Day 203 Are You Happy?

My Dad asked me today, "are You happy?"  I wanted to say, "yes" and make believe it to be true.  I said, "No".

My Mom told me, "you're looking at the glasss half empty and not seeing that the glass is half full." This was kind of funny to me as like to say half empty is a negative view and half full is a positive view and within the positive view to be gratefull for having what you have...as like it could be worse. 

It's kind of ridiculous how the positive is always connected to the negative...like in a comparison type of way...like....fear of loss....like be gratefull for your health and that you have food and clothes and a place to live....and I mean it's kind of ridiculous that one should be pleased for having these things as like to say congratulations, "You're winnning Life because a good portion of life does'nt have the things you have...so  like you should be happy for having more than others. Like what the fuck?


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for believing happiness to be genuine and real when any form of suffering exists.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having thought that it is unfortunate if you are not happy.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe happiness exists only for some people.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having placed importance upon 'happiness.'

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having resisted the mental delusion associated with proclaimed happiness as like confirmation of asserting personality as greedy self righteousness with no real regard for Life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for thinking that I need to defend myself and justify myself with reasoning as to why I am not happy.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having created conditions of happiness based on having or not having certain material possessions and the quality of physical conditioning.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having focused on self interest as like personal happiness as like focusing on the positive and chasing after fulfilment within desires.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having mindfucked myself within the belief of the pursuit of happiness as like something to be attained as like goals/accomplishments/rewards.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having tried to delude myself with happiness as like a grand mind fuck.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having gone into the polariy opposite position of not happy as like the negative charge....as like believing that I have to be eitheir happy or not happy as like I am connected to some sort of conditioning and I am required to chose a polarity point.

I forgive myself fro not realising and understanding that I can choose to stop choosing polarity points of comparison/splitting/fragmenting/separation as I accept and allow equality and oneness here as a means of self perfection as that which is always best.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for believing that total perfection is impossible.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having limmited myself to instant gratification as like immediate results/change.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having resisted the self commitment to long term change which is best for life in all ways that are best.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for taking all the brutality that exists personally.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for mind fucking myself within positivity and I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having gone back and forth between positive and negative as like a constant friction within myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for believing that equalizing myself is extremely difficult.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for desiring to hold onto positive experiences.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fearing to let go of positive experiences.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realising the point of energetic friction within myself results as consequence of fearing to let go of the positive experience/relationship...as like the positive is related to the negative and therfore the positive is feeding the negative...and therfore total transfromation is required into and as equality and oneness as like total equalization as a physical structural sound balance as like no discrepancies...like total agreement.

I realise I am in the midst of walking process of total transformation as change from polarized energy participations to that of equalizing myself here as Life birthed from the physical as a structural sound agreement as living words from and as the starting point of equality and oneness.

I realise the ridiculousness of proclaiming happiness as like a mental health concern.

I realise living in the pursuit of happiness is a mental health concern.

I realise exposing the ridiculousness of happiness as like a self hypnosis mental delusion based on proliferating and asserting greedy self righteousness brings about criticism as like automated defense constructs as like a means of protecting ego as self interested patterned behaviour existence/perception.

I realise exposing points of ridiculousness as the funny that is here is like really bad jokes...like being of the most brutal nature as we are faced with the ugly truth in our shared reality here.

When and as I see myself going into an experience of desiring to be happy as like, oh I just gotta do this or that...or get this/obtain this...than I will be happy/satisfied....I stop and I breathe,...and I ground myself within physicality as I realise the ridiculousness of perpetuating dimensions of fear within myself as the happiness delusion as like a form of self denial that is pepetuated from the consequence of existing within and as a greedy self righteous persona.