So throughout my life I've wanted to do or not do specific tasks based on how I feel about it. Within these instances there was no real self direction as my movement was based upon a movement within myself that I didn't really understand. It's like i've been existing here as like a reaction as thoughts/feelings/emotions and I didn't really consider how my feelings/emotions/thoughts came to be what they are.
Earlier this evening I was walking my dog and I was thinking if everyone in the world was high on ecstasy at the same time...who would want abuse to exist here. Also I was thinking that people would be more compassionate and considerate if they were high on the love drug as like buzzing as the highest feeling...
I realise my thought train here is ridiculous and I realise the ridiculousness of thinking. The thoughts came up in my head and I let them go.
My thoughts expose the point within me of how I have tried to direct myself based upon feelings. I have experimented with drugs and I experimented with the belief of just being positive and creating positive energies to create the. 'it's all good man attitude' as like high on a buzz I'm directing.
What's interesting about my investigations within myself as accepted and allowed thoughts/feelings/emotions is that, maintaing a perfect equilibrium as like constant consistency has proven difficult/challenging...as like the more I fed the positive energies/feelings within myself...the more I brewed the negative emotions/frustrations/angers/irritations/annoyances within myself. It's like this back and forth match within myself....and it's like I am always trying to push/manipulate my energies a certain way...as like to my prefferred/desired frequency...and as consequence of pushing/manipulating my energies...I always face the consequence as like the self created debt I must pay as like the unpleasantness I experience within myself.
Ive been exposed to the desteni material for quite some time now....and I have been playing with the tools for awhile...and its this point of energy experiences as like the positive feelings that Ive resisted letting go of...as like for a long tine...I deliberately abused the tool of self forgiveness to try and maintain an enhanced realm of positive energies...and within this, I created more and more consequences and I kept denying facing myself as the consequences...and so I would continue to spiral within my self created accepted and allowed time loops of manifested polarity friction energy play outs.
What I am getting at here is that within always pushing for the positive energy experience and feelings....I didnt realise I was creating a dependency upon the low energetic emotional experiences...and that my movement was totally suppressed within the energetic time loops as the ups and downs.
What I eventually realised is that the positive feeling experiences are like twice as fucked as the negative energetic experiences because the positive is birthed from the negative.
It took me awhile to learn to move as the will to move as like me as the will I am....that I can move myself through the resistance as like the feelings/emotions as energies that I created that restrict my movement.
Within this, I learned that I can use all the accepted and allowed energies as resistances within myself as a life road map as unconditional assistance and support which is always best for everyone.
What I do is I go where there is resistance...I do what I resist doing...I choose what is difficult for me to choose. Within this it's like constant consistent work because everything is difficult because it's like I am constantly faced with my resistance.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for resisting self willed movement as self direction because it contradicted my past movements as energy buzzing and I feared letting go of my desired energy buzz.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fearing to let go of accepted and allowed desires as strong positive energetic buzzes.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for abusing my body by constantly trying to maintain an energetic high experience.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for justifying giving into energy possessions because I pushed through energy resistances for several days.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for defining intense positive feelings as like a treat and a reward I should give myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for denying the feelings and emotions existent within myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for believing that if I ignore the feelings and emotions within myself than it's like saying that I don't have any feelings and emotions and that I am not possessed within accepted and allowed programming.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fearing to be possessed within accepted and allowed programming.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for denying the obviousness that I've been existing as energetic possession as like accepted and allowed addiction as like having a desired way to fuck myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for exhausting myself within energetic particpations of extreme lows and extreme highs.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realising that self direction as the will I am is not based upon a feeling experience of energy and is in fact based upon physical labor as breath.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for judging my process of self realisation and self perfection.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for falling within the trap of 'high' experiences...as like to give myself a buzz as like a reward/treat for realising and seeing a pattern playout within myself that I am able to self correct.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for being addicted to giving myself some sort of energy buzz based on acce[ted and allowed separation as energetic polarity friction.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for holding onto limitation as like demonic energy possessiveness as being addicted to positive energy experiences.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fearing the labour involved within and as self correction as self perfection as equality and oneness here as what is best for all life always.
I realise self direction isn't a feeling.
I realise I am able and capable of assisting myself with and as self direction by using my feelings and emotions as a tool of support in facing my accepted and allowed resistances.
I realise resistance is the road map to life.
I realise I had created exstensive resistance to utiliziing resistance as the life road map.
I realise how I can assist myself in pushing through accepted and allowed resistances with and as self willed breathing particpation.
I realise direct breathing participation facilitates awareness.
I realise neglecting breathing participation results in consequence as energetic possession as like accepted and allowed mind fuck.
I realise self direction is will power.
I realise will power isn't a feeling.
I realise will power stems from self directed breathing.
I realise the ridiculousness of fearing negative energy.
I realise the ridiculousness of trying to maintain positive energy.
I realise the ridiculousness of my particpations within manipulating energy charges as like to always extract the ecstasy from the negative energetic charge and to build up positive energy charges.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for fearing to see how I am directly responsible for abuse here as consequence of abusing and manipulating energy for self interested reasons that only consider myself as separate from all of existence here.
I realise fear perpetuates the existence of fear.
When and as I see myself accepting and allowing myself desiring and thirsting for specific energetic experiences as like a giving into temptation as like a treat/reward for having previously pushed through accepted and allowed resistances,...I stop and breathe and allow myself ti remember the will I am as self direction.
When and as I see myself accepting and allowing myself to be stuck within energetic possession....I stop and breathe and allow myself to work with myself here as bring forth practical solutions for accepted and allowed energetic possessions.
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