Day 371 Living Situation

Day 371 Living Situation

OK, before I continue my investigative analysis on my previous writing exploration ranting and raving rap…I want to talk about my day today. I’m working as a tree planter for a tree planting company and my employer is providing living accommodations for a fee…and today I moved from one place to another…travelling a few hours by vehicle to get there. It’s a really small town I’m staying in…I’m sharing a motel room with my girlfriend and another couple. I’m not very pleased with the accommodations from the perspective that there are four people sharing a motel room. Each couple shares a bedroom…one of the bedrooms is bigger than the other…which also has a bigger bed…like a queen bed…and the other a double bed. I’m sharing a double bed with my girlfriend. Our fridge isn’t very big and the freezer space is small. In some rooms with the same living space…there is two people in a room. I’m going to inquire about the cost as at the moment it seems as though everyone pays the same camp fees and I’m just a little bitter about the fact that I have half the living space as people who are not in a relationship…like 2 people to a motel room versus 4…in some instances there is 3 people in rooms…like a couple plus a single. At the previous place I stayed…that was our set up…me, my girlfriend, and another planter.

There’s no internet at the motel. Apparently there is some in town elsewhere. I have not yet investigated this.

I think sharing a room should be half the camp costs.

At the moment my food wasn't able to fit in my freezer…fortunately there was room for a few things…in other planter’s freezers who are not sharing space with as many people.

I don’t like complaining and my writing here is a bit of a comparison of my situation to other planter’s situations…and within making the comparisons I’m not super impressed that I have less than the best situation setup/accommodations.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for getting upset about my living situation.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be bothered by my living situation.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for being upset when I see that other people have a better deal than me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for thinking that I should just focus on the positive thinking as like make a way to justify my living situation as like making a comparison to people in a worse off living situation…and think about how my living situation is better as a way of making myself feel better…and within this I realise the absurd ridiculousness…of allowing myself to get emotional within making comparisons…and I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to get emotionally upset within making comparisons.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry about my accommodations.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for thinking that I shouldn’t be angry about my accommodations and that anger is never ok.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for trying to justify anger.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for making a big deal about my accommodations as like feeling a sense of entitlement.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for thinking it’s  bullshit that I should be grateful for my accommodations.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having judgements about my accommodations.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for regarding a sense of entitlement as a negative thing.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for thinking about how if I got a better deal…that maybe others wouldn’t have as good of a deal…like my employer would have to spend more money if there was only aloud to be 2 or 3 people to a room.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for thinking about humanity within various living conditions as like super good living conditions coming at the expense of so many humans having really shitty living conditions.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for thinking if I speak up about the living conditions…maybe the living conditions could get worse…by the employer saying ok fine…everybody is going to sleep in a campground…because I’m not paying more money for hotels…

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fearing getting a worse deal within speaking up and trying to get a better deal/living accommodation.

I realise and understand that it is my self-responsibility to always speak up when I see a situation/deal/scenario that I regard as not cool/unfair/

I realise the ridiculous absurdity of being silent and saying nothing out of fear of loss.

When and as I see myself resisting to speak in moments where I have something to say as like I see a situation/deal/scenario that is not cool, I stop and breathe and I realise myself responsibility as practical living integrity and dignity to express myself in making a standing in saying I do not support what is not cool…and thus make it known what is not cool…so everyone can know what is not cool…so that only what is cool can remain here as like what is best for life as cool agreements/relations/deals/scenarios/situations

I realise and see myself responsibility in embodying cool as like awesome in all ways…as a means of practical living support as what is always best for living/being here.