Day 322 The Borgias

I just started watching the series, "The Borgias" and I noticed I had a big reaction within me when it looked like the assassin was going to be killed. I was like, 'what the fuck, he can't die already...he's a righteous killer.' I mean it's kind of ridiculous to justify killing any human being deliberately. Yet here I am within watching this show, seeing the assassin kill all sorts of innocent people...well not totally innocent actually...I mean there was reasoning's for all the killing's...though it's like I justified all the assassin's killings because he was in service to the pope...well working for the pope's son specifically. And the dude who tried to kill the assassin in the episode I watched was just acting in service of his masters...so I mean with the logic I applied earlier...the dude who tried to kill the assassin was justified within a form or righteous logic based on survival and honouring allegiances to where the money comes from.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise and understand the ridiculousness of make believing logical reasons as justifications as why it is ok for particular characters to act out righteous vengengance killings as being necessary means to an end.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to pick favourites within tv series and movies as like the good guys versus the bad guys and that I am rooting for the good guys to kill the bad guys or the bad guys who are portrayed as being kind hearted to kill the good guys that are not portrayed as kind hearted.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react within watching shows/movies where there is killing only when I dont think that particular character should die based on my superior rating of that character as being like a righteous super hero character that is justified in all it's brutal particpations.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise and see and understand a connection within myself to my relationships with characters I watch in tv and movies as like reflecting the accepted and allowed natures within myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be righteous within my nature and regard myself as justified in whatever my actions are as like a necessary means for my surviving here as like whatever the costs I will survive.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to perpetuate conflict within myself by taking sides as like choosing to create opposition amonst characters I view within shows and movies.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise and understand the limmiting notion of making preferences towards certain characters within programs based on the energetic acceptances and allowances that exist within myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise and understant the education within watching shows and movies as like a means of self support in investigating any reactions that exist within me while watching the programming,...so that I am able to face the nature of the relationships that exist within myself and self-correct misalignments with the application of self forgiveness and self corrective statements.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to take character within shows and movies personally as like to identify with them according to the acceptances and allowances that exist within myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge people in real life based upon the ways in which I identify/relate to them.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise and understand that the characters that I do not see myself identifying with are the characters I should investigate the most because it is the characters that I disregard as being nothing like are the ones that hold the support in self reflection in seeing that which I have attempted to hide and disregard as like not really existing within and as because of suppressions.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to enjoy cleverness within the borgias as like cunning manipulation as like outwitting people who are trying to fuck with particular characters.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise and understand how within and as my life I have been clever and manipulative as a means of outwitting and fucking with particular people for my personal interests.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel righteously justified in fucking with people that have agitated me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise and understand that anyone who provokes a point of agitation within myself is in fact assisting and supporting me to see a point of self reflection that I am attempting to disregard. I realise the point of always bring the point/reaction back to myself as see how I have in fact existed within and as the point. I therfore take self responsibility in releasing myself from a point of fuckedness.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to regeard characters as justified in sleeping around...as like there just getting what they desire as sex and sex is a naturally thing and therfore it's justified as being necessary.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to regard sex as a necessary desire that must be fulfilled.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think that having sex with whoever is no big deal and it's a necessary human instinct.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having mixed feelings about sexual promiscity.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have teeter tottered within belierfs about sexual promiscuity.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think that sexual promiscuity is cool.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think that sexual promiscuity is fucked.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have regarded myself as being cool for having been sexually promiscuous.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have shifted my tone about sexually promiscuity and for judging others for being sexually promiscuous without regarding or realising myself within the equation of having been sexually promiscuos. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to regret having been sexually promiscuos. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having regarded sexually promiscuity as like a marker of success and achievement/accomplishment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise and understand the apparent success of sexual promiscuity is like a sales game as like I was selling myself to women for a night based on being desired by them and me desiring them...as like a mcdonalds style fast food convenience as like no strings attached...no real laboured communication relationships that took time to be developed...just instant gratifation.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for defining instand gratification as 'bad'.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to disregard consequences as a result of going for moments of instant gratification.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing msyelf to disregard my well being for moments of lust as like instant gratification attainment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to dislike not having instant gratification.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise and understand that constant satisfaction isnt a series of instant gratifications as like quick ups and downs...but is a constant and consistant stable balance here as equality and oneness. I realise that within and as the constant and stable balance of equality and oneness there isnt any restrictions in self expression and self satisfaction as like each breath becomes a moment of life and death and therefore really encompases living to the fullest as like birthing self expression in every moment as a creator's self responsibility as what is always best.

When and as I see myself reacting to the 'good characters' being killed, I stop and breathe and I realise the ridiculousness of accepting and allowing righteous preferences within myself in defining some characters as more deserving to live than other characters.

When and as I see myself reacting to moments of righteous vengeace, I stop and breathe and I realise the ridiculousness of holding onto righteous vengeance within myself and I take a moment to release let go of accepted and allowed righteous vengeance within myself by pushing myself to go into self forgiveness and self corrective statements on the point.

When and as I see myself reacting to sexual promiscuity, I stop and breathe and I realise any reaction I have to sexual promiscuity exposes a point of self reflection within myself. I direct myself in investigating the point of friction towards sexual promiscuity within myself.

When and as I see myself regarding some characters to be righteously superio based on how I identify with them, I stop and breathe and I realise the ridiculous absurdity of perpetuating righteous superiority within and as my thinking/outlook perception. I take a moment to laugh/smile/giggle at the ridiculous absurdity of righteous superiority.