Day 368 Competition with Peers

Day 368 Competition with Peers

At work I was thinking about how many trees my friend had planted…and when I finished planting my trees I would look to see if my friend was still planting trees or if he had already finished…it’s like I would be pleased if I’m moving faster than my friend and upset if he is moving faster than me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be concerned about whether or not I plant more trees than my friend.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be paranoid about how many trees I plant in relation to my friend.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for obsessing within my mind about how my friend is doing planting trees and within this hoping that I’m doing better.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for being nasty within holding a competition within my mind between me and my friend.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for making excuses and reasons and justification when my friend plants more trees than me….and when I plant more trees than him enjoy listening to his excuses and reasons and justifications.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realising and understanding the ridiculousness of wanting my friend to make less money than me by me wanting to plant more trees than him.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for feeling better about myself when I make more money than everyone on the tree planting crew.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for being paranoid about money.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be ruled by money.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for basing my competition with my friend upon money as like how I feel in relations to money within and as a point of superiority or inferiority.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for being emotional about money.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for using my friend to stimulate myself to keep planting and not stop because I want to make more money.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for thinking bad things about people who aren’t pushing themselves to plant as many trees as me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for being self righteous about myself as a tree planter.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realising and understanding how I have existed as a self righteous tree planter.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having not wished the best for my peers tree planting…I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for wishing my peers to be 2^nd best as like below me…as like placing myself as the best and my peers as less than me….within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for being less than my peers by placing myself within desiring to be better than my peers.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself from obsessing about values within competition as like how I score within relation to others…as like what is my number compared to another’s number and how can I be regarded as having a better  number.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for valuing myself within numbers as like placing myself worth based upon how I judge and define myself in comparison to others.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realising and understanding my apparent goodness is at the expense of another’s badness…as like loss….as like my winning is at the expense of another’s suffering or less than equal result of mine….I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not wanting the best for my beers because within wanting the best for my peers I cannot be above my peers I must be equal.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having a hard time with equality with my peers…as like always finding a way to limit equality and enforce separation within judgement comparison opinions as like verbal abuse within my secret mind.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having nasty thoughts within my secret mind about my peers as like a point of self-righteousness where me in my mind and superior to others.