I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise and understand I was being a fucking loser.
Ok, So I had been mentioning my relationship with alcohol and smoking was connected to establishing connections with women. It's like I had justified within myself that I was nervous, timid, scared, uncomfortable, unconfident in speaking my mind freely to women as like to express myself fully to women and that I believed alcohol to be like a social lubricant for me to put my guard down...although it's like I still held a guard within myself I just justified alcohol as like an excuse as something I could place fault if things didnt go so well. I didnt realise and understand how concerned I was with my image in the eyes of others. I didnt realise and understand how I was fucking with my image as consequence of abusing alcohol as like accepting and allowing myself to justify nerviousness, timidness, uncertainty and being unconfident in speaking my mind freely to women. I didnt realise how I was regarding women as pieces of meat for me to fuck as like to justify my ego persona of myself and that I liked alcohol because I believed that statistically my chances were better at hooking up and getting laid if I was drinking at the bar/club/pub.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to comprimise my physicality as consequence of consuming alcohol.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing nerviousness within myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowiing timidness towards women within myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear talking to women without being under the influence of alcohol.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to justify alcohol as my liquid courage to calm my nerves and make me feel more confident and free to express myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have used and abused alcohol from a starting point of self interest as like to project a particular desired self image of myself as cool and fitting in as like being part of the crowd that drinks alcohol.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have resisted examining what it means to fit in as part of the group that consumes alcohol.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have maniupulated my physical beingness as consequence of consuming and abusing alcohol.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have degraded myself worth and that of others as consequence of abusing alcohol.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use alcohol as like a raw energy drink to fuel my self righteous desires of being a womanizer.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise and understand what a loser relationship I had with alcohol and women as consequence of the accepted and allowed relationships within myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to mask my internal acceptances and allowances and projecting a desired external mask as how I thought I would like to be perceived and regarded.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to objectify women for the purposes of sex.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself ot have connected drinking with sex or the possibility of sexual promiscuity.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have feared rejection from women.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have believed that I wouldnt care if I got rejected by a women if I was drunk.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have worried about femal rejection and as consequence over analysed communication and interactions with women.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have studied psychologocial manipulation for the purposes of selling myself to women as like securing approval from women.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have doubted my abilities to really express myself towards women to such an extent that I studied psychological manipulation tactics by professional pick up artists within the book "the game"
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have connected alcohol to sexual performance.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that drinking alcohol will help me perform better at sex interms of endurance.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that if I am not drunk I am more nervous/excited within myself and am more likely to blow my load pre-maturely.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel more confident about sex after consuming alcohol.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have created a relationship with alcohol where it was like my magic potion as my liquid courage.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for being so angry and embarassed with my past behaviours within alcohol particpations.
I realise the ridiculousness of my past behaviour.
I realise holding onto acceptances and allowances within myself that suppress/limmit self expression are not cool.
I realise the ridiculousness of holding onto acceptances and allowances within myself that suppress my self expression Here.
I realise that in changing my acceptances and allowances within myself I am required to take self responsibility for my acceptances and allowances with self forgiveness as a way to give myself a physical release as a giving that is for me.
I realise the ridiculousness of creating masks around accepting and allowing myself to be a fucking loser as consequence of the acceptances and allowances within myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have given myself a hard time about not realising and understanding how my mind works in terms of generating memories as thoughts/feelings/emotions.
When and as I see myself being unconfident/timid/nervous/fearful/worried within talking to women/girls, I stop and breathe and I realise the ridiculousness of holding onto acceptances and allowances that suppress myself expression here.
When and as I see myself being uncomfortable in the presence of people drinking alcohol, I stop and breathe and I realise the ridiculousness of not accepting and allowing myself stability and comort here as life living practical support and assistance as what is always best.
When and as I see myself fearing to share my relations towards alcohol and why I don't drink alcohol, I stop and breathe and I realise myself responsibility to share my story here as assistance and support for others walking within the same point that I transceneded. I move myself to speak words of support as the self expression I am Here.
When and as I see myself feeling uncomfortable in communicating with people who are drinking alcohol, I stop and breathe and I realise the ridiculousness of making alochol out to be this big deal that I hold onto emotions about as consequence of my relationship to alcohol in the past.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold onto emotional anger, rage, frustration and iritation about my particpations within and as alcohol abuse.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be triggered emotionally when I am encountered with a situation where someone I know on a personal level is abusing alcohol and it's in my immediate environment.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have created a conflicting relationship with alcohol as consequence of harbouring emotions within myself about my experiences with alcohol.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think/worry/dwell about how I will interact in future social situations where the majority of people will be consuming alcohol.
When and as I see myself thinking/worrying/dwelling about how I will interact in future social situations where the majority of people will be consuming alcohol, I stop and breathe, I realise the ridiculousness of continuing to particpate within such indulgences,,,I see the funny here as the ridiculousness of my acceptances and allowances...I take a moment to embrace the funny as myself here as being ridiculously absurd as I enjoy a moment of laughter as the epitome of laughter and funny here as being a detective of finding/seeing exposing and correcting the ridiculously absurd acceptances and allowances within myself that limmit the ability of self expression here as equality and oneness as what's best for Life.
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