Day 276 Smoking Relationship Behaviour

18 Days without smoking!




I was at the ski hill yesterday and saw a friend who I hadn't seen in awhile. We were definitely smoking buddies. We worked together in the past and would share smoke breaks and would often get together for a smoke after work.

As soon as my friend got on the chairlift with me, she pulled out a pack of cigarello's and and lit one and smoked a little bit and then offered it to me.

I told her how I had quit smoking and that this was day 18 without smoking.

Initially when she pulled out her smokes, I kind of laughed to myself as I recognized how I had developped a smoking behaviour relationship with my friend...meaning like I would have a smoke whenever she was having one.

I wasn't tempted to smoke when my friend offered me a smoke.

A little self forgiveness I see appropriate with regards to smoking behavour system relationship:

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create behaviiour system relationships with people where I feel inclined to smoke because they are smoking.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to copy smoking behaviours of others as like a way of sharing a moment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel inclined to have a smoke with someone when they are smoking.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to base a relationship on an activity like smoking.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have been influenced by other people smoking.

I forgive myself for not realising and understanding how I took a rebelliou attitude towards people smoking by always lighting up as consequence of going into a positive loving energy feeling about cigarettes after having burried the negative emotions about cigarettes and smoking I experienced as a child after having been upset and disgusted with being around smokers...as like not liking getting smoke in my face.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise and understand that my smoking character behaviour and persona was rooted with fears as negative emotions and that as consequence of accepting and allowing conflict within myself...I searched and seek to play out the positive energetic experiences without regard for the why am I really acting this way.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to suppress the hate I developed as a child about cigarettes with love for cigarettes.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise and udnerstand that the loving relationship I developped towards smoking as positive energy associations was connected to hate reaction behaviours I had as a child about smoking cigarettes as I wanted to break everybody's cigarettes because I believed it was bad and I wanted to save/stop people from doing something bad.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create the beaviour personality of self promoting cigarettes as positive as consequence of suppressing the negative energetic associations within myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have existed within and as polarized beaviours about smoking cigarettes.

I realise the ridiculousness of my relationship within myself as cigarettes.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise and understand how cigarettes reflect the relationship with myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist within conflicted friction as consequence of particpating within and as negative emotions and positive feelings as forms of energetic possession rooted in accepted and allowed separation.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have neglected my early childhood behaviours in seeing how my early childhood behaviours influenced most recent behaviour reltationship patterns.

I realise the ridiculousness of neglecting the past in understanding the present.

I realise the ridiculousness of trying to create a new future without cleaning up past actions with self forgiveness as a self responsibility and accountability.

When and as I see myself being triggered within a specific behaviour system construct, I stop and breathe, I direct myself with a smile in realising that I just stopped myself from playing into a behaviour sysetm pattern based on past mind consciousness system programmed conditioning...and that I am in process of disengaging mind consciousness behaviour system relations that are rooted from within and as the starting point of accepted and allowed separation.