Day 789 - TRUST and SELF-TRUST

TRUST and Self-Trust

In Asking myself how do I define Trust, What comes up within me is Honesty, meaning my truth and responsibility. I take the meaning of Trust a step further into myself as Self-Trust...myself as It....and so Here is where my Self-Honesty and Self-Responsibility are.

In opening up my investigation into Trust, I questioned whether or not there was any other Key words to support myself within and as Trust. What came up is: Confidence, Ability, Strength and, The Assured Reliance on the Character.

The Assured Reliance on the Character; Confidence, Ability, and Strength.

What Jumps Out at me Here is STRENGTH

In Questioning: Why have I had moments of difficult within and as Trust/Self-Trust?

The Answer: Moments of Weakness. I did not allow myself the truth of myself in moments of weakness. Meaning, I did not completely understand the dimension of Strength within and as my Trust. I resisted allowing myself to really face myself as How I am Living Who I am.

This lack of regard for my Strength became a massive point of suppression within myself. See, without Strength it is difficult to turn weaknesses into strengths.

What has now opened up for me is Understanding and Realizing the Complimentary Nature of: Self-Trust, Self-Honesty, Self-Responsibility, and Strength. Self-Strength.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize nor understand what it means to live Self-Strength.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to dismiss any regard for Strength within and as Trust and Self-Trust.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize nor understand the complimentary structured support within and as Strength.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize nor understand how I've abdicated Strength of Character as Who I Am as Self-Strength.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to suppress myself here as Strength.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize nor understand how my mind has been showing me my Weakness within and as Strength. I realize my mind has shown me my weakness within and as Strength/Self-Strength as a result of how i've been accepting and allowing relationship judgments of Characters as either Inferior or Superior.

I realize the polarity game of Inferiority and Superiority, reveals self-accepted and allowed Inferiority. This is so, regardless of whether or not You believe yourself to be Superior or Inferior in relationships. Stop it.

I commit myself to stand within as Self-Trust. Self-Trust being my self-assurance in who I am here as self-honesty, self-responsibility and Self-Strength.

I realize my ability to live words effectively as Who I Am, is a result of How I Give meaning to the words I speak. I realize I must first question and understand the meanings of my words if I am to ever establish Clarity and Purity within myself here as Life.

I realize the process of word investigation is a process of self-intimacy that is unique to each individual.

I realize and understand the self-satisfaction within purifying....fine-tuning an imperfection within my Word and World Here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize nor understand that when I struggle within making decisions, it is a result of have conflicting charges existing within my words. I realize and understand the solution is within investigating the specifics of each word in regards to the problem. What I mean by Problem...is the Decision that has become stuck within a point of Indecision. Ironically, I realize that Indecision is also in fact a Decision.

When and as I see myself making a decision to exist within Indecision, I stop and breathe, I Ask myself, “Is this practical for me to make the decision of Indecision?” I realize that taking the time to make a decision is in fact a decision for indecision. This is so, in the sense that I am allowing myself to test things out, take time to sort things out...to see and investigate all considerations involved within the Focal Point of being faced with a Decision.

I commit myself to simplicity within and as my word and world here.

I realize, Life Simplicity is the Key to Me. Life Simplicity is Specificity. Specificity is Self/Life Regard.

Day 783 - Real Time Learning/Movement is Always Here...Where Have I Been?

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create resistance and hesitance within my mind.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize and understand how much opportunity and support is available for me in every moment here in so many ways.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to suppress Learning within myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize nor understand my potential to Learn and for Learning.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create judgements about learning particular things.....like thinking I can and cannot learn from so and so or such and and such.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself  to inferiorize my Learning and movement.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize and understand how I created stagnation within and as my learning as a result of accepting and allowing myself to Fear moving myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding how synonymous Learning and Movement are.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to lose sight of myself within and as Inferiority.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize and understand the conditioning of inferiority as a built up resistance towards movement/participation within activities in this world.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize and understand the irony of Inferiority......where inferiority exists as a result of not physically moving oneself into a direction of self-accountability for one's acceptances and allowances in regards to a particular point....and therefore by choosing to 'not move', knot one's movement potential and response-ability...and therefore submit into the status of mind movement activity of inferiority as like creating one's own inner turmoil.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize and understand my capacity to play and work effectively is very much directly related to my enjoyment and openness to Learning.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be closed minded with regards to Learning.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be self-righteous about Learning...and therfore ironically suppress my learning ability and potential.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for existing in conflict about Learning new things....where I have a resistance and hesitance to actually dare myself to move myself and play for the fun of it.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to suppress the fun within Learning.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to suppress the play within Learning.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to suppress my creativity.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear my creativity.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself within learning.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear my appearance and vulnerability within learning something new.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to self-sabotage myself.

Day 689 - Realizing and Living My Utmost Potential

1. "Realizing and Living My Utmost Potential". (The Desteni of Living - A Declaration of Principles)


This point here I have come to see and realize as a point of self-mastery...in that there is the potential for a constant and continuous refinement of ability here....where on a daily basis, one is playing/working with the basics and seeing how to better oneself in application....like a constant and continuous learning here....so in this regard the 'Realization and Living of My Utmost Potential' has been a growing and expanding point. Growing and expanding...as I give myself access to potential.

What I have learned about myself thus far is that Realizing and Living my Utmost Potential is a work and play in progress...Meaning that this is something that I am working and playing with....and I will continue to work and play with....This is a primary principle that will remain within me indefinitely.

This primary principle here, is an opening up of awareness if you will...as like there is an openness in receptiveness to see for real what is here. Seeing the acceptances and allowances that are here isn't always a pleasant experience....Well, it is really pleasant....when you consider and regard the fact...that, "Hey I am seeing and realizing something that I wasn't noticing before...so in that new seeing....there is in fact a gift...and really this is pleasant...because, now the opportunity exists for actual living action....from beyond reaction into in fact actual creation...as a self directive initiative takes form...in and as the molding and shaping of and as substantiated self-responsibility as the developed ability in and as self-mobility as how to live the self-expression of and as the words we are....the principles you will into being, as the "who I am"...as the definition in what I stand for and as.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding the simplicity in and as the 'realization and living of my utmost potential' as daily self-commitment to the basics...where I am constantly and continuously committed to perfection within the basics....and am always looking for ways to expand development within and as the basics.

I realize and understand the commitment required to practically working and playing with the basics.

I commit myself to the self-enjoyment of the Basics within and as my day to day living.

I realize self-honesty in working and playing with the Basics here.

I commit myself to keeping self-mastery simple in application as the realization of sticking to the Basics....where Self-Honesty is Key.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having complicated things within my life as a result of not sticking to the Basics...which I realize is a result of self-dishonesty....which is the neglect of taking action on the self-honesty that exists here.

I see and realize self-honesty here.

I see and realize if I do not direct self-honestly than that is a choice to exist as self-dishonesty...which is an indication of being out of alignment with the practical living application of the word play "responsibility" where one has and knows how to exercise the best response ability in and as the movement here...based in and as the looking/realizing what is here self-honestly and making an assessment and a committed action from within and as the starting point of 'Self-Trust'...where one gives oneself permission to move/create for real...beyond the confinements of doubt and fear.

I commit myself to the responsibility that exists in the realization and understanding of self-honesty in application existing here beyond the confinements of doubt and fear....where and as 'Self-Trust' is a commitment that gives one-self permission to live the realization of utmost potential in the moment.

I realize the basics to exist as:

Self-Honesty - To see and realize what is being accepted and allowed here....and also, to see and realize what is in fact best for all Life here.

Self-Forgiveness - is the gift giving of self-responsibility in taking accountability for one's acceptances and allowances...and making sure that the structural alignment of what you accept and allow is from the starting point principle of 'Oneness and equality'. Self-forgiveness is also an Equalization point...where one actually pieces oneself back together...where the accepted and allowed separation is till here no further.

Self-Trust - is the commitment to actually move and apply oneself here...basically putting oneself into application as the dare to care in playing and working with what is here. Obviously there is an interconnectedness with self-honesty here. The application of self-trust over time becomes the outflow of common sense mathematics....realizing and living the basic principles of self-honesty, self-forgiveness, and self-trust.

Self-Commitment - Is the common sense mathematics of self-forgiveness, self-honesty and self-trust...where you in fact see the realization and living of your utmost potential...and You therefore commit yourself to practical living Greatness as who you are. Obviously the practical living of Greatness is self-substantiated over time...as the result of constant and consistent application of the realization of the Basic principle fundamentals here.

Self-Here - You are practical living Greatness that has been self-substantiated over time as a result of and as the constant and consistent application of self-perfecting the Basic principles Here.

Day 675 - Supplant Fear with faith

“Supplant fear with faith”.  What is faith? Faith is the self-trust and self-responsibility in taking care for self-honestly determining our very own fate.  See, this is an interesting point of correction. To succeed fear is to stop accepting and allowing fear to take over as guide and therefore replace/correct/supplant with faith/self-trust/self-honesty.  It’s interesting that it has been an arduous task for me to actually gift and give myself the support and assistance that I require. What is also of equal interest is that the “learning of lessons”…correcting my mistakes…sometimes took me longer to figure out…because of a rigid stubbornness of mind…a fear mind set…a belief…a blockade in my teach ability….resistance. Gratitude is a great attitude. Being grateful is great. Be great. Live Gratitude. It’s the Best Attitude. Want to be the best and most proficient learner? Be grateful. Always all ways. I have found out the hard way…a most unfortunate tragic comedy really….that to spite myself/life by actually resisting gratitude in my practical living behavior and expression made my ability to learn/comprehend/see my reality clearly and actually utilize my creative abilities….not possible. What’s interesting about this, is that gratitude is a really easy humble thing to live and is in fact a really fun way to be. What’s funny about this is that by resisting to be grateful has been like a point of misaligned pride in thinking that I mist punish myself for my mistakes as like the only way I can learn…to the point of being so stubborn in not wanting to acknowledge my errors and being so fearful of them, that, rather than having a laugh and being rather playful about my ridiculous errors/mistakes and bouncing back up from my falls…it’s a most unfortunate thing to wallow into the depths of despair where the depression is oh so heavy as a holding added weight onto one self as like a bumbling along through the storm of emotion that is keeping the livelihood of self in hiding…like a fearing to actually stand up within oneself and take ownership for being here and able to problem solve and create….the gratitude way as the “I live to give…and therefore I get to give…because I got it to give…because I get to give because I got it to give…and when you get it…understand yourself here and the potential….there is no real choice about it….it’s like ya, well obviously I’m going to just do what’s best…I mean that’s real justice. Isn't it?

What I want to share here now is the point about belief. Belief is so often misguided….and misaligned…as like a false flag operation…perhaps well intention'd…but unknowingly fucked. Belief is the trust point often without having reason or rational as to why the trust should exist…I mean here enters a point of hope….and faith in relation to hope…where there is like an idea that things can work out without actually having to do anything….though what is interesting here…..is that in writing this myself here….I see how I have lots of resistances towards belief….like that is how I have created confusion within myself….a relationship with belief separate from myself…where I blindly followed the words of another and took it on within me, a belief without the real testing and investigation….which is an act of cowardice really.

So what’s interesting and really cool is that a real belief….is a real life here. Meaning, to become the life you want to live. Meaning, Know thy Self. Self-Creation here. I have struggled with this point of self-creation here within and about the point of belief….because I could always see the potential within and as self-guided belief…as the “Be Life” within and as the correct alignment and understanding of belief. Though which also perplexed me was the obvious fact that belief has so often been backwards kind of thing…where it was obviously skewed…and it has been easy for me to see the “Lie” within belief.  What I did not realize I was doing for quite some time was stumbling back and forth between my actual potential as how to believe in myself and the actual resistance to the very word Belief. I was caught in my own self damnation…judgement….self-judgement…believing in things in myself that are actually not of practical and tangible support for myself.

I have shown myself many times throughout my stumbling’s within Life, that I actually am capable of making great things happen. The Flow of making great things happen as the momentum is momentous is a real treat, a real pleasure and a real joy as a favorite self-expressing movement of mine.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing the doubt within delayed movements as like being points of fear that effect my self-trust….belief…knowing in myself…and are actually points of support to show to me…where a point of weakness has not been strengthened as being learned into new abilities as the practical living result of taking responsibility for my every actions…making me my very own action hero…as I save myself the heartache and misery of resisting gratitude as being the greatest of attitudes…and therefore I continuously move in creating my moments of practical living actions…that are of a continuous motion in and as the mathematics of addition and multiplication…as I develop my stamina in going on and on without a fumble or a tumble….though when I do….it becomes no big deal…because I see what I did there and have a laugh at my own expense…as I enjoy paying the immediate price in remediating my deficiency in action so that I do not perpetuate an allowance of reaction…for I am my very own action hero…I am the very best me…because I see and know that is the responsibility commitment like a wedding vow I make onto myself to give to myself whatever I need…so that I can always take what is here without delay…so that my responsibility is swiftly as it is quickly so that I maximize my playtime potential as a result of understanding the equilibrium balance  of work ethic as my very practical living of self-discipline…meaning that I will do whatever is necessary in order to create the best solutions….because I am very goal oriented in and as focused direction in seeing how to score a great play as a result of willing to hard work a fantastic result.

I see, I know now how I feared belief itself as the truth of myself in and as the very fact that I have not known myself as well as I would like to and therefore it has always been difficult to have a very strong belief in myself….because I actually feared getting to know myself….facing myself…all the various faces that I have accepted and allowed….because I mean…wow…there is nothing scarier than facing all the mirrors of one’s very own reflections. Laughs out loud…a belly full of them. The jokes we play on ourselves here are like the worst king of jokes, really tragic stuff…and I mean it’s ridiculously absurd when we actually reflect of the extent of our acceptances and allowances and we go through our rationalized and justified fears…I mean like wow oh my god really….really…I created such a state of affairs for myself.

What’s interesting is that I have had the fortunate opportunity to have actually experienced the letting go of fearing many of moments and actually totally committing myself to trusting my movement and just continuing to do so….again and again and again…..Repetition is the key here….Don’t step…get it get it….Got it…because we you got it you don’t have to get it because you got it. But its important to remember that in the beginning of learning something new….we require to get the hang of it before we got it. Why do you think it is that we love to hang out with people we like….because it’s fun to hang out….because it’s a process we've learned…a sharing that comes natural…a natural learning ability…to get the hang of it…I mean we are closely related to monkeys…and monkeys love to hang around…like the arangatang…lol…I like monkeying around with my words in how I say and share the play that is me as a resulting reflection and expression of the work that I do.

What’s funny to look at is how I can see here in my process of taking self-responsibility for all my shit…in some instances it’s like I would get myself into a state of shock and awe as a result of looking at what it is I have in fact accepted and allowed…,missing the gratitude in these moments….for actually seeing/catching the pattern…so that I have the opportunity to learn from my errors…and create new pathways for myself…as ways forward that I can be totally satisfied with.  So, the point I am getting at here is that I see , realize and understand the importance of giving focused attention to the solutions I can work…that I can actually see within myself that the potential exists….that before I actually walk the correction in the future…it’s like I already simulated the situation in myself as a result of connecting and aligning with the potential that has always existed within me…and therefore realizing and recognizing an awesome play in which I am able to make when and as I am potentially faced with such a scenario.   I make myself a power player within and as my taking of self-responsibility. I am grateful for my commitment to learning. I commit myself to being humble…and therefore allowing myself to learn as effortlessly as possible as a result of realizing and understanding how learning is a natural process as I allow myself to naturally learn/move here…as water/sound/self-expression.

 To Be Continued

Day 463 Walking the Talk

Today I was telling someone how I am getting over a cold by examining any built up suppression's within myself.  Like examining any areas where I allowed myself to be stressed about particular living situations...and if I held onto stress and did not in fact physically release the points of stress/strain on my physical body. I also shared the point of how it is interesting that our human physical body is always communicating to us our acceptances and allowances.

My friend pointed out how she too was getting over a cold, and how she examines her communication as a point of support and self correction. Specifically looking at the point of talking not being practically aligned with walking...as walking the talk so to speak.

When she mentioned this point I had an aha moment as this is a very simplistic way to examine one's behaviour.

I noticed in particular how I had been talking lots of about having to do school work, and saying that I got to do school work...and in so many instances I was not doing my school work.  I realised the school work had been a point of stress for me....but I didn't consider that I wasn't walking my talk so to speak...and I had considered other points on the surface more so before I got to the point of my attitude towards doing my school work as a root cause of having accepted and allowed stress within my physical body to accumulate to a point of getting a cold.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to talk about doing things without actually doing things.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not being accountable to my words.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for neglecting responsibility within my communication.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for resisting to hold myself accountable for the words I speak.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for allowing myself to neglect fully living my words.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for contradicting myself within my words by saying one thing and then doing another thing.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realising and understanding the consequences I place onto my physical body as a result of being out of alignment with my talking and walking as a point of unison within and as physical living actions.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for creating reasoned excuses and justifications for me to accept and allow myself to discredit/disservice practically living words as what is best as a point of self directive self support.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having resisted to unconditionally give honor, dignity, and integrity to physical living words in every moment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for acting in opposition to living words as a point of self-empowerment and self-directed support as factors enabling me to be highly effective and efficient in my day to day living.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for lacking discipline within my communication.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realising and understanding the importance of structured discipline within and as communication.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for compromising the living of words as what's best for Life within allowing myself to place importance within my feelings in the moment as a point of accepted and allowed reaction.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give weight to reactions and not realise and understand the extent to which every little feeling I hold onto as a polarized energy is in fact a point of stress, as like added weight/pressure I am accepted and allowing myself to force on to my physical body as a point of strain.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for being irresponsible in every moment of communication as a result of not valuing myself and my words as oneness and equality.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for communicating as less than Life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realising and understanding how I had accepted and allowed myself to be communicating as less than life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for abusing myself through words by not accounting for every word I speak.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to devalue my words by not realising and understanding the life value of each and every word I speak.

When and as I see myself making an excuse and justification within my mind as an avenue for me to escape living the words I have spread out for myself as a path of support and assistance to walk up as the practical living of words, I stop and breathe, I direct myself to walk my talk, I realise the self support within walking the talk and not accepting and allowing doubt as a mental road block to exist as time loop to keep me cycling in conflict friction as polarized energies existent within myself.  I realise and understand that as I walk and talk words as a point of self-commitment I am in fact giving/gifting myself the opportunity to express and live myself here as living words.

I commit myself to walking the talk.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for thinking that by talking about something I make the walking less of a walk....and within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for resisting to physically walk.  I realise that physically walking a point is the only way to move.  I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for thinking that I could walk a point effectively through creating a polarized energy about a point and that the emotional/feeling buzz as my intnetion would be enough of a push/buzz to get me to walk a point.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for always looking for and trying to find a short cut or an easier way to do things.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for resisting to give my best effort into everything I do...and I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for misplacing my effort by putting so much effort in trying to figure out ways to avoid using as much effort.  I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realising and understanding how much more effortless the walking of my talking would be if I do not allow myself to put effort into trying to find a short cut as like a point of instant gratification as a like somehow being able to get the reward/big payout without putting in all the effort.

I realise and understand the effort required within walking the talk.

I realise and understand the absurd ridiculousness of misplacing effort within trying to avoid doing things.

I realise and understand the fruits of my labor are dependent upon the effort I put into my labor and that by avoiding my best efforts, I am sacrificing the quality of the fruits I may bear.

I commit myself to giving my best effort into harvesting the fruits of my labor.

I realise and understand my words are the seeds that bring into fruition my harvest.

I commit myself to harvesting my best efforts from the seeds of my words.

I realise and understand my words as both a seed and a fruit and that the quality is determined in and as the starting point of creation as Equality and Oneness as what is best for life....and therefore I know and understand that by planting the best seeds I insure the best results.

Day 435 Menace to Society

This Young kid asked me if I had a cellphone that he could use. This was at night time while I was cutting through a park while walking my dog.  I had just  heard the kid/maybe teenager if his friend had a lighter…I was thinking to myself that they were going to smoke a joint…as this was something I use to do and just the general impression I got from the kids who were kind of loitering in the park after in the dark.  I said sorry to the kid as I pulled out my phone and was about to make a phone call.  I thought to myself…I don’t want to lose my cell phone cuz this kid runs off with it…I don’t want to have to chase this kid down because he tries to steal my phone…after I said sorry I felt pretty bad…like I had free minutes and I could have potentially helped this kid out…like maybe he really needed some help…and I thought after how I could of said that I’d make the call and put it on speaker phone for him or something…inform him that I’m concerned that he might try and run off with my phone.

Why is it that I thought that this kid might run off with my phone? Well, it’s something that I've done before…and I've done other similar brutal things…and I’, ashamed for having been so disrespectful to myself and others as like having participated in countless acts where I did not consider myself and others as Life equals both being here without conflict/friction…it’s like so much so the attitude perception I had a kid/teenager/young adult has been that it’s all about me…I got to do whatever I can for me…and taking care of me the way I want to be taken care of may come at the expense of others…as I really didn't consider others to much…it’s like I would be nice to others most of the time…though it was easy for me to not be nice to someone if I didn't know them per se…as like it was a justification/excuse that I could act in inappropriate ways and disregard common courtesy etiquette as like the teachings of Jesus as love thy neighbor as thy self.

 I see how I rationalized, logically manipulating both sides of the same coin with regards to exploiting/taking advantage of others around me, whether it be people I know very well or people I don’t really know at all…it’s like my perception attitude was that of opportunity to feed and fulfill desired self-interests…as like how I could utilise another being for my service…or how I could capitalize on the service of another…as like getting something without giving anything...and I see the point that throughout time…I became totally oblivious to the actuality of my actions and the consequences of my actions…like I can recall many instances of automated negligent behaviour…and I can recall looking back at particular instances and being like what the fuck was I doing…why did I even do that…I didn't even realise what the fuck I was doing…it’s like in no way was I moving within a point of stability…but in an energetic hypnotic trance fueled by the desire to feed addiction to doing and getting what I feel like…as my actions were always based on feelings…like chasing after the win…or trying to maintain the winning experience of getting my way as a result of being a menace to society.

It’s interesting that I say menace to society…because I own that movie…and it’s one that I picked up as a teenager or maybe my early twenties…though there is many other similar movies that I fersure watched in my teenage years that I see now played an influence on me being a shit disturber. A movie that sticks out is ‘dazed and confused’

To be continued