Day 210 Breathing Part 7 of 21

I've experienced the build up sensations of like compounding energetic friction within myself as a consequences of missing presents of breath direction as like making the choice to take in so much air and release so much air within myself as well as holding as a pause between the in and the out breath.

I've come to realise effectiveness in being present/direct as physical stability as what is best for life is a result of physical particpation. I see performance as physical participations stemming from effectiveness in breathing as a living action continuous motion/rythym.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing compounding energetic friction within myself as consequences of missing presents of breath direction as like choosing not to give attention to the point of direction as making the decision as to how much air I take in and release.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for thinking about how to breathe as like creating a mental activity about a physical activity.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for trying to separate mental and physical particpations.

I forgive  myself for not realising and understanding how my mental participations have been directing my physical particpations.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having difficulty in aligning and equal and one relationship with physical and mental participations.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for for trying to think if I need to have such mental particpations to exist here physically.

I forgive myself for not knowing and understanding how I would exist if I did not have any mental particpations within myself as like any form of movement within my mind as like some form of intuition as  like mental gudance/feedback onto my acceptances and allowances.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowiing myself for getting overwhelmed within mental particpations after several moments of mental particpation indulgence.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for disregarding physical presence as physical participation and physical movement here as consequence of obsessing within mental projections/judgements/thoughts/analysis/observation/reaction/thinking/

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for placing self worth as greater than physical direction s as simply breathing here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for believing that I sort things out and that I must make sense of things by conitunously thinking as like I have become reliant on thinking as like a form of training wheels that steers me and provided me with a perceived sense of balance in being here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having been addicted to making sense of things within my mind through the act of thinking as like believing that I must define things always as a way to process in my mind so as to make sense of myself here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for always trying to make sense of myself here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for suppressing common sense here and therefor go into the complex vastness of making sense from various factors/perspectives/dimensions/points of consideration which appear to make sense from certain perspectives/context.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having a hard time committing to living the four count breath as who and how I am.

I commit myself to living the four count breath for a minimum of 21 days here as who and how I am as tested and proven stabilitiy and consistency within breathing 4 count breaths.

I commit myself to starting the day count over...every time I miss a 4 count breath.

I commit myself to being meticulous with my breathing awareness and to therefor make a big deal about presence of breah direction with counting.

I commit myself to completing 4 count breathing challenge of 21 days to self breathing.

I realise this exercised physical commitment participation is performance enhancing physical stability as balance and mobility as establishing practical living equality and oneness.

I commit myself to to establishing a gentle smootheness with 4 count breathing.

I commit myself to enjoying challenge of 21 day 4 count breathing.

I commit myself to stopping any and all forms of judgement as like making sense of my performance within and as 4 count breathing exercise challenge.

I commit myself to creating and establishing simplicity within and as process of walking 4 count breathing.

I commit myself to letting go of thinking as a means to focusing on physical exercise as 4 count breathing.

I commit myself to breathing this point of 21 days of four count breathing with no missed breaths into completion as a physical act of the will I am.

Day 209 Breathing part 6 of 21

So, this blog post is coming a day later than I initially intended.  I made note of the point that I had been building such momentum with my blogging as like having created a big streak without missing a day of blogging....and within my mind I kind of made a big deal about this as like to exacerbate the situation by giving engergetic praise to the point.  So, I recognise that I had a desire to blog everyday and that this desire to blog everyday had stemmed from the fear of missing a day...as like me fucking up in creating a mistake...as like not being able to walk a commitment effectively.  Within this, I was comparing my present performance to my past performance. Also, I see that the point of self doubt existed within myself as like the reasoning as to why I would create praise for having consistency within my blogging in terms of the dilligence to be able to produce a blog to share saily as a point of support for myself and others.

This point that has come up about blogging consistency and dilligence in application and comparing past performance to present present performance directly relates/inter-relates/corelates with and as my relationship with breathing and my recent focus within my blogging as writing out and exposing the breathing process as establishing consistency and dilligence in perfromance as effective breathing here as an active physical particpation,  I see how I have made a big deal about breathing from the starting point of judgement and comparison as like to compare past performances of myself as like having had difficulty and not been very effective with dilligence and consistency with breathing effectively as a self directive physical act.

So, I see how I had influenced and created my future here as a result of my past and present acceptances and allowances and that it is the link between the past and the present that creates the future.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for holding onto past judgement of past performances about myself as like a negatively energized criticisms.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realising and understanding how it is not effective as a means of self support to hold onto polarized energies as self judgement with regards to previous interactions/participations here...and that the point of living self forgiveness...is like giving self the release from being tied to the past in way that is not supportive as polarized energetic friction.

I forgive myself for not realising and understanding that if I accept and allow polarized energetic friction to exist within myself that the future is certain as polarized energetic friction exposed.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fearing to miss a day of blogging as a giving and receiving of self support.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for doubting my ability to walk the point of dilligence within the application of daily blogging as an acto of giving like I like to receive.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for creating a positive energetic buzz within myself for having established more consistency within my blogging than I had previously established.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for desiring to be effective in my daily particpation with blogging...and within this point I forgive myself for not realising the point of fear as as desire being a derivative of fear as like exposing to me self doubt...as the desire to be effective in my blogging comes from the starting point that I have not been effective and desiring to be better than I am as like hoping almost...as I havent yet walked the point through of effectiveness in daily blogging without missing a day...and within this...I forgive myself for not realising the point that as I forgive myself and correct a mistake...I start again...and I realise that I am walking process and to judge the performance of my walking may inhibit my walking for a moment as that is causing me to think more about what and how I am existing which is like a step back to facilitate to steps forward...so I realise the point of support from learning from mistakes.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for judging my breathing performances from within and as the starting of reactional criticism as like self induced limitation.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realising the practical point of support of just breathing here as like stopping immediately points of inner dialogue within myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for creating a competition within myself towards breathing and blogging and every thing I participate within from the perspective of experience as either being positive or negative or neutral as like being feeling charges as positive energy, emotionally charged as negative energy or kind of like a blend between negative and positive with and as the experience of indifference.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having difficulty in living the point of equality in being here with myself as like not moving from the starting point of polarized energy as self induced friction/conflict within myself as like fear/desire.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for dwelling on mistakes as like a point of agony that I have perpetuated in the present as like the pain of carrying the past with me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realising how I have jeopardized future as equality and oneness as what's best for life by holding onto past of conflict/friction as less than whats's best.

I commit myself to dropping the weight of the past as like holding onto useless knowledge and information as judgement as polarized friction/confict.

I commit myself to living as a point of competiion as a point of self support as like enhanicng self nourishment/nature well being.

I commit myself to excellerating momentum within process as like realising myself as the source of mass here and that my abilities and capabilites of excellerating quickly here are directly related to my effectiveness in self forgiving myself as like dropping weight/suppression/baggage that isnt supportive in moving and grooving here as like equality and oneness as the epitome of self honesty and self trust which is relative common sense as it is the same for me as it is the same for you because it's all relative and were all relatives.

I commit myself to unbderstanding, realising and directing myself as force as like moving myself as mass in a centred mobile stance as like correct posture as like the epitiome of equality and oneness.

I commit myself to balance as like an equal giving and receiving as like taking in and holding and giving and holding in the same fashion as like smooth effortless breathing/skiing/snowbaording/talking/....whatever I am particpating within and as here.

When and as I see myself accepting and allowing myself to critque a point within myself as like a form of polarized judgement, I stop and breathe...and I accept and allow myself to dissipate charge/weight I am holding onto that is not necessary for me to hold onto.

When and as I see myself accepting and allowing myself reacting to my experience/performance of myself here, I stop and breathe and I accept and allow myself to see the humour as the ridiculousness in accepting a polarized relationship within myself and therfore I stop the perpeutation of polarized relationhip friction within myself by effective application of self forgiveness and self corrective statements as to further intsill self realisation into self perfection as living solution here as equality and oneness

Day 208 Breathing Part 5 of 21

So, there was many moments throughout the day where I was like shit/fuck...ah...I havent been practicing four count breathing.  It's like I had expectations upon myself that I would pretty much have 4 count breathing dialed with only maybe a few minor hiccups. I see also that it is cool that I was able to come back to breath several times throughout the the day as like regain focus on the four count breathing.  I have much consistency and smoothness to establish with regards to repititious 4 count breaths.

Some cool points I want to expose here, just for the practical purpose of writing them down as like to put on record. The points are relevant to having surfaced today.

1) Physics talk at ski hill: initiated by dude asking for perspective wih specif regards to what his chemistry teacher said. His chemistry teacher said the earth is holding us up according to gravity. Dude's initial thoughts were chemistry teacher is crazy...that's not the accepted view....gravity of earth is pulling us down.

I said we are made of the earth and therefore we must be equal as the gravitational force. Dude pointed out that the mass of the earth is huge.  We a part of the huge mass that makes up the earth.

We talked about flying. lol.

2) yesterday, neighbour told me about guy who started ski hill I was skiing at....today people I had never met before told me about guy who started ski hill and gave me more information about guy's history and told me about a book that I think he wrote about his life story I think....it's called, "White Gold"

3) I was saying today that my immediate family are my toughest critics and I referenced/segued this to me and stand up comedy as like to infer that my family members basically heckle the shit out of me.  Today, I had family members laughing in like a state of hysterics...and also received direct feedback at different moments from cousin, mom and dad as like words of support/appreciation/knowing about my stand up comedy.

4) The point that I really like doing stuff....meaning particpating/contributing...I bought cold cuts today to prepare sandwhiches for ski exam tomorow as opposed to just buying my lunch because it takes less effort/preparation.  Everything that I can do to assist and support myself is cool.  Supporting and assisting myself in ways that assist and supoport all life is the epitome of cool.

5) My girlfriend told me I seemed different. I told her I am going through changes...I'm in process of transformation....I'm releasing myself from addictions...as like no more being an energy slut...as an energy slut is someone who fucks around in ways that are not best for Life as equality and oneness.

6) I talked about the ridiculousness of how I have always wanted to do things my way from and as a starting point of stubborness and self righteousness as like major ego...as like not wanting help/assistance and support.

7) I realise and recognize that as I allow myself access to assistance and support it all comes full circle as like connections connecting to points...increasing claritiy and enhancing understanding/specificty as like definitions as explanations that are best.


I will continue/expand in next post upon writing here shared today. Cheers!

Day 207 Breathing Part 4 of 21

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for desiring positive breathing experiences as like orgasmic.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for holding onto some memory experiences with regards to breathing and how I believe I should feel while breathing.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having surpressed the point of 4 count breathing as a practical tool of support in establishing stability in breath.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for rebelling against the point of 4 count breathing by creating a cool sounding alternative as fresstyle breathing as like a creative play.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not acknowledging the point I decided to write a series of 21 blogs on breathins was as means of support in relationship to a desteni video that was done with specific regards to breathing and 4 coint breath as 21 days to self freedom.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for thinking it's impossible or near impossible for me to count all my breaths without missing a single breath for 21 days.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself fo resisting the challenge of 4 count breathing for 21 days and to re-start whenever I miss a breath.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for holding onto memories of experiences where I was aware of my breathing as like a positive energy experience as like a spiritual meditative being.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for thinking that drugs act as like a short cut to learning to breathe effectively.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for desiring to take weed or mushrooms as like a therapeutic medicine to assist and support me with effective breathing.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for getting tired of distracting myself within mind consciousness system as as consequence of not taking direction of breath responsibility.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for hiding from physical particpation here when I go into experiences of tiredness as like consequence of trying to do something but thinking to much and not being directive principle in and as breath awareness.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not wanting to change my breathing relationship.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not totally committing to breath awareness as a physical lifetime commitment as what is best for life.

I realise lifetime physical commitment to breathing is a practical point of assistance and support in being here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having followed my mind as tempataion as like trains of thought as like accepted and allowed behaviour patterns I have approved of and being conditions as like trained to follow without questioning path/following thoughts/thinking as like whatever comes up within my mind.

I forgive mysef for accepting and allowing myself for not realising and understanding self responsibility as like a full time life commitment.

I forgive myself for not realising and understanding breathing as a 24/7 full time life commitment.

I commit myself to breathing as a 24/7 full time life commitment.

I realise my effectiveness in my every participation stems from my effectivenesss to flow as breath as like the structured stability of the four count breath program for 21 days in a row without missing a breath.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for forgetting about breath as I indulge in thoughts as like it happens so fast.

When and as I see myself accepting and allowing myself to go way into  my mind as like thinking and television wathching as like just looking at what comes up within my mind without the intention of taking self resposnibiliy, I stop and breathe as a moment of clarity.

When and as I see myself experiencing tiredness as like a heaviness in the eyes..I stop and breathe and continue to breathe as effective to assistance and support.

I commit myself to 4 counnt breathing.

I commit myself to becoming effective with 4 count breathing.

Day 206 Breathing Part 3 of 21

I'm writing about my relationship experiences with breath.  I am in the process of learning/becoming an effective breather.

In my last blog I left off on the point, creative play as like freestyle breathing.  Upon finishing my previous blog I had some reactions to saying the I would continue to expand on the point of creative play as like freestyle breathing in my next post.

My starting point of ending off my previous blog with a point to begin this blog with was from the perspective that I would investigate the point more today. It's interesting that I wanted to investigate this point more before writing about it, because I am basing the word phrase, 'creative play as like freestyle breathing' on past experiences when I was high and I felt very in tune with my breathing and I wasn't counting my breaths to make sure my giving and receiving was equal in terms of amount of time I breathed in and exhaled.  I was breathing inward as much or close to as much as possible and I was holding and releasing air/breath in the same manner.  The in, the out, and the hold, between the in and the out was like a sloooooooow going process,,,,I didn't rush myself in breathing...perhaps because I was high, I was more relaxed then I normaly was.

What I'm getting at is that within these breathing experiences while I was high...I experienced myself moving my body in direct specific accordance as one and equal to how I was breathing.  It was like total orgasmic experiences in the sense that I was flexing various muscles at various points within breath cycle...like a rythmic dance. 

So, in having brought forth this point at the end of my previous blog, I was like, I will investigate this point more as I play with my breathing today.

Today I was taking a ski exam it was day 1 of 5 and throughout the 5 days I will be evaluated and assessed on teaching and riding abilities.  Early in the day, the course evaluator told me I got to relax more and be more patient because I was trying to rush my moves. This feedback relates to the point of breathing as like creative play as like a freestyled breathing, because to be an effective freestyle breather as like creative play, you are required to be relaxed and patient....like no rushing what so ever....as the fluidity as awesome rythym as perfect timing and coordination becomes like a natural physical body movement that is like an orchestra symphony from the persepctive that breathing/breath is like the maestro and the body is an accumulation of physical sound instruments in perfect alignment to produce harmonious harmonics. Therefore, as you breathe, you play...you play as you breathe....breathing and playing are not separate....they are directly corelated...like interconnected. Abilities to play/breathe as an effective means of support is related to nature of relationship as patience.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for rushing my breathing.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for being in a hurry to breathe.

I forgive myself for not realising and understanding the harm as form of stress placed on the body when breathing is taken for granted and breaths are wasted as consequence of shallow breathing as like exisiting in a state of fear/love as polarity energies within mind consciousness participations.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for creating judgements about breathing.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for thinking I am like trying to spice up the importance/effectivenss of breathing as a means of self support as like trying to justify/validate/define the awesomeness of effective breathing.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for nto realising the starting point of all practical physical movement stems from breath as like how I move in breath is how I move in physicality.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fearing write about investigative process of breathing as like what if I make a mistake.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for taking offense upon myself in the form of self judgement.

I realise I am in process of becoming an effective breather.

I commit myself to becoming an effective breather.

I realise Life can't be granted untill not a single breath is taken granted.

I realise life is suppressed as long as breath is suppressed.

I commit myself to stopping breath suppression as like shallow rushed/anxious breathing.

I commit myself to giving attention as patience to each breath.

When and as I see myself missing a breath as like making a mistake in rushing my breathing as consequence of thinking...I stop and breathe...as I realise the ridiculousness of freaking out about the point I am faced with a becoming the solution.

I commit myself to becoming a living expression as solution which is best for all life.

I realise I am in process of becoming solution which is best for all life.

I realise each being is part of solution as what is best for life

Day 205 Breathing part 2 of 21

It's cool how breathing is like the start/stop of like my mind consciousness movie as like I take resposnibility for accepted and allowed patterned behaviour conditions as how  I have previously acted as mind consciousness programming.

Practicing stopping mind particpations within myself as like backchat by focussing on breathing is assisting me to see how I have accepted and allowed myself to be like consciously automated....whether it be from my conscious/sub conscious or unconscious mind.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having neglected my breath in moments where I desire to follow curiousity to play out thought pattern behaviour as like chasing after accepted and allowed defined experience as a form of positive energy as like knowing what the experience is going to be like if I follow the train of thought.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for being addicted to following certain trains of thought where stopping mind consciousness particpation within myself seems difficult at times because it's like I am not totally commiting myself to stop and change as what is best for all.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for wanting to keep positive energy experiences.

I forgive myself for not wanting to let go of positive energy experiences.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for resisting to change the nature of my accepted and allowed positive energy relationships.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fearing to equalize positive energy experiences.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for giving into temptation as like mind backchat as like suggesting me follow a particular pattern of thought that will lead to a positive energy experience.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for resisting to question the origin of the  backshat that exists within myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for pleading ignorance to some backchat that exists within myself as like wanting to justify and validate the particpation within certain trains of back chat thinking as like so I can fulfill my fantasies and desires of satisfying addictions as like urges and cravings based on self created impulses I have conditioned myself to liking as the epitome of positive energy experiences.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for believing and justifying it to be ok to not allow myself to be influenced by energy experiences sometimes and ok to deliberately go into energetic energy experiences other times from within the starting point of polarity friction/conflict

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for resisting to let a point of infatuation go within myself by stopping and breathing when and as I realise I am inducing a mind fuck.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not wanting to change and let go of addictions.

I realise the importance of establishing intimacy as breathing as like a physical act of really for the first time, getting to know myself.

I realise I assist and support physical stability with attention/awarenes/focus on breathing.

I realise I enjoy moving myself fromn the starting point of breath as like all physical actions stems from my effectiveness in and as breath.

I commit myself to freestyling my play with breath as like to freestyle my physical movement and direction as like an act of creative play as what is best for Life.

When and as I see myself resisting and restricting my creative play as self direction stemming from freestyled breathing, I stop and breathe and allow myself to freestyle breathing as a physical act of creative play.

In the next post I will continue with expansion as example/illustration of creative play as freestyle breathing

Day 204 Breathing part 1 of 21

I've decided that I am going to dedicate the next 21 days to writing about the breathing as a means of physical self support as like a form of nourisment for well being.

I've come to realise breathing as a practical tool of self support in facilitating physical awareness.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having taking breathing as a practical tool of self support in facilitating physical awareness for granted.

I forgive myself for not realising and understanding how I have physically neglected being here by having taken breathing for granted.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to forget about the practicallity of breathing within moments throughout my day.

I forgive myself for not realising and understanding how shit compounds within my mind that has physical consequence when I am not present as the directive force/principle in being here in breath as like the director of the flow as the air in and out of me as like a giving and receieving as a physical act of love.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having thought that it is too difficult to be the directive force/principle for my breathing all the time.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having believed that it is too difficult to focus on breathing and my physical movement all the time.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having neglected attention to breath when I am engaging in points of entertainment/work.

I realise that being here in every breath is important as an act of self responsibility as physical body nourishment and support.

I realise the importance in training myself to be effective here with evey breath as the importance of not taking even a single breath for granted.

I commit myself to establishing intimacy within myself as particpation/direction with breathing as like an act of self love.

When and as I see myself engaged within back chat/self talk....I stop and breathe and allow myself to return my attention/direction/focus/awareness on breathing physical support here.

When and as I see myself participating within the mind, I stop and breathe.

When and as I see myself following a train of thought, I stop and breathe as like to slow myself down from moving according to thought/feeling/emotion/reaction.

Day 203 Are You Happy?

My Dad asked me today, "are You happy?"  I wanted to say, "yes" and make believe it to be true.  I said, "No".

My Mom told me, "you're looking at the glasss half empty and not seeing that the glass is half full." This was kind of funny to me as like to say half empty is a negative view and half full is a positive view and within the positive view to be gratefull for having what you have...as like it could be worse. 

It's kind of ridiculous how the positive is always connected to the negative...like in a comparison type of way...like....fear of loss....like be gratefull for your health and that you have food and clothes and a place to live....and I mean it's kind of ridiculous that one should be pleased for having these things as like to say congratulations, "You're winnning Life because a good portion of life does'nt have the things you have...so  like you should be happy for having more than others. Like what the fuck?


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for believing happiness to be genuine and real when any form of suffering exists.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having thought that it is unfortunate if you are not happy.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe happiness exists only for some people.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having placed importance upon 'happiness.'

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having resisted the mental delusion associated with proclaimed happiness as like confirmation of asserting personality as greedy self righteousness with no real regard for Life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for thinking that I need to defend myself and justify myself with reasoning as to why I am not happy.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having created conditions of happiness based on having or not having certain material possessions and the quality of physical conditioning.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having focused on self interest as like personal happiness as like focusing on the positive and chasing after fulfilment within desires.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having mindfucked myself within the belief of the pursuit of happiness as like something to be attained as like goals/accomplishments/rewards.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having tried to delude myself with happiness as like a grand mind fuck.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having gone into the polariy opposite position of not happy as like the negative charge....as like believing that I have to be eitheir happy or not happy as like I am connected to some sort of conditioning and I am required to chose a polarity point.

I forgive myself fro not realising and understanding that I can choose to stop choosing polarity points of comparison/splitting/fragmenting/separation as I accept and allow equality and oneness here as a means of self perfection as that which is always best.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for believing that total perfection is impossible.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having limmited myself to instant gratification as like immediate results/change.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having resisted the self commitment to long term change which is best for life in all ways that are best.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for taking all the brutality that exists personally.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for mind fucking myself within positivity and I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having gone back and forth between positive and negative as like a constant friction within myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for believing that equalizing myself is extremely difficult.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for desiring to hold onto positive experiences.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fearing to let go of positive experiences.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realising the point of energetic friction within myself results as consequence of fearing to let go of the positive experience/relationship...as like the positive is related to the negative and therfore the positive is feeding the negative...and therfore total transfromation is required into and as equality and oneness as like total equalization as a physical structural sound balance as like no discrepancies...like total agreement.

I realise I am in the midst of walking process of total transformation as change from polarized energy participations to that of equalizing myself here as Life birthed from the physical as a structural sound agreement as living words from and as the starting point of equality and oneness.

I realise the ridiculousness of proclaiming happiness as like a mental health concern.

I realise living in the pursuit of happiness is a mental health concern.

I realise exposing the ridiculousness of happiness as like a self hypnosis mental delusion based on proliferating and asserting greedy self righteousness brings about criticism as like automated defense constructs as like a means of protecting ego as self interested patterned behaviour existence/perception.

I realise exposing points of ridiculousness as the funny that is here is like really bad jokes...like being of the most brutal nature as we are faced with the ugly truth in our shared reality here.

When and as I see myself going into an experience of desiring to be happy as like, oh I just gotta do this or that...or get this/obtain this...than I will be happy/satisfied....I stop and I breathe,...and I ground myself within physicality as I realise the ridiculousness of perpetuating dimensions of fear within myself as the happiness delusion as like a form of self denial that is pepetuated from the consequence of existing within and as a greedy self righteous persona.

Day 202 Christmas Gifts

I forgiving myself for accepting and allowing myself for having created a positive relationship towards christmas because ever since I was a child I was given gifts.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that christmas is something that will always be celebrated and worshiped as an almight holdiay and the most wonderful time of the year because I was indoctrinated to believe this to be true.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for believing that I was spend so much money at christmas time because people will be spending so much money on me at christmas time.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for feeling trapped and obliged to take part in christmas activities because I am surrounded by christmas particpations within my environment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for resisting to refute any and all particpations within christmas activities because I like receiving gifts from people.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for liking christmas because I am greedy.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to perpetuate greed within myself by particpating in christmas gift exchanges.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for for having created conflict about christmas and towards people who like and praise christmas as the most wonderful time of the year.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for reacting to the insanity of christmas celebrations and the consumerism that is closely related and ingrained within christmas traditions.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing feelings of obligation as like compliance to act in accordance to christmas traditions as belierfs that if been indoctrinated within myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having been a real capitalist about christmas as like looking to buy gifts that are on sale that appear to cost more then I actually paid for them and to also hope that I receive more than I spent.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having perpetuated selfishness within myself in accordance to liking christmas because I receive more than I give.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fearing to give people things they may not want for christmas.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for resisting to give people eqafe products as gifts because they might have reactions to receiving such gifts.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fearing to instigate reactions within people.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for taking personally peoples reactions to receiving certain gifts.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for desiring to receive lots of gifts at christmas.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having created resistance about christmas.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realising and understanding the disgusting nature that is perpetuated within human beings at christmas time.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for resisting to expose all the bullshit surrounding christmas participations.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for believing that I am required to get certain people gifts at christmas based on some sort self created value scale of entitlement and or because I believe a persone might get me something for christmas.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fearing to be labeled as a scrooge and a cheap if I don't particpate in buying people gifts.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having attached a negative enrgery charge to the word scrooge and to the word cheap.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for believing that being regarded as cheap or a scrooge is a bad thing that I should try to avoid at all costs. all costs...lol.

I forgive myself for not realising and understanding the ridiculousness of trying to avoid being labeled as cheap at all costs...as like the ridiculousness of buying my positive compliments so to speak as like to want and desire to be spoken to in a way that strokes my ego so that I comfortable in mental masturbation activity.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for resisting to ruin christmas.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for feeling obliged to participate within family christmas celebrations.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not wanting to let go of family christmas celebrations out of fear of judgement and condemnation.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fearing to call out all points of stupidity associated with christmas.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for perpetuating stupid within and as christmas celebrations.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having made a big deal about christmas.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having held onto feelings/emotions about christmas as either postive or negative shit.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing a love/hate relationship with christmas.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having placed myself in conflict with people people who love christmas.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fearing to instigate exposure of the ridiculousness as like absurd stupidity about christmas.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fearing to offend and hurt people's feelings by exposing the mental insanity of perpetuating the anual christmas celebrations.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for playing along with the ridiculousness of christmas.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself taking the ridiculously insane absurdities that exist here within our shared reality personally.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for desiring and wanting and hoping for instant realizations into the aburd ridiculousness of global participations here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for thinking of myself as righteously superior to those who don't seen the perpetuated fuckedness in christmas celebrations.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for mentally masturbating about christmas.

I realise the ridiculousnes absurdity of christmas celebrations.

I realise christmas has been indoctrinated as a mass consumerism holiday that perpetuates the inequality between the haves and the have nots.

I realise accepting and allowing feelings or emotions about christmas is a mind fuck that can be avoided by not allowing myself to go there in indulging within reactions about christmas as a conflict between good and evil.

I realise it will take time for all of humanity to realise the ridiculous absurdity of chirstmas.

I realise taking things personally is a ridiculous mind fuck that can be avoided by realising the ridiculousness of taking things personally.

I realise reporting the ridiculousness of christmas is a cool point of self support.

I realise I am capable and able of not accepting and allowing myself to feel obliged to oblige feelings/emotions.

When and as I see myself accepting and allowing myself to mind fuck myself about christmas and specifically chirstmas participations, I stop and breathe and allow myself to prevent the perpetuation of a consequential mind fuck by reacting to reactions in regards to christmas celebrations.

When and as I see myself taking the ridiculous absurd stupidity of christmas personally, I stop and breath...and I accept and allow myself to have a laugh at the ridiculous absurd stupidity of christmas participations.

Day 201 The Benefit of Doubt

The benefit of Doubt.  Give me...Give them the benefit of Doubt.

Ok, So I have been holding the point close within myself and kind of monitoring it as I have had my doubts about the benefits of doubt. lol.  It's kind of funny how in looking at this point I have had a tendency to try and define the point within polarized energy as being either a positive thing or a negative thing.  Also the point of doubt coming up within myself as like starting to doubt what makes sense because that is not part of my already programmed conditioning.

The benefit of doubt seems to be a mind fuck.  Like, imagine going to the hospital for a surgery and the doctor says to you, "do you have the benefit of doubt?.....Tell you what, let me give you the benefit of the doubt and therfore assume you are telling me the truth even though it looks like you may have taken drugs that could comprimise the surgery....not to worry because we will be exercising the benefit of doubt as like a self defense mechanism/coping tool as a way of avoiding to face possible conflict as brutal truth and self responsibility."

Doubt is a shitty benefit. (see later within post how a shitty benefit can be utlised as a point of self support in etablishing self trust as the starting point of self trust starts with self and releasing self doubt)

Doubt definitions:

  verb (used with object)

1.

to be uncertain about; consider questionable or unlikely; hesitate to believe.

2.

to distrust.

3.

Archaic. to fear; be apprehensive about.

verb (used without object)

4.

to be uncertain about something; be undecided in opinion or belief.

noun

5.

a feeling of uncertainty about the truth, reality, or nature of something.

6.

distrust.

7.

a state of affairs such as to occasion uncertainty.

8.

Obsolete . fear; dread.

 

Reference: http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/doubt

 

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for using doubt in deceptive ways as like a self defense mechanism as like to shift responsibility away from myself as like to avoid seeing with clarity the total situation.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for believing doubt to be a benefit that is in the best interest of all life here.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realising the benefit of doubt can only exist when there are trust issues....and trust issues can only exist due to lack of self trust.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for doubting and questioning my self trust as like being hesitant about trusting myself and therfore fearing to trust myself within decisions and resposnibilities as like self commitments.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fearing self trust.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having looked for comfort within the benefit of doubt as like not being totally certain and therfore not considered liable/responsible for any consequences because I was exercising the benefit of doubt as like disregarding the evidence and the facts and going into a belief of deciding on something based on whim as like choosing to ignore the the bulk of evidence as realisation and understanding because that would result in a different decision.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realising and understanding that the benefit of doubt as to make decisions that are illogical as like to ignore the physical evidence here in making sound decisions under the guise of hope.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for connecting doubt to being a benefit or favour.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for trying to make the word doubt either positive or negative in its connotation.

 

I forgive myself for not realising and understanding the benefit of doubt exists as to assert and prove rightness as like self righteousness as like being right.....as like the benefit of doubting what was being said was that there was a belief in the slight possiblitly of asserting righteousness as like being right and getting the results you want and hope for.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realising the connection between self righteousness and the benefit of the doubt.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having participated within doubting from and as the starting point of self righteousness and greed as like to protect my personal bubble world of specific perceptions of this how I like things to be.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realising and understanding the nastiness within the benefit of the doubt which is portrayed under the guise of niceness.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not considering and realising that giving someone the benefit of doubt is like accepting and allowing the doubt to conitinue to exist within self.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for accepting doubt wihtin myself as like a way of avoiding facing the truth of myself.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for holding onto doubt as like an excuse and validation that I can't possibly understand everything about myself and be without doubt because there is just too much of me here.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for connecting doubt to being overwhelmed and use doubt as the excuse/resason/justification to dismiss clarity/certainty/undestanding within myself.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for existing within doubt as like a an egoic form of self preservation.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for holding onto doubt within myself as like a way of preventing and circumventing the death of my ego.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for accepting and allowing myself for validating the benefits of doubt as like a way to avoid facing conflict within myself and within others.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fearing to face conflict and therfore use doubt as a self defnese mechanism as like to hide my eyes from seeing the truth of existence.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fearing to be attacked if I do not accept and allow the benefits of doubt.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realising and understanding that doubt is perpetuated because of fear as like various reasons of ridiculousness as a means of avoiding the conlifct that is here....when in actuality, doubt perpetuates the conflict that is here because particpating in doubt is liking hoping and wanting conlifct to be sorted out without taking a self directive position in bringing about conflict resolutions as sustainable solutions that are are best for life here.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realising and understanding that I cannot exist within absolute certainty within myself as long as I exist within and as doubt.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for desiring and hoping for absolute certainty within myself.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself fro having manipulated myself into positions of absolute certainty from within a dishonest starting point as like neglecting equality and oneness and therfore not realising how I manipulated myself into believing myself as absolute certainty through and as the consequence of accepting and allowing 'the benefits of doubt' to exist within myself.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for believing in the benefits of doubt.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realising that the benefits of doubt are like a self deceptive manipulation tactic to feel good and to avoid possible friction that is already existing benearth the surface to rear its head and been seen and exposed.

 

I forgive myself for not realising the benefits of doubt as like being able to keep secret and remain hidden the forbidden knowledge and information as like the accepted and allowed truth of the situation.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fearing peoples emotions.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing doubt to exist as as a benefit.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for manipulating my actions as a means of manipulating the actions and responses of others.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for for avoiding to speak in ways that may incite emotions within people as like bring up shit that is being hidden beneath the surface.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fearing to take self resposnibility for the shit I incite within other people here....and I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realising my self direction within and as self support and assistance as like directing situations/solutions as what is best and therfore handle as a point of self direction any and all reactions as like an effortless ease I am able to facilitate with patience and perseverance as self willed life commitment to what is best always here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for doubting Life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for doubting myself as Life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having made reasons/justifications/excuses/limitations upon Life as accepting and allowing myself to have my doubts about Life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not trusting Life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for doubting self trust.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for resisting to trust people and therfore excercise the benefit of doubt as like accepting and allowing myself to not trust a point and then to follow along with the point anyway.

I forgive myself for not realising and understanding that as I trust myself I can trust everyone as I allow myself to stand as a reflection of everyone here and therfore I able able to hear clear what is being said and therfore there becomes no need for belief in and as interpretation as I become a sound guy as like equality and oneness in and as physical structural sound as like the making I am becoming.

I forgive myself for not realising and understanding that doubt exists as like wanting more feedback for a situation to bring abut clarity and certainty.

I forgive myself for not realising and understanding doubt as a tool of support to assist and support with clarity and understanding.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for believing that there cannot be good and bad points about doubt.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for creating a conflict scenario between good and bad as like trying to circumvent the bad with the good and not really considering the cycle of good and bad and how the value of good and bad exist as like complimentary as like one doesn't exist withiout the other as like good and bad being relative.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realising and understanding that in a world of abuse....doubt as a benefit may act as a cool point of self suppor tin establishing stability as like taking onself to the point of nothingness where you trust nothing....not even yourself....till here no further,...begin a new...as like to start with self trust...and as self is understood....Life is born from the physical....as and within self trust as no doubt about self/life/here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for blaming my relationships with words and phrases here as like so to point the finger as phrases and sayings as for example " the benefit of doubt" as like to form sort of belief as to how to operate within accordance and relationship to the benefit of doubt as like a separate entity from and as the benefits of doubt.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having separated myself from and as words and phrases and created relationship beliefs about words and phrases as like operational rules of condes of conduct as like how I am suppose to act in relation to certain words as like reactions when and as I hear specifc words and phrases spoken.

I forgive mysel for accepting and allowing myself for having created rules as like coding within myself as beahvioural reactions within myself according to specific valuses assigned to words and phrases of words.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having manipulated the value of words and phrases to be out of wack as like totally misalligned.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having fucked with sturctural ressonance allignment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having created a structural resonance alignment as like a scale of values as like competing values in competion with one another.

When and as I see myself accepting and allowing myself reacting to words/behaviours/patterns here....I stop and I breathe and I accept and allow myself to look at point of self compromise as defined valuse assements from within and as the starting point of asserting and proclaiming and defending self righteousness.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having limmited and suppressed my ability and capabilitlies to here with clarity as like without reaction/judgement.

I forgive myself for not realising and understanding that my ability and capabilities to hear with clarity and certainty here are enhanced as I take self responsibility for each and every discrepancy within myself as like my structural resosnace allignment system as like the scale of values that is in disharmony with life harmony.

I realise the sound game I have been playing within and as energy participations as like how I choose to hear what is here based on how I have chosen to define what is here with and as my sounds and therefore chosen to categorize my hearing and seeing here within and as feelings/emotions.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having alligned my existence here to that which I desire and like based upon self interest as feelings as like what I have defined my feelings to be as like the desired positive buzz for myself to experience bliss.

I realise ability as self respnsibility to direct solutions which are best for all life in every moment are compromised within uncertainty as like doubting self responsibility and capabilities as consequence of accepting and allowing myself to react and fear to being here,  as clear and capable hearing here to listen to all given positions as like the certainty in hearing with clarity the truth of the sounds.

I commit myself to certainty in sound.

I commit myself to listening and devlopping clarity from listening with a clear ear as like to hear what is hear without judging what I hear.

I commit myself to letting go of the benefits of doubt as like coping mechanism...and I enable my self trust here as like the compensation for letting go of the benefits of doubt as I choose to no more hide and defend myself from being attacked.

I commit myself to sharing common sense solutions.

I commit myself to playing as commen sense simplicity.

 

Day 200 Doubting My Fellow Man

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for doubting people's ability to change.

I forgive myself for not realizing and understanding that I have been self sabotaging my ability to change by projecting the belief that other people are not able to change.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having doubted myself and my ability to change as what is best for all life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having liked placing myself within and as a position of superiority where I believe I am capable and able of great change and I believe that most other people are just not capable and able of great change.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for participating in self righteous justification as consequence of separating myself from myself by placing myself in comparison with others whom I have believed to be separate from me and are bad and that I am good.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having created and participated within mind fucks of doubt by allowing myself to go into friction of comparison as good versus evil.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing how it is an act of blame and justification as a lame excuse to hold onto doubt.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having developed a negative energy charge toward the word doubt.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for believing and hoping that if I let go of all doubt than in fact great change will be possible.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for hoping for great change.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for believing great change is possible.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having doubted my fellow man as like and excuse and abdication of my self will as reason and justification for me to remain within the same patterned behaviors of self interest as thought/feeling/emotion play outs as consequence existing in time.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for wanting to see doubt as an act of strength.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having connected doubt to the word belief and believe....like if you don't doubt than you must have faith and believe as like subscribing to a certain belief construct conditioning as mind perspective.

I realize doubting beliefs is a cool act of questioning validity/accuracy/accountability of what is being said.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for believing that if I don't doubt myself and my fellow man that I must believe in myself and my fellow man.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for doubting myself and my fellow man as consequence of knowing what I have accepted and allowed to exist within myself.

I forgive myself for not realizing and understanding that self doubt is released/relinquished in all ways as self trust is developed and in lived as practical solution here as starting point in and as self movement as like a hear here hearing what is here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having not wanted to trust myself always beause than I am without excuse and must stand as what is best for life always always.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for doubting and fearing to stand within and as self trust as what is best for life always.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for worrying about my ability and my fellow man's ability to stand as what is best for life always.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for accepting and allowing myself for having operated from within and as the starting point of beliefs as a way to form perspectives and move myself about from within the comfort of a particular energetic frequency as like a false sense of knowing...as belief conditioning hypnosis programming.

I realize the ridiculousness of doubting myself/doubting my fellow man as like giving attention to doubt serves no great purpose.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not wanting to see doubt as point necessary to bring about an end to a means as like proof/truth as like what are the physical facts of the matter as like the answer/solution.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing  myself for resisting seeing doubt as a cool point of self support because it doesn't sit well with how I have conditioned myself to view and perceive doubt.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for manipulating myself/others as consequence of how I accept and allow myself to perceive/believe words to be as like charges placed onto words within and as conflict/friction/polarized energy.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for defining doubt as a negative charged word.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for defining doubt as a positively charged word.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for creating conflict within myself by accepting and allowing doubt to be either charged as positive or negative within myself.

I forgive myself for allowing myself to believe that doubt is bad and improper manners and is something one shouldn't allow oneself to do because of the saying I heard that you should always give everyone the benefit of the doubt.

I forgive myself for not realizing and understanding what it means to give someone the benefit of the doubt as like to be an example of solution.


I would like to investigate the statement, "give someone the benefit of the doubt". So, I will end my blog at this point of, 'benefit of the doubt' and allow this point as a seed of support to grow within myself over night and I will investigate this point/growing/expansion within myself and I will report my findings/understandings/realizations.

Remember, just give me the benefit of the doubt that I will report back on the point of benefit of the doubt.

LOL

I'm giving myself the benefit of the doubt.

Day 199 Bad Posture

Continuing with self forgiveness on bad posture from my previous blog


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for creating a rebelious attitude towards posture.

I forgive myself for not realising and understanding this rebelious attitude towards posture was in fact an act of self sabotage that just compromised my physical well being here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for rebelling with my physicality like me in my mind of thoughts and feelings could out think the body into what I desire and believe that I would like.

I forgive myself for not realising and understanding the point of resistance to aligning with proper posture was a point of accepted and allowed conflict within myself as like a stubborness to living as alignement to what is best for physicality.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having compromised physical well being because of accepted and allowed stubborness as like egoic behaviour.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for being upset and disapointed with myself for having fucked with my physicality so exstensively here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having aligned my physicality with feelings and emotions as like whatever I think I am and follow as like existing within a state of subserviance.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for being disapointed with myself for all the mistakes I have made throughout my time here.

I forgive myself for not realising and understanding that recognising all my mistakes I have made can be a cool point of support to assist me with understanding the inner workings of my mind as thoughts/feelings/emotions.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having seen aligning pproper posture as work and effort.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having developed a conflicting relationship with work and effort and therfore avoided it all costs.

I forgive myself for not realising and understanding the avoidance of work and effort have resulted in physical neglect as like being negligence towards life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for being negligent towards life as consequence of accepting and allowing myself for dismissing the importance and practicality of work and effort as like a necessary component to daily living and physical maintenance here as like a contribution to life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having been a bad example here as consequence of having neglected and disregearded my posture so exstensively.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having to come to the point of accepting and allowing my posture to get so bad before I realised the point of self sabotage and neglect as disregarding my best interests as the interests that are best for life here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for perpetuating laziness within myself as consequence of having submitted to not allowing myself to sit upright.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for automatically going into a poistion of slouching as like an act of rebellion towards authority as like the rules and physical understanding of the human body that proper posture is important for physical well being.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for accepting and allowing myself for having acted an existed like a blob...like resisting to really hold myself upright and walk/stand tall.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for thinking that to hold myself upright ios uncomfortble.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for resisting all things that I experience as uncomfortable.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for always trying to insure that I am alligned as comfortable as like effortlessness.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realising that always alligning myself to comfortable and effortlessness has been a point of self interest from the persepctive of me as ego as like not wanting to push myself into points of self expansion so as to find out what I am capable and able of practically living from and as the starting point of what is best for life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having resisted taking self responsibility and re alligning my posture to what is best as best physical support.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for allowing emotions as like "i don't fee like it excuse to have directed me away from actions as physical support.'

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing my mind consciousness system to influence my physicality in ways that do not support me.

I forgive myself for accepting allowing myself for believing that it hurts my back too much to have to sit up straight.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having neglected my back muscles support and strength as consequence of accepting and allowing myself for having spited myself with poor posture throughout the years.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for being angry and irritated about the consequence I am faced with here today as requiring physical re-alignment to what is best for all life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for mindfucking myself with the attitude and beliefs of loooking back in the past and think about how if I had of acted differently.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realising and understanding that I can using looking back at past actions as a point of support as like being greateful for seeing the self corrections I am able to walk as the solution to me here as commitment to self perfection...so as to insure I don't accept and allow myself to compromise my physical body.


I realise I am in process of walking self corrections as I allow myself to perfect being here.

I realise perfecting myself here is a process and that I am constantly faced with points of correction as I have existed here for so long without considering what is best for all life here always and thus therfore within that equation what is best for me too.

I realise that allowing myself to react to point of self correction is ridiculously absurd because that's just wasting time within and as self pity.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having taken self pity upon myself as like to wallow whine wihtin and as sadness/self victimization.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for brinh concerned with my physical well being while at the same time spiting my physical well being as consequence of accepting and allowing myself to be at conflict with effort and work.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for defining work as effort and wihtin this , I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for reissting effort that I don't experience a positive feeling towards and as.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for only being interested in effor where I see the pay out as like an experience of reward or as like instant gratification as like some sort of high experience within the real of positivity as like asserting self righteousness as big ego.

I realise every time I correct my posture and allow myself to stick to self commitment to re align my posture as to hold myself up within myself as like to stand within myself absolute as like stability and solid physicality as strenght and self willed determination...over time I will become the resultso fmy work as self correction and my posture will be re-aligned to what is best.

I realise I am walking through consequences in time and the process of re-allignment take place in time and is not in one moment entirely finished as like all done process...totla transcendence from mind as energy and limitation into physical substance complete.

I realise posture supports my physical body self awareness here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having neglected physical self awareness here as consequence of neglecting my posture.

I realise good posture aligns with effective breathing for the best maintenance and governance of my physicality.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having felt sorry for myself and for feeling stuck here as like ugh Ive had no choice in the matter...and I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having made holding myself up here a burden to the point where Ive dragged my ass around and constantly leaned upon things as like me dieing withing myself as like struggling to exist here within myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having neglected physical support to such an exstent that I didnt even consider an act of physical suppor to be my posture and holding myself upright.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realising and understand how when I was yound I developped strong positive feeling towards physical fitness...and as like consequence the strong love as feeling towards physical fitness didnt stick and turned negative and nasty as like brutal abuse.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself that all the positive feelings about physical fitness were just as abusive if not more abusive than all the negative emotions about physical fitness as laziness and lethargy as like such a resistance to move myself within myself as a point of physical support and self nourishment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowign myself for having particpated and allowed resitance towards physical exercise as a point of physical support as like a form of self goevernance and maintenance as like taking care of my physical body here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for believing that I shouldnt have to work or put in effort to care for the well being of my physicality here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for spiting physicality as life here by deliberately trying to do nothing to support my physical well being in hopes and desires that doing nothing to support myself physically will actually support me physically.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for indulging within thoughts based upon hopes and desires from the starting point of self righteousness as like this is what I want because this is how I feel and I think what I feel and because I am greedy this is how I am going to act.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself fo rhaving neglect my posture as consequence of playing out the acceptance and allowance of greedy self righteousness as I always do things my way.

I forgive msyelf for accepting and allowing myself for trying to make my way as the way as like me being superior and therfore having the best way and therfore all others should see me and my way and adopt to me and my particpations.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having perpetuated delusions within myself by actually realising that I have participated within doing things that were not infact best and required re-allignmnet...but I didnt want to acknowledge and walk self correction because I would be required to admit and acknowedge my faults and people would see me changing my ways and therfore see me walking a different path...and therfore they would no that I gave up on my way.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for resisting and not wanting to give up my way as like what I think and feel.

When and as I see myself accepting and allowing myself neglecting my posture, I take a deep breath and allow myself to re-allign my posture with breath as like a strecthing myself out as like releasing tension and strain from my body as like the consequence of accepting and allowing bad posture.

I commit myself to re-alligning my posture as equality and oneness so as to become physical alignment as example/solution here as equality and oneness.

Day 198 Posture

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having disregarded the importance of having good posture.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having created the memories when I was young that good posture is work and hard and is not fun and I think I should not have to be concerned with posture.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having created friction towards having good posture.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that being hunched over is more comfortable that sitting/standing upright.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realising and understanding bad posture results from laziness as like an accepted and allowed heaviness within myself as like an accepted and allowed tiredness as consequence of resisting to move self here.

Day 197 Talk of Support

So, I had several talks of support today/this evening.  What was common within the talks of support was the sharing of assistance and support from the starting point of giving as you would like to receive.

What does it mean to give as you would like to receive?

Well, there is many facets to understanding the simplicity of giving and receiving.

For example,

1) When someone is talking, listen.

2) When you have a reaction to what a person is saying see the gift that is being presented here, don't allow yourself to go there in following reaction...as this disrupts the flow of what a person is saying and you will spoil the gift as the point of reaction within yourself as a self reflection which enables self perfection.

3) When someone reacts to your words be patient.

4) Listen to the presence you are receiving as physical sound expression.

5) Listening enables receiving and giving.

6) If you listen you will receive everything.

7) Being selective with listening is mentally retarded because you are blocking out the most important part because what you don't deliberately hear is exactly what you need.

8) Sound sews it so as all is sewn together here in sound so you know what is existing here in sound.

9) You cannot receive what you are not willing to give

10) Give everything

11) Life is Everything

12) Life is given

13) Everything is given

14) The law of equality

15) Life is God

16) God is Sound

17) Sound is physical structure

18) participate as physical structural support

19) Sharing physical structural support is key to becoming Life

20) Words are physical structural support.

21) Share words as physical structural support

Day 196 Mental Masturbation Charcter

Thinking....like projecting thoughts upon the future...reflecting upon the past....stewing in whatever pops up....giving the time and attention to whatever pops up in the head...not seeing and realising that all these thoughts popping up are like dicks to jerk off or pussies to fuck as like down the rabbit hole riding the train of thought...ramrodding any actual physical particpation.

Above words are some ways to to describe mental masturbation, which can also be refferred to as mind fucking.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having been addicted to mental masturbation.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for perpetuating mental masturbation indulgences.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for being ashamed and not wanting to acknowledge that I've been a chronic mental masturbator.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fucking with myself constantly as like an all the time thing.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realising and understanding how possessed I have been within and as mental masturbation.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for denying to see how possessed I have been to mentally masturbating myself as like always participating with whatever pops up within my head as like being a real enrgy slut as like being an attention seeking energy whore.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for being addicted to energy buzz from passive or active particpations within mind fucking.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for taking either an active or passive role within mind fucking.

I forgive myself for not realising and understanding the ridiuclousness of taking either an active or passive role within mind fucking...ridiculousness.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having perpetuated mind fucking as like fear/love energetic fuel as like getting high off the positive and the negative energies.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for being a greedy self righteous mind fucker.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not understanding the nature of thinking.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for thinking that thinking is healthy.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for being addicted to thinking.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fucking myself  in some many different ways as consequence of accepting and allowing myself to mentally masturbate myself within the spectrum of emotions and feelings as emotions representing the negative energies and feelings representing the positive energies.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for mind fucking the shit out of myself as like mining/minding the physical substance from my body as like disregard any consequence of mental masturbation.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having created dillusional deliberate manipulative mindfucks that I want to believe in as like a form of faith as like that I can have hope that by particpating within mind fucks that my dreams/desires will come to fruition.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having indulged in mind fucking from the starting point of self interest as righteousness as being justified and believing myself to be the mind fuck.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having resisted brutally exposing the ridiculousness as like the crazy wowness of mind fucking/mental masturbation because in doing so I am exposing myself as I am not separate from the fuckedness particpations as a point of self responsibility for all the mind fucking that exists because I have enegaged in mental masturbation since I learned how to think.

I forgive myself for not realising that I have limmited and supressed physical sex as consequence of accepting and allowing myself to mentally masturbate.

I forgive myself for not realising and understanding how limmited I have been as consequence of accpeting and allowing myself to mentally masturbate.

I forgive myself for not really wanting to consider the consequences of mental masturbation because that would mean I would be faced with the brutal harsh truth of what I have accepted and allowed that has been in fact a travesty of life here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for wanting and desiring to profess and proclaim my innocence as like ohh it's not my fault that I have been a chronic mental masturbator.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for wanting and desiring to shift responsibility away from myself as like to hide in ignorance.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not knowing, realising and understanding what it is like to exist for a whole day here without mentally masturnbating.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for believing that I cannot go days without mentally masturbating myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for thinking that it would be soo hard to stop thinking and within this statement I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realising and understanding the implication within this statement as like being a double penetration as a double mind fuck as like this point having multiple dimensions to it...as like getting fucked from 2 different angles...as it's it's like me fucking me with 2 dicks...as like what the fuck.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for being addicted to fucking myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fucking myself in every way possible.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for believing that I could mind fuck people.....I forgive myself for not realising and understanding the point of equality and oneness with regards to mental masturbation/mind fucking as meaning that if I allow myself to fuck myself I am allowing all of existence to fuck themselves as like equal treatment as treat others like I like to be treated.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for treating myself to an over indulgence of mind fucking on a daily basis.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having feared taking self responsibility for my actions as accepting and allowing myself for jerking off in my head as like chronically mastubrating mentally as thoughts/thinking/feelings/emotions/reactions/love/fear/drugs/alcohol/relationships/sports/video games/tv/family/friends/politics/work/gossip/blame/jealousy/anger/irritation/frustration/excitement/annoyance/frustration/happiness/

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for mind fucking myself about the fact that I decided to open up and expose the point of mental masturbation.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realising and understanding the starting point of mental masturbation being thinking/fear/judgement

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for mind fucking the belief that to stop the evolution of mind fucking will take forever.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for mind fucking myself in time as like existing within and as a separate relationship to time as like I am always losing time and I am trying to gain time but it seems time is working against me as like I always seem to spend more time than I actually require to get something done...yet it takes me more time and I like to have as much time as possible because I have been greedy about time. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for being greedy and righteous about time...and specifically my time as like the time that I own.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for wowing at the ridiculousness as like wow to looking at myself and seeing that the extent of mental masturbation within myself is exstensive.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having mentally masturbated while I physically masturbated.  I forgive myself for not realising and understanding that mentally masturbating while physically masturbating compromises physicality here.

I forgive myself for having resisted seeing the ridiculousness of mental masturbation in all its obvious facets that don't seem so obvious when one is in state of possession/addiction/obsession as like fucking wow this ridiculously not cool.

I realise the wackedness of mind fucking.

I realise that all my mind consciousness particpations are forms of mind fucking and that untill I have worked through the extent of my mind I am in the process of unfucking myself so to speak as like to become reall living words always as what's best as to to know more accept and allow life to be surpressed at the expense/consequence of accepted and allowed mind fucking.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not wanting to write about mental masturbation for more than this blog entry.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not wanting to write out specifics of mental masturbations.

When and as I see myself accepting and allowing myself to mentally masturbate...I stop and dissipate the enregetic buildup with breath as I ground the energetic buildup in the earth as like returning and re-storing substance as being rooted in a sound foundation as equality and oneness as the planted seed of the will I am to become Life as what is best.