Day 451 Study Memories

I can remember many instances where I wanted to do really well on a test at school and I said to myself, "Ok I'm going to put a lot of hours in studying so that I can make this a reality".  What happened in many instances was that I compromised myself from putting in the effort to get really good grades...I would begin working/studying...and then a thought/desire/want would come up within me as like a form of distraction from doing what would be to my best benefit long term...and in so many instances I gave preference to the feeling/desire/want/thought over the principle of hard work is it's own reward.


I see in so many instances how I have justified compromising the potential fruits of my labor...by neglecting to give my best effort.


I see in so many instances how I have pushed myself for myself and as a result I really enjoyed the fruits of my labor...like total self satisfaction.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding the long term consequences that result from putting in my best efforts.  I realize and understand that prevention is the best cure...and that by preventing myself from not accepting anything less than my best efforts I insure that I harvest practical living support for myself and others here.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for being near sighted from the perspective of not wanting to consider looking at long term consequences....as like just wanting to focus on an immediate feeling/emotional impulsed need/want/desire that is here in the moment.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for picking and choosing when I will exercise my self-discipline.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realising and understanding the absurd ridiculousness of picking and choosing when or when not to be self-discipline...I mean what the fuck...why would it ever be cool to say no thanks discipline...i'm not going to showcase/live any self-discipline tonight/today/for a moment/this afternoon/this morning. I realise and understand that it's not cool to choose to disregard self-discipline.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having deliberately compromised self-discipline in moments for moments of impulsive desires/greed/


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for sabotaging myself within choosing to deliberately refrain from exercising self-discipline in moments where I am experiencing impulsiveness to act on desires as a way of getting a reward/treat/feeling/experience that I would prefer to have.


When and as I see myself experiencing a temporary impulse for an immediate desire gratification, I stop and breathe and I direct myself to look at the big picture and possible consequence that may result from choosing a moment/path of instant gratification. I direct myself in seeing and realizing my self will as commitment to exersing the living of self-discipline as a way to enable myself to practically live and receive the fruits of my best labored efforts.

I commit myself to my best labored efforts.