Day 700 - Fortitude of Purpose

Purpose.

Fortitude.


Purpose plus fortitude is a formula strong in nature. I see purpose and fortitude together as one and equal as the infusion of Life all ways always in and as the movement of self here.

The question has come to my attention, "If you lack purpose, do you in fact lack quality of Life?"

"What is the fortitude of purpose?"

"Does having any purpose guarantee a high quality of life....or is there a certain fortitude required in order to insure creation of a high quality Life?"

"Is life meant to be high quality,,,and is it in fact a point of becoming aware of our fortitude of purpose...as like it's in us to give...as a result of what has been given to us?"



At different times in my life I have briefly reflected on what it is I want to do with my life. Interestingly enough, every time I had asked myself such a question and or reflected about such a question...my thinking was in an absolute sense...and I often had difficulty with this...the commitment aspect of making a decision that I felt I would be bound to once in fact I made it....and what was interesting is that it's like I've been looking for sometime throughout my life as something I can give to myself as a responsibility to walk indefinitely...a Purpose of Fortitude of You will as the Meaning I give to my Life Living daily application and expression of myself here.

Now, what has been peculiar within my process of self-reflection throughout the years is that I have allowed myself to get distracted and preoccupied with things. And in this doing, kind of allowed a procrastination to ensue about activating fully the Fortitude of Purpose I wish to give to myself.

Entertainment has been my primary source of distraction from and as the development of and as my self willed purpose of fortitude. Ironically enough, I have seeked  a plethora of avenues within entertainment as a means to finding what it is I would like to find...and that ultimately being my self-expression. What do I mean by my self-expression? Many many many things. Looking for substantial greatness in all things....Ironically this thirst for greatness in various modes of entertainment has been a result of holding myself back as great entertainer.

It's interesting, my writing here...because even as have just written the above paragraph...I faced immediate reaction, where, specifically I turned away and did not even want to look at the words I have written. Me a great entertainer? But why? Why is this I see as a point worthy of my attention...and to such an extent where I can claim a fortitude of purpose?

I see tremendous value in Education. This is a rather obvious point for many I am sure...in that most would agree with the tremendous value within and as Education.  I mean education is a point where really, I think everyone can agree upon the importance in and as it's value. I see Entertainment as a a medium of Education. Within this, I see that there is great responsibility in standing as an entertainer within this world....because not only is one providing entertainment as a point of fun to be had....but first and foremost the entertainer is an educator...a teacher.

I have been looking to lots of teacher's in this world....lots of entertainers to be what I think they can be...and this is not fair to any of them....for in this regard...I have placed expectations on others as separate from myself to be operating and performing of a high quality particular standard of greatness that I have not even consistently held myself accountable to. In a way...I have been afraid to actually commit myself to the fortitude of purpose....as like actually existing here as the strength of character that does not give up or bow down to anyone. This is not to say that I must be fighting or welcoming to conflict...but at the same time being open to dancing with conflict that I am presented with...you know...in a way like a ninja master....where the problems/issues are directed into and as solutions.

The irony of course within everything is myself.  So often I have reflected outwards about irony as a seemingly separate entanglement that only loosely relates back to me and is not really knotted deeply in attachment to my particular acceptances and allowances. This perception being a scapegoat defense mechanism where I ultimately excused the deep seated self-reflection required in really getting to the origins of myself here as who and what I am really all about.  It's fascinating to examine the conspiracies of my acceptances and allowances if you will. I sure each and everyone can relate to the conspiracies within and as our very acceptances and allowances...as this is an area that can be easily dismissed from the giving patience and time as the necessary ingredients required to actually look at the story of self here...and the questioning of Fortitude of Purpose.

Anytime I would come across something that would reveal a depth of character....or be rich in substance...I would yearn for more and more exposure to such things....whether it be a show or production, a book, a person, a sport,...it's like all the while...I was always missing the core of myself within and as it....where full appreciation was not quite grasped...because I don't think I have ever really fully appreciated myself to the fullest extent of and as the meaning of appreciation. Reflecting back on my various modes enthrallment from the perspective of entertainment interests...my satisfaction and thirst for more was never ending...and within this...the reflection to me is clear on the point of enjoyment...self-enjoyment....where it is an alone and together thing....where it's a shared thing between two or more.

I am reminded of the court jester....the joker if you will...as the comedic relief to the absurd ridiculousness of aristocracy and monarchy. Within and as such a position...the joker is like the master educator...world teacher in a sense...where his immunity is granted for him alone because of his chosen profession...and the reasoning that this is the joker...and no matter how serious the reflection may be...this is the court jester...the joker...who is permitted...authorized to ridicule the ridiculousness of the accepted and allowed crown rule.  I think of this in terms relatable to stand up comedy and movie and television entertainment. Where there is potential within such a position to me an intermediary role player bridging the gaps of dissonance with common sense critique. Exposing the absurd ridiculousness in absurdly ridiculous ways with cleverly creative points of comparison and association...making a mockery of a mockery while at the same time, giving the antidote...the formula....the recipe....the solution as to how the absurd ridiculousness can be solved...as being no longer relevant and therefore remedied,,,because after having the aha moment of a laugh and seeing for real...it is clear...crystal clear like water...the perfect solution as the how to do....I get it, I got it...I  do it...I am doing it attitude that is contagious in and as itself being a point that is addictively spread as the messages worth repeating.

What's interesting within as a my moments of reflection here is...that I as each I is the gate keeper of I...for it is for I...and I for an I that make everything to I...as to grant to I...is to for real be to I...as Realized...as aha...yes...I see it is all to and for I...as to and from I ...as the perfect relationship...I Give and Get Given here for it is the Gift of me/you/life here.
Meaning the play is in and as our permission authority to play...as like will allow ourselves to play...will we ask others to play....will we show others how to play...will we talk about our play...and to such a point where our work can become the play..in such a way where the play is a work in progress..as like a continued play day...play date that can stand the testaments of time as like...yes playing and working with what is here will stand the testaments of time...in and as the way to educate and entertain effectively....because education and entertainment together as a point of enjoyment shared between two or more is something rather harmoniously marvelous as the simplistic euphoria of the warmth of touch. This is life awareness here. This is who I am ....this is who we are. This is what I am about. This is how I choose to express and share the expression/creation of myself here.

,...it seems daunting and far to easy to actually be the way forward here...that trauma and suffering is not actually required...that simplicity is key in self exploration and creation. That really we can have a lot of fun in creating our fortitude of purpose and within this enacting a self-responsibility that will insure the future well being for generations to come as the knowing that this is substantial support that is fostering the facilitation of greatness in all ways always. It's important to note that obviously this enactment of purposeful living of and as self-responsibility will be a challenge in and of itself...because I realize I have been conditioned to operate in a way that is less than beneficial to all life here....so in breaking the restraints of my conditioned limitations may in fact very well be somewhat traumatically challenging....though I see here...the way in which I remove the layers of deception from myself as being related to me and my investigative digging...meaning that my willingness to pull off the layers of my deceit self-willing will be a challenge yes...but far less traumatic if I avoid doing so and therefore require to only realize through the consequence of my programmed planning conditioning playing out.

To be Continued

Day 643 - Make It Happen

It's interesting to examine how it is in fact that I am able to make things happen.

Many times I am faced with the point where a feeling/emotion/thought is presented as an obstacle to in fact making something in particular happen.

What I find interesting here is when and as I decide to let go of the thought/feeling/emotion and actually move myself beyond the limitation of the thought/feeling/emotion, I am in fact in the drivers seat so to speak to make "It" happen...like this is the point where I enable my ability to "create" here.

It's interesting to see how little I have actually directed for myself here from within and as the starting point of moving beyond thoughts/feelings/emotions as the points of limitation within and and as my actual physical movement here.

What I find interesting about the nature of thoughts/feelings/emotions is that it's like a self-induced hypnotic state/trance....and the decision exist within each individual here how long we in fact remain under the influence of our mind conditioning.

What I see here is cool, is the potential here for self-correction in every moment where we are faced with a point of resistance to "creating" and "expressing" self here within and as a point of self-movement/self-direction.

What is cool, is the self-satisfaction within actually making things happen as a result of moving beyond our self imposed limitation as the thought/feeling/emotions that bounds/binds us to self-manipulation/suppression/limitation/stuckness.

So,

A cool way to test and check this point for yourself is to, when you are faced with a task that you would in fact like to complete...but then a thought/feeling/emotion comes up as like a distraction as the "justification" to circumvent actual action within the point...to for a moment or a few moments...just look at the thought/feeling/emotion..and your experience within it...and actually relate/reflect it upon the point you in fact would actually like to make happen. What will become obvious here is that there is like a self-induced restraint and heaviness to actually being able to move into making the specific point happen...like, as long as attention is given to the thought/feeling/emotion that is "justifying" non action within a particular point of action...it's like by allowing the thought/feeling/emotion to remain here...it's a point of actually acting and accepting and allowing a "reason" and "justification" to exist as the self-hypnotic spell that keeps one from being able to effectively and efficiently self-direct and self-move here within a capacity to actually "make happen" what it is in fact you would actually like to "make happen".

So,

For an example, say you are going to do the dishes...and a thought comes up that says, "i'll just watch a show before I do the dishes"...try pausing for a moment...notice here this is a point where it's like you almost don't know what to do...because the fact that the thought came up...reflects a consideration in moving in a particular way...and the fact that you just paused...is like enabling you to see...that there is in fact still a pull/push towards the thought which is connected as a feeling/emotion.

Now, Commit yourself to moving on the point of actually just doing the dishes...and see what happens...like is there any more thoughts/feelings/emotions that come up...see here how we can move beyond our mind conditioning.

So,

This basic example illustrates how you can actually exist and operate/function here beyond automated reactions/directions as how you are suppose to move based upon the energy of a thought/feeling/emotion that you have previously created a relationship about within your mind.

Day 592 Postponement

I notice that I am very flexible to re-adjusting/re-scheduling/delaying participation within particular engagements. I am questioning this flexibility because I see it as a false sense of flexibility in certain circumstances because the point of postponement becomes like a reasoned excuse to justify my self-diligence within particular moments where I require to be steadfast within staying on task and making something work.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for neglecting to regard the consequences of postponement.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding how I have used the point of re-scheduling/postponement in a self-deceptive manner.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having become self-reliant on postponement as a way of coping with my accepted and allowed reality.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for being lazy within and as my self-responsibility of and as my self-direction here in every moment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for talking myself out of commitments.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for postponing commitments.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for using the point of postponement and re-scheduling as a way to avoid commitment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for dreading commitment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for creating conflict towards honoring myself-commitments.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for creating justifications as the reasoned excuses that I give value to.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for placing value within justification...and within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding the absurd ridiculousness and self deceptionwithin placing value in justification.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding that the word "commitment" starts within and as myself here. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding that any particular area of my life where I struggle with commitment reflects and an opportunity/gift for self-expansion because by thoroughly investigating the dimensions of the point in question, I am able and capable to transcend my own self-induced limitations.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having allowed myself to be influenced by positive and or negative energies as the source of reasoning/justification in order to orchestrate moments of postponement. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding the extent of irrationality within being influenced by emotions/feelings/thoughts that randomly come up that act as a trigger reaction in deflecting my self-directive commitment and course or practical living self-responsibility.

When and as I see myself orchestrating reasons/justifications to change plans to accommodate thoughts/feelings/emotions that have just come up within myself, I stop and breathe, I realize and understand this reflects self-sabotage and that the root origins of my mind as thoughts/feelings/emotions is fear based and that any resistance towards a particular commitment/task is a clear indication of the importance and responsibility of myself to step into the point of resistance and direct the point into conflict resolution as a result of effectively and efficiently walking through the resistance. I realize and understand that any time that I suppress a point of resistance/commitment, I am in fact perpetuating a cognitive dissonance towards that particular point and moving through the point will seem more tedious/difficult. I commit myself to stop suppressing points of resistance/commitments. I commit myself take self-responsibility for my commitments and to exercise the living of self-diligence within and as my self-commitments here. I commit myself to stop being flexible within and as the point of postponement from and as a perspective of being willing to deviate from personal responsibilities because of a particular thought/feeling/emotion energy came up within my mind. I commit myself to stop accepting and allowing myself to be ruled and controlled by thoughts/feelings/emotions. I commit myself to investigating my thoughts/feelings/emotions as I realize and understand the self-reflection within and as my thoughts/feelings/emotions as a way to expose my self-dishonesty here. I commit myself to self-correct my self-dishonesty. I commit myself to stop fearing to face myself dishonesty. I commit myself to be humble within facing my acceptances and allowances.

Day 586 Justifying Self-Satifaction

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for utilizing the point of self-satisfaction as a coping mechanism as a way in which I could justify that I've done enough and that I do not require to push myself harder.

When and as I see myself using self-satisfaction as a coping mechanism to in a way justify that I've done enough and that therefore validates/creates an excuse/reason for me to not do more, I stop and breathe, I see and the realize the resistance I am creating to doing more within and as a point of self-perfection, I realize and understand justification as a flag point to be aware of as a facet of self-dishonesty. I commit myself to stop creatingexperiences of justification for myself. I realize and understand the absurd ridiculousness of justifying self-satisfaction. I commit myself to stop arguing for my self-imposed limitation within and as justifying my self-satisfaction.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for creating the experience of self-satisfaction as a positive energetic experience within myself that can be identified as a reward and rewarding.


When and as I see myself making self-satisfaction to be a positive energetic experience that can be identifies as a reward/rewarding, I stop and breathe, I take self-responsibility in releasing myself from and as the positive energetic experience. I commit myself to stop charging up and make believing self-satisfaction to be a positive energetic experience.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist within the frame of mind and belief that I require to be recognized with rewards because I have completed work/jobs/tasks/activities/performances/achievements/accomplishments.

When and as I see myself accepting and allowing myself to exist within the frame of mind and belief that I require to be recognized with rewards because I have completed work/jobs/tasks/activities/performances/achievements/accomplishments, I stop and breathe, I realise and understand the self imposed limitation within and as such a particular mind set as I realize and understand the absurd ridiculousness of perpetuating energetic friction within myself. I commit myself to investigate any reaction/judgement/energy in relation to the completion of work/jobs/tasks/activities/performances/achievements/accomplishment. I realize and understand the absurd ridiculousness of judging my actions/results with energy. I realize and understand the absurd ridiculousness of perpetuating energetic experiences within myself as a result of judging experiences and desiring particularly positive energetic experiences. I realize and understand that desiring positive energetic experiences is a huge mind fuck because that creates an endless cycle of abuse where energetic conflict continues to build within myself. I commit myself to removing the energetic experiences that exist within myself. I commit myself to daring myself to take care of the positive energetic experiences/reactions that exist within myself. I realize and understand that it is by equally taking self-responsibility for the positive and negative energetic experiences/reactions that exist within my mind that I can in fact equalize my mind here as what is the best Life support.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding the absurd ridiculousness of making myself believe that I reached the required level of complacency in order to be compliant as a self-righteous superior ego frame of mind and thus I can rest and relax because that is the reward of self-satisfaction that I am kind of like on a vacation because i don't require to push myself to do more because I am self-satisfied and believe I've already done enough.



I commit myself to investigate myself whenever the point of self-satisfaction comes up within myself as a reaction/experience. I commit myself to stop using self-satisfaction as a justification and excuse. I commit myself to preventing superior/inferior ego frame of mind. I commit myself to stop desiring rewards. I commit myself to investigating myself and the experience I have towards receiving rewards. I commit myself to preventing myself from going into an energetic reaction in relation to receiving a reward/recognition for a point of my participation here. When and as I see myself telling myself I've done enough...as a point of reasoning to avoid doing more work/participation within a particular point, I stop and breathe and I push myself to do more work/participation within the particular point I have an obvious resistance to continuing to move myself within. I commit myself to stop avoiding/resisting to do my best work. I commit myself to walk points into completion. I commit myself to prevent giving up on myself.