitating and orchestrating myself within and as a reflection of the World System here as my standing vote to and as what I practically assist and support Living Here.


So,


I am certain that this is the point of self-responsibility....the epitome of self-responsibility/self-direction within taking/giving care to cultivate a World System that in fact supports what is Best for all Life here.


For support within and as the political process that must unfold, I suggest studying an "Economists Journey to Life" and the, "Living Income Guaranteed".

Day 580 Gifting Myself within Self-Reflection

Continuing from my previous blog:

"I teach a particular child once a week for many consecutive weeks and this particular child reflects the points that I have attempted to hide from myself and what is interesting about this...is that I've resisted to investigate the extensiveness to which this child reflects points that exist within myself. So much so, that in many moments I would simply try to ignore the sounds coming from this particular child, because I was trying to protect myself from facing the points of self-correction within myself that are most unfortunate...and in this way...I see and realize my minds tendency within my self-created auto defense systems as a way to prevent me from really facing the roots of a point within total self-reflection...

So this particular child so clearly embodies the point of stimulation for self-satisfaction and is quite effective in directing/orchestrating his own personal self-stimulation and amusement as his constant continuous motion without particular regard for how his desire for self-stimulation and self-satisfaction impacts and influences those around him."


I see how throughout my life time I've been quite effective in directing/orchestrating my own personal self-stimulation and amusement as my constant and continuous motion without particular regard for how my desire for self-stimulation and self-satisfaction impacts and influences those around me.



The questions come up within myself: 



"Is it not each individual's self-responsibility to direct our individual self-stimulation....self-satisfaction...and amusement?"



"Is it wrong for me to exist the way I have existed?"



"Am I trying to justify self-interested pre-occupation when in fact I exist in a time/space reality that requires extensive assistance and support in re-aligning the framework rules to support what is best for all Life."



"Do I fear letting go of my personal self-interest?"



"What else do I know besides my personal self-interest?"



"How would I exist here if I moved out of a desire based starting point of self-interest pre-occupation?"



"Should not the point of living here be for everyone to have the opportunity to investigate and explore their personal self-interests?"



"Why am I resistant to fully letting go of my personal self-interests when I know and realize our shared reality requires serious changes in order to assist and support all Life here as what is best? Would this not be a point of serious change?"



"Do I see how I argue for my own self-imposed limitation within justifying/desiring to spend my time within recreational/leisurely pursuits when our shared reality requires intensive labor investigative pursuits in order to stop the heinous abuse that is perpetuated as a result of disregarding what is best for all Life here?"



"Why have I allowed myself to regard my-self as separate from everything else here?"



"Is believing Self to be separate from everything else here easier to justify the use of blame and abdication of personal self-responsibility and self-accountability"



"Do I see how I have not really understood the extent of self-interest in the greatest most profound sense because I resisted living from the starting point of Equality and Oneness in every moment?"



"Do I see how self-interest from a starting point of self being separate from everything here creates a disharmony as a cognitive dissonance to the understanding and self-realization of what is best for all Life here...and how regard for self-interest in the most profound sense is the regard for what's best for all Life...as that's the best self-interest....the only real self-interest....because anything else is less than considering all Life One and Equal Here?"

Day 561 'Investigate'

 So I started to look at the word plays that exist within the word 'investigate'. I didn't have any real expectations about how many words I would find. As I started to investigate the word investigate, I was surprised that I continuously was seeing more and more word plays. I've played with words before and and many times there has not been so many words continuously being visible to me. Somewhat ironic that there is so many words to investigate that exist within playing with the letter makeup of 'investigate'. This really does exemplify the point of doing a thorough investigation. I mean like it's an ongoing thing in a way that is continuously monitored/surveillanced until there is certainty on the point...and even then when everything is believed to be known about the investigation...it's possible that new evidence can surface...like it was there the whole time...but it went undetected as it was not seen or realized...which poses the question, if we only know what we know...and we realize we only know what we know...what if we didn't know that we ever knew anything...and in a way if nobody knows anything than..well that's a serious like what the fuck situation...because 'know' is to realize and understand what it means to be a wonk...which is someone who is studious and hard working and takes an excessive interest in the minor details of political policy. What I am showing here is that to investigate a person is accumulating the knowledge that is here to know...and the knowledge is always here...it's within the accumulation and how we can effectively put the accumulation of fact into application that are best for all Life. Like the fact of the matters here on planet earth for example reflect that there is a serious lack of wonk going on because each person here reflects the representation of our political process as how we have politicized our self suppression as all life here...due to our lack of investigation....which has resulted from our inability to really look and question what is existing here and ask questions within looking at what is here. It is really quite simple when you consider that all that is required for our world to be effectively ordered/organized in ways that are best for everyone here would be to actually look and see everything here...and make the best placement assessments as how we can best support everything here. This can obviously be done through asking lots of questions about things.

it's interesting how the little things make all the difference. Like for instance I re-read my previous blog post before writing this one...and I re-read the blog immediately after I had wrote out a whole bunch of word plays for the word 'investigate'. What I am illustrating here is that upon re-reading my previous blog, I made a few minor spelling and grammar adjustment and the way the blog reads is now opening up more dimensions to see. What's interesting about this is that the adjustments were relatively minor as there was a couple of word adjustments...and some punctuation changes. Though everything that is quite minor is really also quite major from the perspective of oneness and equality and the fact that each part is a contributing part to the whole...and within this, the understanding exists here that every role played here is one and equal in being a role played here.Polarity can be quite the mind fuck when trying to get to clarity on something...as like deciphering sides...though it's kind of funny to look at deciphering sides...because if you rub away both sides...what are you left with?...Nothing...what's in the middle/inside of 2 sides...well when the sides are gone there is nothing left in the inside because the siding is gone and now all is in the outside...as like the inside and the outside become harmonized...as like the walls of division become removed and we are able to see and realize our own opposition...and when there is no more barriers/gates blocking out our opposition...all of a sudden there is no more polarity war of conflict friction as like all the rubbing has been rubbed out...as like no more need to mental masturbate...

Investigate what is here and see clear.

Much to investigate here...


This blog on my process of the word "investigate continues"

I Implore You to Investigate!


Investigate…invest ate, gate, stage, tag, saint, stage, sin, given, gave, gives, invite, state, sign, gist, it, vine, vines, tin, ten, nest, neat, eat, eaten, eats, seven, testing, gain, vestige, ive, in, at, taste, gates, vest, I, naive, nave, save, saving, age, see, sea, seen, tit, tits, is, sing, vein, veins, seat, stat, get, gets, gin, invitee, teen, teens, ages, taint, taints, tan, sage, vane, vast, vie, ignite, ingest, gene, eave, eve, eves, titan, titans, tease, teasing, vegan, teat, neatest, vegans, seeing, 

Day 493 Questions Today

I asked myself questions this evening....the question are;



When did I first give up on myself ? 

When did I quit/give up on myself ? 

When did I first decide that I can slack off on self-willed commitment ?

When did I decide it was OK to stop learning something that was difficult for me to comprehend/master ?

When did I first become Frustrated ?

When did I first become Angered ? 

When did I first become Annoyed ? 

When did I first become Upset ? 

When did I first become Disappointed ?

What was my first Justification ?

When did I first learn what is Best ?

When did I first learn what is Great ?

When did I first learn what is Happy ?

When did I first learn what is Joy ?

When did I first learn to Lie ?

When did I first learn Manipulation ?

When did I first learn what is Awesome?

When did I first learn Hate ?

When did I first learn Hurt ?

When did I first learn Pain ?

When did I first learn Funny ?

When did I first learn to Laugh ?

When did I first learn Want ?

When did I first learn to Share ?

When did I first learn to Cheat ?

When did I first learn Strength ?

When did I first learn Bravery ?

When did I first learn Courage ?

When did I first learn Honor ?

When did I first learn to Play ?

When did I first become Scared ?

When did I first learn Worry ?

When did I first learn Thinking ?

When did I first learn Fear ?

When did I first learn Question ?

When did I first learn Become ?

When did I first learn Story ?



There are many more questions to ask myself. I am seeing and realizing it is important to understand what I have learned. I see and realize I learned things without understanding things. I see and realize I never questioned the consequences of what I learned ?

Right Now, I am Questioning How it is I Learn ?


What is Learning ?

What is Understanding ?

What is Comprehension ?


What was the first mistake I made ? Was it the first thing I learned ? Can I learn without Mistakes ?


Do I need Mistakes to Learn ?


Can I Learn without making Mistakes?


How do I Make Mistakes ?

Did I learn to Make Mistakes ?

Are Mistakes Learned Behavior ?


When did I first learn Behavior ?

Is a Mistake something I don't Know ?

Can I know what I don't Know ?

Can I Learn what I don't Know

Why am I asking so many Questions ?

Are Questions Like Mistakes ?

Do I need Mistakes and Questions to Learn ?


Why do I not like making Mistakes ?

When did I learn to not like Making Mistakes ?


When did I first fear asking Questions ? Was it because I feared being exposed as not Knowing ?


When did I first place importance on Knowing ?


Did I trap and confuse myself within my own Knowing ?

Why do I say My Own Knowing ?

Is Knowing a point of Individuality ?


Is Knowing a Secret ?


What is a Secret ? When did I first learn a Secret ? Is Knowing a Secret

Is Knowledge and Information the Secret Programming Code ?

Is Knowing and Understanding Words the Key to Understanding the Secret Programming Code ?

Did I Create My Own Secret Programming Code ?

Am I The Only One Who Has the Key to UnLocking My Secret Programming Code.

Are Complications forms of Mistakes as like Mis and Dis Information ?

Are Complications Failures to be Simple ?

Can Complications be Simplified ?

Are Simple Complications Easy to Correct ?

When did I first Learn Corrections ?

What is Correct ? Is it that which is not Wrong ? Is Something always what It is Not ?

By Having Something, Do We Not Have Something ?

Can We Be Everything and Nothing ?

Does Nothing Come from Everything ? Does Everything Come From Nothing ?

Where is the Beginning of Nothing ? Is there and End to Nothing ?

If Nothing Has No Beginning and Nothing Has No End, Does That Mean Nothing Is All That There Is ?

Is Nothing the Source of Life ?

Did Life Come from Nothing ? 

Is Life Make Believe ?

Is Life What always Is ?

If Life Has No Beginning and Life Has No End, When Does One Become Life ?

Does One Become Life when One Gets Together with One to Make another One?

Is Life Just 1 + 1 = 2 

Is Life 1 and =

Is Life 1 and = Together

Can Life be One and Not Equal ? Would the Math work in the 1 + 1 = 2 Equation if One and One are not Equal.

Is Life as Simple as 1 + 1 = 2 

If 1 is Life and there are many many many many many 1's and 1 doesn't count all the 1's can Life be Accounted for ?

Is the Accounting for Life 1+1 repeatedly till all 1's are accounted for ?

Can I become 1 ?

Am I already 1 ?

Do I need to see and Realize Every 1 So I really Know and Understand that I am 1.

In the beginning was the word and the word was with God and God was the Word ?

Becoming Creation is with Words ?



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding the simplicity of myself within and as words within and as the understanding of the passage " In the beginning was the word and the word was with God and God was the Word"

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for getting lost within Word, and I forgive myself for not realizing and understanding myself within as as the living Word.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding myself as the living words.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for neglecting my creation as the living words.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for negating myself responsibility within the living of my words.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for disregarding myself within the words that I speak.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding how my thinking thoughts is the automation of the accepted and allowed programming code that Is keeping me lost from living words for real ?

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding thinking as the system for not knowing myself as the source of living words.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having resisted to question what it is I Know.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for trying to figure myself out within thinking instead of just looking at myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding the support within looking at and questioning my thinking ?

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding the point of self-support as self-direction within asking the questions I need to know?

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding the purpose and point of asking questions on a Need to Know Basis?

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for resisting to ask myself what it is I Need to Know?

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not pushing myself to ask the right questions as the right questions being the questions that I need to Know.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding the extent of my needs.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for limiting and suppressing my needs within the fear of asking the wrong questions.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understand that there are no wrong questions because all questions are all right.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fearing my righteous authority.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for thinking that my righteous authority must be wrong and that I am to blame for existing as a righteous authority here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realising and understanding the difference between self-righteous and righteous.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for judging self-righteousness.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to get lost within and as self-righteous judgement.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for trying to escape self-righteous judgement.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for resisting the self responsibility to correct all my self-righteous judgments.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for resisting to stop self-righteous judgement.

I commit myself to the understanding myself.

I commit myself to knowing thy self.

I commit myself to understanding words.

I commit myself to becoming words.

I commit myself to living words.

I commit myself to remediation as the solution to purifying my vocabulary.



When and as I see that I do not know a word, I stop and breathe and I question the meaning of the word. I look at the meaning of the word. I look at each letter of the word. I look at how the word sounds. I play with the meaning and the sound of the word. I sound out word. I make connections within the word. I learn the dictionary definition of the word.  I see if I can expand the meaning of the word within looking at the word. I realise the living of words. I realise the living of words as the living of gods.


When and as I see myself resisting to ask a question, I stop and breathe, I ask the question and I realise and understand the tremendous assistance and support within asking questions.