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Friday, 14 June 2013

Day 359 What am I Thinking About?

Day 359 What am I Thinking About?

I asked myself the question, “what is it that I think about every day that consumes my attention?” I observed my thought processes while working for a few days….and within this would just let the thoughts go…as I tried not to participate/react to them too much….within this I noticed…that the thinking thoughts…was like self-generated/automated within my mind///like they would just come up….and within this…I noticed how when I would react to the particular thoughts…with emotions and feelings…I would like lose my awareness of myself movement within the work I was doing…and maybe make a fuck up…as like a loss of focus on the task at hand.

I noticed I would have difficulty in really pushing the point of self-forgiveness on whatever I was thinking about….like often I would find it easier to just try to forget about what I was thinking about…and just do nothing so to speak…..and well obviously it is easier to do nothing than it is to do something. The point comes up in me now, “to forgive and forget is the way” as like forgetting without forgiving is like doing nothing about something that is there to be cleaned up later…as like putting the mess under the rug to just hide it from plain sight and forget about the point. I see how I have been using this tactic very much within my day to day living…as like really doing the labor of self-forgiveness only applies when I justify it so to speak as like believing certain circumstances to be of dire necessity while disregarding the application of self-forgiveness in many other instances because of avoiding seeing the desire necessity to ‘forgive and forget everything’.

I noticed the primary point of my thinking is about other people…and what are they thinking about….like how do they judge me….or what are my judgments of them….and I mean this comes about in an array of ways…as like I noticed my thinking thoughts will be enacted on some of the most recent memories that were imprinted in me the day before…or a couple days before…and if there were similar memories for many days in a row…that is insurance almost that I am going to recycle thoughts in accordance with the memory impressions I stored within myself as like the reactions/judgments I have about each particular memory and like what are all the thoughts/ways of thinking that exist within me about each particular memory impression….and within this I see that my ways of thinking thoughts….are like the accumulation of my acceptances and allowances over time….so like I mean the mind processing automation is extensive.

This brings me to the point of dire necessity in realising the practicality in taking responsibility for all my thinking.

This point has been realised by me before…like many times….it’s just I haven’t lived the realisation fully…as it’s like I’m always trying to get out of work…as self-forgiveness is a full time job….and I’ve been participating within self-forgiveness on a casual to part time basis.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for neglecting to push the point of self-forgiveness at work where I have a unique opportunity at work in that I am working by myself primarily all day with only a little bit of interaction within others….and within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fearing being approached by a co-worker while I am speaking self-forgiveness aloud while in the midst of planting trees as my labored vocation for the next couple months.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realising and understanding how ridiculously absurd as like insane it is to just dismiss my thoughts without doing anything about them….as like forgetting without forgiving….I realise and understand the desire necessity of forgiving all my thinking as within forgiving myself I am gifting myself with assistance and support that may seem unknown prior to application….as I have tested the application of self-forgiveness and I know it is the real deal.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for avoiding taking on self-forgiveness as a lifestyle commitment as like a who and how I am all the time kind of things as like making self-forgiveness full and through as like within and without a part of me as living application necessity.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for using self-forgiveness only causal to part time as like believing labored self-forgiveness to be too difficult to be an actuality of an all the time running application within my day to day practical living. I realise and understand that self-forgiveness as a tool of support is able to be incorporated into me as an all the time running application tool of assistance and support as like a virus cleaner to insure the eventuality of myself as a virus free mind. I realise and understand that without running the virus cleaner/sweeper all the time as the application tool  of self-forgiveness….that clearing my mind of all thoughts is impossible…because….I’ve come to see and realise how automated my mind is in forming thought processes and that fixing my mind is a full time job because my mind doesn’t sleep as it’s running it’s applications within consciousness all the time….and so here I see how I take on responsibility to equalize myself with my mind by utilising self-forgiveness as the great equalizer as like bridging the gaps that exist within automated thinking/thought as I realise and understand that I release myself from bondage to thought through and as self-willed movement as self-forgiveness

When and as I see myself tree planting and a thought comes up within me...I stop and breathe, I direct myself to speak self-forgiveness aloud in relation to the thought as I realise the unique opportunity I have to make self-forgiveness a full time job by simply incorporating the application of self-forgiveness to full time self-movement while I physically move myself within the labored applications of tree planting….and within this I realise and see the parallels of support within applying self-forgiveness and tree planting as like self-forgiveness is like tree planting in a way because it’s very much a giving of life…as planting a tree is a giving of life to the ground/earth…as both are formations of equality and oneness as sound physical connection as life force essence here.

When and as I see myself resisting to move myself within speaking self-forgiveness aloud while tree planting, I stop and breathe and I realise the resistance as fear and I realise and understand it is ridiculous for me to fear/worry about being caught/found out/heard speaking self-forgiveness aloud while tree planting….and within this I realise and understand the irony here as like not wanting to be caught speaking self-forgiveness aloud keeps me imprisoned within my own mind….and that’s bizarre really because I’m working on getting out of accepted and allowed self-containment as mind imprisonment…yet that which I resist, persists….and it’s like wow aha I see the joke of me as like the ridiculous absurd nature of fear that keeps me within self-imposed restraints as I create and accept and allow the various levels of resistance…and that with patience breath by breath and I am able to break all barriers of restraints as pushing resistance and I breath out as like in the out breath I speak out self-forgiveness as a self-willed movement of taking action to walk self-correction in limit abuse/suffering.

I realise and understand the in breath as the beginning of self-responsibility as like where and how and who I am in standing as equality and oneness and that it is within the “in” breath that dictates results/exemplifies the out breath as the cycle of as within so without….as without is so within…as this is seemingly common sense simplicity of give and receive one and equal as like the life and death connection as like removing the separation between life and death. An eternal relationship of give and take…take and give as like the song of equality and oneness that ends only to begin…and begins to only end as that which is always best as like the song that never ends because it goes on and on my friend as some people started living it…and the continued living just forever….because this is the song…

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