Day 794 - FaceOff "JUSTIFICATION"

I've been facing the characters of myself as how I have conditioned myself to respond in a plethora of scenarios.  What's interesting to see is myself as the array of characters and also to within various forms of interactions/engagements where sometimes i have a particular resistance towards a certain type of character and it's like i want to move on and away from that character as quickly as possible because I see something in them that I don't like.

Lets look at this point of seeing something in another person that i don't like.

The things i see in other people at times are ugly, undesirable, awkward, overcompensation, fake, fucked, bullshit, superiority, inferiority, volatile, scripted, Routine, justification and excuses.

These are all points of myself that i am working through.

for practical purposes here: I am going to take one word:

JUSTIFICATION


I've been getting so angry when reading and speaking with others and Justification comes up.  Like this up sets me very much. The irony of this is it is showing a deeply embedded point within me.

What I have noticed about myself within and as my day to day living as JUSTIFICATION, is that it has been a point of self-suppression, a form of accepted and allowed defense system that I use as a form of Offense and Attack on myself that is projected outward onto others to compensate with a form of suppression/depression existent within myself.

Let me further clarify:

Justification has been used by me as a sort of Self-narration to Explain myself to others my Point of View as in why I am Right within my Living as the decisions I am making and have made.  Justification is the Excuses I create as the ways to validate Inferiority within myself as Accepting less than my Best Potential.

I've been using Justification as a form of aggressive Offense where I would instantly go into an automated reactionary response where I experience the urgency to Explain myself and my actions to others.  Fucked up in a lot of ways, because what this reveals upon further investigation is how I am manipulating myself in participation through others.  Meaning, I use my participations with others to validate my behavior and pattern where i superimpose a sort of Validating and Accepting response/reaction in others the way i position my sharing of information as JUSTIFICATION.

SEE:

Justification has been my way to say, " Just If I see a Tie On".  Meaning also: Just if  I/Me/You can see the connection I am making here and accept it as the terms of the Contract I am presenting here as my word scheme as my Pyramid layered self-deception.

Vulnerability has been a support word for me in going deeper into investigating JUSTIFICATION within myself.

Vulnerability is cool because I within and as Vulnerability I am strong in standing in and as Weakness.  I move past my dissonance and stand as the point of accounting for my acceptances and allowances that are not cool.

The experiences I encounter within and as my vulnerability are very challenging at times as there is often a certain amount of intensity that comes up and that has manifested in a myriad of ways in my body in various moments...and so I've made a sort of game and challenge for myself in being my own DETECTIVE in making a play and work of Identifying the Specifics of the experience that surfaces and comes up within myself.  What is very fascinating about this detective process of self-investigation for me is that my behavior and patterns are Learned over time, Layered within and as Specific Memories of past acceptances and allowances. So much fun and excitement in a way of creating the path of self-discovery with going into the seemingly Unknown of myself.  Unknown from the point of not realizing and understanding how exactly i self-sabotaged, self-suppressed myself in the first place!

This process of self-exploration as taking on the staring point responsibility here as an Existential Detective has been a journey and an adventure for each and everyone.  My ability to relate and share and teach and learn has improved immensely.  The quality of my life is a continued improvement because I Keep letting go of baggage that is unnecessary to hold onto as impressions of suppression as the points and moments in memory as Not Understanding and Realizing myself here as Life, One and Equal.

I enjoy learning so much.

I encourage each and everyone to dare to go deep within and as your participation's with others and the activities you participate within alone...and really see what you think about others and the activities you participate within ,,,and really get to know your weaknesses, you know, The Justifications.....the Just if I see a Tie On.

Remember:

Justification in and of itself can be a cool tool to see where we work to create explanation in our actions...and actually understanding the nature of justification as why we are wanting to manipulate our information in a particular way.

Do we see how Manipulation is Complimentary in action to Justification?

Day 592 Postponement

I notice that I am very flexible to re-adjusting/re-scheduling/delaying participation within particular engagements. I am questioning this flexibility because I see it as a false sense of flexibility in certain circumstances because the point of postponement becomes like a reasoned excuse to justify my self-diligence within particular moments where I require to be steadfast within staying on task and making something work.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for neglecting to regard the consequences of postponement.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding how I have used the point of re-scheduling/postponement in a self-deceptive manner.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having become self-reliant on postponement as a way of coping with my accepted and allowed reality.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for being lazy within and as my self-responsibility of and as my self-direction here in every moment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for talking myself out of commitments.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for postponing commitments.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for using the point of postponement and re-scheduling as a way to avoid commitment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for dreading commitment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for creating conflict towards honoring myself-commitments.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for creating justifications as the reasoned excuses that I give value to.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for placing value within justification...and within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding the absurd ridiculousness and self deceptionwithin placing value in justification.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding that the word "commitment" starts within and as myself here. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding that any particular area of my life where I struggle with commitment reflects and an opportunity/gift for self-expansion because by thoroughly investigating the dimensions of the point in question, I am able and capable to transcend my own self-induced limitations.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having allowed myself to be influenced by positive and or negative energies as the source of reasoning/justification in order to orchestrate moments of postponement. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding the extent of irrationality within being influenced by emotions/feelings/thoughts that randomly come up that act as a trigger reaction in deflecting my self-directive commitment and course or practical living self-responsibility.

When and as I see myself orchestrating reasons/justifications to change plans to accommodate thoughts/feelings/emotions that have just come up within myself, I stop and breathe, I realize and understand this reflects self-sabotage and that the root origins of my mind as thoughts/feelings/emotions is fear based and that any resistance towards a particular commitment/task is a clear indication of the importance and responsibility of myself to step into the point of resistance and direct the point into conflict resolution as a result of effectively and efficiently walking through the resistance. I realize and understand that any time that I suppress a point of resistance/commitment, I am in fact perpetuating a cognitive dissonance towards that particular point and moving through the point will seem more tedious/difficult. I commit myself to stop suppressing points of resistance/commitments. I commit myself take self-responsibility for my commitments and to exercise the living of self-diligence within and as my self-commitments here. I commit myself to stop being flexible within and as the point of postponement from and as a perspective of being willing to deviate from personal responsibilities because of a particular thought/feeling/emotion energy came up within my mind. I commit myself to stop accepting and allowing myself to be ruled and controlled by thoughts/feelings/emotions. I commit myself to investigating my thoughts/feelings/emotions as I realize and understand the self-reflection within and as my thoughts/feelings/emotions as a way to expose my self-dishonesty here. I commit myself to self-correct my self-dishonesty. I commit myself to stop fearing to face myself dishonesty. I commit myself to be humble within facing my acceptances and allowances.

Day 586 Justifying Self-Satifaction

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for utilizing the point of self-satisfaction as a coping mechanism as a way in which I could justify that I've done enough and that I do not require to push myself harder.

When and as I see myself using self-satisfaction as a coping mechanism to in a way justify that I've done enough and that therefore validates/creates an excuse/reason for me to not do more, I stop and breathe, I see and the realize the resistance I am creating to doing more within and as a point of self-perfection, I realize and understand justification as a flag point to be aware of as a facet of self-dishonesty. I commit myself to stop creatingexperiences of justification for myself. I realize and understand the absurd ridiculousness of justifying self-satisfaction. I commit myself to stop arguing for my self-imposed limitation within and as justifying my self-satisfaction.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for creating the experience of self-satisfaction as a positive energetic experience within myself that can be identified as a reward and rewarding.


When and as I see myself making self-satisfaction to be a positive energetic experience that can be identifies as a reward/rewarding, I stop and breathe, I take self-responsibility in releasing myself from and as the positive energetic experience. I commit myself to stop charging up and make believing self-satisfaction to be a positive energetic experience.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist within the frame of mind and belief that I require to be recognized with rewards because I have completed work/jobs/tasks/activities/performances/achievements/accomplishments.

When and as I see myself accepting and allowing myself to exist within the frame of mind and belief that I require to be recognized with rewards because I have completed work/jobs/tasks/activities/performances/achievements/accomplishments, I stop and breathe, I realise and understand the self imposed limitation within and as such a particular mind set as I realize and understand the absurd ridiculousness of perpetuating energetic friction within myself. I commit myself to investigate any reaction/judgement/energy in relation to the completion of work/jobs/tasks/activities/performances/achievements/accomplishment. I realize and understand the absurd ridiculousness of judging my actions/results with energy. I realize and understand the absurd ridiculousness of perpetuating energetic experiences within myself as a result of judging experiences and desiring particularly positive energetic experiences. I realize and understand that desiring positive energetic experiences is a huge mind fuck because that creates an endless cycle of abuse where energetic conflict continues to build within myself. I commit myself to removing the energetic experiences that exist within myself. I commit myself to daring myself to take care of the positive energetic experiences/reactions that exist within myself. I realize and understand that it is by equally taking self-responsibility for the positive and negative energetic experiences/reactions that exist within my mind that I can in fact equalize my mind here as what is the best Life support.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding the absurd ridiculousness of making myself believe that I reached the required level of complacency in order to be compliant as a self-righteous superior ego frame of mind and thus I can rest and relax because that is the reward of self-satisfaction that I am kind of like on a vacation because i don't require to push myself to do more because I am self-satisfied and believe I've already done enough.



I commit myself to investigate myself whenever the point of self-satisfaction comes up within myself as a reaction/experience. I commit myself to stop using self-satisfaction as a justification and excuse. I commit myself to preventing superior/inferior ego frame of mind. I commit myself to stop desiring rewards. I commit myself to investigating myself and the experience I have towards receiving rewards. I commit myself to preventing myself from going into an energetic reaction in relation to receiving a reward/recognition for a point of my participation here. When and as I see myself telling myself I've done enough...as a point of reasoning to avoid doing more work/participation within a particular point, I stop and breathe and I push myself to do more work/participation within the particular point I have an obvious resistance to continuing to move myself within. I commit myself to stop avoiding/resisting to do my best work. I commit myself to walk points into completion. I commit myself to prevent giving up on myself.