I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to identify myself with the idea and memories of doing drugs and drinking alcohol.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think I am creating my identity persona through the use/abuse of drugs and alcohol.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise and understand that my use/abuse of drugs and alcohol was consequence of accepted and allowed suppressions within myself as like built up negative energy within my unconcious mind and therefore indulging within alcohol and drugs gave me a temporary high experience as consequence of all the negative energy suppressions within myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise and understand negative energy suppressions within myself as like traumas/traumatic events as specific memeories where I had reactions and resonated within particular negative energteic reactions.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have created and believed in ideas about myself as like a shaman and a drug detective as like a new age psychiatrist that recommended the use of illicit substances for dealing with emotional baggage.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have defined my place in the world as being connected through the use/abuse of substances.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise and understand how I feared being alone within myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have always wanted to party and hang out with friends as a means of avoiding seeing the nature of my acceptances and allowances.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have busied myself within smoking weed as like making smoking weed and full time job.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have busied myself within smoking weed with different people every day as a means of entertaining myself and not existing by myself here.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have believed that smoking weed was my freedom.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have portrayed myself as the weed smoking character.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have liked myself as the idea as who I am is a weed smoking character.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for holding onto specifc memories about myself smoking weed and people saying specific things, Like for instance, this girl Shea being so impressed with me that I could talk all calm and casual while smoking was coming out of me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself ot hold onto the memory of being in tree planting camp and having some time off from planting do to an injury and getting a letter from supervisor telling me to do a few chores before I smoke copius amounts of dope. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for feeling good about being portrayed as a being who smokes copius amounts of dope.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to like the idea of myself as pot head.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have suppressed myself as consequence of abusing weed.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have mixed my weed with tobacco for the purpose of prolonging my weed.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have mixed my weed with tobacco so I could smoke big spiffs.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have desired to portray the image of myself smoking big joints.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have felt satidfied with my Life within and as existing and a weed smoking character.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have been angry and frustrated when family told me I was addicted to weed.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for desiring to get high with my parents.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for wanting and believing that I could help my parents help themselves and that we could strengthen our relationship if we smoked weed together.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise and understand that I was making weed to be a short cut and the solution to all my problems.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise and understand weed as having been a major problem in my life.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise and understand that I am in the process of walking through the consequentiall outflow of years of smoking weed.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having dimissed any physical consequences for smokiing weed.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have liked the idea of myself as a smoking character.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to for bragging about weed stories with police as like a badge of honour.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for thining it is easier for me to hook up with women if I smoke pot with women.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for believing in the idea that smoking pot helps me to have intimate relationships with women.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that getting high all the time is like a way to challenge myself in living here as like a form of strength training.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have regarded myself with no real self worth to such an extent that I believed in the idea that I needed pot as my medicine to become a better person.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not accepting myself as valid.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have desired to be confidence.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having a false sense of confidence.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to inflate and project a false sense of confidence as consequence of using drugs and alcohol from the starting point of it being my medicine so that I can be cool.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realising and understanding that my fascination with drugs and alcohol was growing stronger as consequence of all the positive memories I was creating while indulging within drugs and alcohol.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise and understand how I have been sabotaging myself as consequence of placing self worth/importance and making self defining ideas about who I am, according to the positive memories that exist within me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise and understand why stopping drugs and alcohol was somewhat challenging for me, because it was like my comfort zone, as myself defined best times as being my all time high moments as memories.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise and understand the extent to which I influenced my beingness as consequences of creating ideas about myself as who I am in relationship to my experiences of myself as memory defining moments as specific resonant polarity frictioned charges.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise and understand myself responsibility in releasing all polarity fictioned energetic charges from all my memories.
When and as I see myself identifying myself through memories I have about drugs/alcohol, I stop and breathe and I realise the self imposted restraints of creating ideas about myself Here.
When and as I see myself projecting a false sense of confidence, I stop and breathe and I realise the ridiculousness of holding on suppression of myself as confidence here and therfore I take the moment to re-align myself as confidence as self assurance as self honesty and self trust as self expression in the moment here from and as the starting point of equality and oneness.
When and as I see myself to take self responsibility for memories that come up within myself, I stop and breathe, I realise the point/gift/opportunity of memories coming up within me as a means of being the point for me to work with here in the moment with and as tools of self forgiveness and self corrective applications.....and I realise I how I am able to use humor/comedy as a tool of self support in seeing ridiculousness.
When and as I see myself resisting to be alone with myself, I stop and breathe, I realise I am always alone within myself and thatt giving myself the space to have some quiet time sometimes is cool self support.
When and as I see myself reacting with pride and satisfaction about drug/alcohol memories, I stop and breathe...I realise the ridiculousness of holding onto an energetic charge within myself in realtion to a memory and therefore I take responsibility in releasing the charge from within myself with self forgiveness and self corrective statements and I take a moment to laugh as realising the ridiculous absurdity of holding onto memory energetic charges.
When and as I see myself preaching about drugs/alcohol like a shaman, I stop and breathe and I realise the ridiculousness of believing myself to be a shaman and that I know the extent of another beings situation.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for believing in my master judgements while high as like believing that I know everything about everyone that who each being is and how they are is clear, like that I can see through all their masks because I believed to know all the stuff I was hiding from as self suppression.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing msyelf to have continued to fuck with myself within point of drug/alcohol use when and as I realised I was fucking with myself and I knew it wasnt cool.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have fucked with myself within and as self judgement and denial of self will and integrity.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have believed that I could maybe change without making a full out dedicated commitment.
When and as I see myself resisting to walk through a point within myself because I am experiencing heaviness within myself as consequence of thinking as like desiring to wait and not move through the point....I stop and breathe and I realise this is the work I am faced with in the moment and therfore resistance is acting as an indicator for me that this here is the point I got to move through.
In the next blogs to come I will be deconstructing weed character, drug character, shaman character, drinking character,.............
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