Day 770 - The Lame Fear

You get what you don't want and You get what you want, so either way, you Get it.  Get It? Get It!  Got it.

I noticed I fear being Lame.  Like, I do not want to appear weak or lame or somewhat inept in my participation, whatever that may be.  Ironically enough, what you really don't want, you get more of..when your starting point is in opposition of that very thing...it's like a homeopathic remedy and equation in so many ways....where the thing that is here to support you the most, is the very thing you are "fighting" and in "conflict" about. Tragically ironic indeed.  It's like creating  more and more consequence, a bigger and bigger mistake...to either be the cause of one's demise...or the Very Solution Remedy Cure here.  Funny, because everything is it...and where shit gets complicated is in and as how we have tagged it. You know that very elementary game of Tag You are it?  The word spelling's we imprint as our character impressions...not realizing the forgeries we are creating, because it's a fake of sorts, a conscious/unconscious incompetence. Not as the Knot in and as our not realizing what we are doing to ourselves...our cells here in and as our world here.

I noticed how I have been perpetuating a mind fuck within my world participation's within this point of fearing to be Lame. In many ways this perpetuates a sort of inferiority/superiority play out of characters....where it's like I go into a sort of De-siding....I mean, deciding...as like a self-censorship within participating within a point, or a sort of self-righteous superiority/Inferiority.  Though, there is the alternative to both these conflicting realities...which is me being here, clear from fear.  Though the very instance of me having moments of being clear from fear is very questionable,...because it's like a moment of fresh air, a breath of life...and then it's gone and into some sort of self-perpetuating stagnation or drowning.  Like forgetting how to swim for a moment...ironically enough, it's more like disabling my swimming ability in a moment, as like choosing to impair my ability with the acceptance and allowance of fear to be the commanding authority in relationship to the points of ability in question as my response abilities.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fearing the word Lame.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding how much I have allowed myself to have a fearful relationship with the word lame.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding how much I have limited/suppressed my natural learning ability as a result of fearing to be Lame/Weak within a point.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding the Irony relationship Tool and How it Links specifically with Fear in and as a Word Relationship.  As like a realm of Fear is at the core of accepted and allowed issues/conflicts/problems within an individual relationship. And, why this is so ironic, is because it is the very Fearful relationship with specific regards to the word in question that keeps the problem/conflict/mistake/misfortune alive.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding the extent to which i have self-censored my potential as a result of accepting and allowing myself to be in opposition/fear towards the word Lame. I forgive myself for not realizing the irony within fearing to be or be perceived as Lame.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing the extent to which process is a tragic/divine comedy play out here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding how Irony can be a rather specific tool for investigating words, where you can use the word Irony as a sort of cross reference where you have a look to see if you are being ironically stuck within the very word you are making a concerted effort to investigate.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing how cool a tool Irony is within investigating words as like a fun and funny play to aid in and as the word investigation/exploration. - See more at: http://michaelwilliammcdonald.blogspot.com/2016/02/day-769-exploring-word-lame.html#sthash.hpDhwsRP.dpuf

Day 769 - Exploring the Word "Lame"

 


I have a little bit of a negative tinge towards the word "Lame" as like arghh, ahhh,, fuck, god damn, not cool, cannot look, must look away, beyond embarrassing, uncomfortable....and, unfathomable to continuously think about.

So, that is what comes to mind in relationship to the word Lame.

I was investigating the word Lame recently and had made a general concerted effort to remove the negative energetic charges I had been holding onto in regards to Lame.  I missed these points....ironically enough, it's like i got caught in my own lameness and didnt want to look at my Lame acceptances and allowances. LOL. ridiculous indeed.  I appreciate a good laugh at myself, so I see the points here and I direct.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have a negative tinge like reaction to the word lame.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for superimposing words upon myself with energetic charges.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing the tragic and ironic comedy within my relationship towards the word Lame.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to within a negative tinge like reaction, regard Lame as: arghh, ahhh, fuck, god damn, not cool, cannot look, must look away, beyond embarrassing, uncomfortable, and unfathomable to continuously look/think about.

I forgive myself for not realizing and understanding how points can be missed as a sort of self-sabotage within deliberately being vague/overly-general about the investigation into a word relationship.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding how Irony can be a rather specific tool for investigating words, where you can use the word Irony as a sort of cross reference where you have a look to see if you are being ironically stuck within the very word you are making a concerted effort to investigate.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing how cool a tool Irony is within investigating words as like a fun and funny play to aid in and as the word investigation/exploration.


To Be Continued

Day 768 - Lame Communication

 


I am working on developing my effectiveness in communication.  I see communication as Paramount.  Communication is Life. Communication is integral in building the best quality Life Here. Communication is Everything.


I bring up these seemingly obvious points about Communication here because I am taking a moment here to give regard to my accepted and allowed communication:

Some cool self reflection opened op for me today in hosting, "Desteni Movie Night Hangout -Cheech and Chong's Up in Smoke."
 My guest cancelled last minute / confused the start time.  This presented me with the opportunity to go it alone, and that I did.  I wasn't expecting to talk for 52 minutes, doing a monologue, I was expecting to have a conversation with my guest, asking and directing the response of questions, while making some comments here and there.

About 10 minutes or so in...and i think also sooner than that, the point came into mind that i am sort of bombing this hangout...like a little bit stumbling and bumbly with my word flow sharing expression and knowing where i want to go and take things....and also kind of placing a little bit of pressure/judgement upon myself as like I am doing this live without any preparation and nobody is tuning in live....'what's the point....my performance is kind of lame...not nearly as tight and polished as I could be...my flow is less than what I would regard as stellar...the experience of myself within this is somewhat challenging...as like bailing out would stop the bleeding, as like i am experiencing the wounds of my accpeted and allowed discomforts within expressing/communicating myself here unconditional on the spot without a preprogrammed rehearsal so that i can give a sort of automative predicatable performance that i know already.

So in looking at these points and having a real Care to push myself to continue on with the show, I showcased myself some weakeness in my communication.  This was really cool for myself as it was like a wow moment and an aha, as towards the end of the hanging there was a bit of a shit that happened within me as like finally coming into my confidence and and my flow/trust/expression was coming through a bit more.  I do see that this showing here on a whole was a bit of a flop from my perspective of being a solo performer doing a big set.  I mean how often is it that we put ourselves out there and monologue for 52 minutes? I found this to be a real tipping point for myself in my process here, as someone who is committed to the development and mastery of the law of my being here, as the practical living sound embodiment of words.  A word smith if you will...

I see the tremendous value in committing myself to vlogging as a process point of support for myself and others here.  I see that not doing this is a real know within the process of self-purification here.  I speak from experience as I created a sorted of justified censorship on speaking/sharing my voice publically out of concern for public judgment/ridicule/consequence.  Ultimately my reasoning was very much logical within my mind as the programming of my conditioned thinking...and this state of mind, kept me from noticing deficiencies within my word expressions here, and really has been a tragic comedy of sorts because my effectiveness in communication is less than my best potential at the moment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding the profound support within vlogging.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for dismissing the value within vlogging as a result of my accepted and allowed ego defense systems.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for accepting and allowing myself for justifying a sort of self sacrifice of my potential out of fear for survival here, as like ways to prevent possible conflicting engagements that may require my response capable communication.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fearing to see the points within myself that are lame.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing to hide from what I have accepted and allowed that is lame.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for suppressing my self-regard to such an extent that I would justify remaining lame within points that could be development into a practical living potential.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for censoring myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding how I have resisted to engage myself on points of self-suppression.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not wanting to appear less than well developed within a point.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for resisting the learning/birthing process here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding that paying attention here is the epitome of patience, and that to really pay attention is to in fact practically live the word care....and within the word care is where the fun is.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to mindfuck myself within and as how i think my communication should go.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for resisting to trust myself unconditionally here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for justifying self-censorship as a means of avoiding and adverting conflict.

I forgive myself for not realizing and understanding how i have accepted and allowed myself to perpetuate the existence of conflict within myself by 'trying' to avoid conflict in communication with others.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding my flexibility as self-responsibility here to actually and practically create solutions that are awesome in all ways here. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for resisting to live the patience required to actually Care to be here in this world.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for pushing through my life without taking the time to care about what it is i am accepting and allowing within my thoughts/words/deeds.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for justifying the reliance of others to stimulate my movement and communication here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding the extent to which I have allowed myself to be dependent on existing in reaction here....as like mostly being moved as a result of the positive or negative i experience within myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for resisting to really challenge my acceptances and allowances.  I realizing that engaging myself is a real practical way to live patience and self-intimacy here.  I realize that this is actually a lot of fun!

I commit myself to the process of developing myself in communication as thought, word and deed.

I commit myself to working and playing with my words.

I commit myself to trusting myself in thought/word/deed/

I commit myself to investigating my thoughts/words/deeds/

I realize the process of self-investigation as thoughts/words/deeds is a very fruitful opportunity, and I am grateful to give myself this opportunity that has so much potential.  I realize the potential is a result of my dedicated labor here.  I realize and understand the balance between work and play as like how the to can exist together complimentary and also as opposites in focused specificty...and i see how the words are in me always and that my fine tuning of moment to moment management is where my expression is as i get to direct the specifics of myself here.

I commit myself to vlogging.

I commit myself to sharing the self-realization that vlogging is a tremendous tool of profound support that is like one of the best gifts one can give to oneself here.

I commit myself to engaging myself to face the difficult points within myself and to from here, forgive myself and to create solutions for myself as new pathways of self-development in my personal process walking here.

I commit myself to using my voice as a point of self-reflection here.  I commit myself to self-investigation.

I commit myself to sharing Life regard.

I commit myself to engaging myself within and as Communication.

When and as I see myself resisting to do a vlog, I stop and breathe, I allow myself to make one.  I realize that making vlogging a regular part of my process here is awesome in all ways always.

I commit myself to the process of developing my self-expressions within vlogging.

I commit myself to stop fearing what other people think of me.

I commit myself to stop accepting and allowing myself to suppress my voice here.

I commit myself to developing and enhancing my voice here as a result of working and playing with my voice here.

I commit myself to practically living my voice here.

I realize and understand my voice to be a fantastic tool here to express myself within/as/without.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for judging/fearing lame communication.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fearing vulnerability in developing weaknesses into strengths.


I commit myself to stop resisting to face points that are difficult/awkward.  I commit myself to seek out points of resistance, that are lame and awkward within myself to in fact take these points on as seeds I will nurture into a practical living potential here.

I commit myself to word and world regard here as what is best for all Life.



'Lao Tzu, the ancient father of Taoism, put it: “Time is a created thing. To say ‘I don't have time,’ is like saying, ‘I don't want to.’”  Make the time to communicate'