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Tuesday, 19 February 2013

Day 258 Quit Smoking Cigarettes Day 2 of 21 day series




I had a dream last night where I was being tempted to smoke...and in the dream, lots of time had passed since I quit smoking.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think that it is ok for me to give into temptation to smoke because it has been along time since I have smoked.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be curious about trying smoking and stopping self commitment made to quit smoking for this lifetime.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to consider welching on self commitment to quit smoking.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I need a cigarette when I have this feeling within my stomache area.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fantasisies about having cigarette.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to indulge within memories where I was smoking and believe myself to be having a good time because I was smoking,

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have particpated within the statement, 'Just one more time, and then I'll stop"

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having defined cigarettes as cool since I was a little kid and I could get candy cigarettes to pretend smoke and eat.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for thinking that stopping an addiction is hard and difficult when in fact all I do is nothing....like just not do it...like ignore the thought/feeling.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having desired to be stimulated by smoking cigarettes as assist and support with alerteness.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use cigarettes as like a social crutch as my way of fitting in, so that I am engaged and doing something while being in the presence of others.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having wondered how I will behave if I am never again smoking in the presence of others while socializing.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having habitually had cigarettes when particpating in social settings.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for thinking I wouldnt know what to do in social situations if I didn't have a cigarette as like a buffer zone between me and other people....so that im not like required to engage others...but that I have the option to do so.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have used cigarettes to regulate anger and all forms of emotions and feelings.

I forgive myself for not realising and understanding how much I related smoking to feelings/emotions.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for thinking about defining smoking cigarettes as bad...and to make myself out as like a hero for not smoking cigarettes anymore...and for finding it easy to stop smoking.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for thinking that stopping smoking is easy because I am certain about self commitment to change behaviour...wheras in the past I approached stopping from the point of lets just see how long I can go before I experience a craving/urge/strong desire to have one.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have made not smoking in the past like a battle...like a difficult thinkg as consequence of not making a total commitment to changing behaviour.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to wrestle within addiction as like creating experience scenario's where I want to smoke and not really comitted to changing relationship...yet kind of what to change relationship.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise and understand that self commitments are difficult to follow through on when self isn't fully commited to commitment...as like trying to do something half assed without full commitment.

I realise the ridiuclousness of making half assed commitments...as like kind of wanting something but not totally commiting to making sure that happens as self willed determination.

I realise stopping habitual pattern requires self discipline in moments of cravings/desire as like taking a moment to breathe and let go/ignore craving/desire and see how it is forgotten.

I realise quitting is easy for me because I have quit before.

I realise quitting and not falling back into cigarette smoking is new way forward for me.

I realise I got this point as till here no further with cigarettes.

I realise emotions and feelings totally warp self experiences and abilities and capabilities to be clear headed.

I realise emotions and feelings cloud judgement.

When and as I see myself accepting and allowing myself to experience thoughts about having a cigarette, I stop and breathe. I have a laugh as I realise the ridiculousness of accepting and allowing particpation within a mindfuck as like going in a direction that I did not want to go in.

When and as I see myself having strong feelings/cravings about having a cigarette, I stop and breathe. I laugh as I realise the ridiuclousness of accepting and allowing myself to be controlled and regulated by feelings/emotions.

When and as I see myself making excuses/reasons/justifications wihtin my mind as like why it is ok for me to compromise self commitment in quitting smoking, I stop and breathe. I laugh as I realise the ridiculousness of my mind in attempting to fuck with me, I realise I am committed to conquering my mind and that giving into bullshit mindfucks is a sure way to be conquered by the mind...as like being totally mind controlled.

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