Day 780 - Awareness in Inter-Action

How Aware am I of my Every Interaction?

Are my interactions like various forms of debts I take on? Is this the very case and point, if I in fact accept and allow less than what is Best for myself as All Life here? Could it be that I am the source of myself/existence here? And, Each exists as the very same source point of Existence Here?

Is considering all as One and Equal a tough pill to swallow?

Have I conditioned myself within my behaviour and various specific types of Interactions to Suppress the Regard and Practical daily Living of the Realization and Understanding of Myself/Life as Oneness and Equality?

Do I fear Oneness and Equality?

How can I Stop the conditions of my Behaviour and various specific types of Interactions that suppress the regard and practicality of the realization and understanding of Oneness and Equality?

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to resist examinations of all moments/interactions/participations/behaviours where there is an energetic movement and resonance existent within me as a point of dissonance from the realization and understanding of Oneness and Equality, as the meaning and understanding that we are all one here alone as beings here and every being here is a part of team life...and all parts of team life are valid....and, energetic polarity is the fictitious facade of our mind consciousness we made a real big deal of, and is in fact a reflection of our very own self-deception that keeps ourselves...our Team Life here, divided and conquered to a certain extent,....while, ironically, “trying” to win...not realizing how we are beating ourselves up and down in the process. I realize the ridiculousness of fearing to physically hurt our mind consciousness. I realize the ridiculousness of fearing to lose our mind consciousness. I realize the ridiculousness of trying to hurt or lose our mind consciousness. I realize and understand the dichotomy of existing within a love and hate relationship of energetic extremes as the spectrum of emotion and feeling from the lowest low tonality to the highest high tonality and pitch. I realize and understand that our sound here without the taint of consciousness separation, as a polarized conflict within word relationships is in fact our true nature and the truth of ourselves here...and the irony of our suppression's and potent expressions. I realize potency in expression is in essence the simplicity ourselves here existing in and as sound....here...on point...our starting point....the end point....the point of everything.....the creation point.....Oneness and Equality.....Oneness and Equality together as One....the unity of and as our agreed upon harmony of words as our complimentary physical living actions, which are creative by the simple fact of our very existence here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to neglect and disregard the accounting / housekeeping for all of my words I share.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to neglect and disregard the accounting and housekeeping for all of my words that I have charged.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for to neglect and disregard the accounting and housekeeping for all the words that are directed to me. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to resist taking self-responsibility for misdirection in and as the best usage of our words....where for example it is clear to me that a word is being leveraged in a very charged way. I see realize and understand that leveraging words in a very charged way require attention and specific direction and clear definition and terminology need to be established through the engagement of clarification on meaning. I see and realize myself responsibility within and as practical living Word and World regard through the daily practical living of Questions as Who, How, What, and Why of myself/Existence/Creation/Life Here. I know the “Where” Question is always a matter of Here...though for a practical point of regard in specificity in daily living Questions to my utmost potential and to make for detailed structure in story telling my Quests, I see the value in and as the inclusion of “where” within my basic Questions I practically live every day here.

I commit myself to daily practical living of the Questions, Who/what/where/why/When/How? I commit myself to being open minded to the arrangement and ordering of my basic simple Questions of: What, Where, When, How, Why, and Who? I commit myself to expanding myself within and as the Asking of Questions. I commit myself to using the basic simple questions outlined here as a basic framework and structured support system and network for networking the specificity of any particular point of investigation. I therefore realize and understand that I am capable and able to to figure out the particulars/specifics of anything and everything. I realize and understand there is a plethora of ways within and as the very nature of all ways...and that asking questions is a way to create one's life here in a way one would like to live.

I commit myself to investigate my fascination and interest within points/relationships/interactions/words.

To Be Continued

Day 634 Creative Word "Adjustment"

Ok, I feel tight and cramped…like my muscles are strained maybe a bit from the walking I did but I think more so it has to do with the consecutive days in which I have been hunched in front of the computer…like no real accountability for the pose as the post that I was expressing…it’s like I just kind of was in a slumped and slouched position because I believed that I had to…that I didn’t want to work at expressing myself in those particular moments at the computer…it’s like I justified that I shouldn’t have to express myself while sitting down…it’s like my whole relationship with sitting down is out of wack…like somehow…I’ve disregarded my back and shoulders…and the core area of my body…my stomach and ab muscles….like really neglecting my ass muscles too…like really not caring to utilize my self-strength and stamina…beating myself up within the belief…as like avoiding the effort of work that it would take to hold myself up within my seat…and I’ve looked at the point of posture before and realized the significance of posture being the pose and post you are…as a poster of and as yourself expression position in how you are aligned within the physical body…what I neglected to see was the justification as to why I really resist supporting myself within my sitting…well I see here how I’ve justified it within believing like ok well I am sitting at the table using my computer and the couch is positioned this way and my laptop is here so I really have no other choice but to bend over…and sulk…and it’s; ridiculous…that I have subscribed to such a belief and idea…justification…because I am capable of Adjustment…Adjusting my positioning and the things in my environment to make sure that when and as I am working with things in my environment I do not necessarily strain myself as a result of being resistant to Adjusting my stance and balance positioning…like it is actually a point of learning to freestyle my self-expression in and as the point of Adaptation…meaning, seeing how I can live myself here in and as the self-expression of Premier Performance….as yes, if I neglect giving myself Premier Positioning within and as the way that I seat myself from moment to moment…like what the fuck…obviously I see the point here where I actually have to give a fucking concern about myself here and my physicality and direct myself to stop half assing my seating…I mean, I am responsible for where and how I sit in every moment here...because how I sit…relates to and as my ability to eat…as I often eat in my seat…and to further the point I am getting at…is my home is where I am at…and I am at home when I sit...and rest…I am, at home always wherever I am …I am here…so the question and answer is why would I allow myself to fuck with my personal living in home comfort deliberately…I mean, really...Is it too much effort for me to really make sure…and take the time and effort to give myself the comfort of myself movement…as the moves and positioning that really support me living here…I mean yes this is it…this is the point here… is that for me to live here in a practical physical way…I got to be self-responsibility as like a point of and as self-managing my physical body here…like me as the driver of my body here…gots to make the effort to not over work particular parts of my body...and take the time to utilize and exercise my strength in physical body positioning…by playing within and as my creative self-expression here,…I mean within and as the self-realization here…it’s always play time ..regardless of what work and self-responsibilities are required…because it’s who I am within and as how I move myself and how I station myself in sitting to do a particular task…so Yes, I see that it’s all me in being here and yes there is point of and as meticulous detail that describes me as an artistic expression. As like yes how I sit here up right at my computer for the first time in some time…and I allow myself to flow as a point of strength building in my character as I reflect on and as the words I write…to make my application in self-discipline more tight….removing the looseness in and as my character flaws/weakness…by exposing myself to myself as all is always exposed…and slowing down to notice myself here and see…hey this is what’s been going on in me…I see realize and understand how to self-correct my misalignments…I’ve through and as my writing myself here…reasoned and rationalized in a self-supportive way as to how I have been behaving and what I have to say about my behaviour…and see here how I can add refinement to my behaviour as like the living definition of my words as the creativity in and as my self-expression…as me music here…in my play working together as I use this method of mediumship…meaning writing as a structured tool of support to look at me as what exists within me as my structured word relationship as the self-reflection of what the fuck is going on…and so yo, this has been a cool point of adjustment…ADD Just Meant…Adjustment.,….A just meant…meaning a nobleness to the meaning in which I speak/live…move…as the self-governing body maintenance…as I see realize and understand myself here as a word body mechanic…the basic mechanics is like basic mathematics…and the intricacies are here...as yes there are many variables and relationships at play…but the funny thing is, is that I am in the process of simplification…so that anything that seems overtly difficult and strenuous as like a real strain on my physical beingness…is because I am not effectively and correctively aligned within and as the point of simplicity as my epitome Equality and Oneness starting point of creation here…as the core of my beingness stems from and as the roots of and as Physical Equality and Oneness...that is and as my bark as my voice embodiment of me here as the living words….ok yo…so I just added in this little bit after the first initial looking investigation at the word Adjustment...see this is what is so cool in playing with words…is the we have aha I see…I going to flow and go and just see what I do as I do what I do as I trust myself to play and explore for real as yes I say oh galore…I really do enjoy the galore of knowing there is so much more…meaning this continuous on going opportunity of me to self-direct the creative playing of and as myself-expression physical movement from moment to moment…as like yo the style and grace to a self-dynamic directive flow…in and as I decide how to decision my precious precision as the surgeon doctoring the practical living words…like the recipes and the remedy’s as the spelling so it is sewed together so we remember our roots so we can pull out the weeds so we're not burning away the buds and the stems as thinking there is some divine higher spiritual power up in the clouds up in smoke as like just needing a toke as the way to get to nirvana as like some sort of dive intervention...thinking I got gods herbs…not realizing I’ve been lying as like even facing the spelling of the lie is tricky because it’s difficult to comprehend in the beginning because in a way it facing your death and your end…and so you can begin to re-plant the tree that you are…as like re-nourish the essence of and as our true beginning and our core structure foundation as our natural learning ability comes through as ya it’s an effortless flow when and as we develop the basic core vocabulary to have the bricks in place to be a master builder demonstrating the harmonical rhythmics of and as our words being the building blocks that shape the fabric of and as our fabrications here…and its interesting because I’ve only really just begun to explore the depth of my character in and as my physical body Adjustment...as like stepping out of mind indebt servitude to an equal and one play field role play...where I am the synthesizer as mc mc master music maker as I am alive with organs...and no I don’t need no transplants…because I planted the seeds within me as the words oh so proper this time because I put the o’s in and as my orgasmic expression as I blast from moment to moment as I spray with and as what I say because this word play comes out the mouth Like a faucet I am a fountain facet of expression living the who I am in and as the moment to moment application that yo yo Osho exemplified in and as his portal turn sharing moment self-expression. The word Adjustment here is what I got myself started with here,…because I could see my body posture positioning needed Adjustment…as yes the consequence of all my slouching behaviour…and go figure I was getting tired of slouching all the time…it’s like trying to hold yourself up without really holding yourself up…I mean its quite ridiculous when you think about it…because I need to be up and in position to move myself in action as the living actionable words I write…and so by barely holding myself upright in position by neglecting the stability of my core as the focal point of my stability…how am I able to really flow in and as my ability to play…I mean Premier Performance is really lacking when the core support structure is virtually non-existent as a main consideration in the games I play in being here as the expression I make in participation within and as my self-response-abilities.

Day 631 Moral Dilemma

So, I've noticed how sometimes I have over committed myself within the words I have spoken. Where for example I make a statement about something or say that I will or will not be participating in a particular activity. Within looking at this point, I've come to see how in some particular instances...my initial wording statements about something or my commitment towards participation or non-participation within a point have been in vain from and as the perspective that my starting point was based within and as a reactionary nature/energy. Meaning, my words in relationship to the particular point in question carried a polarized energetic charge, as a reflection of the cognitive dissonance towards the point in question.

OK, So, This has been somewhat problematic for me, because the resulting consequence of such a scenario playing out...is that I am faced with the truth of myself here as like why I initially reacted to the point in question, and who/how I am in relationship to the point in question. What's interesting here is that sometimes, seemingly very automatically, I would perpetuate this discomfort and experience within myself of feeling like I am stuck, and not knowing what to do...as like a so called moral dilemma, because my initial Wording was out of alignment from and as a starting point rooted in Equality and Oneness. Which therefore results in the morality dilemma play out of "Damned if I do" and "Damned if don't."

This whole "damned if I do...and damned if I don't" scenario is very peculiar, because there is a point of deliberate neglect within it. The truth of the matter and root cause as to "why" this moral dilemma developed in the first place, Requires Self-Reflection and Self-Correction in order to purify the Equality and Oneness of my Character Here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding the problems I am creating for myself when and as I answer a question from and as a starting point of energetic reaction.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for resisting to take the time to labor the changes required in free myself from the bondage of the world holds I have placed upon myself without realizing and understanding how I was in fact suppressing the nature of my self-expression within and as the moment of Initial Reaction.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding how the Wording of myself here from moment to moment shapes my status standing acceptances and allowances here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to tangle myself up within and as a web or words with various energetic relationship triggers that act as particular limitations/suppression and rules/laws of who/how and why I behave the way that I do within a particular moment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding how the truth of myself-expression is buried within and as the moments where I speak words from and as a starting point of being energetically triggered.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding the simplicity in living I create for myself, when and as I commit myself to self-investigating every reaction that comes up within myself...and from here, making the commitment to stop the perpetuating playout of reactionary energy within myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing the importance of stopping myself from communicating from a starting point of fear/reaction.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding the extent to which fear exists within communication...as like this unconscious energy play out that mostly goes unnoticed and disregarded most of the time.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding the simplicity in sorting out a problematic situation as a "moral dilemma"...where there is an experience of "damned if I do and damned if I don't"

When and as I see myself Speaking from a starting point of reaction, as like having something to hide...fearing to lose, I stop and breathe, I see/realize/understand that I am here and that I do not wish to perpetuate the mind fuck that encompasses continuously perpetuating energetic reactionary participations. I see/realize/understand the absurd ridiculousness of trying to hide from the fear that exists within and as a point of energetic reaction. I see/realize/understand the irony that exists within reaction as a point of fear. I commit myself to taking self-responsibility for my reactions/fears immediately and steadfastly by realizing and understanding how I am in fact able to practically adjust my course of actions in the moment as I see/realize and understand my potential abilities to express myself here in the moment free from the debt of fear/cognitive dissonance.

When and as I see myself cycling within my mind about what to do...as like experiencing myself as stuck within a point, I stop and breathe...I see/realize and understand the absurd ridiculousness of the situation as I commit myself to taking the time to really slow myself down with my breathing...and daring myself to look at what I have resisted looking at that is causing me conflict/indecision as like a stuckness in knowing what to do. I commit myself to self-directing myself from situations/moments of stuckness by facing the ugly truth of the matter as the self-suppression that exists within myself.

Day 628 Conceited

It's Fun Funny and Cool to play with the sounding of words to see what is sometimes missed within and as the actuality of what is here in and as a word relationship as how the letters come together in producing a structured sound expression.

I'm looking at the word "Conceited" Because this is a self-defensive word I have utilized as a tool to propagate the religion of myself as being Superior in competition/comparison/judgement to others. Interestingly enough, this reveals low/inflated self-worth. I believed that it was necessary to sell/promote my self-proclaimed greatness as a way to in fact achieve self-proclaimed greatness. Motivated within and as the desire to be be famous and regarded as Royalty in Superiority, I presented my beliefs/opinions whole heartily, triggering others to fuel my proclamations and stand with my behaviour/programming/words as a result of having the very same desires existent within themselves, however, not necessarily actively engaging desire to the extent in which I have been advocating/living.

CON-SEATED !!!

Notice also how the word "Cite" and "Cited" exists within and as the word "Conceited" and how the spelling of "Cited" is rearranged to spell "Ceited"...as "Con + Ceited = ConSeated"

It's Funny to see the actual play out of Conceited behaviour because it's like trying to encourage a hypnotic trance into getting what you want...Like instead of Asking for what it is that You would Like to Receive, there is this belief that if I deceive and I believe in what is is I am deceiving about...I will Achieve the result I am seeking without being direct in my asking for it...interestingly enough this behaviour is like a "beating around the bush" type of mentality that is the direct result of self-manipulation as a result of the accepted and allowed Fear of Inferiority.

OK, Let's look at a very specific example here:

"Let me tell You how great I am. I am the Best at Everything. Everything I do, I am so good at...I have accomplished this and this and that and this...and let me go on and on about all the things I am capable of...Also that I am not not afraid of this and this and this...which is actually quite impressively and truly remarkable because pretty much everyone is afraid and I am not...I am actually so much better than You..."

OK, the point of my example here is to illustrate the specific nature of "Conceitedness", where a specific desire exists to be regarded/perceived/judged/worshiped/proclaimed/complimented in a particular manner...as like to specifically tell someone what it is You want to hear. I find this really funny, because the ridiculous absurdity of it is not heard at all within the speaker...as like there is a cognitive dissonance towards the joke/funny being parlayed here because of the serious nature of the speaker...as like the roots of the situation are seriously fucked...as Fear...is like fucking our Ears ability to Hear...and so, Fear, is like the price/FARE we pay/speak without realizing and understanding the seriousness and severity of and as our own current situation/problem...and thus we miss the Joke that we are, which in truth is Soooooooo Ridiculously Absurd that it is Funny. Albeit and Arguably So, the truth of Our-self is the Most Unfortunate Tragic Comedy Existence as a Whole has in fact ever Witnessed. Ironically enough, Seeing that our finger pointing judgement/comparison/competition has all been in vain, as the reality of the situation is that we've really just been finger blasting our own Asshole as we did not realize and understand our Equality and Oneness and therefore consequently became the manifestation of and as total fucking assholes here...Not realizing how we've proliferated the belief in our own BULLSHIT by finger fucking our own asshole within our self-judgement/comparison/competition believed and propagated inferiority/superiority complex conditioning behaviour mentality frame of mind.


To Be Continued

Day 625 Human Stupidity

Perhaps the most profound stupidity of Humanity is our detrimental reliance upon feelings and emotions within making decisions. Logically rationalizing the justification of our actions/reactions as being right and righteous within and as the makeup of our moral convictions. What is so fascinating about this, is that the basis of our emotions and feelings is rooted in and as our opinion. Like; how we choose to make believe our perception of things...Like; a forced justification as to why our perception is veiled with a particular cloth. 

What I find fascinating about about the detrimental reliance upon feelings and emotions within making decisions...is that there is a form of self-abdication of personal self-responsibility within giving credence to the existence of feelings and emotions within one-self. I see this as an excuse/justification...and a form of blame...which is a perpetuated consequence of fear/trauma within one-self. 

Now, what to do about all the feelings and emotions that exist within one-self?

Obviously, It is important to acknowledge the existence of such feelings and emotions that exist within one-self. Denying and deflecting the existence of the actuality of one's creation is not suggested nor recommended as the compounding interest of consequences will continually compound in order to facilitate the learning process as one creates more mistakes/misfortune/trauma in order to accelerate understanding/insight/clarity. This is obviously some what ironic...because it is a tragic comedy...a really really bad joke...if you can even call it that...as it is totally self-induced. The ridiculousness is completely absurd.

Here exists the opportunity to investigate the nature of one's self-definition. What is interesting within this self-investigative discovery and self-reflection is that we are faced with seeing our accepted and allowed inequality here...and how the nature of our internal cognitive dissonance has shaped our external inequality as the world horror story that exists here.

So, by daring to stand equal with every point of inequality that exists here, the opportunity is born/garnered/granted to purify/birth the nature of our very being here within and as the starting point principle of Creation(equality and oneness)...as we give like we would like to receive...realizing and understanding that the best support and assistance is always the best support and assistance. In this, here, we are able to see through all acts of deception/self-dishonesty...because we have committed our self here to and as the self-trust and self-honesty required within and as the practical living character who lives and breathes self-forgiveness as the founding principle of Life-Self-Expression-Here.

Day 623 Information Assessment

When and as I see myself looking at information where I have a particular formed relationship connection/impression, I stop and breathe, I say, "I am here", I see/realize/understand the impracticality of taking personally the information I am examining/investigating. I see/realize/understand how forming a reaction to a point/question of self-realization is ridiculously absurd. I see/realize/understand how I can in fact look at information within myself without being consumed/possessed/influenced by the information within myself. I commit myself to rigorously self-investigating myself here as something I am passionate about. I commit myself self-enjoyment within the process of self-reflection and self-correction. 

When and as I see myself going into the particular energy that is associated with the information that I am looking at that exists within my mind, I stop and breathe, I say, "I am here", I direct myself to respond in a way where I give myself the best support and assistance in changing my ingrained acceptances and allowances. I commit myself to changing my acceptances and allowances that are not in alignment with what is best for all Life here. I commit myself to operating/existing/expressing from within the starting point of and as what is best for all Life here.

I commit myself to becoming more and more specific within and as my process of self-investigation.

I commit myself to Specificity within my communication...and I commit myself to Specificity within and as my Journey to Life.

I commit myself to developing Specificity as a Cool point of and as Self-Expression.

Day 617 Re-Writing Creation

By facing and self-correcting the nature of my accepted and allowed reactions, I am birthing myself here as new creation potential...because within self-correcting my reactions, I am taking self-responsibility for my creations here that are not cool that have been sustained within and as my every justified energetic reaction...as like believing that I could not help myself...which is an interesting wording in and of itself...because in seeing a reaction as justified...it's like a push/pull kind of situation...where it's an act of spitefulness...as like well I'm going to react here because I was challenged...and the whole ridiculousness here is not ever really self-reflecting and seeing self as the source of everything here.

When and as I see myself having a reaction, I stop and breathe, I say, "I am here". I commit myself to investigating with specificity the nature of my reaction. I commit myself to seeing the detail within and as the point of reaction. I commit myself to tracing back the originating memories that link to the point of reaction that has presented itself to me. I commit myself to self-correcting myself suppression/separation from and as the starting point of and as Life Oneness and Equality. I commit myself to seeing/realizing/understanding the gift/present of and as moments of reaction because of the self-reflection potential here. I commit myself to enacting and utilizing self-reflection potential here. I commit myself to stop allowing myself to get stuck within and as a point of reaction. I commit myself to immediately seeing the necessary self-correction required within and as a point of reaction. I commit myself to giving myself the ability to create my Life as I would like to create my Life. I commit myself to taking self-responsibility for Creation. I commit myself to self-realizing what it in fact means to stand as Creation Here. 

I commit myself to seeing/realizing/understanding the who and how within as Creation.

I commit myself to Creation as what is always best for Life.

I commit myself to Creating what is always best for Life.

I commit myself to stop and change creations that I have self-realized to be less than what is always best for Life.

I commit myself to always taking self-responsibility for self-realizations.

I commit myself to support and assisting myself in purifying my Creation Here.

I commit myself to stop fearing my ability to create here.

I commit myself to stop creating and perpetuating fear.

I commit myself to assist and support myself and others in stopping to create separation.

I commit myself to exposing the absurd ridiculousness of manifested separation...as like perceived separation.

I commit myself to authorizing my abilities as a Creator here.

I commit myself to standing within and as self-authority here as self-creator here.

I commit myself to self-creation.

I commit myself to self-authorization.

I commit myself to self-responsibility within and as self-creation and self-authorization.

Day 616 The Error in My Judgement

Within investigating the relationship dynamics I have with various people I am ashamed to see how I have limited the development of many prosperous life expanding relationships as a result of my accepted and allowed self-judgment. 

It's interesting to see how one's ability to have fulfilling relationships with beings is directly related to the point of "judgement". Specifically what I mean about judgement here, is with particular regards to one's personalized vocabulary. See, What I have noticed about myself is that my relationship with each and every word within myself reflects and illustrates my practical living effectiveness in and as my ability and capability in developing quality relationships with people in my reality. 

Meaning, if there is energetic polarization in my vocabulary...this is going to cause an inability for me to have genuine, effective, substantial, fulfilling, substantial, rewarding, supportive, assisting, and profoundly great relationships without self-imposed strain, tension, frustration, anger, irritation, and cognitive dissonance.

What is interesting to see here is how "justification" is a primary word of the individualized ego mentality of mind that has contributed in justifying my very own self-validated and self-defined vocabulary restraints.

Here's a little example and story to clarify the significance and importance of proper vocabulary alignment:

So, the word "alcohol"...I created many negative energetic charges in relationship and association to the word alcohol. Meaning I created an extensive amount of resistance around this particular word...to the point where for the most part I would disregard the majority of humanity who associate themselves with liking to drink alcohol. 

The consequence of such behaviour was the result of and as self-righteous justification. Interestingly enough within my mind, I believed my self-righteous justification to be logically reasoned within my mind as making sense because of how the word "alcohol" was accepted and allowed to exist within myself. What is interesting about the word "alcohol" and my experience with the word "alcohol"...is that basically I was holding onto extensive self-judgement/tension/strain in relationship to the word "alcohol"...where I in fact flip flopped from having initially regarded"alcohol" with positive energy.

See, my initial relationship with alcohol was from the starting point of regarding "alcohol" as something to do that is cool and is a way for me to have added courage within and as my socializing and expressing myself towards others...to the point where I in fact at one point in time regarded alcohol as my "liquid courage" and it was a social lubricant for me...making socializing a seemingly more natural process...because I had recognized that I had had some difficulty with socializing because I was at times shy and timid.

What is interesting about all this is that I never regarded the anger and frustration I harbored in relationship to this point. You see, because years later, I totally changed my stance about alcohol and my identity in relationship to alcohol. Also, I saw that I did not require alcohol to be comfortable within my own skin and that I did not see my initial relationship with alcohol as cool...as like, it was a form of a crutch...granted, I see and realize how a crutch can be a temporary point of assistance and support. 


To Be Continued:

Day 613 Self-Forgiving a New Beginning

Continuing from my previous post Day 612 Beginning a New Day




I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for resisting to make sure when and as I go to sleep at night, I take the time to assess my day within and as how I participated, specifically investigating any trigger points as emotions/thoughts/feelings that came up that were not directed in the moment.

I commit myself to assessing my day before going to sleep as a point of self-responsibility in insuring my future well being...I see/realize/understand this to be a point in making sure I start my new day with a clean fresh start.

I commit myself to preparing my new new today with a clean fresh start.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for carrying around dead weight as like the baggage of my previous days thoughts/feelings/emotions as like unresolved points of energetic conflict that exist within myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding the amount of time I have wasted within mind as a result of indulging within whatever comes up within my mind as like just kind of going into the vortex of my mind without and specific practical self-directive application to facilitate self-corrective applications.

I commit myself to specifically applying self-forgiveness and self-corrective applications when and as I go into the depths of my mind to investigate my memories.

I commit myself to taking self-responsibility for my memories.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for wallowing within my memories.

When and as I see myself wallowing within my memories as like a point of self-indulgence and neglect and resistance to really taking self-responsibility in moving myself within and as the point of self-forgiveness, I stop and breathe, I say, "I am here"...I forgive myself in relationship to the point in question in which I see/realize/understand that I separated myself from. I commit myself to prevention as the best cure...and within this I see/realize/understand the practical living self-responsibility in re-scripting scenarios for when and as I am faced with a specific point...I have a structured platform of support outlined to assist and support me in stopping participation within and as a point of self-sabotage/self-suppression.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for carrying dead weight around within and as the justification that it is necessary to hold onto thoughts/feelings/emotions about the past as specific memories that playout within my mind over and over again. I see/realize and understand the practical living assistance and support in self-forgiving myself the thoughts/feelings/emotions that replay within my mind. I see/realize and understand how the thought/feeling and emotions that replay within my mind are reflecting to me the point of self-responsibility I require to enact for myself...as I see/realize/understand that thoughts/feelings/emotions that replay within my mind reveal to me where I have in fact abdicated my practical living self-responsibility. I commit myself to practical living self-responsibility.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for logically reasoning and justifying that I have a few minutes to spare/burn/kill and therefore I can indulge within my mind as like a form of entertainment as like a daydreaming/tripping in my mind.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not regarding the physical body consequences for drifting off within my mind as like a form of entertainment and distraction from and as practical living physical self-responsibilities.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to plan out my escape from practical living physical self-responsibilities within justifying that I have a few minutes to spare/burn/kill within indulging within the depths of my mind as a like form entertainment and distraction from and as my immediate participation within physical reality.

When and as I see myself deciding to drift off within my mind, I stop and breathe, I say, "I am here" I direct myself in facing the point of avoidance by looking at and seeing what I was in fact attempting to avoid, I take self-responsibility for my acceptances and allowances, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for separating myself from myself, I self-correct my manifested separation by re-structuring my behaviour programming from within and as the starting point of prevention is the best cure. I commit myself to and as self-perfection.