Day 264 Undefining Self Imposed Cigarette Limitations

This is part 8 of quitting cigarette series....see previous 7 blog entries for the totality of series thus far.

It is sooooo ridiculous to make such a big deal about things with feelings and emotions as it's like making a fire within oneself and pushing the limits of how much one is able to burn oneself and cope with the pain of burning oneself from the inside out.

I mean yes...my example of emotions and feelings connected and associated to people/places/things is ridiculous...But so is connecting importance to such ridiuclous participations.

Through facing point of stopping an addiction as like letting go of the self induced love feelings as all the positive energies about something....one gets to see the truth of the high...as like how the high experience exists.

The high experiences are soooo ridiculous because it perpetuates shitty experiences as like nastyness within oneself....and it's kind of ironic because getting high is like the way to say I dont want shitty experiences I want high and mighty experiences. What's not considered really is the consequence as the price to pay for the reward....and this searching for the high experiences is like a back and forth row sham bo...as the back and forth game of kick to the ball sack untill someone cant kick anymore...

Ok, my writing here is a bit extreme with moral allegory and metaphor. What I'm articulating is the ridiuclousness of operating here as energetic play out of feelings/emotions as like mr or mrs organic robot reporting for duty and spewing dudies wherever as the consequence of accepting and allowing to operate as self interested robot concerned with the positive/high...and sticking to having the good/high life as much as possible...while avoiding and trying to make sure personal life is free from negative/bad at like whatever the price/consequence.

So,

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have allowed myself to feel better after having a cigarette.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have defined smoking as something I love and to connect love with positive high feelings...as like an intense body buzzing of instability.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have made quitting cigarettes into like an internal war of heartache as like loosing out on getting positive/high fix as like the soother to perk up any emotional low experience within myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have used cigarettes as a mood enhancer as like a feel good time that just makes me feel even better,

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having reblled against positive definitions of cigarettes with deciding to reverse definitions back to negative charged definitions as to in act blame and fault upon cigarettes as like being bad and wrong and me as good and right/righteous.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have taken personally people's polarity charged views about cigarettes...and consequently felt it to be my duty to argue for self imposed limitation with suchh individuals as like exchanging poop.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to abuse my well being as consequence of reacting and taking personally people's criticism of smoking.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to be the hero for smoking and cigarettes as like the saviour/preacher that exemplifes the awesomeness of smoking and acts as test experiment to show and reveal that smoking doesnt in fact harm you....its the shitty attitude and feeling and emotions that are assoicated to smoking cigarettes that really fucks you up.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to smoke again at some point as like to be the smokesmen of show casing cigarettes as a point of physical self support for breathing here within and as physical awareness.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to get a littel bit mad and upset that I am stopping to smoke cigarettes when I have a preference towards the enjoyment of the physical particpations within the act of smoking.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having polarized my relationship with cigarettes as like create high experience for myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react to creating high experience for myself with guilt/judgement as like wrong doing.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to miss smoking cigarettes.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to preach about the physical points of support within ciggarette smoking.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think about ways in which all of humanity could benefit through changing existential relations about smoking.