Day 373 Steady Good Work

Day 373 Steady Good Work

Throughout many of the years I have tree planted I have pushed the quality line as like riding the boundary between acceptable and not acceptable quality…as like trying to always push my luck and the limits of what is acceptable…as like not going for perfect work/quality…but just good enough to pass.

Many many times I would be paranoid about my land getting checked as like fearing to hear the bad news that my quality was not acceptable…as like this was always a danger within pushing the limits within riding the line between acceptable and unacceptable.

Today I was really working on just planting good trees…as like to remove the doubt and paranoia from my mind that my trees would be deemed on acceptable quality by the tree checker.

One of the tree checkers today said my trees were looking exceptionally nice today…and that was cool to hear…as like there is a satisfaction within doing good work…and not having worry/paranoia about having to fix the work because of trying tp push the line between acceptable and unacceptable in an attempt to make a little bit more money.

I’ve come to realise and understand that doing solid consistent steady work is better and more satisfying than pushing myself to plant more trees of an inferior quality…as like I have done this many times this year…and many times I have had to re-plant…which is unpaid labor…and this is really ridiculous because I mean I am capable and able to plant great trees all the time…as I have been doing this for nine years…and it’s been a point of greed and ego accepted and allowed within myself that has been justified as reasoning for sacrificing quality of work/trees planted as like potentially making more money if I don’t get caught for having bad quality…and also the bragging rights of being the person who planted more trees than everybody else.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for compromising the quality of my work within and as the point of greed and big ego as like wanting more money and wanting to be regarded as the top high baller.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for regarding it to be important to be regarded and defined as better than everyone else at tree planting.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realising and understanding myself as like having always been a bit of a cheater at tree planting within pushing the boundaries of acceptable and unacceptable and utilising greed as justification and motivation within making myself believe it is ok to do whatever it takes to be the winner so to speak as like the one who makes the most money and is regarded as the best.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realising and understanding my accepted and allowed self dishonesty within tree planting…as like cheating life really as like compromising a good living for new born baby trees because I have the power in my hands to play a vital role in determining the quality of life for these baby trees I am planting that have enormous potential to grow and have a very long life…so long as they are given proper care and handeling.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself fro inducing situations of paranoia and fear within being self dishonest as like justifying and motivating my actions from a starting point of greedy self interest as like only being concerned with how much money I can make, regardless of the consequences that result from me making lots of money.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fucking with life by disregarding myself as a part of life and always giving my best efforts.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for being concerned and disappointed if people plant more trees than me…and I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having been reckless within handling and planting trees as like deliberately not paying attention to the quality of work I am doing as like being blinded by and overwhelmed with accepted and allowed greed within myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for being greedy while tree planting.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realising and understanding that I like doing my best work much more than I like doing less than stellar work as like doing less than my best is like accepting and allowing doubt/self-sabotage/self-compromise/self-dishonesty within myself.

When and as I see myself becoming possessed with thoughts of greed, as like thinking about cheating within tree planting by deliberately planting bad trees so that I can make more money, I stop and breathe and I realise and understand myself as the tree that I am considering mishandling and neglecting and disregarding doing everything I can to give a great chance at having a good home for a long life.